What do you do when you are feeling trapped?

[Lovedtodeath]

The Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson may help you to see the spirituality in your everyday life. :)

 

It helped me... and I started reading it recently when I was really down and was annoyed because the way she words things. I didn't start out a perfect Christian who taught my kids hospitality and generosity from birth like her. haha

 

So... to see meaning in a role as a SAHM... yes. To help you when your kids are so demanding you feel like a total failure... no. You just have to time it right. lol

[I.Dup.]

I agree with Lovedtodeath. How can you be a shining reflection of God's image, if you are too emaciated and malnourished to walk the path He has put before you?

 

You know, I'm fairly certain that Jesus, as the Son of God, could probably have gone his entire earthly life without eating one bite of food. If he was capable of foregoing food and water in the desert for 40 days, then I maintain he was certainly divine enough to have never eaten if he so wished.

 

He even said at one point, "My food is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work."

 

 

But Jesus did eat. And drink. He even drank wine.

 

At one point, he was even criticized for eating and drinking, and hanging out with publicans and sinners.

 

Surely, as the divine and perfect being he was, he should have consigned himself to some remote retreat, denying himself any food, water, human companionship, or luxury, right?

 

I say this: if Jesus could eat and drink, for the simple pleasure and contentment of being physically full, surely we weaker brothers and sisters should consider the idea that to be whole and healthy requires more than living a life of total self-denial, only taking in what is essential for survival.

 

After all, how can you accept God's gifts, or ever use them, if you are always returning them unopened?

 

I do feel that God is showing me lately that He requires SO much less of me than I require of myself. He has always been gentle and good to me....it's the ideas I get in my head (and from others!!!!) of what He requires that messes me up. Ironically, I almost starved myself to death in high school (I had anorexia and got down to 65 pounds at 5'6" and 18 years old) so being hard on myself is something I have always done. A happy life it certainly does not make.

 

Interesting thought. There are many paths to God and generally the one that is pushed is continual sacrifice, but we are all only called to sacrifice so much.

 

True.

 

I thought that by 30 I should have it all together. Have a plan, know where I was going and what I was doing.

 

Yes, I'm sure this is a large part of it.

 

The Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson may help you to see the spirituality in your everyday life. :)

 

It helped me... and I started reading it recently when I was really down and was annoyed because the way she words things. I didn't start out a perfect Christian who taught my kids hospitality and generosity from birth like her. haha

 

So... to see meaning in a role as a SAHM... yes. To help you when your kids are so demanding you feel like a total failure... no. You just have to time it right. lol

 

Thank you. I didn't like her book on the seasons of motherhood...it came highly recommended and just didn't make much sense to me at the time, but I have really liked some of her blog articles so I will check it out. :001_smile:

[Chelli]

Blessedwinter,

 

I recently wrote a series of articles on self-esteem for a Christian women's magazine. I am going to link you to my blog where the second article, Self-Esteem Destroyed, in the series is located. Maybe something in there will speak to you. I had a lot of women email me privately and tell me what an encouragement it was to them. Feel free to read the first article and the other two that come after this one if you would like.

 

I have been where you are at, still reside there some days if I'm honest. You are not alone. Choosing to step outside the norm and stay home with our children to homeschool them is a lonely, isolating place to be sometimes. :grouphug:

[Juniper]

Precious, I have not read all the reply's but I just wanted to say that I went through something similar in my late twenties.

 

I did go back to school for awhile and it was a good experience. Mainly it was nice to know my brain was not mush and I could still pull of a 4.0 :D It was a confidence builder that I was capable of doing what I wanted.

 

What I learned though, was that I wanted to be Mom. ;)

Occasionaly, when that itch starts to creep up again I enroll in a fun class at Joann's or Michael's. Cake decorating, sewing, crochet or knit. Other times I look for a book club that just meets with other mommies.

 

Earlier this week I spent an entire day at another homeschool mom's house. She is old enough to be my mother, but we have kids the same age (although she has an older set as well). I realized I needed the stimuli...yes, even the comparrison...of being at another mother's house. She is 20 times stricter than me, a dietary guru, and yet I was underwhelmed by the feeling of homeyness. I say this not as a bad thing, but that it helped me see the strong points in my own homemaking skills. She and I were different, yet the same. She got really frustrated when she could not find something, snapped at her kids, her boys were loud and hyper like mine and I could see she struggled with it. :D

 

The point is it gave me perspective. When we are fed on forums and internet pictures we are only catching a certain glimpse into others lives. We do not see the wads of dust hanging from the vents nor the plants dead in their pots.

 

Most library offer really cheap classes as well. Go. Do something for your mind and stimulation. :001_smile:

 

:grouphug:

[Aelwydd]

I do feel that God is showing me lately that He requires SO much less of me than I require of myself. He has always been gentle and good to me....it's the ideas I get in my head (and from others!!!!) of what He requires that messes me up. Ironically, I almost starved myself to death in high school (I had anorexia and got down to 65 pounds at 5'6" and 18 years old) so being hard on myself is something I have always done. A happy life it certainly does not make.

 

 

I have found that for me, the most damaging years of my life were the ones where I spent trying to prove to myself and other traditional, Christian women in my circle, that I was not the Selfish Woman. You know, the woman who doesn't reject feminism, having a career, and considering herself equal to her husband.

 

 

Well, now I am a feminist, who has a career, and is in an egalitarian marriage. And you know what, none of those things matter when it comes to my worth to God. I am worth as much to him now as I was before. It's not these things that make a woman fulfilled.

 

It's not staying at home with kids that make a woman fulfilled, either. Throughout history, there have been women who worked, and women who stayed home; women who were nomadic and women who were static.

 

Curiously, it's the same situation with men. No matter what role they are in, be it president of a company, or volunteer for the Peace Corps, migrant worker or family man, they too, have to face the fact that loving oneself does not come from an assigned set of activities.

 

How many men go through self-identity crises despite having well paid jobs, and being good providers? How many men love their wives and families, but then go off and have an affair, in an attempt to recapture some lost spark vitality they imagine they've lost?

 

None of these life circumstances brings fulfillment, no matter how radical or how traditional they may be. Jesus chided Martha, who was doing her traditional duty by trying to wait on the men and feeding them. He extolled Mary's example, who did not wait on others, or fret about trivial things such as housework and so on, because at that moment--she had a much more important person to feed. Herself. And she did it by sitting at the Master's feet.

 

I maintain that it's very important to clean my house, and feed my family, and take care of the mundane details of life. But, I think it's important to remember that when that moment comes, when you need to be fed, and God is holding his hand out, that you take that moment, and wrap yourself up in it, and count it as yours, and yours alone.

 

Step out of the motions around you and step into that stillness of perfect, encompassing, Divine Love. Because it is a gift, and it is what will sustain you, and not anything else.

 

So maybe, just maybe, what makes us complete human beings isn't tied to roles or activities with which we choose to occupy ourselves in the space between birth and death.

 

Perhaps it comes down to simple acceptance of your entire person, all your quirks and abilities, annoying habits, and foibles, your needs--accepting them as part of the whole of your person, and then finding meaningful ways to express those things in life. That is how we please God, and how we bless others, and ultimately, how we find our own happiness. :)

 

 

:grouphug:

Edited July 11, 2012 by Aelwydd

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Oh, Aelwydd. Thank you very much for all you've had to say in this thread, but especially the line that everyone keeps quoting. A word fitly spoken.

 

I cannot tell you how much I needed to hear it put just that way, today, and I hope the OP has been as blessed and helped by that thought as I was.

[I.Dup.]

Blessedwinter,

 

I recently wrote a series of articles on self-esteem for a Christian women's magazine. I am going to link you to my blog where the second article, Self-Esteem Destroyed, in the series is located. Maybe something in there will speak to you. I had a lot of women email me privately and tell me what an encouragement it was to them. Feel free to read the first article and the other two that come after this one if you would like.

 

I have been where you are at, still reside there some days if I'm honest. You are not alone. Choosing to step outside the norm and stay home with our children to homeschool them is a lonely, isolating place to be sometimes.

 

Thank you for sharing, I will check those out. :)

 

Precious, I have not read all the reply's but I just wanted to say that I went through something similar in my late twenties.

 

I did go back to school for awhile and it was a good experience. Mainly it was nice to know my brain was not mush and I could still pull of a 4.0 It was a confidence builder that I was capable of doing what I wanted.

 

What I learned though, was that I wanted to be Mom.

Occasionaly, when that itch starts to creep up again I enroll in a fun class at Joann's or Michael's. Cake decorating, sewing, crochet or knit. Other times I look for a book club that just meets with other mommies.

 

Earlier this week I spent an entire day at another homeschool mom's house. She is old enough to be my mother, but we have kids the same age (although she has an older set as well). I realized I needed the stimuli...yes, even the comparrison...of being at another mother's house. She is 20 times stricter than me, a dietary guru, and yet I was underwhelmed by the feeling of homeyness. I say this not as a bad thing, but that it helped me see the strong points in my own homemaking skills. She and I were different, yet the same. She got really frustrated when she could not find something, snapped at her kids, her boys were loud and hyper like mine and I could see she struggled with it.

 

The point is it gave me perspective. When we are fed on forums and internet pictures we are only catching a certain glimpse into others lives. We do not see the wads of dust hanging from the vents nor the plants dead in their pots.

 

Most library offer really cheap classes as well. Go. Do something for your mind and stimulation.

 

:grouphug:

 

Making mental note: don't invite anyone over to my house, LOL!! :lol: Just kidding. Thank you for the suggestions, the classes at Michael's or a book club sound fun. I really love being creative. :001_smile:

 

I have found that for me, the most damaging years of my life were the ones where I spent trying to prove to myself and other traditional, Christian women in my circle, that I was not the Selfish Woman. You know, the woman who doesn't reject feminism, having a career, and considering herself equal to her husband.

 

 

Well, now I am a feminist, who has a career, and is in an egalitarian marriage. And you know what, none of those things matter when it comes to my worth to God. I am worth as much to him now as I was before. It's not these things that make a woman fulfilled.

 

It's not staying at home with kids that make a woman fulfilled, either. Throughout history, there have been women who worked, and women who stayed home; women who were nomadic and women who were static.

 

Curiously, it's the same situation with men. No matter what role they are in, be it president of a company, or volunteer for the Peace Corps, migrant worker or family man, they too, have to face the fact that loving oneself does not come from an assigned set of activities.

 

How many men go through self-identity crises despite having well paid jobs, and being good providers? How many men love their wives and families, but then go off and have an affair, in an attempt to recapture some lost spark vitality they imagine they've lost?

 

None of these life circumstances brings fulfillment, no matter how radical or how traditional they may be. Jesus chided Martha, who was doing her traditional duty by trying to wait on the men and feeding them. He extolled Mary's example, who did not wait on others, or fret about trivial things such as housework and so on, because at that moment--she had a much more important person to feed. Herself. And she did it by sitting at the Master's feet.

 

I maintain that it's very important to clean my house, and feed my family, and take care of the mundane details of life. But, I think it's important to remember that when that moment comes, when you need to be fed, and God is holding his hand out, that you take that moment, and wrap yourself up in it, and count it as yours, and yours alone.

 

Step out of the motions around you and step into that stillness of perfect, encompassing, Divine Love. Because it is a gift, and it is what will sustain you, and not anything else.

 

So maybe, just maybe, what makes us complete human beings isn't tied to roles or activities with which we choose to occupy ourselves in the space between birth and death.

 

Perhaps it comes down to simple acceptance of your entire person, all your quirks and abilities, annoying habits, and foibles, your needs--accepting them as part of the whole of your person, and then finding meaningful ways to express those things in life. That is how we please God, and how we bless others, and ultimately, how we find our own happiness. :)

 

 

:grouphug:

 

Your words have very much touched me deeply. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. I am going to be printing them out and putting them on my fridge too, as a PP said. You are very wise.

 

Oh, Aelwydd. Thank you very much for all you've had to say in this thread, but especially the line that everyone keeps quoting. A word fitly spoken.

 

I cannot tell you how much I needed to hear it put just that way, today, and I hope the OP has been as blessed and helped by that thought as I was.

 

:iagree:

[Lovedtodeath]

Rebekah, I would love to quote you all over the place. :grouphug:

[Incognito]

I read the Irrational Season by Madeline L'Engle. It really encouraged me in a similar season.

 

http://www.amazon.com/Irrational-Season-Crosswicks-Journal-Book/dp/0866839461/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1342024277&sr=8-1&keywords=the+irrational+season

[Aelwydd]

Rebekah, I would love to quote you all over the place. :grouphug:

 

Feel free to quote, but please do not credit. I'm afraid I might not live up to the hype. ;)

[8circles]

I have found that for me, the most damaging years of my life were the ones where I spent trying to prove to myself and other traditional, Christian women in my circle, that I was not the Selfish Woman. You know, the woman who doesn't reject feminism, having a career, and considering herself equal to her husband.

 

 

Well, now I am a feminist, who has a career, and is in an egalitarian marriage. And you know what, none of those things matter when it comes to my worth to God. I am worth as much to him now as I was before. It's not these things that make a woman fulfilled.

 

It's not staying at home with kids that make a woman fulfilled, either. Throughout history, there have been women who worked, and women who stayed home; women who were nomadic and women who were static.

 

Curiously, it's the same situation with men. No matter what role they are in, be it president of a company, or volunteer for the Peace Corps, migrant worker or family man, they too, have to face the fact that loving oneself does not come from an assigned set of activities.

 

How many men go through self-identity crises despite having well paid jobs, and being good providers? How many men love their wives and families, but then go off and have an affair, in an attempt to recapture some lost spark vitality they imagine they've lost?

 

None of these life circumstances brings fulfillment, no matter how radical or how traditional they may be. Jesus chided Martha, who was doing her traditional duty by trying to wait on the men and feeding them. He extolled Mary's example, who did not wait on others, or fret about trivial things such as housework and so on, because at that moment--she had a much more important person to feed. Herself. And she did it by sitting at the Master's feet.

 

I maintain that it's very important to clean my house, and feed my family, and take care of the mundane details of life. But, I think it's important to remember that when that moment comes, when you need to be fed, and God is holding his hand out, that you take that moment, and wrap yourself up in it, and count it as yours, and yours alone.

 

Step out of the motions around you and step into that stillness of perfect, encompassing, Divine Love. Because it is a gift, and it is what will sustain you, and not anything else.

 

So maybe, just maybe, what makes us complete human beings isn't tied to roles or activities with which we choose to occupy ourselves in the space between birth and death.

 

Perhaps it comes down to simple acceptance of your entire person, all your quirks and abilities, annoying habits, and foibles, your needs--accepting them as part of the whole of your person, and then finding meaningful ways to express those things in life. That is how we please God, and how we bless others, and ultimately, how we find our own happiness. :)

 

 

:grouphug:

 

beautiful! thank you!

 

Rebekah, I would love to quote you all over the place. :grouphug:

totally.