Bonnie in VA Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Background: dd10 has always had a difficult time admitting or acknowledging when she is wrong. Right now, she's playing on a sports team, and is one of the better players. Her team isn't doing so well this season. She shows frustration through her facial expressions, and since she's the pitcher, everyone (teammates, umpire, spectators, coaches) sees her. Her frustration is mostly because teammates are not able to make basic plays -- and I understand that. The team is comprised of a few experienced, talented players, and several brand-new players; I'd be frustrated, too. But, I wish she understood that showing frustration on the field negatively impacts her team and her own reputation. Other players' parents (who have been watching dd for several seasons) are commenting on her frustration, and they can clearly see her attitude go from positive to negative. We've told dd this, and explained that a poor attitude can affect the entire team, but she will not admit that she's doing anything that could be construed as showing frustration or showing a negative attitude. Probably the best thing for her would be for the coach to kick her out of a game -- but that's not something I can control. Should I videotape her, so she can see how her body language and facial expressions look? What else can I do to help her acknowledge her role in this situation? It's about more than a sports team, in the long run. Thanks, Bonnie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Video her. Sit down, watch it together. And if you can catch the comments going on around you (Wow, she looks like she's about to blow!) that would be helpful too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Dominion Heather Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 I'd either video her or talk to the coach and let him know that if he pulls her from the game, you will support him. It would be hard for a coach to make that call unless he knew the parents would back him up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Since you have mentioned it already...that's where I would leave it be, and let any further consequences be natural ones. If the coach kicks her off for it, so be it. If you need to mention it again, ok, but I wouldn't make a big deal of it. Perhaps you are all taking the game a bit too seriously? It sounds like she is taking it very seriously and she could take a cue from you to not worry about the game so much- lighten up a bit. Enjoy the game whether you win or lose. It's just a game. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bonnie in VA Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 Since you have mentioned it already...that's where I would leave it be, and let any further consequences be natural ones. If the coach kicks her off for it, so be it. If you need to mention it again, ok, but I wouldn't make a big deal of it. Perhaps you are all taking the game a bit too seriously? It sounds like she is taking it very seriously and she could take a cue from you to not worry about the game so much- lighten up a bit. Enjoy the game whether you win or lose. It's just a game. Thanks for your response -- I definitely agree with the comment that it is just a game. This is dd's first experience being on a team that will likely lose more than half of their games, and I think that's a valuable experience (learning to be a good loser, not just a good winner). I've talked with her about the fact that, win or lose, she should still try her hardest; that's what I want her to learn from this season, regardless of the win-loss record. It's all about the character issue, in my opinion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Sportsmanship has always been a absolute requirement for my children. If they can't reach an age-appropriate standard, I would pull them. Are there other settings in which your dd can't/doesn't take responsibility? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 My 2nd son had the same problem pitching when he played baseball. He was pulled from the game by the coach several times with our approval. He also had to run laps after the game. Finally, he yelled at an umpire for making a bad call (this kid was (is) intense about everything - especially baseball). The umpire pulled him from the game and that seemed to do the trick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kchara Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 I'd either video her or talk to the coach and let him know that if he pulls her from the game, you will support him. It would be hard for a coach to make that call unless he knew the parents would back him up. :iagree: If the coach knows that you're acknowledging the problem, he might be able to help her deal with it at the team level. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bonnie in VA Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 Sportsmanship has always been a absolute requirement for my children. If they can't reach an age-appropriate standard, I would pull them. Are there other settings in which your dd can't/doesn't take responsibility? Joanne, There are other settings in which DD doesn't take responsibility. Her tendency is always to blame someone else for a situation (i.e., her sister for the messy bedroom, her brother for a disagreement in which they've both taken part). It is patently obvious to me (as her mom and teacher) when her attitude toward schoolwork turns from positive to negative -- and she will not acknowledge it when I point out that I've noticed an attitude change. That's why I'm looking at this as a character issue. It's not about the softball; it's just that softball provides us with the best example to work with right now. The problem is, she will not acknowledge that she displays frustration on the field, even though we've pointed out that other non-family members are noticing it, and I'm not sure how to help her acknowledge that she plays a role in how she is perceived. Thanks for any suggestions you may have! Bonnie Bonnie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Joanne, There are other settings in which DD doesn't take responsibility. Her tendency is always to blame someone else for a situation (i.e., her sister for the messy bedroom, her brother for a disagreement in which they've both taken part). It is patently obvious to me (as her mom and teacher) when her attitude toward schoolwork turns from positive to negative -- and she will not acknowledge it when I point out that I've noticed an attitude change. Bonnie Ds and I are working through this now. I stopped seeing it as an attitude issue and starting seeing it as an honesty issue. We talked about him telling lies (it's someone else's fault) and how it was impacting his social life (it was). He's been working very hard on it and I've seen a lot of positive changes (I make sure to point them out). All that took was a talk and a change from disliking his attitude to pointing out his dishonesty. hth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 I do know an adult who watched a video of himself on a softball team. He was NEVER the same. Totally changed the attitude from seeing it himself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeganW Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 I heard a GREAT speech about exactly this at the Great Homeschool Convention in Gville. Maybe you can find it online? He had an acronym RACE, that determined whether or not you were "a winner". Respect and Attitude were the first two, and the most relevant for this. He discussed respect for your team, your coach, the equipment, the field, the game, etc. TIM CASH (www.theoasischurch.org) Tim was born and raised in Newnan, GA and was able to fulfill his childhood dream of playing professional baseball. For the last 2 decades he has ministered full-time to professional athletes and their families and was the chaplain for the Atlanta Braves for 16 years. As of January 1, 2011, Tim is the new lead pastor of The Oasis Church in Loganville, GA (http://www.theoasischurch.org). Tim is passionate about challenging believers and non-believers alike to consider the truths of Christ and to apply them to their lives. Tim and his wife, Barb, have 5 children and make their home in Dacula, GA. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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