Please read DS's essay, and reassure me it is not hopeless!

[Michelle T]

DS is 12. He does have ADHD and LD's. Writing is NOT a strong area for him.

 

We recently started Jump In! and completed the units on opinion writing and persuasive writing. I decided to have DS do an opinion piece on his own. Well, he couldn't entirely do it himself, I did end up having to help him quite a bit. He decided to write his opinion of our cat, Grey.

 

He was unable to remember how to do the three supporting paragraphs, I had to do a rough outline. He did better with the intro and concluding paragraphs, but had to be helped to write more, and to make sense.

 

So, is this as bad as I'm thinking it is? I know my DS has a long way to go, but this made my heart sink, especially since he needed quite a bit of help just to do this. I also helped him correct misspellings and grammar issues before printing.

 

********************************

 

Gray is a great cat.

 

 

Whenever I see the big ball of fur and fluff with a tail in the shape of a question mark, I always think “ Here comes that gray cat again!†She is my best feline friend!

 

The gray cat is very nice. She does not growl at me, even when I bug her.

She loves it when she’s getting pet. She loves bumping people with her head, that’s because she likes them. Most of the time, she loves people.

 

Gray is playful. She likes chasing me down the hall. She loves to wrestle with Mittens. She always licks her catnip pillow. And she likes playing soccer with her crinkle balls.

 

Gray follows me everywhere. She follows me to the bathroom. She even tries to come in the bathtub. She always wants to lay on me while I’m reading on the couch. And she sleeps on my pillow every night.

 

I think I’m never going to have another cat as good as Gray! She’s the best cat ever!

*****************************************

 

By the way, Grey is laying on his lap right now while he reads on the couch. She really does love him, and she really is the best cat ever!

Michelle T

[Rhondabee]

First, I think his structure is very good. You can easily see his outline. We just finished R&S-7, and haven't gotten to 5-paragraph essays, yet. I wouldn't sweat it - if he writes them frequently enough, they will become old hat after awhile.

 

I'm not familiar with Jump In, but if they haven't yet worked on transitions and coherence and sentence variety, then I don't think it's fair to expect him to pull that out of thin air. Those things take time to learn - and lots of practice to execute well. He'll get it as you model it for him (time and time and time and time again......LOL!)

 

I think you guys are doing great!

Rhonda

 

ETA: I often do the writing while "we" are brainstorming. It is more and more becoming his - but we've been doing this for two years now, and he still needs an occasional push in the right direction. We usually use a web (rather than an outline) so that there isn't a worry about where each idea "should" go, and call that the first draft.

[at the beach]

I think he did a fine job with it! Don't be discouraged. Writing well takes practice. He'll improve the more he writes. I would encourage and praise him. I love how he referred to the cat's tail as a question mark. I thought that was excellent. The thing is, with writing, revision is as much a part of writing as the first draft--IMHO. So, I think the thing you can do is praise his efforts here because it really is a fine essay, and if you are planning on doing rewrites, let him know in advance of the first draft that it will be a first draft, so that way he's going to be expecting that no matter what he writes, he'll be working on another draft of it.

 

Anita

[Myra]

I think it's very good. All the components are there - introduction, body, conclusion. Each paragraph has a main idea with supporting detail sentences. He uses good description - esp. in the intro paragraph.

 

One way I got my son from there to more complex writing is first...get him to be able to "speed" type. That took away the frustration of writing plus the computer caught the basic spelling errors & helped him correct them (not Mom!) Next, each week I had him write a five paragraph essay like your sons on whatever topic he wanted (Spiderman, Pokemon, etc) - then we chose one paragraph (not the whole thing) to sit together and revise at the computer - we would work one week on adding adjectives, then adverbs, then prepositional phrases, sentence variety - you get the idea. Slowly over the school year (with little pain) he got it!

 

SMiles,

Myra

[Mandamom]

like you are fairly new to the writing process. I used IEW so tend to look at writing from that perspective.

 

I think what you could do is to set this aside and to work on the next assignment/project and in a couple weeks (or whatever time frame) pull it out again and see how he might see ways to improve this particular paper.

 

In other lessons, look at improving vocabulary choices in any sentences that he has to write so that he'll use a slightly higher vocab in his paragraphs. I saw an assignment one time where the teacher gave the student some sentences and the student had to find three ways to make the sentences either more descriptive or with better vocab. I think if you work toward that in your other lessons his overall writing will get bumped up to the next level.

 

I thought that the structure was very strong which for some kids is very hard for them to get.

 

Good job mom and ds.

[CactusPair]

Michelle, I don't think it's bad at all! It had lots of interesting,vivid detail and was lively and energetic. Gray sounds like a wonderful creature.

 

Each topic sentence had a main idea that was followed by supporting details.

 

It was structured and easy to follow.

 

My only question was, "Who is Mittens?" I would have liked to learn more!

 

Really, I think this is a very good effort and is evidence that he has the potential to make even more progess. Keep going with him! You guys are doing great.

 

~Hope

[BeckyFL]

Wherever you're starting from, you ARE making progress!