If you were informed that you were supposed to only provide

[AHASRADA]

It seems like I'm the only one here who would love a detailed list of what to get a birthday child. So many children I know have EVERYTHING and I detest spending ages picking out a gift only to be told "Oh I already have one of those". I also hate wasting money buying something they don't need.

 

While I can certainly understand the "etiquette" concern, and that in theory, gifts should not be expected and appreciated no matter what is received, the practicality of modern living wins out in my book.

 

Of course a birthday party guest is going to bring a gift. The recipient does not want to receive a duplicate item, or something they don't like/want, and the giver does not want to spend money on something the birthday child does not need or want.

 

There is also such a wide variation in belief systems, parenting philosophies and lifestyles, it is easy to offend or inadvertently gift an item that the parent would prefer never to be brought into his/her home (and it's not easy getting rind of an "offensive" gift once the child has received it :tongue_smilie:.

 

On the occasion of each of my dd's friends' birthdays, I receive an email from the mom, listing the types of gifts her child would like. This is greatly appreciated by all of us moms, since it saves us the agony of trying to figure out what to give, and ensures the child will truly enjoy and make use of the gift.

 

Yes, it may seem a bit tacky to request specific gifts. However, when a standard of etiquette makes a situation difficult and uncomfortable for everyone involved (not having any idea what to buy/receiving unwanted gifts), it's time to let it go and get practical!

[IsabelC]

when a standard of etiquette makes a situation difficult and uncomfortable for everyone involved ..., it's time to let it go and get practical!

:iagree: Etiquette is a means to an end. At its best, it is a way of behaving kindly and considerately so that everybody is looked after, knows what to expect and feels comfortable. It shouldn't be something that is followed as an end in itself, even when it's causing inconvenience and discomfort for everyone concerned.

[Jenny in Florida]

Honestly I would not buy her a book. Not everyone is a book lover :001_huh: - books can be right up with clothes on the list of "boring presents given to kids". I've seen many a birthday child receive a book as a gift and toss it over their shoulder without even looking at it as if to say "Oh another boring book". Whenever people ask me what gift to buy my own children I always say "Please get them a book". Every single time the person always replies "Oh but books are such a boring present I want to get them something fun".:glare: So far I haven't been able to convince a single person that my children really WOULD love a book for a gift. :confused:

.

 

I find this fascinating, since that is not at all our experience.

 

One of my daughter's friends ALWAYS had her mother say "books" when asked what she wanted for her birthday. It's what my son almost always gets from his friends. In fact, my son just had his party earlier this month. He got bookstore gift cards from all but one guest. The last guest bought him a hat (because he wears them all the time). He was delighted.

 

I've literally never had any parent say to me that a book is a "boring" present.

 

Is this something the rest of you hear at all?

[Jean in Newcastle]

Update: Dd9 had a fun time at the party. I found out why they said "no toys" - this only child had two play rooms and a bedroom full of toys! Not many books, though.;)

[DarlaS]

Update: Dd9 had a fun time at the party. I found out why they said "no toys" - this only child had two play rooms and a bedroom full of toys! Not many books, though.;)

 

Maybe sometime your dd can pick out a few of her outgrown books for this little girl. :001_smile:

[Abigail4476]

cash or clothing for a 4 year old's birthday party, but NO TOYS, would it be rebellious to get her a book? I know they are committing a social gaff but at the same time I want to get something the child might actually like while not ticking off the parents.

 

I always rebel when someone is rude enough to tell me what sort of gift I must buy. :glare: I would probably buy a whole stack of books PLUS a toy. A toy that has zero educational value, I might add. :D

[Soror]

What about a gift certificate to a bookstore? That's like cash...right?!?! What 4 year old wants clothes anyway:confused:

My 4 yo! She specifically asked for clothes! I would buy some cute clothes or something fun.

[lionfamily1999]

I always rebel when someone is rude enough to tell me what sort of gift I must buy. :glare: I would probably buy a whole stack of books PLUS a toy. A toy that has zero educational value, I might add. :D

Do those friendships last long? In Jean's situation, having just met the people in question, would you have done the same? What do you imagine the outcome would be?

 

I would not think that the first party would lead to many others, or even play dates. If I felt so strongly about it, I would not go. I would not see the point of going just to thumb my nose and terminate any possible relationship.