Not sure what to say to neighbor wanting to hs.

[christielee7278]

A neighbor came to my door to ask about homeschooling one of her school-age daughters. She wants to take her out this year to get her caught up and then put her back in next year.

 

This family has had some issues with the school and DHS in the past. I worry that she is maybe trying to keep her daughter out of the public's eye. Her oldest will still be in school, though, so that may not be the case at all. I just worry.

 

Right before she left, she said she needed to get back to the house because she left her toddler and baby by themselves asleep in bed. That kind of set off alarms in my head. I thought their dad was home with them.

 

This is the kind of situation that makes me think it wouldn't be so bad to have the state more involved with homeschool families. As it is, she just has to turn in the required paperwork and she's done until next August.

 

Anyway she asked if she could come back if she has more questions later. I don't know if I should be encouraging (because I totally understand the lack of help from the public school). Not sure what to say at all.....or if it is even my place to say anything.

 

:confused:

 

What do you think?

[sbaloue]

I can understand your concerns for the children if you think they are being mistreated. But that has nothing to do with the state getting involved in the lives of ALL homeschoolers.

 

This woman is probably just looking for help and guidance. It maybe that she has seen something in your family and/or children that she would like in hers.:001_smile:

 

I have had people ask me about homeschooling because they were afraid their child was about to get kicked out of public school, due to bad behavior, and they could not afford private schools. I simply provided information and left the decision up to the individual. (They decided not to homeschool)

 

It sounds like this is a very uncomfortable situation for you. I will pray that the Lord will give you wisdom in dealing with your neighbor.

[Julie in Austin]

I'd probably treat her the same as I would anyone else interested in homeschooling except that, if she does homeschool, I would keep close contact with the family and be on the watch for any signs of abuse.

[Impish]

Send her the link to the Big Yellow School Bus thread :lol:

[Vanna]

...I also would still treat her as someone like anyone else who is interested in homeschooling and highlight the *responsibility* part. I would also encourage this person to start going to support meetings or get involved in some online community regarding homeschooling (like this one :D) so that maybe they will get more of the "big picture" of what's involved.

 

I kinda know how you feel. There's someone in my life who has toyed with the idea of homeschooling and talked to me about it (and inwardly I've cringed thinking about that child's home situation knowing it's far from "ideal").

 

Please remember there's no perfect home or school situation. I believe it's a bad idea to the school board or the gov't involved in our homeschooling. A "dangerous" situation is a rarity rather than the norm for us. Parents seeking to educate their children at home don't need more paperwork or requirements than they already have.:)

 

Maybe you can even look at it as a "ministry" opportunity. Could you possibly mentor her, making yourself available a couple of times a year for questions/concerns and offering to pray with her?

 

May the Lord give you wisdom and grace for the situation.

[christielee7278]

Thank you all for the suggestions.

 

I did mention the responsibility and effort involved. This was actually the 2nd time she has come to me. The first time was last year and was in an effort to avoid the school and DHS probings, but didn't because she didn't have internet to print off the waivers and such. My printer was broken at the time so I couldn't do it for her. I think she just got bored with the idea and she might do the same now.

 

We would rather not be in close contact with the family due to behavior and such (wild drinking parties, bad language, etc). My oldest son rode his bike passed their house and the dad (drunk) yelled for my son (by calling him an inappropriate name) to come to him. I was outside at the time and called him back to me. My boys don't play with their kids, mostly because of age differences and my littles aren't allowed outside our yard.

 

Just to explain my comment about the state being more involved, we have to do the same state testing for 3rd-8th as the public schools which isn't an issue for me because its a free way for me to see how we're doing. Beyond that and the initial paperwork, that is all that is required. While I wouldn't want to submit anything to the DoE either, I'm a little sensitive to it since working at an abused women's shelter and seeing, firsthand, parents who use homeschooling as a way to hide their children from the public. The only thing some of those kids were learning was the abusive behavior. Also a few years ago a little girl was found dead, obviously abused, in her parents' home close to my hometown. The parents admitted to pulling her out of school because people started questioning some things. It is frustrating to see these cases and know it is happening right in our area, although I do absolutely realize this is not even remotely near the majority.

 

I'll just be hoping she gets bored again.

[christielee7278]

Send her the link to the Big Yellow School Bus thread :lol:

 

lol...that just might do it!! Thanks for the laugh!!

[Renee in NC]

Thank you all for the suggestions.

 

I did mention the responsibility and effort involved. This was actually the 2nd time she has come to me. The first time was last year and was in an effort to avoid the school and DHS probings, but didn't because she didn't have internet to print off the waivers and such. My printer was broken at the time so I couldn't do it for her. I think she just got bored with the idea and she might do the same now.

 

We would rather not be in close contact with the family due to behavior and such (wild drinking parties, bad language, etc). My oldest son rode his bike passed their house and the dad (drunk) yelled for my son (by calling him an inappropriate name) to come to him. I was outside at the time and called him back to me. My boys don't play with their kids, mostly because of age differences and my littles aren't allowed outside our yard.

 

Just to explain my comment about the state being more involved, we have to do the same state testing for 3rd-8th as the public schools which isn't an issue for me because its a free way for me to see how we're doing. Beyond that and the initial paperwork, that is all that is required. While I wouldn't want to submit anything to the DoE either, I'm a little sensitive to it since working at an abused women's shelter and seeing, firsthand, parents who use homeschooling as a way to hide their children from the public. The only thing some of those kids were learning was the abusive behavior. Also a few years ago a little girl was found dead, obviously abused, in her parents' home close to my hometown. The parents admitted to pulling her out of school because people started questioning some things. It is frustrating to see these cases and know it is happening right in our area, although I do absolutely realize this is not even remotely near the majority.

 

I'll just be hoping she gets bored again.

 

totally OT, but where do you live that you are required to do state testing? I thought NCLB specifically forbid states from requiring hsers to take the tests.

[christielee7278]

totally OT, but where do you live that you are required to do state testing? I thought NCLB specifically forbid states from requiring hsers to take the tests.

 

AR. 3rd through 8th grades take the IOWA test with the ps in the spring. Not a *state* test but required. I didn't intend it to sound like the state had its own test.

[Moni]

she asked if she could come back if she has more questions later.

 

What exactly is she asking?

I might be tempted to answer her questions.

If she asked specific ones. :glare:

The non-specific questions I answer with a question.

Question: What about math?

Answer: Math...oh.. math, yeah....what about it?

 

That usually helps the asker to frame a more proper question. :001_huh:

 

What do you think?

 

I think I'm wondering what exactly she is asking.

I wouldn't necessarily put any time and mental energy into lengthy explanations. At least not quite yet.;)

:seeya:

[christielee7278]

What exactly is she asking?

I might be tempted to answer her questions.

If she asked specific ones. :glare:

The non-specific questions I answer with a question.

Question: What about math?

Answer: Math...oh.. math, yeah....what about it?

 

That usually helps the asker to frame a more proper question. :001_huh:

 

 

 

I think I'm wondering what exactly she is asking.

I wouldn't necessarily put any time and mental energy into lengthy explanations. At least not quite yet.;)

:seeya:

 

What paper work needs to be turned in and how that works? (Since school has started, she'll have to wait 2 weeks unless the super agrees to allowing her out sooner)

 

What would happen if she turned in the paperwork today and didn't send her daughter to school during the two weeks? (truancy laws...and I told her this would get her<the mom> in trouble)

 

She wants her dd out of school NOW.

 

And then a bunch of questions about what to use and where to find it. More about how to get her caught up. Mostly I think she was wanting to know what to use and how to get her daughter caught up. HOW to teach.

 

She mentioned that she thought maybe her dd is dyslexic and how to deal with that. I gave her a HUGE "I have no idea" on that one and suggested she be tested for it and other learning disabilities to find out for sure. My husband is dyslexic but I have no clue about it and how to teach a dyslexic child. One of her examples of her daughter's reading problems is not knowing whether to start at the d or n of the word down.

 

When asking about the paperwork required, she asked whether PE, art, and the like are required.

 

I did tell her that she could check out some of the homeschooling books at the library. Ours has several good ones that I read before taking my oldest out of school.

 

A lot of my answers tended to be "it depends on the child" and then an example of what we use. I talked to her a bit about afterschooling, but she had a good point--her dd is having to do things in school now that she doesn't understand so she would have to teach what dd has missed and what she is suppose to be learning now.

 

My thinking is slowly coming around to just offering to help if she does take her dd out of school. Maybe our family can minister to theirs. I'm a little nervous about it but I feel like I should help.

[Renee in NC]

Don't.I.wish.

 

We aren't required to take the state's specific tests, but we have to take standardized tests. Which really, what is the difference? It just boils down to us getting to decide which state's test we want to take.

 

(I live in NY.)

 

NC requires testing, but there is a big difference between state tests (like NC EOGs or FL FCATs) and nationally standardized tests like the IOWA or CAT. The formats are totally different and what they test is different. The IOWA and CAT are totally multiple choice and pretty basic testing in reading comprehension, spelling, math computation, etc. I just looked at the NY test and it has open-ended questions galore, writing sections, etc.

 

If I have to test (we don't in FL), I'd rather use one of the nationally standardized tests!

 

(I'll stop hijacking now!)

[Vanna]

Thank you all for the suggestions.

 

...We would rather not be in close contact with the family due to behavior and such (wild drinking parties, bad language, etc). My oldest son rode his bike passed their house and the dad (drunk) yelled for my son (by calling him an inappropriate name) to come to him. I was outside at the time and called him back to me. My boys don't play with their kids, mostly because of age differences and my littles aren't allowed outside our yard.

 

Just to explain my comment about the state being more involved, we have to do the same state testing for 3rd-8th as the public schools which isn't an issue for me because its a free way for me to see how we're doing. Beyond that and the initial paperwork, that is all that is required. While I wouldn't want to submit anything to the DoE either, I'm a little sensitive to it since working at an abused women's shelter and seeing, firsthand, parents who use homeschooling as a way to hide their children from the public. The only thing some of those kids were learning was the abusive behavior. Also a few years ago a little girl was found dead, obviously abused, in her parents' home close to my hometown. The parents admitted to pulling her out of school because people started questioning some things. It is frustrating to see these cases and know it is happening right in our area, although I do absolutely realize this is not even remotely near the majority.

 

I'll just be hoping she gets bored again.

 

Whoa! This is the "big" picture here. This is a most unusual situation (at least that one I have not encountered in my 8 yrs of homeschooling). Very disturbing.

 

It seems like Child Services (DHS or DoE? They go by different initials in diff. states so I'm not sure if you meant one of these is Child Services or not) is already involved with this family, right? They should already be monitored at this point (though I'm sure we both know this isn't fool-proof).

 

So, here's my "change" of advice: write down the name and phone number (if she doesn't have internet) of HSLDA and maybe a couple of other national organizations that deal with folks on the phone and tell her to start there. If she approaches you again for advice, ask her if she has first contacted the organizations on the sheet you gave her. If she hasn't, tell her she must do so FIRST (and you'll know for sure if she's just being co-dependent by coming to you again and again for the same thing). chances are, she'll be too lazy and too wrapped up in her own world to bother them or bother you again.

 

I'm praying for your neighbor.

[Pamela H in Texas]

With families like that, I really stress the responsibility and hard work. I will agree that it may well work to do what they want to do, but that doing so will be a BiG DEAL.

 

I once encouraged a family to homeschool and I will NEVER do it again. I now am very fair about sharing benefits, but also make it clear how much dedication and work it takes to be a GOOD conscientious homeschool parent.