Advice for young people?

[jld]

KidsHappen posted that if she were to give advice to her children, it would be to save more money when they are young, start having children later, have fewer children, and space them out. Do any other parents here with grown children have advice to offer younger parents?

 

I think we can all learn a lot from each other, but I have to say, parents with several older children tend to get a little more of my attention, as I think life experience counts for a lot.

 

I once asked my mother (who had 11 children) what one piece of advice she would give a new parent. She told me, "Be as nice as you can be to your children."

[lllll]

nt

Edited April 30, 2010 by ksva

[Crissy]

My children aren't grown--they are just 11 and 16.

Still, I would say the one thing I wish I'd realized earlier is how valuable it is to really listen to our children. They have so much to say when they feel secure in their environment.

 

 

ETA: I'm sorry... I misunderstood your question.

Edited April 30, 2010 by Crissy

[Rosie_0801]

Help your older siblings when they are pregnant and parents of babies and toddlers because you are really going to want their help when it's your turn!

 

Rosie

[lllll]

nt

Edited April 30, 2010 by ksva

[jld]

Great replies!:)

 

Kathy, I think my mom (85 now) learned that lesson the hard way. One of my brothers won't have anything to do with her (nor with my dad either when he was alive). Db (60 now) was a high needs child who didn't get the empathy he needed (my parents locked him in a crawl space when he was 4 and wouldn't put on his shoes, for example).

 

I think my mom realizes some of her mistakes now, but is too proud to admit them. It's just too painful to her to take responsibility for what she and my dad did. It's too bad, though, because not only would a sincere apology be appreciated, however late, but when we are honest and open about our mistakes, other people can learn from them.

[lllll]

nt

Edited April 30, 2010 by ksva

[nd293]

My kids are still relatively young, but I'm already pretty clear on the advise I'd give them, based on what I've done right, and wrong:

 

1) Buy a house, and pay it off fast. That comes before kids. (We've done it both ways - our first house was paid off by the time dd was 1, and now we're in a new country, starting at ground level again aged 45 & 37, with 2 kids and 1 income - definitely not the way to do it.)

2) Have a small wedding and a fabulous honeymoon! Travel. Live overseas at least once in your life.

3) If you possibly, possibly can, choose a career that is portable and flexible - the first because we've had the incredible opportunity to live overseas with dh's career, and the second because I'd love my dd to continue a career but still be a full-time parent, something I haven't yet got right.

4) "Stuff" is not important. Live simply. Enjoy luxuries, but don't ever think you need them or are entitled to them.

 

Nikki

[Peela]

My advice for my kids is to follow their passions because I think not enough people do that (but both of ther parents do so they have good role models!)

Although many might disagree, the money usually comes when you are doing what you feel you were put here to do- which is what you really want to do. If you put the money first, by the time you are 30 or, worse, 40 or 50, and are married with kids, you no longer necessarily have the foundation to start from scratch in some other field. I'm not necessarily even talking about career- it could be travel or spirituality or living on a commune or . So many people live with regrets and "what ifs". And life is unpredictable.

That being said- both my kids love money and what it buys them, and earn money and save well..so I am just providing a counterbalance to their personalities rather than encouraging them to be impractical.

 

My kids both know also that I feel that love is the most important thng in the world. I don't lecture them about it but it comes out here and there.

[jld]

No apology necessary, Kathy! Thanks again for your response!

 

Thanks, Nikki. It sounds like you've really found that simple living gives you more freedom in your life.

 

Crissy, I think your advice on listening, really listening to children is one of the best things we can do to build good relationships with them. Thanks for saying it.

 

Rosie, it sounds like you feel your younger sibs could have been more helpful to you. I'm sure it's not easy to be the oldest.

 

I agree with you, Peela; love is the most important thing!:)