I know someone has a ds like mine....

[stephanie]

I have 4 dc-2 boys and 2 girls. The boys are oldest-ds11 being youngest boy. Ds11 is very bright and full of personality. He's very confident, but sometimes can be on the cocky side. He's only cocky acting around us though-never in front of others. He's a good boy, overall respectful, with a few wild hairs sometimes. My main problem is that he tends to have conflict with his other sibs, except for dd10 who gets along with everyone. He's very self-centered, dramatic, and can be critical. I love my little boy, but sometimes I find it hard just to be around him. He's very witty, funny, and loves to entertain. I'm just not sure how to deal with him. We've given him warnings, talks, punishments, you name it. And he's not the kind of kid that you are around a few minutes and you think he's a thug. He's known for being a good kid, but sometimes he can be very hateful. He has called his sibs names and spurted out mean things. He has told me that he has trouble with his anger and can't control it sometimes...which seems like a lot of times to me. We've considered having him talk to someone about it other than dh and me, but not sure if that's the right thing.

 

I'm just looking for some suggestions here. Ds15 is in public school now, and I've actually considered putting ds11 in school as well just because he causes so much conflict in the day. I very much want to school him and want to be patient with him. This behavior has just began at the beginning of last summer. Throughout the year it has gotten worse.

 

I've considered that maybe he's trying to establish pecking order now since ds15 is at school, but it's overwhelming sometimes. I'm wondering if there could be something that I don't understand in terms little boys who aren't the oldest. :001_unsure:

 

I'm looking forward to hearing about all your boys who are just like mine..:D

[MamaT]

This sounds just like my second ds. He always had to lead no matter what was going on, and he had issues controlling his anger. He would argue that the math answer book was wrong, because he KNEW he was right. He sometimes thought he knew more than his dad and I. This son is the reason we started homeschooling to begin with. They moved him to second grade from kindergarten because he was so advanced academically. He was tested after 2nd grade and scored 184 on an IQ test (I will never tell him this). The school board office told me they had nothing to offer him and SUGGESTED I homeschool him.

 

Some things we did were to make a "self-control" card for him. He was rewarded/punished based on how the marks went every day. I also resorted to making him write sentences (he hated this) that said "I am wrong" in his best handwriting for arguing with me. Turned out, he learned to control himself and is now a Sgt. in the Marine Corp (he still likes to be the leader!).

[Lolly]

Ummmm...My ds started the same stuff around 11. Testosterone is very difficult to deal with. Girls cry. Boys get angry. I've found lots of hard physical labor helps. A lot of showers to cool off. I'm also having to give him more responsibilities/manly activities to handle. Of course, in my house, ds is the baby. He has no one to boss around.:lol:

[stephanie]

This sounds just like my second ds. He always had to lead no matter what was going on, and he had issues controlling his anger. He would argue that the math answer book was wrong, because he KNEW he was right. He sometimes thought he knew more than his dad and I. This son is the reason we started homeschooling to begin with. They moved him to second grade from kindergarten because he was so advanced academically. He was tested after 2nd grade and scored 184 on an IQ test (I will never tell him this). The school board office told me they had nothing to offer him and SUGGESTED I homeschool him.

 

Some things we did were to make a "self-control" card for him. He was rewarded/punished based on how the marks went every day. I also resorted to making him write sentences (he hated this) that said "I am wrong" in his best handwriting for arguing with me. Turned out, he learned to control himself and is now a Sgt. in the Marine Corp (he still likes to be the leader!).

 

Wow! This sounds like my ds. You just reminded me of some of his behaviors.;) He always argues with me about him being right...like obvious things that he's wrong about. The funniest part of your post is that he has always had a love for the military. His plan is to become a Navy Seal...always has been since I can remember. Now I'm wondering if I may not have me a Sgt. on my hands. I'm going to try the self-control card and sentences. Thanks!

[stephanie]

Ummmm...My ds started the same stuff around 11. Testosterone is very difficult to deal with. Girls cry. Boys get angry. I've found lots of hard physical labor helps. A lot of showers to cool off. I'm also having to give him more responsibilities/manly activities to handle. Of course, in my house, ds is the baby. He has no one to boss around.:lol:

 

Oh, Lolly! I totally forgot about the physical labor! Thanks for reminding me. That's probably why his older brother is so strong now!:D

[elegantlion]

Ummmm...My ds started the same stuff around 11. Testosterone is very difficult to deal with. Girls cry. Boys get angry. I've found lots of hard physical labor helps. A lot of showers to cool off. I'm also having to give him more responsibilities/manly activities to handle. Of course, in my house, ds is the baby. He has no one to boss around.:lol:

 

My son bosses the cat. :glare:

 

Wow! This sounds like my ds. You just reminded me of some of his behaviors.;) He always argues with me about him being right...like obvious things that he's wrong about. The funniest part of your post is that he has always had a love for the military. His plan is to become a Navy Seal...always has been since I can remember. Now I'm wondering if I may not have me a Sgt. on my hands. I'm going to try the self-control card and sentences. Thanks!

 

PT? have you looked into Civil Air Patrol? Sounds like that might be a good activity for him.

[stephanie]

My son bosses the cat. :glare:

 

 

 

PT? have you looked into Civil Air Patrol? Sounds like that might be a good activity for him.

 

I haven't, EL. I have no idea what it is.:tongue_smilie:

[elegantlion]

I haven't, EL. I have no idea what it is.:tongue_smilie:

 

Here's a link. http://www.gocivilairpatrol.com/html/index.htm You could also do a search here, I know there are others that have their dc involved.

[Nestof3]

Your son sounds a lot like Nathan except for the anger thing. Ben is my angry one. Nathan is just quite sure of himself, likes to talk all the time and entertain. He reminds me of the boy on Polar Express -- you know, the know-it-all one, but his voice is very different. He is very bright and amusing, but he is rather stuck on himself -- stuck on his wit, his comprehension ability, and even his red hair! If people are mean to him, he just blows it off and goes off on his own. He's perfectly fine entertaining himself, and he's not going to let others' bullying convince him to change himself. That all has its good side and its bad, as you can imagine.

 

Ben has the anger problem. I've read the How To Raise Your Spirited Child and Kids, Parents and Power Struggles books b/c of him, and there's a lot of help in there. I highly recommend them! I've tried to get my husband to read them because they are so eye-opening.

 

I talk a lot with my boys about their feelings and about how to work through them. I remind them over and over what is an acceptable response. It's not an easy fix, but I have confidence it will help them. I am convinced that these are personality issues (just as some kids are insecure or very quiet/meek or very tolerant). I am just trying to give them the tools to handle their personality.