Kelli in TN Posted March 30, 2008 Share Posted March 30, 2008 My daughter will be a senior next year. Let the college search begin. She sort of wants to go away to college and I truly believe that she needs to get out of West Tennessee and stretch her wings. When we were on a college tour Saturday (for a local college where she would choose to live at home rather than on campus) I made a comment about a certain group (I don't remember, an academic group or student gov. group or something like that), I said "Oh that would be a good group for you to hang with" and she said "I'm not hanging with them" and I said "Oh, who would you hang with?" and she said "You." Meaning me. I was flattered and at the same time disturbed by this. I would like her to go far enough that living on campus is the only choice. I would prefer a private college. I would like a population on campus that has a good number of kids that are serious about school. I would not want to drop her into a party school because she is not going to party (Praise be to God) and she is going to end up alone in her dorm room too often. But she is so fussy. This one has communal bathrooms. That one has dorm rooms too small. Yada, yada, yada. I told her that she was limiting her opportunities with her overall fussy standards and she said "That's okay, I will just live at home and go locally." I am trying to not push her. I know she needs to choose her own school. But I am so afraid, knowing her as I do, that if she lives at home she will simply go to class and come home. I think college should be a bit more than that. She needs to go. And yet, if she goes it will be like cutting off my right arm, I will miss her so much. But she needs to go and she doesn't even realize it. Maybe I just need to vent. Maybe there is no answer to this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nan in Mass Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 I had already tried an out of state college, been miserably homesick for my land, mother, house, cat, and boyfriend, and come home. For my son, I began by deciding how far away we were willing to send him ( hopefully no air fare), what size college, what sort of town (no city), which ones he was likely to get into and be comfort at (like not conservative Christian, not a party school). Then I tried to figure out which ones of those took studies seriously (there was a big book at the library which helped with this) and contained majors he might like. That gave us a beginning place. We asked around, too. People had ideas of what he'd like and not like. We visited a few in our area that were easy to get to, to help decide what size and type, not really to consider those in particular. This helped a whole lot. Among other things, I discovered that sports were important. Considering he's a gymnast, I don't know why I didn't figure this out earlier, but I didn't. Someone here suggested applying and THEN visiting to decide whether you want to go, if airplane travel is involved. This seems sensible. -Nan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle in AL Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 I was in your daughter's shoes once. My parents really wanted me to go to Northwestern, and I really wanted to go. I love Chicago. But, I knew deep down inside I wasn't ready to live that far away. It wasn't that I wasn't independent. I had spent days alone taking care of my sister from 4th grade on, because my mom was a single mom who worked and then went out after work. By the time I was in college, I think I just felt I needed more family time. The ability to come home when I wanted. I chose a school 45 minutes away, but lived on campus. I know several really good kids in our church that tried to live at school and couldn't stand the party scene. They ended up moving home and commuting, sometimes up to an hour one way. I guess, what I'm trying to say is no matter what her choice, she will grow up. She may be a child who connects more with adults. If so, then she'll probably really enjoy her adult yrs when everyone else catches up emotionally. Of course, I'm just guessing what your dd is like and I could be way off base, so take this with a grain of salt. Blessings, Michelle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janet in WA Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 Unless you feel that "trial and error" would be a helpful answer for you, I'll just stay out of this one. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in IL Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 I guess that is the starting point. If the college doesn't have the major or if it isn't very strong, then start doing some searches online. Then narrow it down on distance, sounds like she wouldn't like being more than 2-3 hours away. Visit all of those, even if she doesn't like the sound of them. You never know what they might find or feel once there. And don't wait to do this till next year. Go to more of those Junior days this year, most are in April. Have her make a list of the pros and cons of each school. Don't say anything to influence her one way or another or what your preferences are (that I the hardest thing to do). She might even start to think more about going after a few visits and she catches some of the excitement or someone really takes and interest in her. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle in MO Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 it all would depend on what she wants to major in, and on what you both ultimately feel the most comfortable with. Some state colleges are really more like private colleges, both in the quality of their academics and the nature of their student body (i.e., serious-minded about studying vs. party school). Truman State University in Missouri is one such state college. It's rated as high as (or higher than) some private colleges, has a small student body, very high academics, and is a good, all-around place to go. Some of the best students from our local high school go there. It's located in Kirksville, which is a smaller town in northern Missouri. And, the dorm rooms are more private, which your daughter might like. From what I've heard, you have a roommate, and the dorm rooms are more like miniature apartments, with each roommate having their own bedroom and bathroom and then a shared kitchen and living room. That might be too far away, but I just wanted to suggest to you that there might be other options out there besides private schools. HTH! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in IL Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 And Truman State is homeschool friendly. We talked with a rep from there at a college fair and said ds would have no problem with acceptance. He didn't apply but it was a possible back up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
readwithem Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 I don't think this is uncommon - I've never graduated a student but I can definitely see my 16 yo dd being this way. Maybe let her stay home her first year and then transition to another school? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted March 31, 2008 Author Share Posted March 31, 2008 I don't think this is uncommon - I've never graduated a student but I can definitely see my 16 yo dd being this way. Maybe let her stay home her first year and then transition to another school? I don't think we can realistically do that. From what I have seen the transfer scholarships are never as good as the scholarships for incoming freshmen. There is a balance of zero in her college fund. She has to follow the money here. If she starts out at home, she will have to finish at home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Virginia Dawn Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 Kelly, I don't really know you or your daughter very well, but if it was me a this stage in my life, I would go with what my daughter really wants. Seeing your description of her, I think she might just be miserable if you sent her away. She will make friends and get involved, eventually. She won't want to live with you forever, really. Treasure it while you can. Don't worry about her. Let her be herself. We sent our daughter away to college, thinking it would help her in a specific way. It was one of the biggest mistakes we have ever made. So, forgive me If I seem a little too involved in the answer to this question. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted March 31, 2008 Author Share Posted March 31, 2008 it all would depend on what she wants to major in, and on what you both ultimately feel the most comfortable with. Some state colleges are really more like private colleges, both in the quality of their academics and the nature of their student body (i.e., serious-minded about studying vs. party school). Truman State University in Missouri is one such state college. It's rated as high as (or higher than) some private colleges, has a small student body, very high academics, and is a good, all-around place to go. Some of the best students from our local high school go there. It's located in Kirksville, which is a smaller town in northern Missouri. And, the dorm rooms are more private, which your daughter might like. From what I've heard, you have a roommate, and the dorm rooms are more like miniature apartments, with each roommate having their own bedroom and bathroom and then a shared kitchen and living room. That might be too far away, but I just wanted to suggest to you that there might be other options out there besides private schools. HTH! Truman looks amazing! That is a long way away, but my brother is in Poplar Bluff, so we would at least have a built in resting spot (and crashing for the night spot) along the way. I will gladly take any ideas of colleges anyone knows of that might be a good fit. She is planning to major in political science (perhaps as pre-law though that is not decided yet) with a minor in history. I think she needs a smallish school. I would like to keep her close enough that we can see her without buying plane tickets, but I want to encourage her to move off and stretch her wings a bit. I want to show her as many colleges as I can find and see if any of them excite her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted March 31, 2008 Author Share Posted March 31, 2008 Kelly, I don't really know you or your daughter very well, but if it was me a this stage in my life, I would go with what my daughter really wants. Seeing your description of her, I think she might just be miserable if you sent her away. She will make friends and get involved, eventually. She won't want to live with you forever, really. Treasure it while you can. Don't worry about her. Let her be herself. We sent our daughter away to college, thinking it would help her in a specific way. It was one of the biggest mistakes we have ever made. So, forgive me If I seem a little too involved in the answer to this question. I know what you are saying, but she is really struggling here. She alternates between saying "I'll just stay home" to printing out information about a college in Washington DC! :eek: I have not told her "I think you need to go away to college" but I have said, "Look at all your options and weigh it out". Of course she is welcome to stay here. But I want to show her as many good choices as I can find from which she can make her choice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted March 31, 2008 Author Share Posted March 31, 2008 For an awesome poly sci school, look at Hillsdale.. It's small, with lots of available professors. You might look at ISI's Choosing the Right College to get more good ideas. Whew. I think Hillsdale is going to be out of our league!! I doubt she will nail a 33 on her ACT and that is the minimum to be considered for the big scholarship. She'd love it though. It looks like her kind of place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle in MO Posted March 31, 2008 Share Posted March 31, 2008 Truman looks amazing! That is a long way away, but my brother is in Poplar Bluff, so we would at least have a built in resting spot (and crashing for the night spot) along the way. and, like I mentioned already, many of our high school's top students wind up there. Of course, it would be a ways away, but I wanted to just toss out to you the thought that there are some state schools that have a very good reputation and are not party schools. There might be something similar closer to where you live, perhaps in TN or KY somewhere. I can't imagine how difficult this must be! I'm not even there yet, and I want to put my hands over my ears and say, "I'm not listening! I'm not listening!" My prayers are with you and your daughter for the right place for her! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted April 1, 2008 Author Share Posted April 1, 2008 and, like I mentioned already, many of our high school's top students wind up there. Of course, it would be a ways away, but I wanted to just toss out to you the thought that there are some state schools that have a very good reputation and are not party schools. There might be something similar closer to where you live, perhaps in TN or KY somewhere. I can't imagine how difficult this must be! I'm not even there yet, and I want to put my hands over my ears and say, "I'm not listening! I'm not listening!" My prayers are with you and your daughter for the right place for her! I really wasn't thinking in terms of state=party, private=studious. I would have felt that way at one time. But then I sent a kid to a private college and she has shared some stories with me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jami Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 Hey Michelle! I'm a Truman Alum! As is dh, my baby brother, my SIL and a handful of dh's cousins. It's a great school. We loved our time there and had some really wonderful professors. Just to let you, or Kelli, know there's an alum around if you have questions! :D Jami Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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