Playdates question....

[laundrycrisis]

I have a general question...when you invite over friends you do not see often, or have invited guests in another capacity,do you plan for it to be private, with just your own kids and the invited guests, or do you feel that neighborhood kids who show up should also be welcomed ? If you want to keep it to just the company you invited, do you consider that acceptable to do outside in a 6-ft privacy-fenced back yard, or only within the walls of the house ?

 

I am trying to find out how abnormal I am or am not.....:001_unsure:.....thank you....

[Jean in Newcastle]

I plan for it to be private. We play inside or we will go on an outing together.

[kewb]

I plan for it to be private but if another friend wants to join in I am a more the merrier kind of gal.

[WiseOwlKnits]

I plan for (and expect it to be if I'm the guest) private.

[laundrycrisis]

What if the child you invited over only does well 1:1, and the child who shows up is someone you have had prior unfavorable playdate-joining experiences with ? :ohmy: :001_unsure:

 

I plan for it to be private but if another friend wants to join in I am a more the merrier kind of gal.

[MyLittleWonders]

We allow the boys to make that decision. They have a friend around the corner that knocks on our door almost every. single. day. (at least when he is home; he does after-school "club" most afternoons - but he even knocked on our door mid-morning on Easter!). That said, they have another friend who lives two streets over that is fairly busy, and my boys only see him once a month or so (especially now that we are controlled by their baseball teams!). All the boys know each other, but some times boy #1 can get on everybody else's nerves. So, if he happens to knock on the door when boy #2 is over, I'll let my oldest and boy #2 know, and they can make the decision. They have gone both ways - sometimes they'll grab a nerf ball and go out front to play, and sometimes they'll let boy #1 know that they are just going to hang by themselves that day and play Lego's.

 

If it were a situation where boy #1 was not a good "playdate-joiner", I would probably make a point to let him know that when boy #2 was over that my boys weren't available to play, and that they could play with him later that day/the next day/etc.

[Desert Rat]

When we have friends over we just tell the neighborhood kids that we're on a special playdate with friends. Yes, I consider the 6ft privacy fence to be fine in the back yard. We don't let neighborhood kids play in our back yard regardless because we have a trampoline and don't want the liability.

[jenL]

I plan for (and expect it to be if I'm the guest) private.

 

 

:iagree:

[Dawn in OH]

I plan for (and expect it to be if I'm the guest) private.

 

Same here.

[laundrycrisis]

Thank you all. I am feeling like less of a rude freak for having the idea that playdates with people I've invited over are private, including in our fenced back yard.

 

I had a situation with a neighbor child, who is almost 8 years old...after being told that DS1 "has company right now but will play with you out front later"....refused to give up...instead attempted to climb the fence into our yard...and when stopped from doing that, sat outside our gate, sticking his hands through the slats and yelling to DS1 and engaging him in a game through the fence while his invited guest was ignored. :angry:

 

I corrected the immediate situation with my own child and got him away from the fence. It still created a real problem in the playdate because then my son was no longer happy with the playdate situation. The child I invited over specifically needs 1:1 playdates, and the neighbor child is specifically not a good playdate-joiner, so I never felt that including him was an option. I also do not want to give in to a kid who blatantly disregards what I have said to him at my own house, or give my child the expectation that he can blow off his invited guests any time this other child shows up. I am making full use of this as a teaching opportunity regarding manners for my own child.

 

I did report the neighbor child's behavior to his parents the next day, as I feel it's a boundary violation for him to stay on our property and persist in trying to play with a child he's been told by a parent is not available due to having company, and disturb us when we have company after he's been told "no" three times. Frankly he is also a bit of a persistant nuisance at our house, and I feel a real need to set some boundaries, esp with summer coming. I reported just the facts of what happened. His parent did not take it well. I suppose people have different ideas of what is polite. This seems extreme though. If my child was loose in the neighborhood (which we do not allow) and disturbed someone else like this at their house while they had company, I would feel awful about it...not blame the other parent. Oh well.

 

Anyway, I feel bad about the whole thing and feel like I don't want to host playdates here anymore when the weather is nice because I can't be sure something unpleasant won't happen again if the kids want to play in the back yard (and they usually do).

Edited April 9, 2010 by Laundrycrisis2