s/o Aspergers thread. Aspergers vs. Aspie traits?

[Perry]

Thanks to everyone who responded. This has given me a lot to think about.

Edited June 21, 2011 by Perry
deleted personal info

[Jyniffrec]

I've wondered the same thing about my ds10. And about myself. Many of the ways the parents here say they have dealt with their aspies successfully are what we have come to naturally with him, from trial and error.

 

I'm :bigear:.

[Perry]

And about myself.

That has occurred to me too...:001_huh:

[The Girls' Mom]

Aspie traits run strong in my dh's family. One relative has a medical diagnosis of Aspergers. My dd exhibits many, many of the traits that her diagnosed cousin does. She does not exhibit some of the physical traits that he does. (hand flapping, smaller stature, etc.) I think that one can have some tendancies towards the spectrum without actually being ON the spectrum. My dh has the same tendancies, as does my MIL.

[Wee Pip]

I'm reading Right Brained Child in a Left Brained World, and the author has a strong opinion that Aspies & autism are on the extreme RIGHT side of the brain, personality-wise. I had looked at the symptoms for aspie and started to wonder if I was one (socially awkward, shy, didn't make friends, avoided people, had weird social quirks: like couldn't stand it if someone breathed on me (lol), became obsessive about my own interests, whatever floated my boat at the time, etc.) But then, after reading Right Brained Child, I'm thinking that doesn't fit at all. I'm very much a Middle Brained person. I can never make up my mind whether I'm left or right, and often answer those questions as "both". So I've been really curious to see if the author is right and there is a correlation between side of the brain & these types of disorders.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Your son sounds very similar to my Asperger boy, except that my son also has extreme anxieties and phobias about many different things, extreme sensory issues and a little bit of OCD.

[Carrie12345]

(Coming back to erase quotes. :001_huh:)

 

To me, the difference is in the number and extent of the traits presented.

 

There are plenty of behavior modifications that can be tried. To me, it's like saying a blind person can't read. Well, they may never see the printed word the way we do, but they can obtain the words through other means.

 

 

 

Well, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I would consider the things you wrote above "quirky". ;)

Not all aspies are extra-smart. Not all aspies have noticeable stims. Mine does, but not necessarily the ones people tend to look for. When he was younger, he'd spin a lot. Today, he does a lot of "air pitching". He does have a tendency to tap, which could be the AS, but lots of people are tappers, which annoys me to no end, lol.

 

 

I've found the dx helpful. It gives ds and me a reference point. It gives us an outline to work with. It lets him know he's not a bad person. It lets me know I'm not a bad mother.

It also makes me feel better to know his diagnostic history could help him in the future, should he need accommodations with testing, or even with life skills in college (he says he wants to go away to school).

 

Thanks if you've read all this. I don't really like to give personal information about my family but I am amazed at the collective wisdom and experience of the hive. Please don't quote me as I will probably edit and remove much of this in a few days. Thanks.

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[pdalley]

I say that DH and I have Aspie traits because we've learned to adapt over the years - so much so that I wouldn't probably qualify for a diagnosis even though I have more of them than he does.

 

14 has dyslexia and Central Auditory Processing Disorder in addition to his Aspie/Autism. He's fairly intelligent though he shows up borderline MR on the WISC and Woodcock Johnson. His brilliance is in sound and music. He knows perfect pitch, plays by ear and can run a sound board and do some amazing things with video production - all that he's picked up on his own. The best way to describe him is that he's like a St. Bernard. A little too big and unaware of his size, a little too loud and messy and unaware but extremely kind hearted and cuddly. He has a lot of academic issues due to the dyslexia and now that he's almost caught up to grade level with reading he's starting to make more progress there.

 

11 has CAPD and Asperger's. He also has suspected PANDAS (autoimmune over response to strep) He's at grade level intelligence wise. He's moody, intense and convinced he's the only one right about anything. His brilliance is in golf. He took the game up on his own and he is a true natural. His coaches have told me he has the goods. Socially he blends in the best but he is very naive and easily led.

 

9 has Aspergers and Selective mutism. He knew his letters at two and by three was spelling compound words on with his magnetic letters. At four I caught the boys using him to cheat on the multiplication. At seven he taught himself square roots and carried around a calculator that enthralled him more than his DS. He is the most classically autistic - a therapist says he is complete within himself. He doesn't appear to need people. He's got a good sense of humor and is rather coordinated for an Aspie. His brilliance is in math and building things. He was the child who built complex clover leaf exchanges with his train sets and legos and tinkertoys. Academically I really have a hard time figuring out where he is. He's almost impossible to test as his anxiety manifests itself with the mutism. We can get through a CAT test yearly but that doesn't really tell me much. He doesn't understand kids his age well and I get the feeling they don't interest him much. His mind is on other things and not the things they're usually into.

 

I usually say 'traits' when there aren't enough of them to qualify for a diagnosis. My Great Uncle surely had strong traits but he found his niche as a Naval Engineer and later with the City. He had a wonderful wife who helped him with the social things and they had a happy and good marriage.

 

Hope this helps

[Denisemomof4]

ok, this is exciting for me to hear about. I've been trying to figure out ds19 for years. Something is off somehow and I just couldn't put my finger on it. It's making more sense to me now.

 

He entered PS in the 9th grade. Girls immediately were drawn to his good looks but he's always been socially immature WITH HIS PEERS, beyond socially MATURE with adults. it's always made it harder for him to make friends with peers but he's somehow managed. He has several friends but I don't know if any of them can be considered CLOSE friends. He just loves having friends. But it was very difficult for him to fit in socially in PS for a couple of years. Changing his physical appearance helped (grew out his hair, changed his style of clothing to fit in more) also.

 

I've also been extremely concerned how ds has basically dropped everyone in his family since he got this gf. I worried about him burning bridges with people in general, and what would happen if something happened to his relationship. EVERY second his gf isn't working he's with her. He has been since they met over a year ago. He only makes plans with other people of she does. I truly felt this unhealthy, but now looking back at my relationship with dh, he was the same! One of the AS traits that is WONDERFUL is how loyal and dedicated my dh has ALWAYS been to me. He's ALWAYS preferred to be with the family and me over friends. He never goes out with the guys, he always wants to be with us. I've always talked about ds being such a loyal person, but now that I did a little reading here and online, I'm REALLY thinking the pieces I've gotten to the puzzle today almost complete it!!! I truly think this is what we're dealing with here, and I think I need to stop being so heartbroken that I've almost completely lost my son to his gf. It was *me* who made the effort to involve MIL, now dh. I don't have this with ds's gf, who is extremely shy and was held back a year in school due to her immature social development. Perhaps this is what makes them a perfect match!

 

One thing that is HIGHLY unusual about ds is that he's a VERY good communicator. He can drone on forever about his feelings/desires/wishes, etc. Personal stuff. He's a DEEP thinker and he just HAS GOT TO COMMUNICATE what he's thinking. His gf is now who he shares with. It's all making sense to me now! It was ME who actively involved my mil early on, NOT dh. He was so deeply loyal and dedicated to me that nobody else really mattered. He also dropped friends he'd known for years and didn't keep up with the relationship with his mother unless she called for help. It was ME who kept that relationship going!

 

Ds's gf is so shy and does NOT communicate well. She was even held back in school a year due to her immature social skills. I'm wondering if she has some of these traits, too. They really do seem to be a good match!

 

It's all making sense to me right now. The thing that really makes me sad, though, is when I see dh, so loyal and dedicated to me, not caring about ANYONE else outside our family, only us (we do have couples/family friends but again it's ME that keeps these relationships going, NOT him!) I worry about my relationship with my son. His loyalty has transferred to his gf just as dh's did to me. Dh is not close to his mother at all anymore. After 17 years I just couldn't keep it going anymore. She was ALWAYS awful to me and after 17 years of marriage, 19 years together, I finally threw in the towel when she told me it would be perfectly fine for dh to have a girlfriend. I stopped holding that relationship together and now he has little contact with her, mostly because of how awful she always to me. Ds's gf has NO interest in keeping ds's relationship with us going. I can't expect her to do what I once did but now I feel that there's a REAL chance I could completely lose ds.

 

I'm excited because I have real answers for the first time. Those answers also concern me. Ds was always SO close to his brother and now they rarely talk/see each other. Ds rarely ever talks to me. He spends ALL of his time with his gf and her family. I don't even think he realizes how inappropriate it is to do what he's doing with his own family. I won't be discussing this with him right now, though, because at 19, he knows more than anyone in this family, even more thank his BRILLIANT father.:glare:

 

Excited, happy, sad, worried. All rolled up in one.

 

Sorry for this LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG post.

[Denisemomof4]

I feel so bad! I've done a ton of reading about AS but only certain characteristics applied to ds. The more I think of it, the more I think he's got these traits, at a minimum, or is on the low end of the spectrum.

 

He will have an exaggerated response at times, will say things that are inappropriate, he had sensory issues as a kid (had to cut out all tags on his clothing and he wouldn't wear certain textures) and now his sensory issues are with sound (*HATES* it when the dogs lick themselves, or anything for that matter, can't stand to "hear" other people eat, can't stand to hear the chewing of gum, can't stand loud sounds, especially sudden) has always had a hard time being accepted in group settings, difficult to start peer relationships (but has many friends now, although I don't believe any are really considered "close" and most I've met are also quirky), immature social skills with peers, overly mature social skills with adults, when he's got a deep interest, it CONSUMES him.

 

I'm so thankful this thread got started. I truly believe I have answers!

[Cindyz]

I just made a similar post before reading yours. I think what I've decided over the years is to try not to worry about it. Sometimes I read things that make me think about it more, but for the most part, I realize that I just have to accept him for who he is. We work on each issue as they come up. He's in a social skills group through the public school and I really like the things he learns there even though I don't always seem them manifest into every day life. He will try if reminded, so he is listening and taking it in. I do wonder what's coming in the future though and some posts here do make me worry! The reality is that we'll probably just be taking it step by step, issue by issue like we do now.

 

Have you looked into some of the social groups in your area either through the public school system (we can access these even though we home school) or through a private agency or possibly through your health insurance provider? In our area there are game nights specifically for kids with asperger's. Also chess clubs, gaming groups, etc are probably a good place to meet with other kids who have similar interests.

 

My son does play video games but I've decided that we will not have another console game in our house. I like the wii, because there are a lot of positive games, but the xbox and playstation games scare me as well as the constant unmoderated, possibly inappropriate social conversations that they can have while playing the games. He's young now and I know that it will be a bigger battle in the future, but I'm really not going to condone him playing the games like cod, halo, gta, etc.

[rafiki]

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