I need a break!

[Tutor]

My dh is working on his PhD. I homeschool my four kids. I do daycare for two other kids. I write (and that is finally picking back up but still not paying well... okay, at all). I am the primary chauffeur, disciplinarian, housekeeper, garden tender, shopper, cook, etc. I'm trying to sell some photography because we could really use the money, so that means I am starting a business. And it is all finally starting to really weigh on me. Normally I can handle it... I thrive with a tight, demanding schedule. Right now, it feels like it is going to break me. There is not enough time, there is not enough money, there is not enough help. (We live 1,000 miles from our nearest family.) In short, there is not enough me.

 

I could really use a break for a day or two. Just to sit and read. Or take a nap. To not hear, "Mom. Can I...?", "Mom, can you help...?", "Mom! Mom! Mom!" every five minutes. Not have to cook or clean... or see things that need to be cooked or cleaned. Not have to be the one to figure it out and be responsible.

 

What do you do when you need a break but you don't have the money to disappear to a hotel or something for a few days?

[TXMomof4]

Honestly? I'd tell dh I was about to break and I needed some help. A few hours in the evening once a week isn't going to derail his work, but an absolute lack of downtime could completely derail you.

 

It's hard, but necessary. I know dh works all day - he leaves the house before any of us are up and is dealing with a stressful situation. BUT. So am I. Schooling 3 kids and entertaining a toddler is hard. He does get to go to the bathroom all by himself. He has to work out - it's part of his job, but it's something he gets to do all by himself and relieve some of the stress. I don't have those opportunities during the day and I take a few hours in the evening once or twice a week to recharge myself. I don't care if the kids eat pb&j sandwiches that night and watch a movie so he doesn't have to work too hard, but I have to get out. Thankfully, he is very understanding of that and encourages me to do something that isn't everyone else centered.

[Meriwether]

:iagree:with the above response.

 

 

I'm sure your Dh is working hard, but he can help out a few hours a couple times a week.

 

One of my favorite stories about my grandparents is how Grandpop got up at night with the babies. He was a dairy farmer. He got up early and went to bed late and worked all day. She had 8 babies in 10 years. I don't know who was actually the more worn out, but he did that for her. Dh doesn't get up at night with mine, but if I need a break he tries to help in the evenings. With our first two, I didn't sleep through the night 5 times in almost 3 years. It got ugggly:tongue_smilie:. The worst moment of our marriage was when he went GOLFING after work and then went to look at some guy's new boat. He didn't get home until after 9:00. I had two sick kids at home and had slept less than 3 hours in the past 36. Now, studying is different than golfing, but I wouldn't let yourself get that strung out whatever it takes.

[Tutor]

Thank you, ladies. I think I needed to vent more than anything. The last two days have been a bit rough.

 

Dh and I normally have a 3 days on/ 3 days off kind of schedule (we stole that from SWB and her dh), but dh just completed his written comps last week, and we often take over the other's "parent days" when one of us is approaching a deadline. I guess I have just been feeling like I have been sacrificing a lot more than I have been being sacrificed for. Lots of virtual venting :tongue_smilie: , prayer, and thought has made me realize that I just need to be way more protective of *my* time and much clearer with dh about my need to be alone to get my work done or just be.

 

I also need to get my kids to go to dh when he is home and not just me. I don't know how many times they have walked right past dh to find me in the bathroom to ask me something! :001_huh: Really?!

 

I feel a bit better now... although a few days of work (alone), a free hotel room, and a good nights sleep would help tremendously! :001_smile:

[Chris in VA]

I've always said it's called a terminal degree b/c your spouse will kill you if you go for another...:D

 

I just take the time I truly need. Dh is great about letting me have time. But I'm great about asking.

I usually meet with 3 friends in a Cursillo Reunion group about every 2 weeks. It gives me time away in a different, more fulfilling way.

[JudoMom]

Thank you, ladies. I think I needed to vent more than anything. The last two days have been a bit rough.

 

Dh and I normally have a 3 days on/ 3 days off kind of schedule (we stole that from SWB and her dh), but dh just completed his written comps last week, and we often take over the other's "parent days" when one of us is approaching a deadline. I guess I have just been feeling like I have been sacrificing a lot more than I have been being sacrificed for. Lots of virtual venting :tongue_smilie: , prayer, and thought has made me realize that I just need to be way more protective of *my* time and much clearer with dh about my need to be alone to get my work done or just be.

 

I also need to get my kids to go to dh when he is home and not just me. I don't know how many times they have walked right past dh to find me in the bathroom to ask me something! :001_huh: Really?!

 

I feel a bit better now... although a few days of work (alone), a free hotel room, and a good nights sleep would help tremendously! :001_smile:

 

Can you send your family camping for the weekend?

[stephanie78]

I wanted to send you some virtual :grouphug: I know exactly how you are feeling. I am going through it right now to, and reading your post literally made me cry, as I could have written it.

 

I too am homeschooling four kids, have a husband who is awesome about trying to help but just can't (he was disabled 2 years ago in a car accident), and I do freelance writing to provide an extra income. My nearest family is closer than yours but still a state away with a couple of hours drive. With softball and baseball in full swing over the past few weeks I am feeling extremely frazzled. I can't find time to get it all in. In fact I have to leave in half an hour for the next four hours for ball practices.

 

I wrote a blog post earlier today, and I look at it like this, it's just a season of our life. It isn't going to be like this forever, and while that doesn't help us right now at this point in time it does give me some hope, some light at the end of the tunnel that I can grasp for.

 

I have been talking to my husband about how I feel, and we have been discussing ways to make things easier for me. I encourage you to do the same, see if he might have some insight into ways to make your life easier. Besides, he may not even know how you feel right now.

 

And again more

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[CalicoKat]

Honestly? I'd tell dh I was about to break and I needed some help. A few hours in the evening once a week isn't going to derail his work, but an absolute lack of downtime could completely derail you.

 

It's hard, but necessary. I know dh works all day - he leaves the house before any of us are up and is dealing with a stressful situation. BUT. So am I. Schooling 3 kids and entertaining a toddler is hard. He does get to go to the bathroom all by himself. He has to work out - it's part of his job, but it's something he gets to do all by himself and relieve some of the stress. I don't have those opportunities during the day and I take a few hours in the evening once or twice a week to recharge myself. I don't care if the kids eat pb&j sandwiches that night and watch a movie so he doesn't have to work too hard, but I have to get out. Thankfully, he is very understanding of that and encourages me to do something that isn't everyone else centered.

:iagree: If your dh is like mine you may just need to say after dinner, "OK, I'm headed to my bedroom for a rest now." Assign the chores and walk out.

 

From 5:30 p.m. til bedtime I'm usually in my room with a pillow over my head and a fan running on high taking a siesta.

 

My rest doesn't always happen, but it's become more of habit for the whole family.

 

I really miss it when the schedule doesn't work out though.