What do you do when...

[Crissy]

you notice the quality of your teen's school work is slipping?

 

My teen has always been a hard worker, but in the past few months it is a struggle to get him to put the required amount of effort into even those subjects which come rather easily.

 

In the beginning, I was worried that my expectations were too high, but his math and Latin teachers are seeing the same thing.

 

Is it a phase, and if so, how do I knock the phase out of him without visible damage? ;)

 

Seriously, though, what tactics have worked with your teens?

[Donnado]

How old and what grade is he?

[Crissy]

He's nearly fourteen and in eighth grade.

[WTMindy]

what does he say when you talk to him about it? I know he has always been a boy who has very high academic standards for himself. Do you think he is feeling that it isn't "cool" to work hard and do well? Do you think his ps classes are affecting this? I'm just trying to brainstorm some ideas.

[Crissy]

what does he say when you talk to him about it?

He says he's been a bit lazy, but he'll do better.

 

Do you think he is feeling that it isn't "cool" to work hard and do well? Do you think his ps classes are affecting this? I'm just trying to brainstorm some ideas.

 

I worry about both of these issues. I met with his math teacher today and she brought up her concern about one of his friends. Nice kid, but he'll do *anything* to get out of doing his homework. Jeffrey says he tries not to let it rub off, but maybe it has. :confused:

 

For now we are talking about the issue. A lot. We're also trying to develop different and regular study habits.

[WTMindy]

he has always been so dilligent and motivated. I will pray that you get to the bottom of the issue.

[Crissy]

he has always been so dilligent and motivated. I will pray that you get to the bottom of the issue.

 

Thank you, thank you! I'll keep you up to date.

[Colleen]

Or maybe you already did that? It's gotta be something most people have faced, or will face, to one extent or another and I'd love for you to get more feedback.

[Amy in Orlando]

you notice the quality of your teen's school work is slipping?

 

My teen has always been a hard worker, but in the past few months it is a struggle to get him to put the required amount of effort into even those subjects which come rather easily.

 

In the beginning, I was worried that my expectations were too high, but his math and Latin teachers are seeing the same thing.

 

Is it a phase, and if so, how do I knock the phase out of him without visible damage? ;)

 

Seriously, though, what tactics have worked with your teens?

 

I've read the other responses and feel like I don't have enough information to answer the question. Is your son homeschooled or in school or a combination? I'm guessing he's in school based on what you've said.

 

With no other information, I can say my boys definitely tried the slacking off thing around 7-9 grade. Depending on how everyting else is going (are the in the middle of a growth spurt? etc) I handle things as they come up.

 

I can also say that their friends who are in "real" school have all (down to the smartest one in the bunch) slacked off starting in 8th grade. I don't think it's a death knell to their future academics, I think it's more about them figuring out what a game it all is and they're trying to play it. At 14-15-16, they don't (usually, some kids do) care about what they'e learning, they're just jumping through the hoops. And, like anyone playing a game, they're seeing what they can get away with without anyone noticing.

 

To me, it sounds like your teen has figured out exactly (no more, no less) what he needs to do to achieve his goals. He's playing the game and isn't too interested in learning for learning's sake.

 

To be honest, I don't know if that's good or bad. I know plenty of successful adults who took the same path your son is taking. They are lovely, law-abiding citizens who contribute more to the world than they take away from it.

 

To be brutally honest, I was much like your son! For certain classes, I did what I had to do (never cheated) to pass. I can say with complete honesty, AP Physics has never once entered into my life. EVER.

 

It was only AFTER college that it hit me that I love learning and I don't care if it's recognized.

 

Not helpful for you with your son. Sorry.

[Crissy]

Or maybe you already did that? It's gotta be something most people have faced, or will face, to one extent or another and I'd love for you to get more feedback.

 

Great suggestion. Thanks, Colleen.

[Crissy]

I've read the other responses and feel like I don't have enough information to answer the question. Is your son homeschooled or in school or a combination? I'm guessing he's in school based on what you've said.

.

 

Combination. He takes math and science at the local jr. high, and we continue to cover the remainer of his studies at home.

 

I can also say that their friends who are in "real" school have all (down to the smartest one in the bunch) slacked off starting in 8th grade. I don't think it's a death knell to their future academics, I think it's more about them figuring out what a game it all is and they're trying to play it. At 14-15-16, they don't (usually, some kids do) care about what they'e learning, they're just jumping through the hoops. And, like anyone playing a game, they're seeing what they can get away with without anyone noticing.

 

To me, it sounds like your teen has figured out exactly (no more, no less) what he needs to do to achieve his goals. He's playing the game and isn't too interested in learning for learning's sake.

 

 

 

That makes a lot of sense, Amy.

[SapphireStitch]

I have a daughter who is 18, and she experienced a major slacking-off from age 14-16. She had been homeschooled from the beginning, she was not rebelling, she was not using drugs, she just seemed totally unable to work at her former level. Before this she had been an excellent, very motived student.

 

I believe she tried very hard to keep up, but she kept telling me "My brain just isn't working right...I don't know how to think anymore!"

 

After she turned 16 she very slowly began to come out of this, and she mentioned it in a letter to an older cousin who shared that she had gone through the exact experience at that age.

 

At a big family gathering recently we talked about this, and we couldn't find any of us who HADN'T experienced this with our teens...homeschooled, public schooled, private schooled...the whole lot. And almost all of us knew of other families whose kids had been through this stage. As one of my cousins said "If anyone tells you their kids don't do this, they either don't know their kids or they are lying!" That might be putting it a bit strongly, I don't know...maybe some kids are wired differently so that the hormonal and brain changes don't affect them the same way.

 

My thought is that there needs to be a change in how we structure the learning experience that takes these brain growth periods into consideration. I know if I had another daughter I would plan to homeschool till age 21 and would have the years 14-16 be focused on home-ec, art, and music instead of academic subjects. Then we would come back and hit the academics from 17-21, possibly utilizing college coursework for some classes.

 

I have a son, too, but he's only 6. I'm thinking and planning now for what to do when he reaches that age...but I haven't come up with any great ideas yet. Just wanted to encourage you that this is NOT some isolated problem with your son, you are not alone!

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

you notice the quality of your teen's school work is slipping?

 

My teen has always been a hard worker, but in the past few months it is a struggle to get him to put the required amount of effort into even those subjects which come rather easily.

 

In the beginning, I was worried that my expectations were too high, but his math and Latin teachers are seeing the same thing.

 

Is it a phase, and if so, how do I knock the phase out of him without visible damage? ;)

 

Seriously, though, what tactics have worked with your teens?

 

Crissy, I don't have a solution for you, but I might have a reason. Teens start losing grey matter about this age. (Yes, they ARE losing their minds!) The term is called "neural pruning" if you want to Google it. The link above has a tiny bit of info.

 

Some speculate that some of the mental illnesses that turn up around this age -- schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder, etc -- might be because of too much of the wrong stuff getting snipped. And you know how language acquisition slows down about this time -- it's not the best time to acquire an accent, for example.

 

So he's doing some major reconstruction in there, and it might be affecting how productive he can be. I'd say *really* watch his nutrition and move heaven and earth to make sure he gets enough sleep (primarily) and exercise (secondarily).

 

I wish you well. My son is nearing the end of the cycle, and it's showing in the work he's producing. My dd is right smack in the middle of it all.

[Nestof3]

Honestly, I used to just talk to my son about it. I would usually try to get him to open up to me and talk about it. He would tell me if something else were preoccupying his time, or if he was just sick of school and wanted to move on in life (as he put it).

 

I would try to empathize with him and remind him that we all have a job to do at different times in his life, and this was his main job right now. I'd encourage him to keep going, and to keep doing all things to the best of his ability (my mantra around here). I would also consider if he had any valid points, like perhaps he was taking only classes to "fulfill the requirements" but I was not offering any that would also allow him to explore his interests.

 

This really always worked with us.

 

I have also always made sure he kept regular bedtimes. He needs ample sleep to function at his best.