momofmiracles Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 I am so frustrated. My dd will tell me how much she loves the meal I have put in front of her, but then minutes later tells me she hates it and isn't going to eat. I try so hard to vary our food choices and make what I know everyone will eat, but how can I keep track when she changes her mind in the middle of the meal? Actually, she and her sister are both notorious for this. Is it just a control issue? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 My son does this often. For him, I know that is because he is really trying to like a new thing, but it might not work out. Usually it happens when he tries a new food, says he likes it and then changes his mind. Or, he liked it once and then decided he doesn't like as much as he thought. I have had the same thing happen to me, so I don't really blame him. I have tried a new food and liked the first couple bites, only to find it is too rich or oily or spicy to finish. My son has oral motor issues so I think he may actually like the taste of a food, but he cannot manage the texture. I have seen him try very hard to eat something new only to gag when he swallows. It is really difficult to eat more of a food that made one gag. If a food is new or only been tried once in the past, I don't assume he will like it. I serve it as a side dish or something to try. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 To save on sanity (yours), I think I would work with her on her manners. It's impolite to tell the cook that you hate the food that was served and aren't going to eat it. If she is over the age of 3, she can learn to say "no thank you" when offered more of a dish that she doesn't like. If she doesn't like it, she can just leave it on the plate and not mention it. I know this doesn't address the eating issues. I'm sorry - I had two picky eaters . For my boys, it was enough when they were little to just put a very small bite of something on their plates. They didn't have to even try it - it could just sit on their plate. Sometimes they tasted it. Sometimes it just got left. Not a big deal - we had peanut butter sandwiches available after dinner if they were still hungry, providing they used their manners at the table and were polite. Knowing they had a "safety net" so to speak made it easier for them to try things and not like them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellers Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 My 12 year old niece has always done this and I believe (for her) it's all about control. What's funny is she mostly does this with her parents, I don't let her get away with it so she doesn't try it on me. If she doesn't want to eat what I made her I tell her that's fine with me but I'll put her plate in the refrigerator just in case she gets hungry later. With her parents she'll eat three things - grapes, pizza, and salami. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 For some kids it can be a sensory issue. My son had issues with food textures and strong smells. He would get overwhelmed so easily. Food he loved one minute would be horrible the next. It could have been that the aroma mixed with one he hated so it ruined that food for him. We did teach him a better way of expressing himself without being rude to the cook. Sensory therapy helped him with this issue. He still has strong likes and dislikes, but his palate is expanding and he is much more appreciative of the effort of the cook. Also, involving kids in the meal making process also helps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 I am so frustrated. My dd will tell me how much she loves the meal I have put in front of her, but then minutes later tells me she hates it and isn't going to eat. I try so hard to vary our food choices and make what I know everyone will eat, but how can I keep track when she changes her mind in the middle of the meal? Actually, she and her sister are both notorious for this. Is it just a control issue? How old is your dd? Toddlers and preschoolers can be very fickle when it comes to food preferences, so if she's younger than 4, I might cut her a little slack. If she's older than that, she's plenty old enough to understand that it's downright rude to insult the cook. To save on sanity (yours), I think I would work with her on her manners. It's impolite to tell the cook that you hate the food that was served and aren't going to eat it. If she is over the age of 3, she can learn to say "no thank you" when offered more of a dish that she doesn't like. If she doesn't like it, she can just leave it on the plate and not mention it. :iagree: If she's 4 or older, does she have sensory issues? If she doesn't have sensory issues, I think it's safe to assume that it's a control issue. Whatever you do, don't cater to that behavior by cooking different foods for her than what the rest of the family will be having, or by allowing her to eat cereal or a peanut butter & jelly sandwich (or whatever) after the rest of the family has eaten the meal that she's refused to eat. This will only encourage the pickiness. My 12 year old niece has always done this and I believe (for her) it's all about control. What's funny is she mostly does this with her parents, I don't let her get away with it so she doesn't try it on me. If she doesn't want to eat what I made her I tell her that's fine with me but I'll put her plate in the refrigerator just in case she gets hungry later. We had a similar situation with dh's sister kids; they were picky eaters at home or when their parents took them to a restaurant, but never when they stayed with us. They knew that pickiness didn't fly at our house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 It doesn't matter whether it's a control issue or not. It must stop. You prepare the meals you think everyone will like. Your dd either eats it or doesn't. And she doesn't get something else, like PBJ, instead, and she doesn't get to complain. She eats what is served or goes hungry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momofmiracles Posted November 21, 2011 Author Share Posted November 21, 2011 (edited) How old is your dd? Toddlers and preschoolers can be very fickle when it comes to food preferences, so if she's younger than 4, I might cut her a little slack. If she's older than that, she's plenty old enough to understand that it's downright rude to insult the cook. There are actually two girls - the oldest is 7 and the youngest is 5. We had a similar situation with dh's sister kids; they were picky eaters at home or when their parents took them to a restaurant, but never when they stayed with us. They knew that pickiness didn't fly at our house. I might add they both came to us through the foster care system. They have been with us for more than two years and I have always told them they will get nothing else to eat (and held to it). The five year old has actually started telling me before I even make her plate that she doesn't want to eat. Edited November 21, 2011 by momofmiracles Quote didn't work Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momofmiracles Posted November 21, 2011 Author Share Posted November 21, 2011 Sorry! I messed up on my quote. :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girligirlmom Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 I am so frustrated. My dd will tell me how much she loves the meal I have put in front of her, but then minutes later tells me she hates it and isn't going to eat. I try so hard to vary our food choices and make what I know everyone will eat, but how can I keep track when she changes her mind in the middle of the meal? Actually, she and her sister are both notorious for this. Is it just a control issue? I used to wonder the same thing. Then I went to a talk by Dr. Natasha Campbell-McBride and I learned that it is what she calls a GAPS condition and the cure is the GAPS diet. I never connected the pickiness and finickiness to a gut condition, but when she described that it is the number 1 sign for a child who could benefit from the GAPS diet it made sense. The gut is imbalanced and as it changes the tastes and textures change. We started the diet in late February, but really got serious in August and about 3 weeks into GAPS Intro in August my dd and ds all of a sudden were willing to eat foods regularly that they wouldn't touch before. It was amazing. It's a two year plan, could be shorter, could be longer, but the goal is to balance the gut with real foods (no additives or preservatives) and the challenge is the restriction of no grains, no starches and no sugar while the gut is healing. Her website is gaps.me if you are interested. The best online group for help is a yahoo group called gapshelp and another one called gapsdiet. Several of my friends and even a few of their children are now on the GAPS diet and they have seen results that make the challanges worth the effort. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 Ah..... knowing that they came to you thru the foster care system, it is easy to imagine that it might indeed be a control problem. Especially if they can yank your chain and get a reaction out of you. I think the only way to win these battles is to not fight them. I would enforce the manners - that will make dinner time more pleasant for every one and is a necessary lifelong skill. The actual eating part can be a minefield with kids that need to control that part of their lives. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 I agree with others that you should address the manners issue somewhat strongly and the picky issue more loosely, if that makes sense. Pickiness in general is a control issue. Having been an insanely picky child who grew into a reasonably decent eater, I think you just give in as much as you can to it. Don't take it personally. Set some really basic nutritional guidelines, but within that let her have the control. Don't feel like you have to go out of your way to prepare other food, just keep reasonably healthy simple things around - yogurt, cheese, peanut butter, fruits and raw vege - whatever she'll eat - and if she *politely* refuses the meal, then point out that she's welcome to get alternatives or go without, as long as she does it respectfully of you as the cook and of the budget of the house (it's not respectful to open and waste item after item, though with a picky eater I think it's worth a small amount of waste to get them to eat something or try something). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 (edited) Ah..... knowing that they came to you thru the foster care system, it is easy to imagine that it might indeed be a control problem. Especially if they can yank your chain and get a reaction out of you. I think the only way to win these battles is to not fight them. I would enforce the manners - that will make dinner time more pleasant for every one and is a necessary lifelong skill. :iagree: Edited November 21, 2011 by ereks mom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 I might add they both came to us through the foster care system. They have been with us for more than two years and I have always told them they will get nothing else to eat (and held to it). The five year old has actually started telling me before I even make her plate that she doesn't want to eat. It definitely sounds like a control issue to me. I think you should stick to your guns. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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