I just want to sit down and cry (sorry, it got long)

[Chris in VA]

Thanks, everyone, for the hugs and encouragement.

 

Denise, I have not had him tested. I wouldn't even know who to go to for that. I don't want to have anything to do with the public school system so that's out. Any ideas?

 

Mergath - I did think of the repeated doses of anesthesia being mentioned, but I also wonder if the fact that it took so long for him to regain consciousness may be a part of his problem - like perhaps they gave him too much. I seem to recall that they said giving infants anesthesia was tricky because they (the nurse anesthetist) didn't really know exactly how much to give him.

 

The main thing I guess is that I don't know how to help him. I was just at the "struggling learners" section of the HSLDA website and he doesn't fit any of the categories they have. He seems to have no trouble focusing. He gathers his school stuff and does everything in order - it's just usually all wrong and has to be redone while I sit with him. He's not hyperactive. He hears fine. He can see fine.

 

He can read well, he likes to read. He has a little electronic dictionary his aunt sent him for Christmas a few years ago and he carries it everywhere. He pulls it out about ten times a day to look up words he hears in conversations, in his school reading, in movies, etc. He loves words and finding out about them.

 

Here's a sampling of how a lesson might go on any given day:

 

He's reading Mere Christianity for Notgrass History (consider that he is 15 and is doing 9th grade curriculum which I think is a little behind the "normal" schedule - I was 13/14 in 9th grade). One of his questions was something along the lines of "What is one option Lewis does not allow people to have about Jesus?" Well, I haven't read the book recently so I found a book review online that explained what Lewis was talking about here. He was talking about the idea that people do not have the option of calling Jesus a "good man" or "good teacher" because He claimed to be the Son of God, equal with the Father. Lewis said that Jesus was either telling the truth, or He was lying (which would make him a liar and not a good man), or he was delusional - a lunatic (which would also eliminate "good man" from the options).

 

Well ds could not come up with any of this on his own. So after waiting for a while for him to come up with an answer, I explained it to him - very plainly. Then I asked him to explain it to me. I tried having him role play and I played the part of a person who says Jesus is a good man. He still did not know where to start. I dictated the whole thing to him and had him write it on the board - one sentence for each idea - nothing complicated. Then I had him study the board for about ten minutes and told him to think of how to say it, not necessarily using the same exact words, just conveying the same thoughts. He finally was able to eek out the basic idea and I had him write it down in his notebook. I have to say I was completely exhausted when we were through and I think he probably was too (this whole exchange took about an hour). There are 7 questions about this book and they are all meant to be answered in one day for one lesson. He has answered 4 and it has taken us two days so far. I didn't go on because I think one or both of us would have broken down and cried if I had.

 

All his school is like this. Math, science, grammar, history, everything. I just wish I knew what I could do to help him learn.

 

Kathleen, my eldest had a hard time with things like this--where maybe inferential knowledge was needed, or maybe rephrasing, or coming to some sort of conclusion...just "higher level" thinking, rather than recalling factual information. He missed a cut-off date by 10 days, and was also held back a year in public school--so he was 16 for most of 9th grade. I am not sure that he really entered the rhetoric stage at all in high school--maybe in some areas.

 

He has some hallmarks of Aspie-ness--most of them, in fact, but when tested (which I didn't trust), they said he didn't have it.

 

But you know what? He's doing really well in college. He's made Dean's List every.single.semester. He's persevered thru some personal problems, thru our family carp, thru loneliness, etc. He's committed to purity, to the Lord, to working hard to achieve his dreams. He is not always touchy-feely kind or outwardly demonstrative, but he is a decent young man.

 

If your son struggles, it's...well, it's just plain hard. But that is not the end of things, Dear One. Struggle builds us up to depend on God for his grace. I will pray for your mom-heart, and for your kiddo. Lots of hugs...:grouphug:

[Kathleen in VA]

Kathleen, my eldest had a hard time with things like this--where maybe inferential knowledge was needed, or maybe rephrasing, or coming to some sort of conclusion...just "higher level" thinking, rather than recalling factual information. He missed a cut-off date by 10 days, and was also held back a year in public school--so he was 16 for most of 9th grade. I am not sure that he really entered the rhetoric stage at all in high school--maybe in some areas.

 

He has some hallmarks of Aspie-ness--most of them, in fact, but when tested (which I didn't trust), they said he didn't have it.

 

But you know what? He's doing really well in college. He's made Dean's List every.single.semester. He's persevered thru some personal problems, thru our family carp, thru loneliness, etc. He's committed to purity, to the Lord, to working hard to achieve his dreams. He is not always touchy-feely kind or outwardly demonstrative, but he is a decent young man.

 

If your son struggles, it's...well, it's just plain hard. But that is not the end of things, Dear One. Struggle builds us up to depend on God for his grace. I will pray for your mom-heart, and for your kiddo. Lots of hugs...:grouphug:

 

Oh, Chris, thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and for your encouragement. You are so very kind and good to me.

 

Today was a better day because we didn't do as much. He had a dentist appt. which took up the whole morning and there just wasn't time to do it all when we got home. I'm really praying hard about what approach to take. I discussed it with dh and he thinks we should cut down his workload - just do three subjects instead of six or something along those lines. I'm really encouraged by your words - I don't think my son will enter the rhetoric stage until his early twenties. I wish there weren't these time tables that everyone expects children to fit into. I wish folks could understand that some people need more time to bloom. I hope stretching high school out to 5-6 years does not mean problems getting into college or getting a job later on.

 

Anyway, your experience gives me hope and for that I am grateful.:)

[Lizzie in Ma]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

The surgery saved his life. You're not a failure as a mom or a teacher.

[TravelingChris]

The article talked about repeated anesthesia. You were talking about one time only. I think you didn't do anything wrong. Both dh and I had Generalized anesthesia before age two in the early-mid 60's. If anything, the procedure for your son was safer. Neither I nor my dh had any learning disability. Our son who had surgery before he was two also and also had genaralized anesthesia doesn;t have an LD. My two girls who didn't have any anesthesia probably do= one definitely does, the other probably. But even if he had multiple anesthesias- I think the case may very well be that children who have serious medical issues (the only reason I can think of for repeated Generalized anesthesia under age 2) and that having poor health may be the tipping point. We all try to do the best for our kids with the information and resources we have. We all can wallow in regrets for our mistakes. But here are some :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: to you.

[HRAAB]

Thank you so much for sharing that article. My youngest had three separate surgeries for an esophageal stricture when she was 15 mos. The last surgery she was 'very slow' waking up from the anesthesia. She's only in 5th grade, but I have noticed a slowness that none of my others ever had. She has difficulty with finding words to explain, comprehension and recall. In all this time I have never thought about those surgeries. Perhaps they have nothing to do with it, but it certainly does cause me to wonder. I guess it would make me feel better to find a 'reason'.

 

For both of us, we had no choice. Your son and my dd needed medical attention. We do what we have to do. I've spent so much time beating myself up over one thing or another. It's not productive. You're a good mom. Your son is blessed to have you. :grouphug::grouphug:

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: