well meaning grandparent....but still stupid *vent*

[swellmomma]

Ds8 has spent the last week and a half at gramma's house. He took some classes last week at a community center during spring break and then convinced her to let him stay until today. Well then a blizzard rolled in so I can't get him today he is staying for a couple more days.

 

I sent along his math, some dot to dots and mazes (he needs to do them for OT), HWOT and a few other assignments that are easy for him to do on his own without her help since he has to work on them at her office while she works.

 

Yesterday he phoned to tattle on her. The other day when we spoke she commented that he was missing too much school being with her. So I asked if he had been working on the stuff I sent. She says no because he needs too much help. SO I let her know AGAIN everything I sent he can do independently, he knows how, he doesn't need instruction, or any reading or writing (beyond numbers in math) to do them. Fine, I figure she will have him do that.

 

Nope apparently She printed off a bunch of spelling lists, written assignments and a book report form(and handed him a book). ANd since he could not do those things on his own told him it was proof of why he needed to go back home to do school. The kids are back to her house next thursday so I can go out of town for homeschool convention, so since he is slated to come home Monday he is trying to convince her to just let him stay until Thursday again (he is loving being spoiled, meals out etc)

 

Many many times I have explained his disabilities to her. WHY he can not read or write yet. WHAT we are doing about it etc. His reading/writing level is at about K level. No one would hand a bunch of writing assignments, or a book report etc to a K student, so why do it to him just because he is 8. He works hard everyday at attaining the skills he has. THe work I sent was at his level, based on what I taught him before I sent him there, and stuff he could do independently. I could not send the rest of his work because it is so teacher intensive.

 

She has commented before on his academic levels and each time I explain it is due to his disabilities not his lack of instruction. Apparently she still refuses to see it. Yesterday she even went as far as to say he would do just fine in a public school classroom all day everyday because he did well at his cooking class last week and at yoga last night. Yeah the cooking class is his passion and was only 2 hours including eating time. The yoga class was 1 hour. How that translates into 7 hours in a classroom setting is beyond me.

 

I want to go get him right now before she gets any more fool ideas in her head and unfortunately the highway is not safe enough for me to risk it. They are having near white out conditions in sections.

 

I know she means well, but ds was quite upset when he called at bedtime last night about how much work she gave him to do and how downhearted he was that he could not do it and that is why he could not stay for 3 extra days next week. My mom had compnay last night when he claled me so I couldn't tell her where to shove her assignments (she wouldn't get on the phone) and right now she is at work, so can't tell her now either. Which means he is stuck with another day of unrealistic demands.

 

At the start of this week she even told me she was going to bring the portable dvd player along to work, and get some dvds from the library, so I suggested some eyewitness ones, the series that does artists, composers etc, and other such ones that he (and my other kids) enjoy and would add to his education this week. NOpe according to her those would be too boring so he got disney videos etc. I have nothing wrong with disney videos but if she is worried about him not learning enough this week why not get videos that will add to his learning rather than add to his brain being idle.

 

I can't wait to have ds home again and back to our regular work, at his level with reasonable expectations.

 

She means well but is still clearly stupid about what is best academically for him, even when it is spelled right out and materials supplied.

[mumto2]

Hope you are able to bring him home soon!:grouphug:

[DusksAngel]

:grouphug:

I'd be upset as well. Does she have him often? If she doesn't want to do the work he brings with him, maybe it would be better to send him things that he enjoys but wouldn't interfere with her work, and could do schoolwork when he's home.

[Lisbeth]

Ds8 has spent the last week and a half at gramma's house. He took some classes last week at a community center during spring break and then convinced her to let him stay until today. Well then a blizzard rolled in so I can't get him today he is staying for a couple more days.

 

I sent along his math, some dot to dots and mazes (he needs to do them for OT), HWOT and a few other assignments that are easy for him to do on his own without her help since he has to work on them at her office while she works.

 

Yesterday he phoned to tattle on her. The other day when we spoke she commented that he was missing too much school being with her. So I asked if he had been working on the stuff I sent. She says no because he needs too much help. SO I let her know AGAIN everything I sent he can do independently, he knows how, he doesn't need instruction, or any reading or writing (beyond numbers in math) to do them. Fine, I figure she will have him do that.

 

Nope apparently She printed off a bunch of spelling lists, written assignments and a book report form(and handed him a book). ANd since he could not do those things on his own told him it was proof of why he needed to go back home to do school. The kids are back to her house next thursday so I can go out of town for homeschool convention, so since he is slated to come home Monday he is trying to convince her to just let him stay until Thursday again (he is loving being spoiled, meals out etc)

 

Many many times I have explained his disabilities to her. WHY he can not read or write yet. WHAT we are doing about it etc. His reading/writing level is at about K level. No one would hand a bunch of writing assignments, or a book report etc to a K student, so why do it to him just because he is 8. He works hard everyday at attaining the skills he has. THe work I sent was at his level, based on what I taught him before I sent him there, and stuff he could do independently. I could not send the rest of his work because it is so teacher intensive.

 

She has commented before on his academic levels and each time I explain it is due to his disabilities not his lack of instruction. Apparently she still refuses to see it. Yesterday she even went as far as to say he would do just fine in a public school classroom all day everyday because he did well at his cooking class last week and at yoga last night. Yeah the cooking class is his passion and was only 2 hours including eating time. The yoga class was 1 hour. How that translates into 7 hours in a classroom setting is beyond me.

 

I want to go get him right now before she gets any more fool ideas in her head and unfortunately the highway is not safe enough for me to risk it. They are having near white out conditions in sections.

 

I know she means well, but ds was quite upset when he called at bedtime last night about how much work she gave him to do and how downhearted he was that he could not do it and that is why he could not stay for 3 extra days next week. My mom had compnay last night when he claled me so I couldn't tell her where to shove her assignments (she wouldn't get on the phone) and right now she is at work, so can't tell her now either. Which means he is stuck with another day of unrealistic demands.

 

At the start of this week she even told me she was going to bring the portable dvd player along to work, and get some dvds from the library, so I suggested some eyewitness ones, the series that does artists, composers etc, and other such ones that he (and my other kids) enjoy and would add to his education this week. NOpe according to her those would be too boring so he got disney videos etc. I have nothing wrong with disney videos but if she is worried about him not learning enough this week why not get videos that will add to his learning rather than add to his brain being idle.

 

I can't wait to have ds home again and back to our regular work, at his level with reasonable expectations.

 

She means well but is still clearly stupid about what is best academically for him, even when it is spelled right out and materials supplied.

 

Sounds like a boundary stomper who doesn't respect you as a parent or your decisions. She is not a suitable caregiver. I would not leave him alone with her again. By doing nothing, she will learn that she can do what she wants with no consequences.

[prairiewindmomma]

:iagree: Based on my IRL experiences, I agree with the notion that she's a boundary stomper and that you've got to rein this in or things are likely going to get worse....

[swellmomma]

It is rare for him to even be there. I wanted him to have a social skills class and the cooking class that were offered in her town over spring break (they don't do that stuff out my way). He begged for an extra few days when I was there on Saturday. This coming 2 nights when I go out of town for convention is usually the only time he ever stays over there so this has been a big treat. I have never left hi for such a long time with her. The last time any of my kids stayed for this length of time with her was when ds8 was in his car wreck. She kept the 2 oldest kids for a few weeks while I tended to his injuries, but that was on summer vacation so school work never played a part of it.

 

Trust me I will not be doing nothing about it, I simply can not go get him right now due to unsafe roads and will be discussing my issues with her tonight. I never let things just go with her, not since I was 16. So she will know how upset I am, but the fact remains I can not go get him right now. And I do need her to watch the 2 middle kids for 2 nights/days next week so I can go to convention. Youngest is going to Auntie's house, oldest is going with me. It is my 1 and only time for me all year and I am not giving it up, because she is stupid about this. Selfish of me, maybe. But it is what I look forward to all year long to maintain my sanity. After convention we are not even due to a family visit let alone any kids alone with her until June.

 

She is not cruel to him, she just is clueless and doesn't understand disabilities no matter how many times I explain it. To her he looks normal therefore he is normal kwim. She will be hearing from me tonight as to why she is not to be giving him this work, why he needs to stick with what I sent, that will not be let go. But she is not mistreating him to warrant never letting her have time with him kwim.