Anyone have an impulsive child?

[Doran]

Our youngest is so incredibly impatient. She wants to have an answer now, get it done now, eat it now, play on it now, figure it out now, leave now, say it now. Now, now, now!

 

We've been working on a science project that involved planting a seed. The soil we are using needed time to moisten after she added some water to it. Time, as in maybe an hour or so. I explained this to her in detail and asked her to just wait. To come back to it later. To give it time. Instead, after I took my mind off the project, she took the water hose to the pot and washed away half the soil. Now we have to start again, with dry soil atop the very soggy half left in the pot.

 

Sigh.

 

We can't "blame" it on her age. Is there any way to curb this behavior? Should we try?

[jail warden]

I have not clue if there is a way to curb the behavior, I've been trying with my ds, he gets angry and is so impulsive and just thinks the person must be dealt with now and not wait for me. He is also the one who has been pulling carrots in the garden :glare:because he thinks they need to be done NOW and I've tried explaining they need more time. But anyway, just to let you know I commiserate! :001_smile:

[Robin Hood]

I don't know Doran. The more you write about your dds, I see my future. I just keep telling myself that God has His place in the world for my dd. What ever it is, I just don't get it. Keep writing. It makes me feel somewhat like I have a place, too, with other moms of certain kinds of kids.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I would set a timer. And then I would FILL that child's time until that timer goes off with stuff that she must do!

[Brindee]

My ds14 is still that way---it's a little more controlled now, but still very evident in his actions! It can be frustrating! It shows up with ds now mostly on quizzes and tests or reviewing for those. Oh, and also the yearly tests (we do ITBS) He rushes through, jsut can't wait. He doesn't want to go back and go over things, and ends up getting things wrong because he made mistakes while rushing through to get it done! I think he'll always get lower grades because of it. I'm not sure what to do about it--I just pray and try to work through things with him.

[LunaLee]

My youngest is like this. He has little to no impulse control, he's always been like that. Although he is getting better. I tell you it's been very trying. When he was in ps school he would do things like oh..punch the music teacher and flush the toilets in the boys bathroom until they flooded just watch what happens...:glare:

 

With his school work, it's difficult. He doesn't like being "taught"-it's like he can't wait for me to read/teach/instruct him and he has no patience for demonstrating concepts he's already mastered. I have to choose his materials very carefully because of it.

 

As far as trying to curb it, I don't know if you can. I've just learned to accept that this is the way ds is. I don't try to change him, I just try to help him help himself. I try to point out the consequenses of his rash behavior, like how rushing through somthing and not getting it right because he didn't wait for instruction just results in more work for himself. Or if he is impulsive and breaks something, well..that's the end of that. Don't expect another one, until you earn enough money to replace it. Mostly, though, it's just lots, and lots and lots of patience.

 

I wish I could offer you more advice, but I can't. Take comfort in the fact that you are not the only one with a child like this.

[Mama2Three]

My family was at a festival and my 6 year old started to wander off. I watched him walk away from us and he wouldn't respond to my calls. When I caught up to him, he said that he just wanted to find out where that cord went (an electrical cord snaked along the ground). He wasn't trying to be bad, he just "had" to follow it! I try to meet him where he is, but I was also hoping that he would outgrow these tendencies. But perhaps I should rethink that.

 

ETA -- One thing that helps a little is making sure to tell DS what I want him to do, rather than not do. For example, use walking feet (instead of don't run), keep the stick down (instead of don't swing the stick), etc. This is tricky for me, sometimes I need to "translate" in my head what I should say, but it does help to a certain extent.

[Doran]

Yes, it is good to know that others have kids like this. Maybe a tad disheartening to learn that most of us/them haven't found particularly effective ways to manage this trait. I'm pretty sure my brother used to be this way - running off h*ll bent for something pretty much all the time. Now, a man of 48, he's calmed waaaay down. Instead of being the first to rip through packages at Christmas, he's often the last to finish. That's a goofy example, but he has changed dramatically from how he was as a younger person. He has also learned that he has to exercise - HARD - almost everyday or he'll have too much pent up energy. This, I think, could apply to our youngest. And though we try to keep her active, I can see how being able to take up an individual sport like running or cycling could be therapeutic for her as she gets older. So, perhaps there's still hope. :001_smile: On the bright side, there are times when I wish I had half her energy. To me, the impulsiveness plays right alongside that energy. Not sure if that's also true for all of your rash acting kids.

 

Jean in Newcastle -- I really like the idea of the timer. I'm trying to encourage this child to "make her own fun" more frequently when she's not engaged in something with me or her sister, or a friend. So, for her, filling her time with things she has to do would be both good and bad. Yes, her time would be filled, but I want her to figure out how to use her time without me always having to direct her, you know? Instead, I try to make suggestions for things she *could* do and let her choose. Due to the nature of what this is, I'm disinclined to punish her by giving her chores as a consequence. But, I think she'd respond well to a specific timer bell. It would give her a concrete way to measure how long she has to wait. Bingo! Thanks.

[Michelle T]

But they both have more issues than just impulsivity. DS is diagnosed with ADHD, and let me tell you, it's not just a casual or made up label in his case. DH is clearly ADHD too, but won't admit it, and has never been evaluated.

 

Tons of physical exercise helps. DH is in fact a part-time personal trainer, and is IMHO actually addicted to exercise. He's quite obsessive about it, but he's also in really good shape! DS takes karate 3x per week, and I try to get him doing other exercise too. He says that swimming is the most tiring exercise for him.

 

With DS, it's not so much his lack of impulse control that's a problem as his lack of ability to focus. It's awfully hard to learn when you can't pay attention to anything for more than a minute! DS now takes Ritalin on school days, and it makes a huge difference.

 

I hate to be discouraging, but for some kids (and adults) they just are not wired to think about consequences before taking action. They just act on whatever pops into their heads. Maybe I'm just dense, but I have yet to figure out a way to teach either DS or DH that it's a good idea to think before you act.

Michelle T

[Once]

I know how this feels. I have a dd and ds that have similar challenges. Ds is almost three but dd is 9 and I am wanting *the phase* to past.

 

All of these suggestions are great and I do some of them. The exercise idea is tried and true. I'm afraid we do not *do* recess like the school kids each day. Note to self to get out for a walk or run each day in our backyard.

 

One thing I have done which has produced some results, dd started a cross stitch this fall and is submitting it to 4-H. The fine detail and acuracy that is required has given her an opportunity to "develop" these skills. Of course she wants to do it so that is a big part of the success of it. I'm sure you could get similar results with other activites if your dd is not interested in girlie things. We have tried to make it an activity that she does in small chunks of time and at certain quiet times of day. We have praised her up and down for all progress and require her to take out any mistakes. She leads the way in weather she wants to get it done. Again, this is something she wants to do.

 

Sometimes, and I am admitting this for myself out loud, I see alot of myself in her challenges. I am trying to slow down and do less with better quality. I do not know you enough well enough to know if this is helpful.:001_smile: If it is not please ignore me.

 

I agree with Robin Hood (what a blesing she is) that it helps to know other wiser further along people still do face these traits in the kids they love and raise....well. I hope some others post ideas that I can use too.