WWYD- unsupervised neighbor kids acting badly... (long, rambling...)

[BikeBookBread]

We live in a typical desert suburb: very small lots, with homes very close to one another. It feels more like a detached townhome or condo community. The front yards are very small, and the back yards are deep, but narrow - only a bit wider than the homes themselves, with tall walls between. All of this to say, the only place for the neighborhood kids to play together is the street. It is a relatively quiet street, so that's not really a problem. But I'm constantly telling the kids to "stop running through the neighbor's yard" (they're asked them several times to NOT cut through their property).

 

Yesterday (Mother's Day), we came home from an early dinner, and girls wanted to ride their bikes, so I went outside onto the front porch to assume my perch...I'm the ONLY mom to do so on a regular basis, even though the children are all 7 years old and under, except for one bigger boy who is about 10, and seems to be a pretty nice kid. So, this little girl comes riding down the street on my battery powered ATV toy. She appears to be no more than 6 or 7, and has an older boy with her, who is quite timid - he appears to be 8. I assume it was her brother. I have never met these kids before, but there are lots of new families who have moved in (it's a relatively new subdivision). So, our 7 yo neighbor boy, with whom the girls play all the time, confronts this little girl, demanding to "take a ride". This goes on for about a minute...

 

 

 

In the past this little boy has been outgoing and gregarious and kind - often sticking up for his little 4 yo sister (who has played outside under his "supervision" ALONE since she was 2!), but recently he has started to be unkind, rude, and mouthy, and has started to use grown-up foul language, not kid potty mouth (I've told him if he's playing with my girls, he can't use those words...fair enough, I think, without stepping on his parents' toes).

 

 

The little girl seems genuinely scared. He won't move from in front of the toy car, and the other kids (mine included) are circled around, just watching...none of the other kids are doing anything. So I go down and start the soft-sell of "be kind kids, play nicely with each other" (which I have had to do OVER AND OVER recently). He doesn't budge. So I reprimand the boy, telling him to stop being a bully, and then telling him to get out of the way, and let her pass. He mouths to me, "YOU'RE NOT MY MOMMY." I say out loud, "you're right, I'm not your Mommy. Should I go and get her?" He says no sourly, and scoots a bit out of the way, but not enough for her to pass. I say, "move back _____ " firmly. So he moves all the way, but slowly. The little girl leaves (it's that slow little car) and the boys chase after her. I should've followed, but I didn't -- I went and told DH what had happened. They passed right in front of the little boys' parent's home, and I was praying all the time that his parents would come out, but of course, they didn't.

 

Last week, this little boy and his sister accused PDG of something pretty benign (it went on and on for about 30 minutes). So, I went over to their house, and asked the Dad what my daughter had done. He guffawed and said, "I don't know...they're just being kids, let them work it out." The problem is, these kids are let alone to work EVERYTHING out. It is obvious that they are getting NO instruction at all. Kids their age just don't have the ability to just 'WORK IT OUT' on their own. He then told PDG, "Unless you hear from me or my wife, don't worry..." That's easy enough for him to say, but his kids haven't been corrected for their ugly talk to PDG, as they are STILL accusing her of this stupid thing. (They say she "messed up" their front porch".)

 

It's becoming a very touchy situation. Add in the fact that my dh is an officer, and their Dad is enlisted. DH has been hesitant to get involved to this point, but it's getting bad, and he may have to. We'll be moving out about 7 weeks, but our home is going to be rented out (they don't need to know this, and I'm not telling them!) I'm not saying they would ever do anything to our home, and that's not the main issue.

 

So, after ALL of that rambling, what would you do? Would you go over and tell them about the incident between their son and the little girl yesterday? The parents are rarely home (both work), and the kids are in daycare/school until 5:00 when they get home. The first thing they do is run over to our home, beg for our girls to come out...I don't even know WHEN they eat dinner! Often I just say, "no, it's dinner time for us, and then the girls are going to bed." And they are off to play in the street until 6:30 or 7:00... Some days are without incident, but many days involve lots of petty accusations which devolve into name-calling (by my girls, too). I try to be the "popsicle mom", and often, ____ comes over and tells me the sweetest stuff. I honestly don't think he gets ANY attention at home. The little sister (who is 4 and is getting an attitude with a capital A) has said before that she's not allowed to go inside until she's called or has to go potty, etc...

[Jean in Newcastle]

No, I would not go over. I would go out and supervise as much as I could for the remaining 7 weeks. If he crosses a big line with your kids and you, then I would intervene. I might get to know the new little girl's parents and if they seem amenable, suggest that they watch out for their kids so that they don't get bullied. But I wouldn't go into details on the past incident since he did respond, albeit slowly.

[Mrs Mungo]

Unfortunately, I have found this sort of situation to be more and more common. My front yard is a park (the street goes along the back of the houses). There are unsupervised kids there *all the time*. There are 2 families who attend the school close to my house, the kids come over to the park when they get out of school and wait there until their parents pick them up after they get off work. So, they are not only unsupervised, they don't even live in my neighborhood.

 

Recently, one on my friends in the neighborhood was at this park with her kids. There was a girl, who was around 4, throwing glass bottles into the street and smashing them (who knows where she got the bottles). My friend asked where she lived and walked her to her front door. My friend rang the bell, the mom came to the door, my friend started to explain what happened but the mom pulled the daughter inside and shut the door on my friend.

 

We've pretty much stopped going to the park *directly in front of my house* altogether. We attend the local homeschool park days, walk down to the park a mile from my house, etc. I feel like the problem is too widespread to address the parents, and the parents *obviously* don't care, anyway.

 

Do you live on post? If so, I would call housing and ask about their rules on supervising children. eta: Ah, I see you say that you're renting your house, probably do not live on post then.

Edited May 10, 2010 by Mrs Mungo

[TravelingChris]

I agree about just supervising your children for these seven weeks and maybe talking to the little girl's parents.

 

I have seen a big change in how people supervise children in the time I have had children which is 22 years. The supervision is less and less. At my church, we have a coffee hour with snacks. Can you just guess how many people let their very young children run around unsupervised? I am talking about 2-4 year olds wandering around a large church fellowship hall with hundreds of adults, two congregations mingling, and a large church complex to escape to including easy ways to escape to the outdoors and into traffic. At one event, I found a little girl no more than 2.5 yo who was lost and wanted her Mom. I found her MOm and Mom didn't hold on and she got lost again. This isn't a little church and not only do the kids do things they shouldn't (like take a bite of a cookie and try to put it back on the tray or grab so many cookies they can't manage to hold them) but the safety risk here is high. Even if no one wants to do these children any harm, the amount of older or less steady people (like myself with arthritis in my feet) is such that crowds of big adults and little tiny kids is just not safe.

[QuirkyKapers]

I agree with other posters. I would just continue to supervise when your kids are outside.