How would you make accommodations for your child to be on a team?

[katalaska]

Yesterday, I was so sad. My 8.5yo dd didn't make the swim team.

 

But--I'm not sad that she didn't make the team. I could see, as the coach watched her swim, that her skills are just not up to par yet. That isn't the sad part.

 

The sad part, that literally brought me to tears, was when I realized all the NON-swimming skills my dd will have to have in order to even be ON the team at all. Things like understanding what is said to the group, the first time it is said, and being able to translate that instruction into action right away. Things like being able to "hold herself together" emotionally when others swim faster (they will) or if she gets kicked in the face (it will happen) or whatever.

 

I've known for a long time that team sports of the soccer or basketball "team" type aren't for her. I've known she doesn't have the social skills or ability to process situations involving people quickly enough to participate. Not to mention she has no ball skills.

 

But I really thought, and I really let myself believe, that because swimming is an individual sport (while also being a team sport) and because she's made so much progress in learning to swim (with five years of support from adaptive recreation aides) that she could do this.

 

So now I need to find a "Plan B."

 

Do we try the "other" local team? The one that is smaller and doesn't require so many swimming skills (the team that my older dd swims on has recently tightened its requirements)?

 

Do we try individual coaching...on what "100 IM drill, starting on the :20" means as well as on all the other things like "lane etiquette"?

 

Do we try private (or semi-private, with her younger brother) swimming lessons?

 

Do we continue in group lessons "with support" from Adaptive Recreation (which I thought we had outgrown last summer but had to request help from again this summer when I realized dd was missing all the cues and verbal instruction being given during class)?

 

**sigh**

 

Doran, if you're out there, I just read your post about why does everything school have to be. so. hard. for your child. I feel that way, too. For my dd, it seems everything else is also hard. While my dd is creative in dance, has an ear for music, and is athletic in terms of being strong and having good balance, she also doesn't care much for instruction in any of these areas. She prefers to do things her own way without the intrusion of others.

 

Okay, enough of the pity party and down to business.

 

What would you do if it was your dd? We had hoped she could make the team and have some of the social experiences while continuing to develop her skills. It would give her needed exercise and an opportunity to be part of a team without the stresses of being on another type of team (i.e. she would practice with the group and compete with others but mostly against herself and her swim times...except for those times when she might swim as part of a relay team).

 

It took much courage for her to swim for the coach yesterday and I feel sad that she didn't make it. I feel like we need a plan. I honestly cannot think of another sport she could do! She has no ball skills, was not really able to learn to ice skate, and still has training wheels on her bike. :)

 

Wow, this got long. Thanks for "listening." I look forward to your responses.

[Paz]

I would probably try the other team. My kids were both on swim team for a while and the only requirement was that they could swim the length of the pool. Many of the younger kids would swim and hold on to the lane lines several times along because they didn't have the endurance yet to swim the whole way. It was very instructional and every kid improved (a lot) throughout the season.

 

My dd is dyslexic and has some other learning differences. She has played many team sports although I wish we would have concentrated on an individual sport, as well because of some of the issues you voiced concern about. I have felt the same emotions for her that you feel for you dd. I have noticed that each year she has gained more maturity over her reactions, emotions, and coping skills. She is 16 now and was able to be a starting player on her high school softball team this year. It was very hard and stressful for her but this was one of her goals and she is proud of herself for reaching it. It helps now because she is able to talk with us about her differences and realizes what she needs to do to play successfully. Most coaches do not know about her differences because she prefers it that way but her club coach is very understanding and we have told him, with her blessing that because of her dyslexia, when she gets tired she may mix up the signs and get confused about what she is suppose to do.

 

I have found that since she has been playing the same sport year after year things become more and more automatic so she is able to cope with the demands of the sport as well as the demands of her LD.

[at the beach]

Yesterday, I was so sad. My 8.5yo dd didn't make the swim team.

 

But--I'm not sad that she didn't make the team. I could see, as the coach watched her swim, that her skills are just not up to par yet. That isn't the sad part.

 

The sad part, that literally brought me to tears, was when I realized all the NON-swimming skills my dd will have to have in order to even be ON the team at all. Things like understanding what is said to the group, the first time it is said, and being able to translate that instruction into action right away. Things like being able to "hold herself together" emotionally when others swim faster (they will) or if she gets kicked in the face (it will happen) or whatever.

 

I've known for a long time that team sports of the soccer or basketball "team" type aren't for her. I've known she doesn't have the social skills or ability to process situations involving people quickly enough to participate. Not to mention she has no ball skills.

 

But I really thought, and I really let myself believe, that because swimming is an individual sport (while also being a team sport) and because she's made so much progress in learning to swim (with five years of support from adaptive recreation aides) that she could do this.

 

So now I need to find a "Plan B."

 

Do we try the "other" local team? The one that is smaller and doesn't require so many swimming skills (the team that my older dd swims on has recently tightened its requirements)?

 

Do we try individual coaching...on what "100 IM drill, starting on the :20" means as well as on all the other things like "lane etiquette"?

 

Do we try private (or semi-private, with her younger brother) swimming lessons?

 

Do we continue in group lessons "with support" from Adaptive Recreation (which I thought we had outgrown last summer but had to request help from again this summer when I realized dd was missing all the cues and verbal instruction being given during class)?

 

**sigh**

 

Doran, if you're out there, I just read your post about why does everything school have to be. so. hard. for your child. I feel that way, too. For my dd, it seems everything else is also hard. While my dd is creative in dance, has an ear for music, and is athletic in terms of being strong and having good balance, she also doesn't care much for instruction in any of these areas. She prefers to do things her own way without the intrusion of others.

 

Okay, enough of the pity party and down to business.

 

What would you do if it was your dd? We had hoped she could make the team and have some of the social experiences while continuing to develop her skills. It would give her needed exercise and an opportunity to be part of a team without the stresses of being on another type of team (i.e. she would practice with the group and compete with others but mostly against herself and her swim times...except for those times when she might swim as part of a relay team).

 

It took much courage for her to swim for the coach yesterday and I feel sad that she didn't make it. I feel like we need a plan. I honestly cannot think of another sport she could do! She has no ball skills, was not really able to learn to ice skate, and still has training wheels on her bike. :)

 

Wow, this got long. Thanks for "listening." I look forward to your responses.

 

Wow, I'm so sorry. That's so hard. My girls swim on our neighborhood swim team. It's never even been about how well the kids swim. They need to be able to swim the length of the pool when they start, not even in good form or anything! They improve SO quickly from what I've seen. It's about how they work hard to improve from where they started. My personal thought, I'd go to the "other" local team. Why has this team tightened their requirements? That would be truly disappointing to me--that they have to be so competitive--if that's, in fact, the reason.

 

Anita

[MicheleB]

but I was wondering: Does your dd really, really want to be on the swim team? Or are you just looking for ways for her to have some social interaction?

 

The swim team my dd was on last summer didn't turn anyone away as long as they could swim the length of the pool. It was a very encouraging, learning time. And I think if you have the right coach, your dd could make out very well.

 

But if she doesn't care one way or the other about a swim team or any team sports, I wouldn't push it. I'd look for other ways she could get some social time without the pressure of being on top of all those things she struggles with. Just because it seems it would stressful for *you* and perhaps not so enjoyable for her. :001_smile:

[katalaska]

Does my dd want to be on the team? I *think* so. I say this because it is very hard to tell. For example, this summer I put her in a four-half-days pony camp because I thought she would enjoy it. The first day she came home raving about the snack (!!!) they had. By the end of the week she seemed to be doing okay with following directions and getting the hang of the routine. But it wasn't until the NEXT week that we started to understand how she felt about the experience--she was crying because she had loved pony camp and missed it.

 

She takes a LONG time to process language, events, etc. so often we don't find out how she feels about something until it is just about to happen or (more frequently) has already happened.

 

With swim team, she started out saying she didn't want to do it. (We used to "prep" her for days about things like visits to the dentist, and for days on end we would hear "I hate the dentist" only to be told on the morning of the appointment, "Goody! I love the dentist!"). With probing, however, we discovered that she didn't want to do swim team because she felt like she didn't know what to DO. By the day of her tryout, she was saying she wanted to do swim team, asking if it was time to go swim for the coach yet, and sharing her idea of having pictures taken (at the portrait studio) of all three of my kids in their team suits!

 

So...I think she DOES want to do it. I think it took her awhile to process the idea and to communicate her concerns (i.e. would she be allowed to clean her goggles, to rest if she was tired, etc.).

 

I thank you all for your responses. After talking things over with my husband (who, for the first time a couple of months ago, has finally acknowledged that our dd has some problems--I've been dealing with this essentially alone for 5 years), we have decided to contact the coach of the "other" team. The team my oldest dd swims on has become so popular and in demand that they have had to increase their requirements to "weed out" some kids. This "other" team only has two requirements--being able to swim 25 yards freestyle and 25 yards on the back (it doesn't even say "backstroke"!). My dd easily meets these requirements because she has just passsed Red Cross Level IV in her lessons. I also get the sense that the team is smaller so I'm hoping that it might provide the more one-on-one instruction my dd needs, fewer kids to ease her social and emotional issues, etc.

 

I feel much more hopeful today! :)

[Doran]

Does my dd want to be on the team? I *think* so. I say this because it is very hard to tell. For example, this summer I put her in a four-half-days pony camp because I thought she would enjoy it. The first day she came home raving about the snack (!!!) they had. By the end of the week she seemed to be doing okay with following directions and getting the hang of the routine. But it wasn't until the NEXT week that we started to understand how she felt about the experience--she was crying because she had loved pony camp and missed it.

 

She takes a LONG time to process language, events, etc. so often we don't find out how she feels about something until it is just about to happen or (more frequently) has already happened.

 

With swim team, she started out saying she didn't want to do it. (We used to "prep" her for days about things like visits to the dentist, and for days on end we would hear "I hate the dentist" only to be told on the morning of the appointment, "Goody! I love the dentist!"). With probing, however, we discovered that she didn't want to do swim team because she felt like she didn't know what to DO. By the day of her tryout, she was saying she wanted to do swim team, asking if it was time to go swim for the coach yet, and sharing her idea of having pictures taken (at the portrait studio) of all three of my kids in their team suits!

 

So...I think she DOES want to do it. I think it took her awhile to process the idea and to communicate her concerns (i.e. would she be allowed to clean her goggles, to rest if she was tired, etc.).

 

I thank you all for your responses. After talking things over with my husband (who, for the first time a couple of months ago, has finally acknowledged that our dd has some problems--I've been dealing with this essentially alone for 5 years), we have decided to contact the coach of the "other" team. The team my oldest dd swims on has become so popular and in demand that they have had to increase their requirements to "weed out" some kids. This "other" team only has two requirements--being able to swim 25 yards freestyle and 25 yards on the back (it doesn't even say "backstroke"!). My dd easily meets these requirements because she has just passsed Red Cross Level IV in her lessons. I also get the sense that the team is smaller so I'm hoping that it might provide the more one-on-one instruction my dd needs, fewer kids to ease her social and emotional issues, etc.

 

I feel much more hopeful today! :)

 

 

Katalaska -- I sure do understand how tricky it can be to accommodate our kids "needs", especially when they don't fit the mold required by certain organizations. We want so badly for them to find their niche, to feel like they belong and that they have accomplished something important to them.

 

My dd's weaknesses show up, particularly, in her academics. Although now that she is nearing 12, I'm seeing a lot of improvements and maturity coming forth. We're still no where *close* to what I think some eleven year olds have at this point, but she's getting there. I can't speak directly to swim team, though I'm hopeful for you that the other team will work out. I was no star swimmer as a kid but I remember enjoying being part of the swim team all the same. My dd has recently found a love in gymnastics. She has an aptitude and so enjoys being involved in something that her big sister isn't doing, and also can't do as well. Younger dd's tendency to compare herself is half the problem for us.

 

I also wanted to suggest a martial art if the swim team thing doesn't pan out. All three of us girls take karate and have for six years! We're each moving at our own pace. My oldest is a belt rank above me, the youngest is a belt rank under. Our dojo is exceptional in that it's not a belt factory, and fees are extraordinarily reasonable. We're fortunate in that regard. I have to admit that I know karate isn't our youngest's favorite activity. Sometimes she has trouble with the precision needed in the katas, and the two hour class is about half an hour too long for her. But I have always felt the class was good for her because it is so structured while still being completely dependent on and supportive of individual progress. Is there anything in the martial arts family that could fill the social and physical needs for your dd?

 

Glad your husband is on board and that things are feeling less stressful now. Hope it all works out for you.

[summer]

I would work on sportsmanship. She can learn this by playing board games where she does not win and she must remain composed and say good job to the winner and things like that. It is very hard..expect a few things to be thrown before that. It helps to role play first and then play. I explain to my children that they need to be happy for someone else that the someone else gets to win sometimes too. We role play and then practice practice practice. I make sure they win sometimes too..afterall..how can they show happiness for someone else when they have no clue what they are being happy for.

 

Also, team sports are not the end all be all. My children tend to go individual sports..not because of a lack of sportsmanship. They still have to deal with someone else being better and winning. It is just that team sports are usually ones with a ball and not everyone is in to that and it is ok to not be in to that sort of thing.

 

I think it would be good now to get her in to swim lessons. Then eventually, she might be good enough for the team. Again, role play all the different skills. Role playing is a great thing.

 

I wish I had more for you.

[Mom0012]

I'm dealing with something similar right now. My son has OT issues, such as low muscle tone, and needs to exercise his muscles on a regular basis to keep strong. He enjoys swimming, so it seemed this would be just perfect.

 

He's been taking private lessons for a year and pretty much every day over the summer with the goal of being able to join the homeschool swim team this Fall. Unfortunately, he has no muscle memory so things just don't happen automatically for him. He learns how to do things properly but he has to think about what he's doing every minute or he just reverts back to bad habits. He also doesn't have the endurance that other children do.

 

The woman that has been working with him this summer has been awesome but when she first started working with him, he made good progress and she thought he was really going to take off. When he came back for the 3rd week and had totally lost all the skills she taught him, she was very discouraged and so was I. Really, I could have just cried.

 

I don't expect this child to ever compete in swim meets. I just want him to participate on the swim team for conditioning and fun. This is something most "normal" kids who are even a couple of years younger than him can do.

 

I am not giving up though! We have something called Developmental Swim Team for weaker swimmers to develop their skills and we're going to try him on that. That may be too much as well, but we're at least going to try.

 

One accommodation that his current swim instructor recommended that I try to get for him is that he be able to wear swim fins while training. I am hoping he will be able to do that on the Developmental Swim Team and that eventually he will get strong enough that he won't need them.

 

I think it's great that you are going to be able to try the other swim team for your daughter. I know what you mean about that hopeful feeling.

 

Not a lot of advice here, but you definitely have my empathy.

 

Lisa