Single parent stigma question

[MorganClassicalPrep]

Yes, this works my nerves. I've actually had to back away from a friendship because she seemed to think her not-so-great marriage was so far superior to my singleness and made it clear she pitied me. :glare:

 

And then there's advice from younger moms with much younger kids that don't know us - but for some reason having a husband makes them smarter....

 

I've been in the exact same situation!! I have 2 friends who's husbands have cheated on them, multiple times!!, and somehow I'm to be pitied? I'd rather be happy in my singleness (and I am!) than miserable in a marriage.

 

And of course the fact that EVERYONE seems to think I need to "find a man and settle down", and goes about setting me up with random people. Huh? I'm a full time college student, with very difficult classes, and I homeschool... Where do they think I have the time/inclination for that? It seems like the only acceptable choices are to be married, or to be trying to get married.. Not interested here! At least not right now.

[OnTheBrink]

As a single mom, no, I've never been worried about someone looking down on me for being single. I have far more important things to worry about.

 

I think the woman needs to be honest and tell her dh what the real problem is. I despise it when people play games to make a point.

[MomOfOneFunOne]

My husband said that when he was a kid, the kids who had a dad at practice played more and were better treated. The kids who didn't, or worse, who had a mom there, had it tougher.

 

I know nothing about this. Both my parents were involved in most everything I did and as far as I can remember, that's how it was for all my friends. But then, I grew up very small town; my husband grew up city.

 

Now, my husband and I are both involved in what my daughter does whenever possible. Riding and music lessons are always during the day but he never misses a concert, performance, or contest for fiddle. We've just never had the opportunity to have him see her ride b/c the lessons are very informal (from a friend) w/ no shows or anything.

 

On the occassions that my husband has had to miss, and I can't really think of a single one right now, I'm sure I wouldn't think anyone would think twice about it. If I discovered that someone was worried about it, I think I might think it funny.

[Wheres Toto]

I very rarely felt judged or looked down on when I was a single mom. When it did happen it was usually someone who spent way too much time discussing me with my ex husband (and believed all his bulls***). Not someone who's opinion I cared about in any case.

 

Most people didn't know whether or not I was a single mom anyway. It's true I didn't wear a ring but a lot of married people don't either for a variety of reasons. I certainly don't spend my time at school events trying to decide which parents are single, which have spouses that work/are away/just can't be there, which are divorced, which are dating, etc. I have enough to keep me occupied with my own life.

 

I often go to my dd's dance competitions by myself because dh (her stepfather) stays home and babysits. Spending 8-10 (or more) hours sitting in an auditorium watching dancing of varying levels of skill, running back and forth to help with costume/hair/makeup changes, etc. is not something you want to do with two little children along. I know around here some of the town rec leagues have games pretty late and many parents don't want to bring along little toddlers/preschoolers, who will get bored easily and be over-tired.

 

Sounds like that mom doesn't want to attend the events for some reason. Maybe someone's been hitting on her?

[Laurie4b]

I generally would never know who was a single parent and who wasn't! And if I did, why would I care?

 

:iagree: There is some other issue going on with this woman. Quite probably she looks down on single mothers.

 

All she has to do if she is concerned about it, is to converse with other parents and mention her dh in the conversation.