Problems with my son (and daughter)

[joannqn]

Would you please look at my post over at the special needs board (posts 1 and 3) and tell me if this sounds like gifted quirkiness or something else going on? Please?

 

I don't know what's going on with him. I'm really struggling because we just don't have the resources for testing. The Eides, who specialize in 2E evaluation, practice about an hour from here but there's no hope of coming up with the $3500 fee.

 

 

I really wish I could figure out:

 

What's going on with my son...with his social issues, with his clumsiness, with his anger, with his unhappiness...and help him be happy again. He seems normal most of the time, but we have too much back-talk, blaming, anger, and depression to think it's normal. Hormones are just around the corner, and I doubt they'll help.

 

How to give my son experiences he'd love. He's motivated academically and really sees things through; it makes me want to provide him with special experiences. I think he'd love the types of things done in gifted camps and at the Robinson center...I just don't have the money often required for testing or the money for the experience itself.

 

How to motivate my daughter. I kept her out of school because I knew that they wouldn't challenge her but then didn't challenge her enough...so she's now an underachiever. I don't know how to get her back. I've thought about unschooling but I doubt she'd have the motivation to do anything but play on the computer all day; she's never been the type to see anything through to completion. She's quit every extracurricular she's asked for. We gave her a $600 camcorder (it was a gift we weren't using and considering selling), bought her a video editing software, and got her a small tripod because she showed ability and interest in it, but does nothing with it. And being in the 6th grade this year, I feel compelled to ensure she gets the necessary/typical academics.

 

This is the one area where being low income really bothers me.

[LittleIzumi]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[talexand]

We don't unschool but we do take a lot of liberties with our schedule. I have a 12 yr old, 9 yr old, and 7 yr old. I have yet to finish a science curriculum because we take off on so many rabbit trails together. If my kids are interested in something, then we go deep. If we are into something interesting then we will skip other subjects to make more time to keep going. I just try to make sure that each subject gets a time where we go deep into it to make up for the times that that subject is pushed aside.

 

My oldest also has several of his own interests but he is not usually inclined to put his free time towards them. Sometimes, yes, but more often I encourage him by opening up some of our scheduled homeschool time. For instance, he started a blog. He reads reviews about new electronics and writes recommendations. He also reviews the products he can get his hands on. This is something he is very interested in. He does a good job on it. Not that the world needs a 12 year old's recommendation on which electronics are worthwhile, but he has friends that read it and some other subscribers from who knows where. So I let that be part of his homeschool plan and take away some of his writing requirements. He is motivated and so he works hard.

 

Maybe your dd would like to create a blog. She could use her video camera. You can make the blog only visible by invitation if you are worried about posting on the internet.

[catz]

 

How to motivate my daughter. I kept her out of school because I knew that they wouldn't challenge her but then didn't challenge her enough...so she's now an underachiever. I don't know how to get her back. I've thought about unschooling but I doubt she'd have the motivation to do anything but play on the computer all day; she's never been the type to see anything through to completion. She's quit every extracurricular she's asked for. We gave her a $600 camcorder (it was a gift we weren't using and considering selling), bought her a video editing software, and got her a small tripod because she showed ability and interest in it, but does nothing with it. And being in the 6th grade this year, I feel compelled to ensure she gets the necessary/typical academics.

 

This is the one area where being low income really bothers me.

 

We have 2 gifted kids that would definitely take all the easy roads if left to their own devices. One thought is to let her pick some sort of extracurricular, but then treat that like it's "school work" for at least an agreed on period of time. For my kids, this is music lessons. They each picked their own instrument, but now we're sticking with it. Even when it's hard and they don't feel like practicing. Both are thrilled with themselves as they finish pieces or have good performances. Neither asks to quit. But they can sure grumble while getting into practice mode. I think there is quite a bit of value that can be made about coming back to something day after day and being accountable to an outside mentor, coach, or even a team.

 

For my kids, as long as they are homeschooling, the instrument study is mandatory. We are much more laid back homeschoolers than many people on this board. But follow through on the music lessons has been really great for both my kids.

 

My older is even learning some life lessons through his unicycle team. Physical things do not necessarily come easily to him and he had to work his tail off just to do base level riding. When he started, we told him he'd be doing it for at least a year. That got him over the initial hump, and now he's into his 4th year. When he started he barely wanted to put any effort in. Now he understands how practice and progress go together.

[HappyCamper]

:grouphug: It is so frustrating! I keep looking at the John's Hopkins gifted summer programs - they look so fun - but they are too expensive for us. I am not sure if your son is old enough, but I think some camps for the gifted might have scholarships (e.g. math camps, Interlochen arts camp) and I think the qualification for math camp is completing the problems rather than a having paid for a particular test. I know this isn't much in the way of advice.

[joannqn]

A lot of kids would love to have gifted programming, but the classes are very expensive even for middle income unless of course one parent's income all goes to classes. Some parents realize this and start Math Circles. Maybe there is one in your area, or maybe there is someone who is gathering names? Check with your local middle school's Math Club advisor or dept chair as well as the U or places that offer gifted programming. The only Circle near me is too far for me to get to, but it's deliberately kept low cost, app $10/month meeting 3 hrs 1x/week for high schoolers. We also found our private music lesson teacher is (ding ding I should have known as so many are math/music kids) also in contact with plenty of math folks. Asking around will get you rather rapidly to the person who is 'in the know' for math opportunities in the area.

 

I had found a math circle very close to our previous address (we just moved 3 months ago) that said it was for 5th grade girls. I called them hoping for some leads and was told they were expanding to both genders and all grades and they would call me back when they were starting up. I received no call and could never get someone to call me back. I called and talked to someone several times, always being told that so-and-so would call me back. Really, after 5-6 tries, I gave up.

 

I'd start a math circle if I even knew what one was and how they are run.

 

Also consider scouting. Our pack and troop are very open to special needs and seem to get a lot of gifted and 2E. With all the adult volunteering plus e-bay for uniforms, the costs are minimial -it's about $110 a year w/o fundraiser plus activity fees and gas to get there. Summer camp is add'l. An established unit will have ways for the scout to earn his way for activities and an interesting program. Some of the themes running through the program are very math and sciency and actually were better than anything the local gifted school was offering in it's Saturday programs. The Cub Scout program for 10 & 11 year olds, Webelos, offers badges which have several mathy options. Boy Scouts of course has merit badges, which hook the young lad right into the community network of adults who have gone deeper.

 

I've thought about scouts but I'm not sure we can fit it into our schedule. Another mom I know who has a son in scouts says all of the meetings are on Mondays, and our Mondays are already permanently booked for the long term (not negotiable). Plus, he's in taekwondo Wednesday and Friday nights and Saturday mornings. On those evenings, he's gone from anywhere between 3:30 and 4:15 depending on Dh's work needs and 7:00pm to 7:30pm. TKD is also non-negotiable; he's testing for his black belt in June and wants to become an instructor at some point. We're gearing his high school towards business skills in case he wants to open his own school instead of go to college. We also have swimming on Wednesday afternoons.

 

Great ideas though. I'll try our new location for math circles.

[Storm Bay]

My eldest was in a similar case to your dd. She wasn't challenged at school and has never got her enthusiasm back. We have tried many things.

 

Here's what's happened. She eventually found a swim team and loved it. She thought she was working hard, but had a few hurdles to overcome before she was really working hard, but she became one of the hardest working swimmers, although not the most talented in the sport. It was a bit frustrating, since she was a natural at Tai Kwon Do but got bored after a year and quit (how could swimming the same 4 strokes with drills be more interestin than all the things in Tai Kwon Do? ;))

 

Eventually, she developed a love for math, a subject she used to vehemently hate, and finally her work ethic from swimming spilled over into her math. I'm still waiting for it to fully spill over into other areas, but I've seen signs that it will. She'll be 16 this spring. I did send her to ps in November because she wasn't keeping up and wouldn't write essays for me, and most of her classes are too easy for her. She refuses to even consider applying for any scholarship that involves writing an essay, but is willing to take math tests and achievement tests, so we're working on those skills now.

[FrogMom5]

I sent you a long reply and then I got kicked out and now it's gone. I'll try again.

 

We had some of these same issues - loud crying, anger, depression, wanting friends but not knowing how to engage, and loss of interest.

 

For the loud crying we did Cranial Electrical Stimulation (CES). We were told our ds brain did not make the chemical that told him he was ok when disappointed or frustrated, resulting in loud, sustained and inappropriate crying. We also learned that CES is an alternative to anti-anxiety and some ADHD drugs. So, you may want to try the Zoloft. Or, ask for Stratterra. Our ds went on Stratterra at 12 and it's helped w/ depression as well as other issues.

 

Our ds also has auditory processing issues (CAP). Many people have had success w/Earobics. It can be found used so it's not as expensive. Headphones can be bought on Amazon for low prices too, if you don't already have them.

 

I bring up CAP because people with auditory issues are often highly sensitive, perceive every little thing as a criticism and are thus, prone to anger and angry outbursts over seemingly nothing. PM for an exercise you can do on a swing or rocking chair to help w/ CAP.

 

The boredom w/most playdates sound like a g/t characteristic. G/t kids are ahead in their thinking and interests so it's difficult for them to connect. Yet, when matched w/another g/t kid w/ similar interests, they seem as socially typical as any other child. Their social skills blossom. I think that's why parents like those g/t camps so much.

 

For your dd, I don't know. Our ds lost interest in anything of value from age 11-15. It comes and goes now but he does study. I think it's an age thing.

 

Also, not finishing projects or not even starting them is a characteristic of both perfectionism and ADHD. Since perfectionism is a trait of g/t kids, start there. Hopefully your library has some books on the subject.

 

I'm sorry this reply is so long. I do hope it helps you. It hurts to feel like you can't give your kids the help they need due to lack of resources. We're in that boat now.

:grouphug:

Denise

[FrogMom5]

during times my ds is w/out good friends we explain to him that he will find others to bond with once he's in college and, especially, once he's working in his chosen field. We tell him that he has to study hard if he wants to work in physics. It seems to motivate him, at least a little. It does get him through some of these "dry" times. He's in one now.

 

Denise