How can I prevent comparison remarks?

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

Okay, the answer is probably "you can't." But I need to try.

 

Ds#1 who just turned 5 is...inexperienced socially? We're the unsocialized homeschoolers everyone worries about because we have no kids at our church (small, older church) and I only up until a little bit ago had one friend who had a kid his age. Also, his speech is not always understandable to those who don't know him (and sometimes even those who know him.) He talks very fast sometimes, and doesn't take the time to enunciate. I don't think there's a hearing problem, but I'm sure he'd benefit from some speech therapy (not a option right now.) I have been hoping it's something he'll grow out of, and something that learning to read and working with FFL1 would help.

 

Ds#2 (2.6 years old,) however, started talking early, and is (possibly) gifted. Lately I've been getting comments about how sometimes ds#2 is easier to understand than ds#1 :sad:

 

We are going to see my rather large family for thanksgiving. We all get together every other year, which means they haven't seen the kids since they were 3 and 8 months. Ds#1 has three cousins who are only a few months apart age-wise from him. Comparisons are going to happen, I know. But how do I keep them from verbalizing those comparisons (to his brother, not the cousins)? Ds#1 is having a hard enough time dealing with ds#2 starting to do Starfall.com and other things that he thinks are only for big kids. I don't want him hearing these remarks and feeling bad about himself :sad:

 

Thank you in advance for answering and for reading all of this.

[MHowell]

I don't think you can, honestly. Maybe send an email or phone the family members ahead of time asking for some compassion on the topic?

 

Also, is there no way to work on speech at home? I remember doing exercises with my step-sister as kids to help her improve.

[Rebecca VA]

There are lots of things you can do long-term, and I imagine you already know what they are, but in the short term you can:

 

1. Practice some social niceties with your older child. Have him practice saying "Hello, Aunt Sue" while looking her in the eye, shaking hands with the men, etc.

 

2. Have him wear nicer and more flattering clothes than his younger brother. You want him to shine a little brighter.

 

3. Have him make gifts for his grandparents and cousins. Maybe they'll be too grateful to talk badly about him.

 

4. Get an appointment scheduled with a speech therapist or two so that you can honestly say, "We're working on that speech problem."

 

5. Keep the boys close by your side -- actually, keep ALL the kids near you (because you don't want your boys to look like mamma's boys). Take them on lots of walks and outside to play. Keep them very busy.

 

Hope this helps!! Once Thanksgiving is over, you can put some long-range solutions into effect.

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

I don't think you can, honestly. Maybe send an email or phone the family members ahead of time asking for some compassion on the topic?

 

Also, is there no way to work on speech at home? I remember doing exercises with my step-sister as kids to help her improve.

 

Do you remember what those were?

 

There are lots of things you can do long-term, and I imagine you already know what they are, but in the short term you can:

 

1. Practice some social niceties with your older child. Have him practice saying "Hello, Aunt Sue" while looking her in the eye, shaking hands with the men, etc. I have been doing this, but I think we'll make it a daily thing until Thanksgiving.

 

2. Have him wear nicer and more flattering clothes than his younger brother. You want him to shine a little brighter. Good idea!

 

3. Have him make gifts for his grandparents and cousins. Maybe they'll be too grateful to talk badly about him.

 

4. Get an appointment scheduled with a speech therapist or two so that you can honestly say, "We're working on that speech problem."

 

5. Keep the boys close by your side -- actually, keep ALL the kids near you (because you don't want your boys to look like mamma's boys). Take them on lots of walks and outside to play. Keep them very busy. Very true.

 

Hope this helps!! Once Thanksgiving is over, you can put some long-range solutions into effect.

[Tmhearn]

I would have some quick stats to throw out about the older boy. You know, whatever it is that he is "into" or strong in. That way it can be noted (especially for your son) that he is special in his own ways, as well.

 

Is it possible that your younger son is actually advanced and not that the older one is behind? If so, a quick "Yes, DS2 is an advanced talker." and then moving on might suffice.

[Unicorn.]

I would just acknowledge that he has a speech problem and will be needing therapy, and move on. I want to add that your son sounds like mine. My son has excessive ear wax build up that causes some hearing issues, which in turn cause some speech problems at times. He would pass hearing tests, but our reg doc. discovered the ear wax problem. Just something to consider.

[golfcartmama]

I don't know where you live...and this is a more long term solution anyway...but here in my state, you can have your child tested for speech at the county board of education and if services are needed, they are provided at no cost. Now, I am not saying he needs it or comparing them in any way. I just wanted to bring it up so if you want the testing and can't afford it, it may be available.

 

Good Luck...I hope the suggestions here help you next week!

[Tonia]

No advice on your situation but wanted to mention a resource I've found helpful for speech issues.

 

Super Star Speech

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

Thank you for all the help! I'm going to check those websites out :auto:

[MHowell]

Do you remember what those were?

 

We had flash cards with words that were hard for her we did ALL the time... and she had a cassette with different sounds that she had to repeat also. I know she did more alone, but those are what I remember doing with her.