new facebook pet peeve (rant)

[UnsinkableKristen]

I wouldn't be offended by it, or consider it rude. If I wanted to go, I'd probably post a comment: "Wow, sounds like you guys had fun--I want to go next time! :)"

 

If I'm not close enough friends with someone to request an invitation, then I'm not close enough to be offended by a lack thereof. :lol:

 

:iagree:

 

Exactly!

[BarbecueMom]

I've learned not to tag people in photos without their permission. Some people remove tags of themselves, because they don't want that much information out there and it links to their photo tab. May have had nothing to do with your relationship with her.

 

:iagree: I recently removed all my tags from other people's photos. This was a security decision due to DH's career, and I was not able to explain that to everyone (including family) who had tagged pictures.

 

Also, "great memories" for some friends are not great memories for others. I have one friend from high school who cannot understand that I don't want to see pictures of myself from middle school (horrible time in my life, which is obvious in the photos) or pictures of me with ex-boyfriends.

[Rosy]

Ok, so let's say you are friends with A, B, and C. Then you start to see these types of status reports:

 

Friend A: "Had a great time shopping with B & C today!"

Friend B: "Thanks for the fun day, C & A!"

Friend C: "Lets go shopping again, B & A!"

 

For the record, I'm not a "group" shopper. I like to go on my own, and couldn't have even gone shopping that day even if I had been invited. Really. (I'm not just saying that.)

 

But, all of a sudden, it's like you're back in 9th grade and you didn't get invited to the cool party. Has Facebook removed all sense of social niceties? Like, don't rub it in other people's faces that you all had a fun time, and no one else was invited. I'm probably making too much of it. I'm 36....these types of things shouldn't bug me anymore, right?

 

And, I'm not the only one who's friends with these ladies. Was anyone else bothered by these reports, or just me? How would you feel? Has FB made bragging an acceptable part of communication?

 

I'm not losing sleep over this, and I'll have no problem being friends with them but it's just an irritating reality of Facebook-world. Like I said, my new pet peeve.

 

Rant over.

:iagree:That's a pet peeve of mine too. Not a big deal, but I've always been taught that it's rude to talk about a social gathering in front of someone who wasn't invited. I would have no issue with "had a great time shopping today!" or something like that. But I usually won't post publicly about things I do with friends...if I want to thank them for a great time, I'll do that privately.

 

I also get irked by my kids' friends' parents posting b-day party pictures that my kids weren't invited to, for the same reason. If I didn't invite your kids to my kids' b-day party, I'm certainly not going to talk about it in front of you and show you pictures.

 

I love FB for the ability to connect with people from all areas of my life. But I agree with the previous poster who said that it way too easily lends itself to poor manners.

[angela in ohio]

From what I could tell from the majority of other women I was "friends" with on FB, the entire point is to tell people how popular or cool you are. :001_huh: It is often ninth grade indeed. I dumped them all and am mostly only friends with family members and close friends. :001_smile:

 

I agree with a previous poster about "grand displays of poor social manners," except that I think most people knowingly forget when to use the pm instead of the status update. It's many times the same ladies who laugh too loud and talk too loud at social functions. ;)

 

Oh, and I very much dislike when people post pictures of me or my children on FB without my permission. I would have also removed the tag.

[Onceuponatime]

You're probably right. Now I have to get up enough nerve to just say something.

[DaffodilDreams]

No, it doesn't bother me one bit.

[lionfamily1999]

You're probably right. Now I have to get up enough nerve to just say something.

"That sounds like fun. Next time, maybe I can join you."

 

Short and simple. :grouphug: Dh's friends do this all the time. For awhile, he felt like they only wanted him around when their cars were broken (he's a mechanic). Now that we're all on facebook we get invited to everything. The problem started when we were invited to something and couldn't make it. All the plans for the next outing were made at that outing. Once you're out of the loop it's hard to get back in. Dh had me to take the initial step. It was easy for me, because they weren't "my friends" at the time.

 

I understand that it seems so easy to other people, but feels like climbing Mt. Everest with your eyelashes to you. I feel the same way. Just take a deep breath and jump. Then don't check facebook for at least two days :lol:

 

Most likely you'll get pooh poohed for not inviting yourself the first time (in a friendly sort of way). Don't let that bother you, it's covering for the embarrassment of not having invited you themselves.

[Mrs. Frankweiler]

It's been very interesting to read all the different opinions on this. There's lots of different perspectives to think about, you know. It sounds very simple to say, "Just ask to come along next time." Like lionfamily 1999 said, it's like climbing Mt. Everest with your eyelashes." I would have a hard time doing that, first of all because there's always that little (annoying) voice saying, "Well, if they'd wanted you in the first place, they would have invited you all along." Of course that voice is often wrong, but it's very insistent, so hard to ignore!

 

But, there are also so many different dynamics in each relationship, and saying "Just ask them if you can go along next time" isn't as simple as it sounds. Part of the issue is that we are mostly all friends because our husbands are in the same military unit together. I might think we're all friends, but the annoying rank thing can get in the way, so I also have a little voice in my head saying, "They probably don't want to hang out with the boss' wife." It probably isn't true--we get along just fine at other occasions--but that little aspect is slightly on my radar and I do have to consider that.

 

I'm saying this all very gently because part of it is my own insecurities, and I should work on that. But there's more to it than just telling those like me to either say something about or stop letting it bother us. The choice isn't always that black and white. I think the whole social networking world has opened a pandora's box, and unfortunately, these kinds of things will continue to happen.

 

I've already put in my order for thicker skin. ;)

[lionfamily1999]

It's been very interesting to read all the different opinions on this. There's lots of different perspectives to think about, you know. It sounds very simple to say, "Just ask to come along next time." Like lionfamily 1999 said, it's like climbing Mt. Everest with your eyelashes." I would have a hard time doing that, first of all because there's always that little (annoying) voice saying, "Well, if they'd wanted you in the first place, they would have invited you all along." Of course that voice is often wrong, but it's very insistent, so hard to ignore!

In this day and age, though, people often assume that you know it's an open invitation. It happens all the time. If you need an invite, because you don't want to intrude, then saying so is your absolute best bet. Remember, they're not psychic, you have to tell them these things or else they will assume you're just like them.

But, there are also so many different dynamics in each relationship, and saying "Just ask them if you can go along next time" isn't as simple as it sounds. Part of the issue is that we are mostly all friends because our husbands are in the same military unit together. I might think we're all friends, but the annoying rank thing can get in the way, so I also have a little voice in my head saying, "They probably don't want to hang out with the boss' wife." It probably isn't true--we get along just fine at other occasions--but that little aspect is slightly on my radar and I do have to consider that.

I hate to be a broken record, but tell them this.

I'm saying this all very gently because part of it is my own insecurities, and I should work on that. But there's more to it than just telling those like me to either say something about or stop letting it bother us. The choice isn't always that black and white. I think the whole social networking world has opened a pandora's box, and unfortunately, these kinds of things will continue to happen.

I think that's the root of the problem. These situations can force us to see how very different we are from each other. I'm amazed by how gullible or rude or crazy or sexualized or drunk or loose or whatever my various family members and friends are. I don't comment on things that I wish I had never seen, I ignore them (not with buttons or anything, I just choose to scroll right past them). Facebook has let me see how little my cousins are learning and how much they're drinking in college, for instance. All the same, I want to stay connected with them and I can't expect them to change themselves for me. So, I just learn to look around it. It's wierd, but fb has really given us a chance to see the innerworkings of some friends/family members and we just have to deal with it however works for us.

I've already put in my order for thicker skin. ;)

Shah, I've been waiting for mine to arrive since I started coming to the hive :lol: I think it was lost at customs.

[MindyD]

okay i don't understand the fuss.

 

they said they had a good time shopping... they didn't say "man! wasn't it awesome to shop without D!"

 

i might go skating with a friend & her son this weekend. guess we should never mention it unless we invite the other 200 people on our friends list?

:iagree:

[golfcartmama]

I feel this way frequently. I try not, but the truth is it happens here ALL THE TIME. It also isn't just facebook for me, they'll drop in passing that 'all the girls' went and got their nails done....well I wasn't invited so clearly I'm not one of the 'girls' but I'm the first tone they all call when something's wrong. They don't hs, so they just assume that I can't/won't go, which isn't always the case (which they know) b/c my Mom doesn't work, so she can keep my kids when I have appts, etc. I've been VERY frustrated by this lately...sorry to vent!