Frustrated and just need to vent...

[Guest 3twinkles]

I hope that is ok. :) Anyway so I know my Mom has never been on board with my homeschooling and what she thinks I try not to let bother me but today she ticked me off. I was talking to her on the phone and was excited about a new curriculum I found and she started in with "does it have phonics in it or do you need me to get hooked on phonics for you?" She was referring to my daughter's spelling and writing and the fact that it is not great. Ok so what. We are working on that and she goes on to say "well she is 11 and I have seen 8 year olds who write better then her" grrr first of all she is TEN not 11 and she only turned ten in April. Second of all phonics is not her problem she reads 4 grade levels above where she should be (this despite the public school telling her she had a reading disability) and third I am not concerned about it because she is only 10 and that is one of our goals this year. I guess what really made me mad is that for a few minute there she had me second guessing myself as her teacher. Keep in mind my sister has two kids who are 3 and 4 and neither talk AT ALL, yet she is not harping on her to maybe get them tested that this maybe an issue. No because my sister stuck her oldest son into public preschool as soon as she could. So I was just frustrated that she keeps harping on phonics when that is not even the issue. Geez if your going to harp on something make sure you know what your talking about. I even told her I had my daughter tested last year and she did fine in that area. I just wish I did not care what she though so much and I think the person I am most irritated with is myself for letting her get to me when she has no clue what she is talking about and she could never be a teacher it is just not her thing.

 

Ok anyone else have parents sticking their nose in and putting down their kids? She is also picking my youngest son (I have 3 kids) as her favorite and that is the one thing that I won't tolerate. She seperated me and my sister all our lives (she refuses to admit that she babied my sister and parented me) as a result my sister is a 30 year old with two kids who don't say a word and don't even try to talk, who is married to one man and living with another, who cannot pay her bills, who refuses to work and cannot make a decision without calling my parents first to see what to do. She has no independence at all. and she is criticizing my child?

 

Maybe I am just being too sensitive and need to take one of these::chillpill:

lol

 

Ok I vented if you read this far thanks, I just wanted to get that off my chest. :) I really do love my Mom and for the most part she was a great mom to me, but she has changed over the years etc. Thanks for letting me vent.

 

Jenna

[ChrisN in NY]

I've been homeschooling for 17 years. Our homeschool, our curriculum, etc. is rarely a topic of discussion with my mother. It's much easier that way.

 

:grouphug:

[2cents]

:grouphug:

 

I think that she might be one of those people that you need to avoid talking 'homeschool' to. I'd avoid the topic and if she brings it up it would qualify as a 'pass the beandip' moment. I wouldn't allow her to speak negatively about the children though. That sort of thing would qualify as a 'oh someone is at the door-gotta go' moment. Enough of those and she may get the message? If not, at least you aren't listening to it. :001_smile:

[hornblower]

I have one of those people in my life. Everything always feels like a criticism. And I used to think it was me & I was being over sensitive but when I actually replayed her words in my mind, they WERE a criticism and what is often an undercurrent is that somehow I'm not doing a good job & she could do better. I've heard it about the kids' schooling, the kids' behaviour, how often my baby was nursing, how slow my son was with reading, heck, even dog training :001_rolleyes:.

 

From this person, suggestions are never just suggestions & they rarely come across as supportive. They're always loaded.

 

I'm learning to just not bring up certain topics & if she brings things up, I try to dodge & move on.

 

You know your child & you're doing a good job! :grouphug:

[anotherclassicmom]

:grouphug:

And yes, my mother sat down and gave my children a spelling test! It was not part of the curriculum. She came for a visit, and decided to give them an oral test.

[Sunkirst]

Boy do I empathize with you. My mother, my grandmother, my sister, my SIL and my BIL were/are all PS teachers, and I've had moments like this with the majority of them (thankfully my sister and my MIL are fully on my side).

 

It's toughest (IMO) when it's your mother, and that's compounded when you have a child who is "not quite perfect." When I took my ds out of K it was very clear that he was a smart kid. 3 years later we found out that he had dyslexia. Oh the he** I went through those 3 years! I actually had the doc put it in writing that I hadn't caused his dyslexia and that homeschooling was the best option for him (never expected this, as I didn't look for a HS friendly doc. Evidently, this is a prevailing view because we can offer so much more 1-on-1 an so much less judgement).

 

I no longer doubt myself, and I've started to talk HS much more with my mother. She still critiques, but I have answers for her critiques and I absolutely no longer take her attacks as personal. This summer I actually asked her to help me review a writing program for my ds, as she had so much experience (when and where she taught, teachers had to create all their own curricula. She couldn't believe the resources being created for HSers!)

 

Anyhow, stay strong, and insist that she not play favorites with your children. There may just come a time that she realizes that you truly have your act together.

[Guest 3twinkles]

Thank you ladies! That is exactly what I needed. I usually don't speak about homeschooling with her because she has her own opinions but lately I had been able to slowly bring stuff up, however she clearly shut me down today. This is the beginning of my 4th year homeschooling and last year was truly the first year that I felt I knew what I was doing and this year I feel totally confident...so confident that I switched up the curriculum because I felt that what we were using was not accomplishing the job. I always know that when I start to doubt myself that is when I "go to the boards" and talk to others who are in the same boat. ;)

 

I have not yet heard her complain about my youngest not reading fluently yet, because I am taking a classical approach and because it is not his strong suit but he is getting there and I am not concerned. lol

 

anyway thanks for letting me vent!

:grouphug:

[AmeliaJade]

When my oldest was supposed to start kindergarten (we'd already been homeschooling him for a couple of years) my dad called out of the blue. He says, "So, you're really not sending him to school?" Apparently they didn't think I was serious until it was time to enroll and I didn't do it. Anyway, my dad starts quizzing me. He starts asking me all kinds of science and math questions. As he put it, "to see if you're qualified." What really hurt is that I was one semester away from receiving my teaching degree, had worked as a student teacher and was, at that time, employed as a substitute teacher. Yet, my dad had zero faith in me. He wrapped up the conversation by saying, "Promise me that when he is struggling that you'll put him in school." I remember that because it was an "if he starts struggling" it was a "when".

[Cindyg]

I have nobody IRL who wants to talk about exciting curriculum choices. Well, maybe one person.

 

Just come here and tell us. We understand.