Sunshine State Sue Posted April 21, 2010 Share Posted April 21, 2010 Ds14 regularly blames ME for his mistakes. He was to read Ch 6-18 this week - it's written right on his schedule. When I pointed it out to him (he's only in Ch 8 for the week), he started yelling at me because somehow he believes it's my fault that he didn't bother to check and just assumed he had to read 6-10. I lost it and whacked him on the shoulder with a book (the book was not big enough to hurt a bit) all the while screaming at him. HOW DARE HE? Ds's best friend has a MEAN mom. There is absolutely no back talking to her - everyone is afraid of her and everyone loves her. I've decided I've been too (*#&( nice. I have to get back to the hard physical labor for the way he treats me. I tell dh that I feel like I am abused on a daily basis. Where does ds learn this? NO ONE in my life treats me this way. I listened to some book about stress and I had to stop it and write down this sentence: Burn out often happens when your stress, work, or frustration are greater than the reward, success, or appreciation you receive. This is my life. How in the world do parents and/or children survive puberty? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dulcimeramy Posted April 21, 2010 Share Posted April 21, 2010 Sue, my 13yo has to do two hours of manual labor, 2 hours of vigorous exercise, and 5 hours of schoolwork every day. He gets some downtime in the evenings and on weekends. DH and I are both working very hard on joking with him, hugging him, playing board games, going to interesting places, etc. Connecting. He has a summer contract. If he can't treat me with respect, work like a man, be kind to his little brothers, and give his best to his schoolwork, he is going to public school in the fall. If he can get it together, I will homeschool him through high school and help him get into college, he may participate in CAP and other wholesome ventures, and he can live here. Its been that drastic. Sudden, too, from my dear sweet boy who has always been the "easy" one. I know it is puberty, but its been enough to disrupt all his good plans for his future if we don't deal with it. Exercise and physical work seem to be the keys. Oh, and he has no internet or phone access at all. Period. Any. So far this is working and I think we'll make it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted April 21, 2010 Share Posted April 21, 2010 Ds14 regularly blames ME for his mistakes. He was to read Ch 6-18 this week - it's written right on his schedule. When I pointed it out to him (he's only in Ch 8 for the week), he started yelling at me because somehow he believes it's my fault that he didn't bother to check and just assumed he had to read 6-10. I lost it and whacked him on the shoulder with a book (the book was not big enough to hurt a bit) all the while screaming at him. HOW DARE HE? Ds's best friend has a MEAN mom. There is absolutely no back talking to her - everyone is afraid of her and everyone loves her. I've decided I've been too (*#&( nice. I have to get back to the hard physical labor for the way he treats me. I tell dh that I feel like I am abused on a daily basis. Where does ds learn this? NO ONE in my life treats me this way. I listened to some book about stress and I had to stop it and write down this sentence: This is my life. How in the world do parents and/or children survive puberty? :grouphug: Sorry to hear about this. Your ds should NOT disrespect you. You know, I've lost my temper many times. Sometimes I handled it well, others, unfortunately not. I think it's very important for the husband to come alongside and support his wife, his son's mother! It's not to gang up on dc, but dc need to see and believe there is a unified front on behalf of the family dynamics. Hang in there! Maybe have him write a 1.000 word essay on x topic on Thursday to give you and your ds a break. HTH. Sheryl <>< Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted April 21, 2010 Share Posted April 21, 2010 I've found that a word from dh can go a long way with my ds. He must talk in a better frequency for a boy to hear.:) :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunshine State Sue Posted April 21, 2010 Author Share Posted April 21, 2010 I think it's very important for the husband to come alongside and support his wife, his son's mother! It's not to gang up on dc, but dc need to see and believe there is a unified front on behalf of the family dynamics. Dh's days off are Mon/Tue. He regularly steps in when he hears this from ds. I am shocked when ds treats (or I should say tries to treat) dh the same way. Dh handles it better than I in general. But, I get it a whole lot more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 Oh dear. I see glimpses of this from ds7 already (blaming me for things that have nothing to do with me.) I need to stop that Blame Game right now, huh? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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