Aspergers/HFA question

[Momling]

We've got friends staying this weekend who have a 9 yr old son who I've always suspected is not a neuro-typical sort of kid. I love being around him because he's interesting and really articulate and has a great vocabulary, but I can't help notice that he's got a lot of signs that you usually see in kids on the autistic spectrum: he's unable to make eye-contact (shifts his eyes around as if he's thinking), doesn't understand sarcasm, has intense passionate interests in unusual topics where he wants to tell everyone about them regardless of the social context, has some social problems at school, is very forgetful of things that we've done but has an amazing memory for details, walks on his toes, and still occasionally has toilet accidents. But he's never been evaluated by a developmental pediatrician or school psychologist or anyone. He's an only child and his parents are wonderful, highly intelligent, creative people (older parents). They really treasure his gifts and uniqueness, but have never considered that there might be an underlying reason for his quirkiness.

 

We talk about our kids, but I've always felt a little weird about saying "have you ever thought about aspergers?" I honestly think they've never considered it. The only school testing that was done was for the gifted program which he didn't qualify for. So... Is it okay if I say something? How can I casually slip that into a conversation?

[sparrow]

We've got friends staying this weekend who have a 9 yr old son who I've always suspected is not a neuro-typical sort of kid. I love being around him because he's interesting and really articulate and has a great vocabulary, but I can't help notice that he's got a lot of signs that you usually see in kids on the autistic spectrum: he's unable to make eye-contact (shifts his eyes around as if he's thinking), doesn't understand sarcasm, has intense passionate interests in unusual topics where he wants to tell everyone about them regardless of the social context, has some social problems at school, is very forgetful of things that we've done but has an amazing memory for details, walks on his toes, and still occasionally has toilet accidents. But he's never been evaluated by a developmental pediatrician or school psychologist or anyone. He's an only child and his parents are wonderful, highly intelligent, creative people (older parents). They really treasure his gifts and uniqueness, but have never considered that there might be an underlying reason for his quirkiness.

 

We talk about our kids, but I've always felt a little weird about saying "have you ever thought about aspergers?" I honestly think they've never considered it. The only school testing that was done was for the gifted program which he didn't qualify for. So... Is it okay if I say something? How can I casually slip that into a conversation?

 

I wouldn't bring it up unless they brought it up first.

 

If he's doing well in school and gets along well enough socially, I'm not sure why you see a need for him to be evaluated. What do you think would be the gain? It sounds like his parents are loving and caring. I think they are less oblivious to his quirks than you think, but accept him for who he is. It sounds like they may have been quirky themselves :001_smile:!

[kaylk in tx]

he sounds a lot like one of my 9yo ds, who has been screened for Asperger's but haven't done definitive testing. he scored "highly probably".

 

i wouldn't touch it with a ten foot pole. you really have no idea what they're thinking or what they've done about it. i don't talk to many people about his problems, his adhd with his coaches of course, but really nothing else. i haven't even told my parents about the possibility of another diagnosis because my mother would freak.

 

and really, as long as the family support is there, the vast majority turn out to be A-ok. and it sounds like they've got that covered.

[fatfishes]

I wouldnt .

I have a child diagnosed with ASD.I got there when I was ready..

[CarenM]

Having an aspie kid myself I probably wouldn't bring it up unless it was asked first. If they are fine with him and he is really having no problems, why bring it up?

[Momling]

Thank you! I'm glad I asked you guys. He's a wonderful kid and they're wonderful parents for him, and while he does suffer socially at school, I'm sure they'll find their own way through it.

[JFSinIL]

I would not bring it up at all. He sounds like a great kid - if he indeed is on the autism spectrum testing to get a label won't change him, but might change how folks treat him. Just enjoy him for who he is during the visit.

 

One of my fraternal twins is on the spectrum. When my mil, who already had a severely autistic grandkid, started asking us to have our toddler tested I did not take it well. Since this kid is older, I am sure the parents have had the possibly of autism brought up already. Only discuss it if they bring it up.

[Night Elf]

I wouldn't bring it up unless they brought it up first.

 

If he's doing well in school and gets along well enough socially, I'm not sure why you see a need for him to be evaluated. What do you think would be the gain? It sounds like his parents are loving and caring. I think they are less oblivious to his quirks than you think, but accept him for who he is. It sounds like they may have been quirky themselves :001_smile:!

 

:iagree: FWIW, my ds15's diagnosis hasn't helped him at all. The only benefit it gave to me was that I could read lots and lots of material to find out why my son seemed odd and didn't fit in with other kids. So basically, I know why he is the way he is, but there isn't anything I can do to make him different.

 

If this boy's life isn't affected negatively, I see no need to explore any type of diagnosis.