Ds6 has been refusing to do his schoolwork. What can I do?

[Sue G in PA]

Besides grounding him which we have done. No video games, no tv, no playtime, no outside, no nothing really. He still refuses to sit and do it. He does this every once in a while, but lately it's been a fight every day. Tonight dh did one lesson of ETC w/ him, said he couldn't find his math and let him play video games. GREAT! I was out w/ dd at basketball practice. I specifically told him NO VIDEO GAMES until ALL work was done. His math is in his notebook where it always is! Nice. Anyway, small rant. So, what do I do? I can't restrain him and force him to cooperate. Spanking doesn't work w/ this kid. I can't do this every day! I told him he would be "expelled" from our home school if this continued (thanks to whomever posted that under another one of my posts!) and it didn't phase him. He just said, I won't go to school, I won't do school at home, I won't listen to you, I won't, I won't, etc. He has Aspergers and I take that into consideration . He has plenty of break time, play time, not a lot of writing b/c he can't tolerate it, plenty of creative time and time to just be alone (which is what he likes). I'm not mean to him or critical during school time. Help!

[MomofSeven]

Does he need to sit with you while doing his ETC. My 6 yo no longer needs me to work with him through the books since he's been doing them for so long. He takes his workbooks (math and phonics) and goes to his "submarine" (it's just a blanket house in his room) to do his work. Then he comes back and we go over them together which takes all of ten minutes. Anyway, it's time alone which you mentioned your son likes.

[Adrianne]

Have you tried to have a heart to heart with him? Sometimes my boys act out like that when they cannot express themselves about something else.

 

Today my ds5 whine-cried for over an hour and of course, he would not do any school work. He still was not right at bedtime.

 

I hope things improve for you Sue!

 

Adrianne

[Rhondabee]

Sue, I don't know what type of resources you have in PA. Do you possibly have some older, experienced (graduated a few) homeschool moms who are now in places of leadership that could counsel you?

 

We have a lady like that here in Georgia. She organizes one of the conventions. She gives seminars throughout the year. She also tutors homeschool and public school students, and acts as an advocate for students with special needs. She counsels homeschool moms, helping them find which materials to use and how. Geesh, this super-woman even has a "Nanny 911" service where she will come to your home and help you set up routines, etc. to help your homeschool run more smoothly. (overwhelming, I know!)

 

But, my heart is breaking for you *and* for your son (and your other dc). I really hope you will consider trying to find someone IRL who can come into your lives and help you walk through this and get to a better place.

 

I'm going to link to Randi's website. Maybe that will give you an idea of your own - or maybe she might know of someone in your area.

 

Praying for you!

Rhonda

[Suzanne in ABQ]

I instituted an allowance, then started docking him for every whine or complaint. Our allowance isn't based on doing chores, it's based solely on attitude. He is given the promise of $5 a week, but he loses $1 for every major outburst, and smaller portions for every whine and complaint. I keep track on a little notebook on my desk.

 

Money speaks to my ds.

[RoughCollie]

I expelled my 6th grade DD and my 7th grade DS from my homeschool last May for refusing to do their schoolwork, no matter what I did.

 

I think a 6 yo is too young to expel.

 

One of my DS is currently being evaluated for Asperger's. I clearly recall how much he loved FIAR & SOTW in the 1st and 2nd grades and beyond.

 

The thing he loved most at that age was drawing. The art in those picture books grabbed him, along with the art we studied as an enhancement to FIAR.

 

He hated K and 1st grade. One day on a school holiday in 1st grade, I had him join his hs'd triplet brother's FIAR class. When he returned to school after the holiday, the school psychologist he saw every day had a new poster in his office -- that of a Monet painting. My DS identified the artist, the title of the painting, and proceeded to tell the psychologist everything he had learned about Monet the previous day in homeschool. DS was "exhibit A" that day, as the psychologist spread it around to the teachers about DS' unusual knowledge.

 

We started homeschooling the other two triplets in 2nd grade and DS was happy as a clam to be doing FIAR full-time. He did not want to do math or learn to read. So I put those subjects first in the schedule, followed up with FIAR. Suddenly, he cooperated.

 

Also, it has to be because the triplets enjoyed FIAR so much that they did not think they were in school at all (despite math and learning to read). They told everyone they did not go to school for the first several years of homeschool.

 

I also did TWTM with them -- starting with SOTW volume 1 in grade 2. They loved it -- it was *not* schoolwork! They still talk about making their chicken mummies. When the activity book came out, they loved that. Before then, I supplemented with books, maps and activities and they were happy as clams. (Actually, I can't recall whether the activity book for vol. 1 was out in 2001 -- I may have been too cheap to buy it. But we did buy the ones for the later volumes.)

 

Maybe something like this would work for your son? I am not familiar with the current curricula for elementary school, but the trick for my DS was that his great interest in art and drawing dovetailed beautifully with our combo FIAR/SOTW curricula.

 

Also, grounding my kids from anything and everything has never worked. None of my kids seems to be fazed in the least by losing privileges. It has been a neverending source of frustration for me.

 

Besides grounding him which we have done. No video games, no tv, no playtime, no outside, no nothing really. He still refuses to sit and do it. He does this every once in a while, but lately it's been a fight every day. Tonight dh did one lesson of ETC w/ him, said he couldn't find his math and let him play video games. GREAT! I was out w/ dd at basketball practice. I specifically told him NO VIDEO GAMES until ALL work was done. His math is in his notebook where it always is! Nice. Anyway, small rant. So, what do I do? I can't restrain him and force him to cooperate. Spanking doesn't work w/ this kid. I can't do this every day! I told him he would be "expelled" from our home school if this continued (thanks to whomever posted that under another one of my posts!) and it didn't phase him. He just said, I won't go to school, I won't do school at home, I won't listen to you, I won't, I won't, etc. He has Aspergers and I take that into consideration . He has plenty of break time, play time, not a lot of writing b/c he can't tolerate it, plenty of creative time and time to just be alone (which is what he likes). I'm not mean to him or critical during school time. Help!

[Joanne]

Is he your oldest?

 

Also, while I don't want to take away from what might work for you, or others, I think using public school/lack of homeschooling as a threat is not productive on several levels. The most commonly offered one is in case the child *does* go to building school, you will have set it up as a punishment; setting his success there at a lower level. The main reason for *me* is that I don't believe in setting "public school" up as an option is good homeschooling/parenting. I don't want my kids feeling justified in saying "Fine, I'll just go to school!" in their own moments of anger or frustration.

 

On to your topic, a 6 year old boy's readiness for formal education varies widely. It's the reason so many young boys in school are labeled, in remedial classes, etc. Add the special needs of AS to it and I'd say it's time to evaluate how and how much you expect of him.

 

I'd consider frequent, short lessons (3 minutes or less, yes, really). Read to him from quality literature. Give him back the healthy play activities such as play, outside time, etc. Removing those as discipline is counter productive.

 

Chill. He's a special needs 6 year old boy. Give him a hug, start over in intent and attitude and find joy.

[Lori C- Texas]

We have 3 kids that sound just like yours and one happens to be a 6 year old boy! He is hooked on the computer and video games and that is all he thinks about. Last week we started a new system for rewarding our kids for doing their school work correctly and in a timely manner. For each subject they complete they get a ticket for 5 minutes on the computer and if they make it through all of their subjects with out any problems we give them a bonus ticket for 10 minutes. This has worked really well. My kids need a reward of some kind that they can hold and understand. They have to keep track of the tickets and this has also help with the whining when their turn is over. HTH.:)

 

Lori

[Rhondabee]

Is he your oldest?

 

I don't want my kids feeling justified in saying "Fine, I'll just go to school!" in their own moments of anger or frustration.

 

.

 

 

:) I had to chuckle at this. Reminded me of when my oldest was in 1st, and my dh insisted I send ds to "Time Out" when he refused to do his work. So, one day during math he slammed the book closed and announced quite loudly, "I'm putting myself in Time Out!" :)

[Rhonda in TX]

When my DS was that age (he also has Asperger's), negative consequences had no effect. None. It had to have a positive spin on it. Instead of taking video games away from him, he would be rewarded with them for having a good day. And, we had to quantify was a good day was. He was in private school at the time. He had a checklist for every subject. If the teacher thought he had a good attitude and participated, he got a check mark. A certain number of check marks meant a reward. It didn't matter if he'd had a major meltdown in a different part of the day. If he made the goal, he got the reward.

 

{{hugs}} to you. These kids can be a challenge, I know.

[Rhonda in TX]

I really like this idea!

[Legomom]

I have 2 seven year old boys and homeschooling was becoming more and more of a struggle. They would fuss and complain and cry every time that I asked them to do anything (at least it seemed like it). Finally I was totally frustrated and the 3 of us sat down together and wrote out a schedule, so they had plenty of input as to break times, when to do what etc. We then hung it on the refrigerator and it has helped tremendously. They also know that there is a time when we are "done" with homeschooling during the day.

 

If your son is not oriented towards reading, you could even try pictures.

 

My kids don't have Asperger's but my sister is autistic and we are guardians for her son who I think may be Asperger's somewhat. Her other son is autistic and writing things on a schedule has helped him as well as he has a difficult assimilating information by listening.