ktgrok Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 For those that would be offended if their future spouse asked their father for permission, or "for her hand", would you still be offended if they were asking for the father's blessing? My husband wasn't asking for permission. He I believe said "I am planning on asking your daughter to marry me, and would like your blessing." do you find that offensive as well? If anything, I suppose he should have asked both my parents, but other than that, I find that respectful of his new in laws, and I hope a boy does that when he wants to marry my daughter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 (edited) Personally, I don't find it offensive if some couples choose to ask the woman's father for permission, I just find it very, very odd and irrelevant. However, having my parents' blessing was very important to me. The first people my dh and I shared our announcement with was my parents. My mom started crying and my dad shook dh's hand. Then we opened a bottle of champagne. That meant the world to me. Both my dh and I wanted our parents' approval and support. Edited October 7, 2011 by Ishki Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 I answered yes on the poll, but my DH asked for a blessing, not permission. Actually- he had already asked me - and then we went to talk to my dad. ANyway - I wouldn't have been offended either way, but I was 17, still living at home, and this was 20 years ago. Things are different now :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 I don't see why it would be offensive either way. I think it's respectful... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatCyndiGirl Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 I know people may not understand, but, honestly, I find the asking for a blessing offensive and off-putting as well. Why? There is the whole idea of asking other people before asking the intended, the person you love more than anyone else in the world. If "the blessing" is denied would they really break up? If it is symblic only then it seems hypocritical if they were not planning to abide by it anyway, kwim? If you were not asking the parent before the bride-to-be then what is the point? Ceremony and tradition? In that case my earlier hypocritical argument still stands. What is the point, really, other than to placate the feelings of your elders? Why can't they just offer their blessing upon hearing the news? Or would they withhold the blessing if they weren't asked first? It still just seems to be a strange/odd/outdated custom and, imo, still goes back to the patriarchal notion that women are property and the men in their lives must make their decisions for them. Yuck. If you practiced this in your family and you are happy with it then I am not telling you that you should be suddenly UNhappy with it. I'm simply stating that I would never stand for it and luckily my dh knew me well enough to understand that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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