Random Things about Preteen Maturity

[AuntPol]

I am a Cadette Scout leader and a Preteen Sunday School Teacher, as well as working in the Co-Op classes and having my own preteens. I have recently had a "revelation" and was wondering if anyone else has noticed this too.

 

It appears to me that the girls this age seem to fall into two categories (and I have noticed this with both homeschooling and public schooled girls). They tend to try to act like teen-agers w/interests in boys, Twilight, fashions from Aeropostle/(Justice is too baby they say), wear a lot of make up, shave even if they don't need to, buy string bikini underwear, not want to play but just talk, but have no idea of what is going on in the world, rude in their texting habits, etc. These same girls seem to have no or very limited responsibilities at home. They may have a few chores but not many, are never left at home without adult supervision, don't know how to do their own laundry or cook. I don't see a lot of responsibilities in the home and often not at school.

 

The other group still wants to be kids. Some of them think some boys are cute and are wanting to include boys in their friends (because they are less complicated) but not have "boyfriends", they may like fashion but are still at Justice level, they don't wear make up unless they are playing pretend games, they still play with Barbies, Little Pet Shop, etc. They act their age and not really interested in growing up. Then I find out they not only can be home by themselves, but often babysit younger siblings, they can cook real food, do their own laundry, and often have more chores and responsiblities at home. They often have responsilibilities in their extra curriculars. They can also usually talk about what is going on in the world around them.

[Lolly]

And then I wonder, which is the cause and which is the effect?:D

 

It really could go either way, you know!

[saw]

I don't think I could generalize, but my dds (12 yo) would fall into the latter category. They have been staying home alone since they were 10, biking to school on their own since then, can cook basic foods (dd cooked breakfast for me and for her brother yesterday), babysit 4 yo ds, go to activities out of the house on their own, etc. They plan out their own schedules for their internet school and take responsibility for studying and communicating with their teachers.

They are in no hurry to grow up, like their Am Girl dolls and playmobil, like nice clothes but don't care about the brands, no makeup, and the boys they like are their 9 yo brother's friends they can run around with. So there's two who match your category!

[Kimberly in IN]

My tween dd (attends small catholic middle school) has many characterics of first group, but certainly can and is left alone, has household responsibilities including caretaking of younger siblings when needed and is a leader of her team sport, which consists of mostly boys.

 

I opened this thread wanting to discover that she is in the norm. ugh. :glare: Some of those first characteristics drive me crazy and I want her to be a little girl for a bit longer.

[AHASRADA]

I hadn't really thought about it until you brought it up, but I have noticed this as well among my dd10's friends. In my limited experience, though, the girls in the former group are usually from ps, and the latter group hsed.

 

My dd has always been extremely responsible, a true help around the house and trustworthy mother's helper with even small babies. She can't stand her "friends" who only want to watch TV and don't "do" anything. She loves to play games, play pretend, dress up, etc. She is not at all babish/immature, but she does play with dolls from time to time. She and all her hsed friends are still into Webkinz.

 

I am guessing those who are trying to act older than they are in superficial ways see those behaviors as the "fast track" to adulthood, privileges without responsibilities. It is much easier to "act" older in the pop culture sense (and more quickly acknowledged by their peers) than by doing chores (which would prove their maturity mainly to adults). It is also possible that their parents/teachers still treat them as "babies" by not giving them enough responsibilities, and the only way they feel they can assert their maturity is through their clothing and entertainment choices. I agree it is hard to ascertain the cause and effect.

[Gwenhwyfar]

my dd13 is very into fashion/hair/makeup, loves twilight & the vampire diaries, likes boys, buys funky underthings, texts like a mad chick.......and plays barbies with her 8 year old friend, helps around the house all the time, is perfectly capable of doing laundry and cooking basic meals, has several babysitting jobs, and looks after her special needs brother with lots of love & affection. sometimes, you get a blend. ;)

[KidsHappen]

IDK, my girls seem to be a strange combination of the two, some tend more towards the former and some more towards the later although I will admit that PS did seem to affect the distribution along the spectrum.:glare:

[AuntPol]

I always thought my daughter (age 11) was more of a blend herself but the more I work with these girls (ages 10-12 -no teens), the more I see she falls more into #2 than #1 and some of it is simply because of boundaries. Honestly, working with preteens has been a blessing to my outlook of my daughter because now I can see the subtle differences between liking something and the near obsession of some of these girls with some things.

 

My daughter loves fashion and shopping. She would be thrilled to go shopping every week like some of her friends. She is content with getting bags of hand me downs and thrift stores with the occasional new purchase. She is not into Aeropostle yet but adores Justice. However, I have noticed a difference in outlook between the groups of girls. The first group seems to look at clothes as a way of fitting in and/or exerting superiority. My daughter and some of her more fashion conscious #2 girls are more about using it to express self -making their own jewelry and accessories, going for a certain look than a certain name brand, etc. My daughter loves to design and make Barbie clothes, refashion old clothes, be my fashion consultant, and wants to start designing and sewing her own clothes. She also eschews overly sexy clothing whereas some of her category 1 friends seem to obsess over them (wearing padded bras and string bikinis at age 11). They want to be seen as sexy. My daughter's underwear is funky in the same way that her socks are funky (maybe funky isn't a good choice of words in that case lol) in that it's often bright colors or maybe a halloween theme but not bought to be sexy. She also doesn't want to talk about fashion all the time, especially about what others are or are not wearing.

 

My daughter would read Twilight if I let her but she knows she can't until she's 16 so she put out her mind and focuses on reading other books. She thinks it is silly that her friends are wearing all goth clothes and black nail polish, have photos of the actors of the movies that they kiss each day, and think the character is there boyfriend. She loves Percy Jackson and has read it several times and loves Greek mythology (she liked the myths first and then came Percy) but not to the level of obsession that Twilight fans like Twilight. She definitely doesn't fantasize that Percy is her boyfriend lol.

 

My daughter thinks a few boys are cute but doesn't think they are boyfriend material. However, she knows she can't date until she's 16 so thinks it is pretty pointless to have a boyfriend because what is she going to do with a boyfriend that she doesn't do with a boy "friend" already? She is wanting more boy "friends" because they still like to "do" stuff and play. SHe is very annoyed with one friend in particular who likes every boy that walks by for no reason other than they are cute. This friend also claims rights to each boy and no one else is allowed to like them. It makes her feel good to hear that some boy has a crush on her but she is clueless to why as she doesnt see herself as pretty (whereas a lot of #1 girls are constantly talking about pretty they are, lying about their weight already, and ahve complete unrealistic opinions of themselves -really I shake my head in disbelief on a weekly basis).

 

 

She does text and loves to text with her friends but she puts it on vibrate when she is actually with someone, puts in her purse when she is in church or an activity, and doesn't give rude replies. She is also limited to a certain amount of texts per month so she is choosy in her texting. She also likes her DS but doesn't see it as a social activity but more something to do while waiting for the Dentist or because home. I have some girls that come to church with their ipods w/headphones on and hide it under a hoodie, try to text under the table the entire time, etc. Some of the replies that my dd has gotten from some of these girls are downright mean. I would think they don't want to be her friend anymore but they keep wanting to come over, etc.

 

She likes Disney stars and tv shows and would watch tv a lot more often if she was allowed AND if she had nothing else to do and finds it especially preferrable to doing chores lol. However, when kids are around, the last thing she wants to do is sit there and watch tv. If we tell her a show isn't allowed (such as Wizards of Waverly Place), then it's not allowed. No big deal. She will watch old tv shows too.

 

She doesn't wear make-up though she likes shimmery chapstick. She likes doing her nails and doing pampering stuff like bubble baths. I still have to remind her to brush her hair several times a week though overall she tries to look nice. It's not an obsession thing for her though. I have girls at church that will sit there and compare beauty supplies until I make them put their purses away. The ones that do wear make up (all #1 girls) wear it badly (too much, wrong colors, very garish), etc. #1 girls whose parents don't allow make-up seem to obsess about it, sneak it on and then wash it off before parent comes, etc.

 

My daughter has been cooking on the stove top since she was 5 or 6. She moved beyond making processed boxed foods to roasting chickens and potatoes, making biscuits and baked goods from scratch, experimenting with sour dough cultures and soaking rice and beans, etc. Most of these other girls are just now being allowed to use the microwave and have no clue how to run a dishwasher (they may load/unload but don't know how to operate).

 

She likes playing with the toys for the sake of playing with the toys even if she is home alone -not just an activity reserved for when playing with younger friends. She has quit having some of her friends over because they don't want to "do" anything. She says "okay clothes and boys can only take up a few minutes since last discussion. I don't want to just sit there and talk about the same 2 things we talked about last time. The same cute boys are still cute. Ugly clothes are still ugly."

 

Another example is we went out trick or treating with three neighbors that I classify as #1. My dd and one of the other girls both were going to be pirates. My dd made her own outfit (and has for last 2-3 years) and bought a few accessories like the patch. The other girl borrowed one of my Renaissance shirts and wore it with black jeans and just made up her face real goth like. She didn't want to wear a patch because it would hide her make up, didn't want to wear a scarf or hat because it would mess up her hair, etc. She didn't look like a pirate in the least. She was just looking for an excuse to put on more make up than normal. She was obsesssed over having the make up on! Then, these girls ran over lawns to each door instead of walking on the sidewalks and driveways like my children. When my daughter told them they were not be respectful of the lawns, they didn't care. They left behind my children and the smaller siblings that were tagging along often being 3-4 houses ahead. When my daughter asked if they could slow down and wait on everyone, they said no. They would come out of each house screaming about what candy they got. The whole focus was one the candy and how much they could get. Then they didn't want to walk my daughter home because they wanted to count and obsess over their candy. Now every child had a parent with them but not one of the parents said anything to their children about this atrocious behavior. I said something to them but was ignored and the other parents looked at me like I was evil for expecting them to act decently (and then I was told off when they found out my kids only get to keep 21 pieces of candy LOL). The 3-7 year olds were more mature than those 3 girls (ages 10 and 11).