new facebook pet peeve (rant)

[Mrs. Frankweiler]

Ok, so let's say you are friends with A, B, and C. Then you start to see these types of status reports:

 

Friend A: "Had a great time shopping with B & C today!"

Friend B: "Thanks for the fun day, C & A!"

Friend C: "Lets go shopping again, B & A!"

 

For the record, I'm not a "group" shopper. I like to go on my own, and couldn't have even gone shopping that day even if I had been invited. Really. (I'm not just saying that.)

 

But, all of a sudden, it's like you're back in 9th grade and you didn't get invited to the cool party. Has Facebook removed all sense of social niceties? Like, don't rub it in other people's faces that you all had a fun time, and no one else was invited. I'm probably making too much of it. I'm 36....these types of things shouldn't bug me anymore, right?

 

And, I'm not the only one who's friends with these ladies. Was anyone else bothered by these reports, or just me? How would you feel? Has FB made bragging an acceptable part of communication?

 

I'm not losing sleep over this, and I'll have no problem being friends with them but it's just an irritating reality of Facebook-world. Like I said, my new pet peeve.

 

Rant over.

Edited October 13, 2010 by Mrs. Frankweiler

[Lindy]

I will say that I always try to consider other people when I update my status. I really, really don't want to offend. But some people (like my sister who is having a very public affair :eek:) have no issues with who they will offend or hurt in their words. Even I have restrained myself from posting anything that will hurt her or her husband.

 

My biggest pet peeve is those who only update their status with what they are serving for dinner. I don't mind a menu but I would like to see them serve a little variety with their status updates.

[juelle]

:001_smile::001_smile::001_smile:

Yep!

 

I had to block an acquaintance a few weeks ago because I was getting frustrated by her glowing and very extensive accounts of her Mediterranean cruise. The episode which irked me particularly was when they 'had to' ask the waiter not to bring in their breakfast til 10:30 because of the late party the night before. Silly and petty of me, I know, but ....really?

 

The difference between my (very blessed) day-to-day and hers was just too much for me, so I'm ignoring it.:D

[springmama]

I can see how that would sting a little and I feel it too occasionally.

 

It could be that it was an impromptu gathering. Maybe they all ran into each other or maybe two of them had a specific reason to go shopping together and the third one just happened to call at the right time and got invited? The reason you didn't get invited could have nothing to do with you at all and more about the three of them being in the right place at the right time.

 

Also, it helps me to remember that I'm not all THAT special, lol. I'm human and I have flaws and if my friends don't feel like hanging out with me every single time 1 or 2 of them get together, then the last thing I want to do is ruin their day by being where I'm not wanted. At that point it's more about their comfort than my need to be included. Maybe I have self esteem issues, because I honestly truly do not mind that, lol!

 

However I'd be extremely hurt if I was ever purposely excluded, or not invited to a special occasion like a birthday or holiday party or some other event where I was the only one not invited.

[Mrs. Frankweiler]

You're exactly right, Springmama. Of course I'm not the first person everyone thinks of when they have an event. I know people get together without me. That's the reality of life. And I agree completely with you...the last place I want to be is where I'm not wanted.

 

My irritation is more with the advertising of the events that take a sort of bragging tone. Kind of like, "We had fun and we're BFF's and none of you were there! HaHa!"

 

 

Immature and petty of me....yes.

[Haiku]

It doesn't bother me. The reason I am on fb is because I want to see what's going on in my friend's lives. Every two weeks I get together with a group of friends for what we call Adult Swim (usually hanging around a bonfire, swimming is rarely involved, it just means no kids allowed). We all post about it the next day, what a great time we had, etc. I'm sorry if people feel offended that they weren't invited or whatever, but this is a certain group of friends (from high school), so my other groups of friends (homeschool moms, animal welfare friends, etc) don't know them and ... aren't invited (I'm not the host anyway).

 

Tara

[Rhonda in TX]

I agree with you. I try to be very careful about what I post about social events. I have a scrapbooking group that I get together with once a month. I have other friends that I scrap with, but this particular group is special. I might post "got some scrapbooking done tonight", but would never post "had a great time scrapbooking with Friends X, Y, and Z tonight". It just seems... rude.

[Mrs. Frankweiler]

I agree with you. I try to be very careful about what I post about social events. I have a scrapbooking group that I get together with once a month. I have other friends that I scrap with, but this particular group is special. I might post "got some scrapbooking done tonight", but would never post "had a great time scrapbooking with Friends X, Y, and Z tonight". It just seems... rude.

 

 

Exactly! Thanks for understanding. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way.

[springmama]

Is that considered bragging? I didn't realize those types of posts could potentially be viewed as bragging, unless the people in question are so special that the everyone is just dying to hang out with them but only a few are so privileged. I mean, when my friends post something about hanging out with me, that is most certainly not a brag, lol! It would make me feel wierd to think that it was.

 

I'm so clueless about these things though, so this is giving me something to think about when I post a "thanks for the great time today" on friends walls.

 

ETA- my neurotic self is now freaking out about potentially accidentally hurting feelings in the past. Time to turn off the computer before my head explodes, lol!

Edited October 13, 2010 by springmama

[DawnM]

I try to be careful what I post because I do get hurt by these types of things.

 

The truth is that even when I wouldn't have wanted to go even if I had been invited, I am hurt that I wasn't at least considered! It is irrational, but that is the way I respond.

 

Dawn

[Jen500]

 

And, I'm not the only one who's friends with these ladies. Was anyone else bothered by these reports, or just me? How would you feel? Has FB made bragging an acceptable part of communication?

 

 

This wouldn't bother me at all. I don't see how it is considered bragging? :confused: Just block their posts or unfriend them if they annoy you...this isn't middle school where you HAVE to sit in class with someone.

[Kari C in SC]

You're exactly right, Springmama. Of course I'm not the first person everyone thinks of when they have an event. I know people get together without me. That's the reality of life. And I agree completely with you...the last place I want to be is where I'm not wanted.

 

My irritation is more with the advertising of the events that take a sort of bragging tone. Kind of like, "We had fun and we're BFF's and none of you were there! HaHa!"

 

 

Immature and petty of me....yes.

 

I could be wrong, but when I post that I just had an amazing afternoon with A and C - it really has nothing to do with saying anything about none of B or anyone else being there. It has everything to do with the fact that I had a wonderful time with A and C. I say this gently, but this is what I tell my kids all the time - the world does not revolve around you.

 

Lately, I have had lots of chances to write specific updates tagging specific friends. I tag them, so that they can see how grateful I am for whatever the happening was.

 

i.e. I went to Florida, recently. We had a bbq with friends of my oldest son. We spent the evening remember my son and giving away some of this things. Not everyone I knew in Florida was invited to this particular bbq. I did go back to my hotel and specifically thank several of the people for a wonderful (with some pain) evening. Somebody may have seen the post and thought why wasn't I invited to that bbq. Well, because for whatever reason they weren't and it falls back to it is not about you. It was about my son and people dear to him not necessarily me.

 

I hope this helps your hurt feelings. :grouphug:

[GraciebytheBay]

Oh no. DH posted last weekend "...had a wonderful time with the Bucks on the wine tour!" AND we posted pictures. I would feel terrible if someone felt bad about this. Come to think about it, we often do this when we do something with people. Aaaack. I need to think about this a bit. Never occurred to me that it would be considered bragging! Ugh. Now I'm stressed.

[mommaduck]

I guess it wouldn't bother me. I'd be glad they had a good time. It's not 9th grade where I'm the insecure one feeling hurt over everything.

[Rhonda in TX]

To me, it's the same reason you tell your children not to talk about the birthday party they're having unless they're inviting everyone that's there. Sure, people can rise above it and realize it's not all about them, but it's my responsibility to show some sensitivity.

[Frontier Mom]

Oh, I hate this as well. "Going for a dinner with my girls!" But, I wasn't invited. I find myself rarely on FB anymore because it is either brainless updates like going to bed, just worked out, etc. Who cares? Or, I see that my unemployed family members just attained a new level in Farmville and really need me to help them out.

 

The thing that gets me is that, as a pastor's wife, I have people in the church who add me as their friend and their posts....well, let's just say I'm not judgemental but really? I wonder why they added me in the first place. It makes me feel awkward around them knowing that the night before they were posting about a wild party, complete with pictures but telling me how spiritual they are on Sunday morning. I have learned to keep my big mouth shut more often than before, that's for sure. I just wonder if they see the connection? They have a right to put what they want on their FB but, please, realize that ALL your friends can see it.

[springmama]

To me, it's the same reason you tell your children not to talk about the birthday party they're having unless they're inviting everyone that's there. Sure, people can rise above it and realize it's not all about them, but it's my responsibility to show some sensitivity.

 

But isn't there a difference between a shopping trip and a birthday party?

[Mom0012]

Is that considered bragging? I didn't realize those types of posts could potentially be viewed as bragging, unless the people in question are so special that the everyone is just dying to hang out with them but only a few are so privileged. I mean, when my friends post something about hanging out with me, that is most certainly not a brag, lol! It would make me feel wierd to think that it was.

 

I'm so clueless about these things though, so this is giving me something to think about when I post a "thanks for the great time today" on friends walls.

 

ETA- my neurotic self is now freaking out about potentially accidentally hurting feelings in the past. Time to turn off the computer before my head explodes, lol!

 

I don't know if I would see it as bragging as much as just rude and insensitive. When you are part of a certain group of friends but not invited to an activity, it just doesn't seem polite to then advertise to the uninvited person that you excluded them. I don't think there's anything wrong with doing something without the person, but that there is definitely a breach of manners in advertising it.

 

Lisa

[Word Nerd]

I heard about a reunion lunch that several former coworkers had when they all posted about it on Facebook a couple of years ago. I don't think anyone intentionally snubbed me and I tried not to take it personally (there were others they're in contact with who weren't there either), but it still hurt my feelings that no one invited me.

[AuntieM]

FB is a place for grand displays of poor social manners. People (generally speaking) don't seem to always use the best discretion about when to use the pm function instead of status update.

 

I do wish fb would allow you to send a pm to multiple receipients. That would make pm'ing just as quick and easy as posting a status update when you want to communicate with multiple persons.

 

Sorry your feelings were hurt. When I feel that way, I usually step away from fb for a while and focus on real life.

[Mom0012]

It doesn't bother me. The reason I am on fb is because I want to see what's going on in my friend's lives. Every two weeks I get together with a group of friends for what we call Adult Swim (usually hanging around a bonfire, swimming is rarely involved, it just means no kids allowed). We all post about it the next day, what a great time we had, etc. I'm sorry if people feel offended that they weren't invited or whatever, but this is a certain group of friends (from high school), so my other groups of friends (homeschool moms, animal welfare friends, etc) don't know them and ... aren't invited (I'm not the host anyway).

 

Tara

 

Yes, but this seems different because it is a group of friends that all know each other from a certain place or activity and they are all being invited. I wouldn't think that would hurt the homeschool moms' or animal welfare friends' feelings since they are not part of that group. If only some of the high school friends group were invited and others were left out, then it would be kind of hurtful to the ones who were left out to advertise it on Facebook.

 

Lisa

[lionfamily1999]

I think you might need thicker skin. The purpose of facebook is to share and keep in touch, right? Well, maybe they knew you don't like group shopping (they are your friends after all) and perhaps they knew that you would not want to go, so you weren't invited. All the same, why shouldn't they use a social network to thank each other for a good time?

 

*shrug*

[Shelly in IL]

I was actually thinking about dropping FB, because my dearest friend posts things like this all the time and it never includes anything we have done together. Makes you feel unpostworthy!

 

It does bring out the pettiness and rudeness of people. I love the birthday party analogy! Yes, I do think a shopping trip could equal a birthday party. For someone like me who very rarely gets to spend time with "the girls," just knowing that they got together without me would give me a little pang of being left out. My problem, for sure, but why do I need to have those little pangs? I don't think FB gives me enough to suffer the little trials it also gives.

 

Of course, I have had 4 hours of sleep and I may be a bit sensitive.

[Parrothead]

But isn't there a difference between a shopping trip and a birthday party?

Not if talking about it has the potential to hurt someone's feelings.

[LNC]

That is one of the major reasons why I'm not on facebook. I have a lot of boundaries due to multiple children's special needs. I wouldn't post status updates about hard things we deal with daily, and I would struggle with hearing about everyone else's wonderful fun times. So, facebook isn't for me and probably never would be :).

[Kari C in SC]

That is one of the major reasons why I'm not on facebook. I have a lot of boundaries due to multiple children's special needs. I wouldn't post status updates about hard things we deal with daily, and I would struggle with hearing about everyone else's wonderful fun times. So, facebook isn't for me and probably never would be :).

 

Not trying to be snarky, but not everyone posts about wonderful and fun times. I, personally, have received so much love and support since the death of my child. I have found Compassionate Friends on there and linked up with some other moms that have lost their children. One lost her 18 year old son a month before mine. One day she posted that she was standing outside the cemetary and needed prayer to help her go in. I have never met this woman, but feel so connected to her. I wrote to her and at and prayed for her. I have posted similar status updates when I just need help and prayer and whatever. I just need.

 

I have a friend going through chemo for breast cancer. She posts each day about her journey. Sometimes good and sometimes bad.

 

The list goes on. It is a place to connect. Connection does not always mean good and happy. A lot of times it means just plain sucks and is sad.

[teachermom2834]

I had to get off it for that reason. I have a friend who calls me whenever there is a crisis and I'm there for her no questions asked, etc. I really am truly happy she calls me and I don't feel used. That is, until I see her posting on FB about all her social outings with mutual friends that do not include me.

 

I have to deal with this person in my daily life so I just had to let it go but it just got hurtful to open up FB and have all these "love letters" I call them going back and forth with all these mutual friends.

 

I know they get together without me. That's fine. There is something about sitting down and opening FB that kind of smacks me in the face with it.

 

All the posting of personal messages on each others' walls like "you are the best friend ever, blah, blah, blah". I just had enough of that. There is a private message function. Why not use that. I do for that sort of thing.

 

Where was the FB post about what a great friend I was for keeping her kids for the weekend at the last minute so she and her husband could get marital help? Nope, just posts about great talks etc, with other friends.

 

Yeah, I probably need thicker skin... or nicer friends!

[texasmama]

I try to be careful what I post because I do get hurt by these types of things.

 

The truth is that even when I wouldn't have wanted to go even if I had been invited, I am hurt that I wasn't at least considered! It is irrational, but that is the way I respond.

 

Dawn

:iagree: I don't like it, but I'm pretty sensitive. I woke up one day and realized that I was getting my feelings hurt because I was never invited to get togethers of people who were good friends of each other in high school and have kept in touch since. I have my own circle of friends with whom I am close and have mostly kept in touch with since high school and I don't invite the first group along on get togethers! Made me feel like it was eighth grade again...and I am well into my forties.:tongue_smilie:

[Gwenhwyfar]

okay i don't understand the fuss.

 

they said they had a good time shopping... they didn't say "man! wasn't it awesome to shop without D!"

 

i might go skating with a friend & her son this weekend. guess we should never mention it unless we invite the other 200 people on our friends list?

[Mrs. Frankweiler]

I think you might need thicker skin.

 

Yes, you're probably right...I'm not denying that at all!

 

For someone like me who very rarely gets to spend time with "the girls," just knowing that they got together without me would give me a little pang of being left out.

 

:iagree:Me too....lately I've been feeling like homeschooling makes me the big outsider--they all talk about the kids' school, teachers, etc...and I don't have much to say in these discussions. So I guess knowing that I'm left out, again...well, I guess it hits a nerve, you know?

 

However, even without this little episode---I have been feeling lately that FB gives people permission to say things that they would never really say in real life. I'm sure if a bunch of us were hanging out together, the three shoppers would never go on and on about their fabulous shopping trip that they took without the rest of us. These are normally very polite, friendly women. I do agree with the birthday party analogy. Yes, we're not in 5th grade anymore, but there's still a little sting when you discover you've been excluded.

[Rhonda in TX]

I do wish fb would allow you to send a pm to multiple receipients. That would make pm'ing just as quick and easy as posting a status update when you want to communicate with multiple persons.

 

The message feature does allow you to do this. I did it just last week.

[Rhonda in TX]

i might go skating with a friend & her son this weekend. guess we should never mention it unless we invite the other 200 people on our friends list?

 

I mention things all the time, but don't feel like it's necessary to say who I did them with. If I want to say "I had a great time with you skating on Saturday", I do that through the message feature, email, or even a phone call.

 

To me, it's like walking up to a big group of friends, singling one out and saying, "I had so much fun skating with you this afternoon!" I would never do that.

[AuntieM]

The message feature does allow you to do this. I did it just last week.

 

Really? That's great! I will have to head over and figure it out. I do a lot from my phone, perhaps if I actually get on the desk top the how-to will be more obvious. Thanks!

[Tohru]

I agree. Even if they don't intentionally post to hurt some one's feelings, it does feel a bit painful to know that you weren't included, regardless of the relationship.

 

I have a group of HSing friends that we see often and they all decided to let the kids make a film (without us.) At first, I was very hurt because every.single.post from each of them was about the good time they were having. It was ruining my days and making me miserable. After awhile I realized that although it would've been fun and nice to have been invited, I could at least "celebrate" the time with them by commenting positively on their posts. And it tuned me into the fact that I probably need to find new friends. lol!

 

I think Facebook is just teaching us how to react differently to social situations. It changes and clarifies some relationships, that's for sure...

[Tohru]

I mention things all the time, but don't feel like it's necessary to say who I did them with. If I want to say "I had a great time with you skating on Saturday", I do that through the message feature, email, or even a phone call.

 

To me, it's like walking up to a big group of friends, singling one out and saying, "I had so much fun skating with you this afternoon!" I would never do that.

 

:iagree:

[FloridaLisa]

I agree that it's impolite and insensitive to post it publicly. A good lesson to teach our children. Inclusive events should be messaged, not written on walls. But I'm not a big fb poster. I just don't think everyone needs to know my every move and thought. :)

 

Lisa

[Gwenhwyfar]

yeah see i just don't care. invite me, don't invite me, whatever. :laugh:

[Nestof3]

This sort of thread came up quite a while back, and it was split between those who very very cautious about what they post out of concern for hurting others' feelings and those who don't.

 

I am in the latter camp. I don't want people I know to have to hide what they do from me or hide the fact that I was excluded. Frankly, I'd rather know where I stand with people than just be invited out of nicety. I honestly think it's great when others have a great time, and I don't feel the need to be there.

 

Example # 1

I posted a photo of me and my best friend from college. We both looked nice in it as it was her graduation day. I tagged her in it. She removed the tag and never commented on it. We haven't spoken or written to each other in a long time. This revealed a lot about where we stand now. I am glad I have that revelation.

 

Example # 2

My longest-standing friend (I've know her since I was 14) posted "I'm in the mood to go to a movie." I commented, "Call me!" No response. Nothing. We have kept in touch and get together for coffee (often at her request). She also went to Richmond last week for a girl's night out. No invitation to me. We honestly don't get together that often, and Facebook has allowed me to better understand where I rank with her. That's okay. Our relationship has evolved over the years. She has closer friends with whom she spends more time. That's okay.

 

Finally, I have Facebook friends with whom I never spend one-on-one time. We both know what our relationship is. We both know we like each other, but we haven't come to a place where we hang out with one another. That's okay.

Edited October 13, 2010 by nestof3

[lionfamily1999]

Yes, you're probably right...I'm not denying that at all!

 

 

 

:iagree:Me too....lately I've been feeling like homeschooling makes me the big outsider--they all talk about the kids' school, teachers, etc...and I don't have much to say in these discussions. So I guess knowing that I'm left out, again...well, I guess it hits a nerve, you know?

 

However, even without this little episode---I have been feeling lately that FB gives people permission to say things that they would never really say in real life. I'm sure if a bunch of us were hanging out together, the three shoppers would never go on and on about their fabulous shopping trip that they took without the rest of us. These are normally very polite, friendly women. I do agree with the birthday party analogy. Yes, we're not in 5th grade anymore, but there's still a little sting when you discover you've been excluded.

Ah, so this is a sensitive area for you, perhaps you could hide their comments? Here's the sitch (imo), if you have ten friends and nine of them don't really care about you having a social activity without them and don't mind you posting about those activities... then changing how you've been doing things, because one person feels left out..... well...... deleting them might be easier, iykwIm.

 

I'm sorry these things hurt you. Just remember, sometimes it is not about you and that is okay too. Okay, that sounds really snarky and it's not meant that way. It's not a personal attack against you for them to say they had a good time. You aren't even in that equation. If you want to be, then maybe a comment along the lines of... Sounds like you had fun, let me know next time so I can tag along..... will get you the invite you want.

Really? That's great! I will have to head over and figure it out. I do a lot from my phone, perhaps if I actually get on the desk top the how-to will be more obvious. Thanks!

When you're writing the message, go to the line with their name. You can just add more names until you have everyone. I think there is a way to make a permanent list, but I don't know how :)

[mommaduck]

This sort of thread came up quite a while back, and it was split between those who very very cautious about what they post out of concern for hurting others' feelings and those who don't.

 

I am in the latter camp. I don't want people I know to have to hide what they do from me or hide the fact that I was excluded. Frankly, I'd rather know where I stand with people than just be invited out of nicety. I honestly think it's great when others have a great time, and I don't feel the need to be there.

 

I posted a photo of me and my best friend from college. We both looked nice in it as it was her graduation day. I tagged her in it. She removed the tag and never commented on it. We haven't spoken or written to each other in a long time. This revealed a lot about where we stand now. I am glad I have that revelation.

I've learned not to tag people in photos without their permission. Some people remove tags of themselves, because they don't want that much information out there and it links to their photo tab. May have had nothing to do with your relationship with her.

[Mejane]

Sort of sounds like something some of the girls in my daughter's age group (17ish) do to hurt/annoy their friends. Not that anyone our age would ever purposely do such a thing... ;):glare:

[OnTheBrink]

Sometimes it bothers me. If it's something that all of my circle did without me, my feelings would be hurt. If it's not, then I don't care. I am not a social butterfly so I don't feel I need to be invited/included in every thing.

 

There's something called FB Narcissism. And, I think it's easy to pick out because most people KNOW their FB friends and know when they're simply sharing a good time or bragging. I have one friend who falls into the FBN catagory. Everything they post is a ME ME ME! type of thing. Since I know them IRL and they're like that, anyway, it's easy to spot. I just hide them.

[Onceuponatime]

I keep telling myself I'm being irrational, but yes, I have been hurt by these kinds of posts on FB. I have very good friends who do things with each other but never ask me to do any thing with them. I thought they were very good friends. I've known them for years. Suddenly I feel like an outsider and a third wheel. It's hard to pretend that nothing is wrong when I see them now. To them, nothing has changed, of course. Ugh.

[Nestof3]

But, if we had a good relationship, she would have said something like, "Oh -- I remember that day. What great memories. I removed the photo though for privacy reasons."

 

 

I've learned not to tag people in photos without their permission. Some people remove tags of themselves, because they don't want that much information out there and it links to their photo tab. May have had nothing to do with your relationship with her.

[Daisy]

I've never even cared.

 

It seems like a quick way to say thanks later. Had fun.

 

I don't expect everyone on my FB to invite me with them for every social event. Actually I'm eternally grateful that they don't.

 

But then I hold my circle of friends very loosely. I'm an introvert and always glad when my friends make new friends because I know it is going to give me a little bit more quiet time.

 

I introduce friends all the time in hopes they will hit it off and leave me in the corner. Haa haa.

 

I hope that doesn't sound insensitive. If it really bothered me, I'd probably just speak up and say, "Gasp, you went without me? You can't go without ME. I'm the life of the party." That way they either take it off the board or invite you next time. But I'm completely blunt with stuff like that. I don't play games.

 

They'll either laugh and not post it next time, or they'll laugh and invite me. Either way they laughed.

Edited October 13, 2010 by Daisy

[wapiti]

I understand the feelings of sensitivity about this - that situation is sorta the story of my life, so to speak.:glare:

 

However, while it may have been impolite and insensitive to you, in my opinion, based on what I see a lot of people doing on FB, posting "I had a great time with B&C" is intended merely as a thank-you to B and C. While it's unfortunate that this sort of public thank-you has become more commonplace, and the proper thing to do would have been for them to send private messages amongst themselves, it wasn't intended as a snub toward you.

 

I guess I love the fact that most of my FB friends are not geographically local.:tongue_smilie:

 

Though it does remind me of the past two summers, when I found out on FB that my entire family (brothers and their wives and children, and my own mother!) were all meeting for an extended vacation at super-fabulous-summer-destination-island and I wasn't invited. Now, I admit I couldn't come (live on the other side of the country with many kids and not getting them on an airplane, and they wouldn't have had room in the house for us), but I felt hurt anyway. For days. And that was before it occurred; then I had to sit through the posts about how incredibly fabulous it was while it was occurring.

[Kari C in SC]

I keep telling myself I'm being irrational, but yes, I have been hurt by these kinds of posts on FB. I have very good friends who do things with each other but never ask me to do any thing with them. I thought they were very good friends. I've known them for years. Suddenly I feel like an outsider and a third wheel. It's hard to pretend that nothing is wrong when I see them now. To them, nothing has changed, of course. Ugh.

 

You have a couple of options... Plan something and invite the people you want to hang out with.

 

When they post something - comment how much you would be interested in attending the next whatever.

 

I used to be a very shy person. I had many friends in Florida, but really I didn't put myself out there a whole lot. I just had friends because they found me. I never really looked for them.

 

When I moved to SC and my oldest left for the Army, I was really down. I lived in a hoodie he left for me. I woke up one day and decided I had to do something. So, I made an effort to find friends. God must have known that I was going to need them so much right now. I put myself out there. I made phone calls and wrote emails. I posted on FB, etc. When somebody got together for something, I just flat out asked if I could join in. Most people are fine with more people joining in. If they aren't, then I just assume they aren't the kind of people I want to be with anyway.

 

Recently, we did a tween/teen mall day for our girls. A good friend does not have a girl that age. She didn't go with us to the mall day, but happened to call my cell while we were out. I told her where were at. She said it sounded like fun. I told her the next tween/teen thing we had - I would invite her to hang out with us. Her littles would need to stay behind, but she could come and have a mommy day. The next thing we had was my dd's hobo party with scavenger hunt. I invited her and she came. Wonderful time. No hurt feelings. She spoke up and said she wanted to go. I let her know when the next thing was and she came. Communication is a great thing.

[Abigail4476]

I wouldn't be offended by it, or consider it rude. If I wanted to go, I'd probably post a comment: "Wow, sounds like you guys had fun--I want to go next time! :)"

 

If I'm not close enough friends with someone to request an invitation, then I'm not close enough to be offended by a lack thereof. :lol:

[lionfamily1999]

I keep telling myself I'm being irrational, but yes, I have been hurt by these kinds of posts on FB. I have very good friends who do things with each other but never ask me to do any thing with them. I thought they were very good friends. I've known them for years. Suddenly I feel like an outsider and a third wheel. It's hard to pretend that nothing is wrong when I see them now. To them, nothing has changed, of course. Ugh.

:( You need to say something. There's an excellent chance they have NO IDEA that you would WANT to be included.

 

:grouphug:

[Abigail4476]

FB is a place for grand displays of poor social manners. People (generally speaking) don't seem to always use the best discretion about when to use the pm function instead of status update.

 

I do wish fb would allow you to send a pm to multiple receipients. That would make pm'ing just as quick and easy as posting a status update when you want to communicate with multiple persons.

 

Sorry your feelings were hurt. When I feel that way, I usually step away from fb for a while and focus on real life.

 

You can send a pm to multiple recipients.

 

When you select "New Message" in the message system, you can select multiple recipients in the "To" box by typing in their names or email addresses.