Renee in NC Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 We have 3 neighbor kids who spend about as much time with us these days as they do at home. Yesterday, one of the boys said that they were not having Christmas for a couple of months because they couldn't afford gifts.:001_huh: Now, I don't know whether this is true or not. The mother says CRAZY things to the kids all the time. I can't ask her, because he would be in trouble (trust me, they are always in trouble for anything and everything!) My father is willing to buy gifts for these kids if they need it, but I would hate to get them things if the mother is just messing with them. They are at my house again this morning because she is looking for a job. There is a grandmother in the home as well (who works) but she is in the hospital after having some kind of surgery last week. There is a stepfather who comes occasionally, but he lives and works in another city. The bio father is not in the picture. She does have other family here. Would you err on the side of caution? I would do this anonymously - I don't want her to know if we did (various reasons.) I just don't want to do it if there is no real need and I don't think she would go to an agency and ask for herself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXMomof4 Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 I would do an anonymous gift card. That way if it is a real need, they will be blessed. It sounds like funds are short anyway, so even if they have presents, maybe it will help with Christmas dinner or something. If you have the ability I would jump on the opportunity. When DH was deployed the first time I recieved a gift card for $500 to Target. I still have no idea where it came from. We had been blessed with amazing friends who had already taken the kids letters to Santa and bought EVERYTHING on their list (which made the next Christmas a little hard to explain - No - We don't always get everything we wish for). Since we really weren't in a financial bind I used the card to buy gifts for my sister who was having a baby and didn't have the money to buy all the new baby stuff. She still has no idea where the stuff all came from. We also got a few angels off the angel tree and bought the things on those lists. So the person who blessed me ended up blessing someone they had never met. It's very humbling to receive those gifts, and to be able to use them for someone else it absolutely wonderful! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted December 23, 2009 Author Share Posted December 23, 2009 I would do an anonymous gift card. That way if it is a real need, they will be blessed. It sounds like funds are short anyway, so even if they have presents, maybe it will help with Christmas dinner or something. If you have the ability I would jump on the opportunity. When DH was deployed the first time I recieved a gift card for $500 to Target. I still have no idea where it came from. We had been blessed with amazing friends who had already taken the kids letters to Santa and bought EVERYTHING on their list (which made the next Christmas a little hard to explain - No - We don't always get everything we wish for). Since we really weren't in a financial bind I used the card to buy gifts for my sister who was having a baby and didn't have the money to buy all the new baby stuff. She still has no idea where the stuff all came from. We also got a few angels off the angel tree and bought the things on those lists. So the person who blessed me ended up blessing someone they had never met. It's very humbling to receive those gifts, and to be able to use them for someone else it absolutely wonderful! I thought of this, but I want to make sure the kids get something out of this, not just mom. So maybe some simple gifts and a gift card? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LND1218 Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 We tease our kids all the time like that. If it were me, I would bake some cookies (or something) and take it over to the mom. Use that opportunity to make small talk and see if there are any Christmas things. Did they put up a tree? Are there presents under the tree? And ask - so are you all ready for Christmas or some other question to see what she says. She may not come out and say no we are broke. But I think you would be able to tell a lot by her reaction. If she says something like, no we bought the boys bikes and haven't put them together yet. You will know she was teasing. If she avoids it, then there is something to it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pam L in Mid Tenn Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 This year we are the family with no tree or gifts.... Or were until yesterday... I finally was financially able to buy a few simple gifts. Dh is getting an on sale tree today. I like the idea of a family gift card. OR giving a gift to each child and the mom. I would not try to buy a bunch of stuff to make up for their financial situation. Just one gift each. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cougarmom4 Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 It sounds to me like there is probably a financial need with the family; and my first inclination would be to provide a few surprises for the kids regardless of whether the mom has bought gifts. We love to do this every year--we find a family within our church who is struggling (not that we know for sure they aren't getting anything, but who has had some troubles that year perhaps)...and we go shopping. We like having the kids choose things to give to someone else. This year we chose a young family with two little ones who are living with the husband's parents. Now, I assume the grandparents would have made sure these little grandchildren were getting something for Christmas...but in our case, we saw a few different reasons for doing this than just that. We knew it would mean a lot to this young couple to know that someone was reaching out in love, we wanted our children to have the experience, etc. So I guess, my two cents here is that if you have the money, I think it would be awfully nice to do. I don't think it needs to be too extravagant, but even if it was one wrapped surprise per person, it would be a delightful surprise to open the door to. When I was a teenager, my youth group did the 12 Days of Christmas for a family who was struggling financially (6 kids, single mom). We collected toys & money donations...fixed things up. Each night we delivered little treats, rang the doorbell & left. On Christmas Eve we took a bunch of gifts--socks, coats, toys, even bikes for the kids, boxes of food, etc. We all hid to watch and see their surprised faces. Well...we were the ones in for a surprise! It was the wrong door! The wrong person opened the door. But then we watched in amazement as this family came out, picked up all of the packages and moved them to a different door...they rang the bell and ran inside. Then the kids came running out and were so excited. I'll never forget that experience...the feelings I had have stayed with me and every year I want to re-create that by finding someone else to surprise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 We tease our kids all the time like that. If it were me, I would bake some cookies (or something) and take it over to the mom. Use that opportunity to make small talk and see if there are any Christmas things. Did they put up a tree? Are there presents under the tree? And ask - so are you all ready for Christmas or some other question to see what she says. She may not come out and say no we are broke. But I think you would be able to tell a lot by her reaction. If she says something like, no we bought the boys bikes and haven't put them together yet. You will know she was teasing. If she avoids it, then there is something to it. :iagree: Also, Renee, you have so much on your plate with taking care of your own family financially. I admire your compassion and care for these kids but I hope you don't feel like you have to overextend yourself. Of course that doesn't mean you can't give them a small gift - even of time for them to come over and bake Christmas cookies with you that they could then take home or something like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted December 23, 2009 Author Share Posted December 23, 2009 :iagree: Also, Renee, you have so much on your plate with taking care of your own family financially. I admire your compassion and care for these kids but I hope you don't feel like you have to overextend yourself. Of course that doesn't mean you can't give them a small gift - even of time for them to come over and bake Christmas cookies with you that they could then take home or something like that. I can't give them anything, but my father was willing. It seems they are going to their Aunt's on Christmas morning, so there will be at least something. I still may get my Dad to do something - I just need to think on it some more. Thanks for the ideas! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hsmom3tn Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 We tease our kids all the time like that. If it were me, I would bake some cookies (or something) and take it over to the mom. Use that opportunity to make small talk and see if there are any Christmas things. Did they put up a tree? Are there presents under the tree? And ask - so are you all ready for Christmas or some other question to see what she says. She may not come out and say no we are broke. But I think you would be able to tell a lot by her reaction. If she says something like, no we bought the boys bikes and haven't put them together yet. You will know she was teasing. If she avoids it, then there is something to it. This is a great idea. We're not doing a tree or gifts this year either. There's just not enough money. There's also no place to put a tree, as the house is too crowded right now. I did do the gift bag idea for advent (I read about it on this board - they opened a gift bag each day with a small toy or candy in it.); so they haven't gone entirely without. If it weren't for the baking and the Christmas books we've been reading, though, it wouldn't really feel like Christmas at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
st_claire Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 This is a great idea. We're not doing a tree or gifts this year either. There's just not enough money. There's also no place to put a tree, as the house is too crowded right now. I did do the gift bag idea for advent (I read about it on this board - they opened a gift bag each day with a small toy or candy in it.); so they haven't gone entirely without. If it weren't for the baking and the Christmas books we've been reading, though, it wouldn't really feel like Christmas at all. Can you get a tabletop tree and make the gift a family trip to the movies or something similar? Or how about homemade gifts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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