boys with circumscribed interests, principally screen-based...

[KatieWonderGirl]

We have limits on screen-time in our house (although I'm a single mom and I'm pretty sure my ex (in practice) does not, but the kids are only there 2 days a week at most). My ten year old DS was always a really sweet guy, very imaginative and creative. He could talk with people about what interested them, and he would play games other kids suggested ("let's be spies!" or fairies, or what have you).

 

In the last year he has really changed. I'm not sure if it is normal ten year old stuff, the divorce (although we are three years out on that), or something else. He ignores kids who want to do something that doesn't match his narrow field of interests, even kids he has been friends with for years, and to the point that it hurts their feelings.. He complains of boredom a lot, except when he has access to Minecraft or other video games or movies (which is, most days, half an hour, although on Tuesdays he is allowed to get up in the morning and play until breakfast is served, which can be as much as an hour and a half because I do other chores too in the AM, and on Thursdays no one in the house is supposed to use screens (this is a new thing we are trying)). His one non-screen interest is basketball, and I'm really glad that it is physical and more social. We play together every day.

 

All I would like to do is find a way that he can still meet other people half way in conversation and play, and maybe find a few other things interesting on occasion. Am I fighting a losing battle? Is this just his personality? :confused:

 

Has anyone else been here? Thanks for reading!

 

--Katie

[Momma H]

I have a son who does not have natural social skills. He is a sweet kid but doesn't get how to respond to an adult when they talk to him and things like that. We role-play a bit and I really refuse to just say it is his personality. I know a family who did that with thier son and he is very selfish and awful to be around.

As far as screen goes: recently, I realized that my son would not do anything productive except wait to play on the computer. (just Jump Start). He would kind of sit around saying he was bored and playing with his toes until I would relent and let him play something. First, I drew a picture of a really squiggly line going around and around and told him that it represented his brain. Then I drew one that kind of just went up and down a little but short and not real interesting like the other one. That is his brain when all he does or wants to do is games. I told him that he needs to get a life! Until I see him PLAYING again, and not waiting for screen time, there will be None. We did that for over a month. This is his life, who he is, I am not going to let the computer suck that out of him! Now. I don't give him "screen time" every day. If I do, he will reay sit around waiting for his half hour wasting his life. (pathetic really!). I only every once in a while spring some screen time on him when he is not expecting it and when I see him interacting with the world in an energetic, positive and interesting way. It has gotten a lot better. I don't know what it is with boys and screens but it is ridiculous! Let's not just relent and let them become gaming zombies!!

[Alice]

We limit screen time but over the winter I could see similar things, the kids would complain of being bored or only ask to have screen time. So we also completely took it away. We told them first why we were doing it, that it wasn't a punishment but that we felt like they were getting to into it and that it wasn't good for them. Almost immediately we saw a huge change in behavior (which hadn't been that bad to begin with). We started to let them have some again recently, but we don't necessarily do it every day.

 

It also takes a limit or severe reduction in your own screen time. :) It's not fair for me to be on the computer if they aren't. I still used it and made the distinction that I'm an adult and often working on the computer. But I did limit my own time to model the behavior I wanted to see.

[besroma]

Ok, after the 13-pound baby thread, I didn't read circumscribed right..... :lol:

[jeri]

We give our kids 8 tickets a week, each good for 1/2 hour. They can't use them during school hours. To me, it's like a budget where there are choices to be made. Sometimes we are so busy around here that some kids don't even spend their tickets (and they can't carry them over to the next week).

 

I guess you could also keep him busier. Around here, saying "I'm bored" usually results in a chore (or at least helping me with something).

 

jeri

[GSOchristie]

My 5 year old is AWFUL when we let him play on the iPad (we don't have any gaming system). He is unbearable, so I ground him from it for a month at a time, he serves his time, gets to play it for 20 minutes for 1 or 2 days and it gets taken away again. He isn't like that with TV, so I usually let him watch one show from Sprout, or Nick Jr.i'm pretty sure he will never be able to play a real video game.

[Princess Peach]

Ok, after the 13-pound baby thread, I didn't read circumscribed right..... :lol:

 

Phew, glad I'm not the only one that wondered what circumcision had to do with screen time! :D

[elegantlion]

Part of it could be age. About that age I found ds starting to develop a real personality and a preference for who he hung out with. When they're younger it can be easier to say just go play and throw down a bucket of Lego or something. By ten they're starting to come into their own.

 

We did a lot of talking about manners, being respectful of others, and some training on how to be social.