Would you do this?

[ThreeBlessings]

I'm considering posting on a local homeschooling forum inviting local moms (strangers) to come over with their kids or do a drop off after meeting for a 'playdate'. My kids are 11, 10, and 3, but I'm not looking for a playdate for the three year old rather wanting to invite kids between maybe 8-13 for the older kids.

 

We moved about a year ago and the kids don't have any friends. They've met other kids, played with other kids, attending activities with other kids, but have no friends. It is all too random for them to have really had the chance to connect with another kid on a more real level that friendship requires. They always had friends before. We lived in apartments for years so the kids always shared play space with a lot of other kids that lived very close to us. Kids would be at our house constantly. Now we live in a small, quiet neighborhood with quite a lot of older people.

 

On top of that the kids are both naturally introverted and perfectly happy to stay inside all day. I have to initiate every activity and sometimes even make them go. They're good kids and I know they want friends. The activities we've attended recently haven't worked out for one reason or another so there has been no consistency. I'm just not sure what to do at this point and I think we're in danger of becoming 'that unsocialized' homeschool family. We do not attend church and our local inclusive homeschool group is only online, they don't meet irl. Money is extremely tight and any more pay activities are out of the question right now.

 

I feel like it would be received weird if I posted offering playdates for 10 and 11 year olds. What do you think? On the other hand I would be offering free drop off time for a local mom to be able to do shopping, cleaning, planning, relaxing, whatever for a couple hours on their own.

[Garga]

If they've played with kids or met kids at activities, I would start with those. I would call them each individually and invite 1 or 2 families at a time for a playdate.

 

I would just send a blanket invitation. I would tailor it to each family. That's what I do when I want to make a friendship with someone new. I invite them to the house for lunch or dinner. I've made all my friends this way.

 

If you have a big enough house for the kids to roam, you could do like a friend of mine does. She invites a group of women to her house and serves them a big soup with bread (and hotdogs for the kids.) The kids run around, the moms talk. It helps that she has a wii and a big back yard. That might work for you as well (but I would still individually call each guest.)

[BrookValley.]

The online list/group for local homeschoolers in our area has an open "park day" every week. The day, time, and location change every week and it is open to anyone on the list who wants to stop by and play, hang out, chat, etc. If you think it would be received as "weird" to offer to open your home for an open playdate, perhaps you could organize something like this at a local park? Parents may feel more comfortable meeting you and your kids for the first time someplace public, and the "activity" won't be structured (e.g., you'd just plan to be at the designated park from 1 to 2:30 or something, for anyone who wanted to drop by) so it would be conducive to just chatting and meeting new folks. You could eventually move on to scheduling more structured playdates/organized "drop off" days after you and your children have had a chance to meet some new friends.

 

Just a thought. I wouldn't think it weird if I saw what you are proposing pop up from a parent on my local online forum, but I probably wouldn't respond/participate, either. Maybe it's because I'm an introvert, but I'd rather hang out someplace like a park first and get to know folks a bit before I accepted open invitations to their home.

[lmrich]

It would be weird. I know your intentions are good, but it comes across as weird.

I would organize it for a park or the library. Somewhere free and public for everyone.

 

You could also see if you get a group of kids that age to volunteer for something together. It is quite bonding to work together on a project.

 

Then I would invite them over for game afternoon or activity - gingerbread baking, pumpkin carving etc.. Have an activity planned for the first couple go arounds. You could even do some free science classes. Most likely the kids and parents will mull around after and then the kids run off to play together.

 

Good luck!

[In the Rain]

Honestly, I would not want to invite people to drop off unknown kids at my house. I also wouldn't drop off my kids at a stranger's house. There is way too much potential for trouble there! (I'm actually thinking of personality clashes or problem behaviors rather than "stranger danger") I also think kids of that age might need a more structured activity as they get to know each other.

 

Here is what I did. I listed a "Board Game Day" for 7-11 year olds on our homeschool group forum. I requested parents stay for the first get together. I kept track of how many kids and younger siblings were coming, and started a waiting list when I reached my max. For the second time, I invited some parents to drop off their kids. By that point, I knew I could handle their child. :) Because I want my kids to build relationships with kids, I give returning children priority over new children.

 

I had a very positive response both times, from kids and adults. Somebody else offered to host one the following month.

 

 

If your kids don't like board games, you could plan yard games, video games, whatever your kids like to do.

 

 

Good luck! We moved last year and I know how hard it can be to get older kids connected.

Edited October 24, 2011 by Julianna
more detail

[Night Elf]

Hm.. personally, I would feel weird to drive to someone's house for a playdate if I didn't know them. I would suggest that meetings be held in a neutral environment. And I would most definitely not be interested in leaving my children with someone I didn't know well. Now, after we knew one another from the meetings, and I liked you, and my kids liked your kids, then yes, I would be happy to drop them off to hang out.

 

How about a meeting room at the library? Your first meeting could be one in which you all discuss what you hope to get out of a group. Will the kids just hang out, maybe playing outside or playing video games? How about a more structured format like book group, or playing board games? I do like the idea of a plain social group that doesn't have structured activities, but perhaps not right off the bat. The ages of your children are difficult. They are almost too old to play at a park, but they aren't teens yet, which seem to have a different mentality to friends.

 

Also, I believe it's much easier for very young children to play with new kids. When kids hit 5th grade and above, they become more discerning in choosing their friends. Forcing them in a group won't necessarily build friendships. That was our problem. My children usually had a good time at meetings where kids did things, but they didn't have friendships outside of those meetings. That defeated the purpose that I hoped for, to give my children opportunities to make real friends.

[ThreeBlessings]

If they've played with kids or met kids at activities, I would start with those. I would call them each individually and invite 1 or 2 families at a time for a playdate.

 

I would just send a blanket invitation. I would tailor it to each family. That's what I do when I want to make a friendship with someone new. I invite them to the house for lunch or dinner. I've made all my friends this way.

 

If you have a big enough house for the kids to roam, you could do like a friend of mine does. She invites a group of women to her house and serves them a big soup with bread (and hotdogs for the kids.) The kids run around, the moms talk. It helps that she has a wii and a big back yard. That might work for you as well (but I would still individually call each guest.)

 

The kids they've played with at the park or activities have been different every time. Dd did do anime club over the summer, but she didn't click with anyone well enough to get phone numbers. Most of the kids were older than her and she decided not to go back anymore. I guess because she isn't in the boy/girl flirting age the whole thing made her feel awkward. Ds did do a chess club over the summer at the library, but it was different kids he was playing every time, so same thing. I don't have any phone numbers and they haven't met any kids in the immediate neighborhood to invite.

Edited October 24, 2011 by ThreeBlessings

[ThreeBlessings]

The online list/group for local homeschoolers in our area has an open "park day" every week. The day, time, and location change every week and it is open to anyone on the list who wants to stop by and play, hang out, chat, etc. If you think it would be received as "weird" to offer to open your home for an open playdate, perhaps you could organize something like this at a local park? Parents may feel more comfortable meeting you and your kids for the first time someplace public, and the "activity" won't be structured (e.g., you'd just plan to be at the designated park from 1 to 2:30 or something, for anyone who wanted to drop by) so it would be conducive to just chatting and meeting new folks. You could eventually move on to scheduling more structured playdates/organized "drop off" days after you and your children have had a chance to meet some new friends.

 

Just a thought. I wouldn't think it weird if I saw what you are proposing pop up from a parent on my local online forum, but I probably wouldn't respond/participate, either. Maybe it's because I'm an introvert, but I'd rather hang out someplace like a park first and get to know folks a bit before I accepted open invitations to their home.

 

I do like the park idea, but I'm fairly certain no one would participate. They used to meet irl like this, but stopped because of low/no attendance. Also the RAIN just won't stop around here. It has really put a damper on our activities here lately as we walk everywhere around town. I don't have a car during dh's work hours.

[ThreeBlessings]

It would be weird. I know your intentions are good, but it comes across as weird.

I would organize it for a park or the library. Somewhere free and public for everyone.

 

You could also see if you get a group of kids that age to volunteer for something together. It is quite bonding to work together on a project.

 

Then I would invite them over for game afternoon or activity - gingerbread baking, pumpkin carving etc.. Have an activity planned for the first couple go arounds. You could even do some free science classes. Most likely the kids and parents will mull around after and then the kids run off to play together.

 

Good luck!

 

I wonder what sort of volunteer activities I could suggest?

[ThreeBlessings]

Honestly, I would not want to invite people to drop off unknown kids at my house. I also wouldn't drop off my kids at a stranger's house. There is way too much potential for trouble there! (I'm actually thinking of personality clashes or problem behaviors rather than "stranger danger") I also think kids of that age might need a more structured activity as they get to know each other.

 

Here is what I did. I listed a "Board Game Day" for 7-11 year olds on our homeschool group forum. I requested parents stay for the first get together. I kept track of how many kids and younger siblings were coming, and started a waiting list when I reached my max. For the second time, I invited some parents to drop off their kids. By that point, I knew I could handle their child. :) Because I want my kids to build relationships with kids, I give returning children priority over new children.

 

I had a very positive response both times, from kids and adults. Somebody else offered to host one the following month.

 

 

If your kids don't like board games, you could plan yard games, video games, whatever your kids like to do.

 

 

Good luck! We moved last year and I know how hard it can be to get older kids connected.

 

Yeah, the concern over personality clashes or problem behaviors did cross my mind. I like the game board or video game idea. A woman recently did this on the online group I'm talking about with a chess club. We went once and her next one is in Nov. However she has decided if there aren't 10 kids participating she isn't doing it so I think it will be cancelled. She's had two meetings so far and only had a few kids each time and different kids each time. There was one other mom and myself who stayed and another mom did drop her two children off after chatting for a few minutes. This is actually what gave me the idea to maybe put the offer out for a 'playdate' on there. Only just even the word itself doesn't really seem appropriate for my kids' ages.

[ThreeBlessings]

Hm.. personally, I would feel weird to drive to someone's house for a playdate if I didn't know them. I would suggest that meetings be held in a neutral environment. And I would most definitely not be interested in leaving my children with someone I didn't know well. Now, after we knew one another from the meetings, and I liked you, and my kids liked your kids, then yes, I would be happy to drop them off to hang out.

 

How about a meeting room at the library? Your first meeting could be one in which you all discuss what you hope to get out of a group. Will the kids just hang out, maybe playing outside or playing video games? How about a more structured format like book group, or playing board games? I do like the idea of a plain social group that doesn't have structured activities, but perhaps not right off the bat. The ages of your children are difficult. They are almost too old to play at a park, but they aren't teens yet, which seem to have a different mentality to friends.

 

Also, I believe it's much easier for very young children to play with new kids. When kids hit 5th grade and above, they become more discerning in choosing their friends. Forcing them in a group won't necessarily build friendships. That was our problem. My children usually had a good time at meetings where kids did things, but they didn't have friendships outside of those meetings. That defeated the purpose that I hoped for, to give my children opportunities to make real friends.

 

I do think their ages are making this more difficult on them. They're at that in between age. I do know that putting them in a room with some other kids won't necessarily gain them a friendship. I'm just not sure what else to do to help them because they've been unable to make any on their own so far this year.