Free time for high schoolers?

[shanvan]

This question was asked on the general board about Dc who are much younger, but it got me thinking....

 

how much 'free time' --- I mean completely unstructured---does your high schooler have? Do you try to plan so that they do have some down time?

 

I'm not sure Ds will have a lot b/t his studies, extracurriculars (which are quite time consuming and sometimes incorporated into his school work), and volunteer hours. I wonder if I need to build some into the schedule---though if my church had its way we would be running there for every moment of down time we have available. :glare:

[Mom22ns]

I think that depends on the kid and the family.

 

My oldest has quite a bit of free time. He needs down time, really, needs it. He self limits activities and has about 4 hours of down time most days with maybe 2 day/week with less or none.

 

Dd is the opposite. Down time for her is at the gym. She rarely has more than an hour or two of unscheduled time in a day. Even weekends she stays busy. She is an extrovert. She loves being with people and loves gymnastics.

 

How much free time your dc should depend on their need for it. If you have a child that needs time to be creative, to think, or just to be, then help them learn to schedule their lives so they have that time. If your child is happiest on the go, let them go as long as you can fit it in your family schedule.

[Jenny in Florida]

I do strive for balance for my son. Unfortunately, I'm not especially successful at that. He is happiest when he is busy.

 

During a typical week of the school year, he has a class or a rehearsal most weekday afternoons or evenings. He has extra choir rehearsals or volunteer shifts at the science museum many Saturday mornings, too. And, of course, when a show is running, he has performances weekend evenings.

 

For the 2012-2013 school year, he will have choir, two dance classes, one day of co-op classes, musuem volunteering and whatever community theatre he can find.

 

But he still manages to find lots of time to build stuff in the backyard (yes, still, at age 14) and watch far too much TV and hang out with friends and read and all of that stuff. Because we homeschool, he can maintain a rigorous academic schedule, participate in activities and still have that unstructured time.

 

Honestly, his only frustration with his schedule is that we don't have the time and resources for him to do more.

[regentrude]

My DD is quite busy, with dual enrollment, choir, horseback riding, volunteering- but she still has several hours each day where she chats with friends online, does her creative writing, watches movies. She does not have scheduled evening activities (all her extracurricular commitments are during the afternoon) and is home most evenings.

I do not plan her time for her. She knows how much time she needs to complete her schoolwork and her homework for her classes, and that this has to come first. She decides whether she goes to ride horses, or hangs out with her friends, or stays home and chills.

[Down_the_Rabbit_Hole]

I make sure ds has a good portion of free time. Usually he is done school around 2-3, after that is his own time (minus dinner chores). For the most part he is good about screen time so I do not have to set limits. He fills his time with legos, reading, fencing, swimming, photography, gaming, writing, working on something from MAKE magazine or one of the Mini Weapons book we have, and who knows what else he does in his room.

 

I think free time for teens is just as important as young children. They are developing talents and likes that could determine their career path as well as an outlet for pent up energy teens have. Life is too short and before they know it they will be in a 8+hour job for many, many years to go before they have the luxury of hours and hours of free time.

[SkateLeft]

My highschoolers structure their own time. They know themselves best, and self-select much of their own schedule, if that makes sense. I give them general guidelines (for when I'm available to drive!), but let them organize their own time in ways that are important to them.

 

They're both very busy and have very specific priorities. They probably appear overscheduled to people who are more oriented towards staying home, but it works well for them, and there's a balance to the schedules that works for me too.

[AngieW in Texas]

My middle dd MUST have downtime. She is a somewhat slow worker, so school takes longer for her than I would like it to. She also tends to do far more school-wise than is really necessary. She actually requested and got permission from her English I and English II teachers at the cc to write longer papers because she just didn't feel she could adequately analyze the stories within the page limit. She always went 1-2 pages over the maximum. This is typical for her. If you ask her to give you an inch, she insists on giving you at least a foot. The only things she is doing outside of school are Anime Club (3 hours, 1x/month), Game Day (3 hours, 1x/month) and volunteering at the animal shelter (1 hour 2x/month, on the weekends she doesn't have Anime club or Game Day). She does set up her own schedule. For the summer, she is taking a chemistry class that meets MW 2-6pm. Aside from that, she is finishing up her precalculus textbook and her geography textbook and she is working through a Personal Finance course on her own schedule and the Coursera Fantasy/SciFi Literature course.

 

My youngest just has 1 hour/day of school for the summer. She's doing 30 minutes/day of math, 1 spelling lesson, and then we're finishing up SOTW4. She spends 1-3 hours/day on guitar and banjo. She also has a 30 minute voice lesson each week and a 45 minute guitar/banjo lesson each week. She is really going to feel a time crunch when high school starts in the fall. She needs several hours for music each day and that means less time to just hang out. She is completely in charge of how much time she spends on music, but it is her passion, so she spends a lot of time on it.

[Gwen in VA]

My kids have "free time" in the sense that they have a lot of time that they have control over how they spend it.

 

They tend to get heavily involved in extra-curriculars, so it doesn't "look" like they have much free time at all -- but isn't doing what you choose to do the essence of "free time"?

[1Togo]

:iagree:Free time is the time when you can choose what you want to do. Academic work, which includes music practice, usually ends around 3 or 4 p.m. in our house. After that is free time, and dd currently fills her free time with ballet, church, friends, and reading/drawing. Ballet requires a huge time commitment, but it's her choice to participate. For now, her free time doesn't include many hours at home.

Edited July 26, 2012 by 1Togo

[ilanao]

My son is on the teenage sleep schedule and usually doesn't start school until 9-9:30. He works on his own and, when he finishes, (2-6pm depending on how much work there is) he has free time.

[Teachermom2007]

I wanted to share our experience with "free time".

 

My oldest is 21 and was one of those exhuberent-when-busy children. She went from school work to sports to friends' homes to work to church events--almost non-stop--and was very happy.....

 

However, now, she is realizing how the lack of "forced" down time and quiet thinking time had negatively affected her. She did not have that stillness in her schedule to just, well, be still. Looking back, she and I would have created a quiet, down time into her daily routine so she could think, ponder, meditate, discover her deeper thoughts and just "be."

 

Of course, every single person is so unique; I just wanted to share our perspective : )

 

donna

[Jenny in Florida]

I wanted to share our experience with "free time".

 

My oldest is 21 and was one of those exhuberent-when-busy children. She went from school work to sports to friends' homes to work to church events--almost non-stop--and was very happy.....

 

However, now, she is realizing how the lack of "forced" down time and quiet thinking time had negatively affected her. She did not have that stillness in her schedule to just, well, be still. Looking back, she and I would have created a quiet, down time into her daily routine so she could think, ponder, meditate, discover her deeper thoughts and just "be."

 

Of course, every single person is so unique; I just wanted to share our perspective : )

 

donna

 

Here's my take on this: Our kids will likely always find something we did "wrong" when they are older. And, since I've yet to meet a perfect person or a perfect parent, I'm sure we do all make mistakes. I always tell my kids that all I can do is my best and that I'd rather make mistakes doing what I believe is right than going with the flow.

 

And I think that, once they are teens, they do bear some responsibility for their own choices.

 

My own daughter went to an early entrance college program. We tried to dissuade her, asked her to wait at least a year, offered all kinds of options. She was determined to go. She had some ups and downs while completing her degree there. And every summer, we'd offer her the chance to leave -- transfer, come home, whatever. Every time, she opted to go back.

 

Now that she's done with school and back home again and having some trouble finding her way to the next stage of her life, she's started expressing regret about going into the program at all, let alone staying to finish.

 

And of course, my heart hurts to see her struggling. But I know that we did everything we believed was right along the way. So, although I hope she finds peace with this as she matures, I don't have guilt or regret.

 

And, honestly, while I can work up a fine head of steamy resentment about my own childhood and teen years, the things that bother me are all about what my parents didn't do, rather than what they did.

 

So, I wish you and your daughter some peace with all of this.

[shanvan]

My son is on the teenage sleep schedule and usually doesn't start school until 9-9:30. He works on his own and, when he finishes, (2-6pm depending on how much work there is) he has free time.

 

I must be on a teenage sleep schedule too b/c I don't really feel like I'm awake and able to function until about that time!:lol:

 

Lots of great perspectives in the replies. I never thought about some of the extracurriculars as 'how' they choose to use their free time. I suppose that's true. Ds does make the decisions about extracurriculars. (Well, within reason---we aren't made of money.)

 

Yes, of course with time that is completely unplanned Ds chooses how to use it. When I asked if you schedule for free time, I really just mean taking into consideration the rigor of the academics and the time they will take and considering the extracurriculars and figuring out whether the plans for the year are going to realistically allow for down time and unstructured free time. I'm trying to make sure our plans don't have Ds over-committed. I'm partly concerned b/c this is his first year of high school and I'm not sure how he's going to handle the work load. I don't think I'm going to know if what he has is too much until we actually start the school year. But then other things come up too and I don't want to end up like the frog slowly boiling.

 

I'm feeling like I have no margin and not enough free time....but sometimes I think that's just the season I'm in right now. I don't really see much help for it. Occasionally I just cancel all so I can recover my sanity, or send Dh so I can stay home, but sometimes he feels stressed by our activities too. I guess I consider how I'm feeling and wonder about whether or not I'm causing some stress to Ds and in the long run not teaching him to build down time into his life---and that can be a recipe for burnout. So, I just wonder how healthy his schedule is and if it is really teaching him good habits for life.

 

He has 4H Dog Club 2X a month, but he is president and puts in lots of time planning and organizing during his free time. There are often 4H events that require extra work and add another event to our schedule.

 

He also takes an agility class either one night or day per week and drops in for an obedience class another night some weeks. I'm at both classes, b/c Dd takes the obedience class with her dog. Then there will be various dog shows on weekends that he will attend. And, he is learning how to groom his own dog--which is no small feat considering it is a Cocker Spaniel. He also volunteers for therapeutic riding most Sat mornings.

 

He has ice skating 2-3X a week--his physical activity of choice. And, piano once a week, plus choir and organ lessons every other week. Choir and organ are not as high priority or commitment level as the other activities. Skating rink is so close to our house that it is actually the least time consuming, least hectic activity, and even though he's not going to be competitive, he loves it.

 

With the exception of skating, all of his extracurriculars require him to spend lots of time on them, even while at home.

 

I do also try to add in some get togethers with friends too. It all makes for a busy schedule. Ds sometimes complains that we are too busy. But, then when I ask him what he would like to give up, he says nothing and he loves his life. He is somewhat prone to worry and anxiety and I worry (ha!) that so much activity could make him feel pressured. Then again, with too much time on his hands he can start to think too much and worry. And, I truly believe teenage boys need lots of physical activity, too. For now, I am keeping the lines of communication open and giving him his options allowing him to make the choices. If I see him getting stressed I'll have to re-evaluate.

 

I'm thinking I may keep a free time log for a while to determine just how much unstructured time he has. Well, I'm just pouring out thoughts now. Thank you to all who responded. Hopefully we'll find our balance. :001_smile:

[shanvan]

Here's my take on this: Our kids will likely always find something we did "wrong" when they are older. And, since I've yet to meet a perfect person or a perfect parent, I'm sure we do all make mistakes. I always tell my kids that all I can do is my best and that I'd rather make mistakes doing what I believe is right than going with the flow.

 

And I think that, once they are teens, they do bear some responsibility for their own choices.

 

My own daughter went to an early entrance college program. We tried to dissuade her, asked her to wait at least a year, offered all kinds of options. She was determined to go. She had some ups and downs while completing her degree there. And every summer, we'd offer her the chance to leave -- transfer, come home, whatever. Every time, she opted to go back.

 

Now that she's done with school and back home again and having some trouble finding her way to the next stage of her life, she's started expressing regret about going into the program at all, let alone staying to finish.

 

And of course, my heart hurts to see her struggling. But I know that we did everything we believed was right along the way. So, although I hope she finds peace with this as she matures, I don't have guilt or regret.

 

And, honestly, while I can work up a fine head of steamy resentment about my own childhood and teen years, the things that bother me are all about what my parents didn't do, rather than what they did.

 

So, I wish you and your daughter some peace with all of this.

 

So, true! I realize now that my mom did the best she could, and I also realize I'm doing the best I can. Dh once told me it would break his heart and ruin his life if Dc ended up doing or being a certain way (don't ask for specifics--I can't remember.) I don't feel that way. I might be somewhat upset or disappointed, but I'd just know that I did what I could, and I'd just keep right on doing what I could and living life. The aim cannot be reaching some sort of perfectionist ideal, and as the saying goes hindsight 20/20 and all that. :D

[Jenny in Florida]

So, true! I realize now that my mom did the best she could, and I also realize I'm doing the best I can. Dh once told me it would break his heart and ruin his life if Dc ended up doing or being a certain way (don't ask for specifics--I can't remember.) I don't feel that way. I might be somewhat upset or disappointed, but I'd just know that I did what I could, and I'd just keep right on doing what I could and living life. The aim cannot be reaching some sort of perfectionist ideal, and as the saying goes hindsight 20/20 and all that. :D

 

Exactly. My kids will grow up to be their own people, make their own choices AND have to live with the consequences of those decisions. The best I can do is try to help them be ready for all of it. But they have to -- and should -- take it from there.