Please help me brainstorm questions to ask.

[NanceXToo]

Ok, first of all, this is not something that is happening now and it's not even a definite. It is just for future consideration as a possibility.

 

I have a daughter, turning 20 in three weeks, who has some moderate retardation, who lives with me and who still goes to school full-time in a life skills/special needs setting. She will finish out this year and go there next year, too, and then she has to graduate.

 

After that my goal is to get her into a local sheltered workshop setting, and she will continue living at home at least until then.

 

Not that I have any plans to rush her out of the house after that or anything either, I have no idea yet what the future will bring. But one POSSIBLE consideration for SOME POINT in the future is some sort of local residential group home setting only because a part of me thinks she might enjoy that more than just being home with her family all the time. The truth is, she's sort of lonely here. Yes she has her family, but she doesn't really have anyone else. She goes out with an adult caretaker type person once a week who does things with her. She's in an adult recreation group that takes her out once a month with a group of other adults for some sort of supervised recreational thing. She plays Special Olympics sports while she's still in school because I sort of push them on her to (she'd stay home and watch TV instead if I let her).

 

But she doesn't really have friends she sees outside of school, no one to just "hang out" with, no one to talk to outside of school other than us, every now and then she comments that she doesn't have friends. And she really, really likes to talk and be around people. And sometimes I think, well, is she just ALWAYS going to live with her family and have limited interactions with other people. And then I think that maybe she would prefer it if I could find her a small residential group home type setting where she'd live with a small group of peers who would be like live in friends that she could relate to, where they'd have trained staff to care for them, where she'd go to a sheltered workshop program during the day and have each other to interact with the rest of the time on a peer level with trained supervision, where she'd be close enough by that she'd still have lots of visiting time with her family and we'd see her often, but she'd feel like she had a bit more independence from her family as she goes into her adult years and lots of peer time, too....

 

Of course, if she didn't like it or want to be there and wanted to come home, she would always have a place here, this would all hinge on her liking it and wanting to be there (why does part of me feel almost like this would be abandoning her in some weird way, too?! Ugh).

 

So anyway it's all just hypothetical right now.

 

Still, there's a local agency that I would just like to talk to and ask them some questions about their residential group homes just to have some information and knowledge about it.

 

I was wondering, can you all help me brainstorm a list of questions that I might want to ask them about their group home/s?

 

Some I have right now:

 

What towns are they in

How many people live in them

Would any of them have behavioral problems (my daughter doesn't)

What is the age range of the people who live in them

What is the range of disabilities of the people who live in them

What if they decide they just feel like going out to a store or for a walk, are they just allowed to go out on their own whenever they want

How does family visitation work there and at the family's home

Can she have a cell phone there and contact me whenever she wants

Is there a waiting list to get into the program, how long is it

Staff ratio/credentials

 

Can you all think of any others? I already left a message for someone from the place to call me back.

Edited December 14, 2011 by NanceXToo

[Kathleen in VA]

No advice but wanted to give you these: :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[NanceXToo]

Thanks, Kathleen. :)

 

Well, I did talk to the lady on the phone and she was very nice and answered all of my questions. There are residences close by in neighboring towns. They try to have about three residents in each, always supervised and will work on daily living skills and independence, do recreational things, and free time too. They can have family and friends visit and can see their family and friends any time, would be matched with people of their level so wouldn't be put with behavioral people if they aren't behavior problems, etc.

 

It's just something to think about for down the road, once she's graduated from school and has started her sheltered workshop program. She'll be approaching 22 then, and who knows how I'll feel at that point, or how she will, but if she feels she'd like more independence and a chance to see what it's like to live in a setting that allows her to still be very close to home but in a place that gives her a bit more adult independence and more peer relations and so on than she gets in the bedroom upstairs, it's just something I'll at least have some information on. And if that time comes and she's not ready or I'm not, then we keep things status quo and that's fine, too. I figured it couldn't hurt to just start information gathering though, as she leaves her teen years behind and I want to know what resources are available in our community!

[itsheresomewhere]

My former neighbor did exactly that with her son. He loved the small group home. He also loved that he could come home still for Sunday dinner. He lived with 3 other boys. Their caretaker made sure they were completely taken care of. They had chore lists, dinner assignments and weekly outings. They even had a bowling league.

 

Up until she moved away, she had an open door policy for him. He could always come home.

[Kathleen in VA]

Nance, If were in your shoes, I'd be researching way ahead of time as well. It's nice to have the issue settled somewhat in the back of your mind so you know what your options are.

 

Btw, I'm having the hardest time with that Random Acts of Kindness thing (not to hijack your thread, but while I've got your attention) - it's a lot harder than I thought. I don't get out of the house much and when I do, I'm usually bent on accomplishing my mission (groceries, library, whatever). I'm finding that if I really am going to do this, I have got to sit down and write out a plan or it will never happen. Of course, I do try to be nice to people while I'm out, but that doesn't usually require much on my part - holding a door, saying thank you, smiling at the sales clerk - all pretty run of the mill. I'm going to have to think it through a whole lot more.

[In the Rain]

I'm not in your shoes, but I don't think you should feel like you'd be abandoning your dd. It sounds like you are trying to find the place where she would be happiest. :001_smile: I definitely see benefits to living with peers and feeling a sense of independence.

 

Another question I'd ask is how they handle "relationships" between residents. IYKWIM.

 

Also, what kind (if any) of activities or group outings do they provide.

 

I used to teach teenage students with disabilities. I toured a sheltered workshop for one of my students who was aging out of the school system. It was pretty neat, and the employees took a lot of pride in their jobs.

[SJ.]

When I was in high school my mother and I worked in a group home.

 

If I were you I would be sure to contact different homes including families of the residents both current and past.

 

With my experience there were six women in a large house. Their ages encompassed a range from early 20s to 70s. Some had behavioral problems that upset the other residents. All of the women went to "work" each day at a place to foster independence with the exception of one young lady who worked at McDonalds. Each resident had a binder with certain activities that the staff was supposed to help them with, these were activities with the goals of fostering independence meeting each resident's needs.

 

I do believe these types of residential, group homes can play an important role in moving toward an independent life, as far as each individual can go. They also give caregivers a respite.

 

All of that being said I highly, highly recommend fully researching different homes. Ultimately my mother quit because she did not like how some of the employees treated the residents - treating the residents like small children, yelling at the residents, being obviously very irritated with behaviors that could not be helped, and sleeping on the night shift. These are things that I didn't really see with the exception of occasional irritation but I also worked much less hours than she did.

 

Good luck OP, I imagine this is going to be a difficult decision. :grouphug:

[elegantlion]

Nance, If were in your shoes, I'd be researching way ahead of time as well. It's nice to have the issue settled somewhat in the back of your mind so you know what your options are.

 

Btw, I'm having the hardest time with that Random Acts of Kindness thing (not to hijack your thread, but while I've got your attention) - it's a lot harder than I thought. I don't get out of the house much and when I do, I'm usually bent on accomplishing my mission (groceries, library, whatever). I'm finding that if I really am going to do this, I have got to sit down and write out a plan or it will never happen. Of course, I do try to be nice to people while I'm out, but that doesn't usually require much on my part - holding a door, saying thank you, smiling at the sales clerk - all pretty run of the mill. I'm going to have to think it through a whole lot more.

 

Not to further hijack, but you could do RAOK online. I don't know the exact criteria, but leaving a nice comment on someones blog, PMing someone a compliment, e-mailing someone you haven't talked with in a while. I find those unexpected messages to be very uplifting, and they usually come right when I needed them most.

 

What about writing letters to people who have touched you in the past, but you've lost contact with. You have such a kind spirit and a way with words, I'm sure people would be glad to hear from you.

[Kathleen in VA]

Not to further hijack, but you could do RAOK online. I don't know the exact criteria, but leaving a nice comment on someones blog, PMing someone a compliment, e-mailing someone you haven't talked with in a while. I find those unexpected messages to be very uplifting, and they usually come right when I needed them most.

 

What about writing letters to people who have touched you in the past, but you've lost contact with. You have such a kind spirit and a way with words, I'm sure people would be glad to hear from you.

 

Oh, Paula, what wonderful ideas!! I've been stressing over this a lot. You probably know I have back issues which often keep me home - I've posted about that several times here. When I'm out I'm usually trying to get it all done before my back gives out and I'm hyperfocused on just getting it done. Writing letters and leaving kind comments on blogs and such are great ideas. Thanks so much!!!! (Sorry, again, Nance)

[NanceXToo]

My former neighbor did exactly that with her son. He loved the small group home. He also loved that he could come home still for Sunday dinner. He lived with 3 other boys. Their caretaker made sure they were completely taken care of. They had chore lists, dinner assignments and weekly outings. They even had a bowling league.

 

Up until she moved away, she had an open door policy for him. He could always come home.

 

Thanks for sharing a positive experience. I envision something like this, too. Where she eventually has a small group home experience with a caretaker she likes, roommates she enjoys being with and considers friends, frequent visits home, recreational outings, life skills experiences, and an open door policy where she always knows that if it's not for her, she can come back home.

 

Nance, If were in your shoes, I'd be researching way ahead of time as well. It's nice to have the issue settled somewhat in the back of your mind so you know what your options are.

 

Btw, I'm having the hardest time with that Random Acts of Kindness thing (not to hijack your thread, but while I've got your attention) - it's a lot harder than I thought. I don't get out of the house much and when I do, I'm usually bent on accomplishing my mission (groceries, library, whatever). I'm finding that if I really am going to do this, I have got to sit down and write out a plan or it will never happen. Of course, I do try to be nice to people while I'm out, but that doesn't usually require much on my part - holding a door, saying thank you, smiling at the sales clerk - all pretty run of the mill. I'm going to have to think it through a whole lot more.

 

Thank you for the supportive words! I know what you mean by the way, I find myself a little stumped with the raok thing myself sometimes but I'm determined to find things to do, even if they're very minor! I was glad to read elegantlion's ideas, too, because it's good to have ideas you can do from home, too, such as writing letters of appreciation and so on! :D

 

I'm not in your shoes, but I don't think you should feel like you'd be abandoning your dd. It sounds like you are trying to find the place where she would be happiest. :001_smile: I definitely see benefits to living with peers and feeling a sense of independence.

 

Another question I'd ask is how they handle "relationships" between residents. IYKWIM.

 

Also, what kind (if any) of activities or group outings do they provide.

 

I used to teach teenage students with disabilities. I toured a sheltered workshop for one of my students who was aging out of the school system. It was pretty neat, and the employees took a lot of pride in their jobs.

 

The residents would all be female, they have homes for females and homes for males! I didn't think to ask what kinds of outings they do, so that's a good idea. Thanks for the supportive post. :)

 

When I was in high school my mother and I worked in a group home.

 

If I were you I would be sure to contact different homes including families of the residents both current and past.

 

With my experience there were six women in a large house. Their ages encompassed a range from early 20s to 70s. Some had behavioral problems that upset the other residents. All of the women went to "work" each day at a place to foster independence with the exception of one young lady who worked at McDonalds. Each resident had a binder with certain activities that the staff was supposed to help them with, these were activities with the goals of fostering independence meeting each resident's needs.

 

I do believe these types of residential, group homes can play an important role in moving toward an independent life, as far as each individual can go. They also give caregivers a respite.

 

All of that being said I highly, highly recommend fully researching different homes. Ultimately my mother quit because she did not like how some of the employees treated the residents - treating the residents like small children, yelling at the residents, being obviously very irritated with behaviors that could not be helped, and sleeping on the night shift. These are things that I didn't really see with the exception of occasional irritation but I also worked much less hours than she did.

 

Good luck OP, I imagine this is going to be a difficult decision. :grouphug:

 

That is a good idea to try to see if there's a way to talk to current and past families. I will definitely look into whether I can do that if and when the time comes that we get closer to doing something like this. I do worry too about whether the staff would be kind and professional and so on, my only way of reassuring myself with something like that is that my daughter is definitely capable of communicating to me if there are any problems whatsoever, she'd be able to verbalize them to me. Also they are not prohibited from using or having phones or anything like that, so she'd be able to call me at ANY time. I would definitely talk to her and let her know that she should be treated politely, courteously, not talked to rudely or yelled at etc and that if she ever felt that someone who worked there wasn't behaving in a way they should with her, she could use her cell phone and call me at any time of day or night.

[Denisemomof4]

I don't think you should ever look at this situation as abandoning her. You are helping her to gain some sort of adult independence, you are helping her to gain more life skills, and let's face it - you're not going to be around forever! I think it's a wonderful idea. I'm surprised there will only be three residents in the home, but I think the smaller setting will be more beneficial to her. Will she have chores? Learn how to cook? Will they do projects together, like gardening, etc? Are there pets there?

 

I think it's going to make her feel so good to be around people like herself. I think that's SO important.

 

My only advice would be to visit her at different times and on different days. Never have the staff know when you're just going to drop in. I was careful to do this with my mother. Will your dd be able to tell you if something happens she's not happy with?

 

I think it sounds like a wonderful idea. If you don't like it, or if she doesn't, you can always make changes.