Extroverts married to Introverts

[SquirrellyMama]

I've heard a lot about introverts on this board but I'm wondering how many extroverts there are that are married to introverts and how do you handle it.

 

I'd love to go places with my dh but he doesn't want to go. I want to invite people over but he hates the idea. It makes me so sad but I'm not sure how to handle it.

 

I can invite people over during the day but I'd like to have whole families over to get to know them better.

 

How many others are in this situation?

[Wyndie]

Our family is like that. To start my husband off gently, I only invited people he knew and liked. We played board games so people's hands and eyes were busy and of course had food. I got him to agree to this by telling him the kids needed time with our friends kids. So at first he did it for the kids... every Friday night.

 

He doesn't always seem to LOVE it, but he does enjoy it. We had to stop a few months ago and he has commented on how much he misses it. He is still just as much of an introvert as always but I think b/c it was comfortable for him, he realized how much fun he was having. We have plans to start that back up in the next few weeks and he is just as excited about it as I am. And he doesn't care if it's people he knows well, I can invite anyone now. :D

 

Maybe with it being on his home turf, in his house with his rules it was easier for him. I'm sure not all men would want people in their houses but if you can find a way he would be comfy, it's so worth the effort. I love having grownup people time!!

[Michelle in AL]

I am only slightly extroverted. but my dh is very introverted. 80% of the time when we go out with others he gets angry, so we only do that now if it's his idea.

 

For myself, I see my friends during the day, usually for lunch, once every couple of weeks. It helps too that both of my dds are teens, so they are always ready and willing to shop, go to a movie or out to eat for dessert. I don't depend on my husband at all for socialization and try to meet my own needs.

[Gretchen in NJ]

I am an extrovert who used to be an introvert as a child and am married to a man who is in the process of becoming an extrovert.

 

When we were first married I would just invite people over. I never thought to ask him.:001_huh: I looked as it was my job to help my dh be healthy and happy. I feel socializing is part of being happy and healthy.

 

Having children helped since we would have people over for their birthdays. I don't do "children's" birthday parties. I always planned "family" birthday parties where I would include the whole family. Thus, giving time to my dh to meet my friends' husbands.

 

My dh now looks forward to these get-togethers.

[elfgivas]

fwiw.... extroversion and introversion are part of our personalities and rarely change; what changes is our capacity to work in our least preferred sphere.

 

an extrovert is someone who is energized by being with people; an introvert is one who gains energy being alone. extroverts need introverted time, and introverts need extroverted time, just not in the same proportions ; ).

 

so to encourage an introvert to spend time with folks, choosing a time when they are rested is a good idea. eg.... a morning hike with friends is how i started dh off with more interaction. then we added in having close friends over in small numbers. then birthday parties for our dc.

 

but to get to go out more is harder. when we go out for a date and its a dinner date, dh sits facing a window or wall, i sit facing the room. this helps a lot. the first few years we also went really early, so we were often one of only a few people in the restaurant, then it filled up around us and we fled/left...

 

going before or after the crowds helps a lot, and homeschooling is good for that. having familiar music in the car helps dh, too. and for him, as long as he is physically connected to me or one of the dc, he can enjoy himself much more and longer in crowds.

 

but no marathon crowd events, ever.

 

hth,

ann

[the4Rs]

That's us.

 

I am always on the go and want to do things...I never have a problem making friends. Husband is introverted, never wants people here unless it's his idea, doesn't like to always go and do.

 

Now since starting our own business he is really starting to come out of his shell but it is hard.

 

I have just learned to do "my own thing" and let him know about it. If he wants to join up so be it, if not his loss. I know that sounds harsh but I realized that in always catering to his whims I was stifling who I was.

 

I do wish he'd let us invite friends over but still working on that one.

[Mom in High Heels]

James Bond is a major introvert, but I cannot live without other people. This was a real bone of contention for us when we were first married. When we met in college we were always surrounded by people and I didn't realize how introverted he was. After we got married, he wanted us to live like hermits. I told him that wasn't going to happen. I invited only a few people over (that he already knew) and we hung out, played games, etc. He got used to it and was okay, as long as he knew everyone. He joined the Army and we moved away from everything that was comfortable and we had to start all over again. It was really hard on him at first, but he got used to meeting new people. As his career has advanced and he HAD to start socializing (there are LOADS of social functions he has to attend), he's grown more and more used to it. We usually host friends on the holidays and he gets all tense about it before hand, but once people arrive, he settles in and is okay. It's been a process (a LONG process), and it's still a struggle, but he's used to living with an extrovert now. :D

 

BTW, medication has really helped. He takes Wellbutrin and it has worked miracles.

[kewb]

My dh is the extrovert and I find the whole socializing thing very draining. He goes out during the week with his friends. On weekends when we do have plans it takes me a lot of mental prep and I usually need the next day to be quiet so I can recharge.

 

As for friends over, I am always up for that. I can handle company at our house much better then going somewhere.