Decision time: do I homeschool or just keep agonizing about it?

[yellowperch]

I am close to deciding to homeschool my children in the fall, but I continually coming up against several stumbling blocks. My children are 9,7,5 and almost 3. I'm expecting in October :)

 

1. Discipline. I've posted about this once and I'll link to my original post for anyone willing to read it.

 

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=95717

 

The short version is that my good-hearted, smart kids aren't the best disciplined around. This would be okay, I suppose, if I were laid back and relaxed. But I am not. It drives me crazy. But still, I remain largely ineffective through my own fault, of course. I worry that I will not be effective at teaching them if I have to spend so much time trying to get them to work in the first place. This is a very real, very serious concern for me.

 

2. My oldest son really enjoys school and did not enjoy the year I homeschooled him (for first grade) when we lived abroad. He seems to leanrn better being a child among children. He's a good student, and a welcome and productive member of his class.

 

I do see certain benefits in children having an identity outside the family. At school, my son can be his own person, not my son, or the oldest or the spacey guy who never listens to his parents. At school is the math whiz, the kickball player, the guy who loves science. I worry sometimes that home--the demands on him here, the challenges a new baby will bring, always having littler kids underfoot--is a tiny bit oppressive for him. I imagine few here will relate to this, but it is one of the three major things holding me back.

 

I grew up in a happy, big family that was also very chaotic. School was a sanctuary for me. I loved the order, the books, the calm, and having my own desk where my pencils remained lined up and sharp! My home now is much more orderly but I do wonder if their aren't things about school that are healthy for my kids, and especially my oldest.

 

(FWIW My second son is quite gifted, especially in math. In October, he tested at the sixth grade level in math. The school arranged for him to do math with the second graders, but the poor guy still found school less interesting than home and asked several times to be homeschooled.

 

My dd is thrilled at the thought of kindergarten.)

 

3. I find running a house, making meals and managing my kids activities takes a lot of effort. With a new baby coming, I wonder how adding more to my plate would work. I love order and can't function that well when life is chaotic, so getting things to run smoothly would be key to making this homeschooling a success for me.

 

4. DH works abroad a more than 1/3 of the time, often for long stretches.

 

Having said all this, I am deeply distressed with the mediocrity at our "good" public schools. I have read more, and thought more about homeschooling than just about any non-homeschooling parent around, I think. I love history, math, reading, literature and my children still do. But for how much longer? The faculty at the school have been lovely to us, and very willing to try, but they are faced with so many challenges and so many needy kids. They also simply can't even imagine how to deliver the kind of rich, elevated education I want for my kids.

 

So there it is. I'd love to hear from anyone who has insight, advice, suggestions, or a challenging thought for me. I have been torn about this for ages and I feel like I have to commit one way or the other, and soon.

Edited June 5, 2009 by yellowperch

[yellowperch]

I am sorely tempted, but I do think we'd have a better chance if they had a nice long break before we settled in to work. I have plenty of homeschooling material, in fact, and a houseful of wonderful books that we spend lots of time with.

 

We do a lot of learning stuff as a matter of course. My kids are very good Russian speakers (we lived in Moscow from 2004 until 2008) and they work with a Russian tutor three days a week. The also study piano. I've been thinking that those activities, plus their normal reading and keep a journal would be enough for a summer.

[Tabrett]

What about letting your oldest and k'er go to ps and let the one that wants to be home hs? If your k'er doesn't do well, you could always pull dd out. It might work.

Edited June 6, 2009 by Tabrett

[Rosie_0801]

Why not bring your younger son home since he is enthusiastic, leave your older son in school and let your daughter decide herself for this year. Teaching one with a new baby around should be do-able. If you want your daughter to choose to stay home, you can influence her decision by demonstrating how much attention and coolness her older brother will be experiencing. If you are providing a learning environment at home, your older son will benefit from that too.

 

Rosie

[Karen sn]

 

Having said all this, I am deeply distressed with the mediocrity at our "good" public schools. I have read more, and thought more about homeschooling than just about any non-homeschooling parent around, I think. I love history, math, reading, literature and my children still do. But for how much longer? The faculty at the school have been lovely to us, and very willing to try, but they are faced with so many challenges and so many needy kids. They also simply can't even imagine how to deliver the kind of rich, elevated education I want for my kids.

 

So there it is. I'd love to hear from anyone who has insight, advice, suggestions, or a challenging thought for me. I have been torn about this for ages and I feel like I have to commit one way or the other, and soon.

 

 

So what do you think would be easier.

Homeschooling all or some of your kids or having them all in school and doing hours of homework with each kid in the evenings?

 

Sounds like one kid loves school - you can after school him to provide that enriched education you seek to provide in his life.

 

My kid was in a public kindergaten at the age of six....for one day.

I was over that so fast.

There's just no way I'm waking up my kid in the dark of morning every day.

To then do homework and FCAT prep work on MY time with her every evening.

Especially when I do all kinds of science and math in the real world and we love to read and go to the library.

We school when we're not really schooling........KWIM?

 

You are already doing so much with them and preserving their love of learning.....can't hurt to try it as afterschool for some and homeschool for others.

[at the beach]

I'd like to just suggest you spend some time reading Charlotte Mason's original writings, and perhaps take a look at amblesideonline.org. I don't know if you are familiar with CM, but I have learned so much about educating my children through her methods and writings. CM's original writings are available on the website and are wonderful for guidance with habit training and young children. Also, I'd encourage you to check out all the years of AO to get a feel for what a CM education can be.

 

Also, when I pulled my dds out of school, my middle child who then going into fourth grade, was horrified. She did not want to be homeschooled. But it took almost no time at all for her to love it. We had no idea just how much precious time we'd lost simply being together when they were in school. They also had so much more freedom.

 

Best wishes,

Anita

[Pamela H in Texas]

I think I'd consider leaving the older kiddo in school for now. Of course, over the summer, y'all might change your mind, but you could have that as your tentative plan.

 

And I think I'd take the summer to get the discipline under control. Really, we more uptight mommas tend to be REALLY good at good discipline once we know what we're doing.

 

The way we get first time obedience though we're gentle (and I'm ONLY gentle because I require first time obedience) is because we follow through THE FIRST TIME. Here is the formula:

 

1) get their attention so you know they hear you

2) tell them what you want to do

3) watch them or check immediately

4) "help" them immediately OR have their world stop (the former works great for littles and the latter for kids you aren't going to physically make comply).

 

Of course, you can do all sorts of things to make this work better. Give time limits, make it a game, etc. But in the end, the point is to CONSISTENTLY follow through the FIRST time every time.

 

At first, it IS a bit of work. But in a couple weeks, you'll see AMAZING progress. That hard work will make your day to day, hour to hour work easier. Work harder temporarily, work smarter forever :)

 

Another thing that might help is to use charts for the kids to know exactly what to do, see their progress, etc. So the morning chart is just a checklist and their lives start after they have all their check marks. Same thing will work with schoolwork. A sticker after a section of the daily plan is finished shows them that they have finished 3 sections and have 4 to go (or whatever). These are just to-do lists that turn into visual progress markers :)

 

HTHs a little :)

[Quiver0f10]

Use this summer to work on discipline and getting a schedule that works for you. Have you heard of MOTH? Then come fall, ease into HSing. Don't try to jump in to a full schedule day one, especially with a new baby. Concentrate on core subjects by adding in a subject at a time until you are confomrtable. Once you and the kids are intoa routine and the core subjects are getting done, then think about adding in extras if you wish.

[keptwoman]

I second working on discipline first.

I also think it's worth considering homeschooling one child or two children to start with. I started with Ds#2 at home. I left my DS#1 at school and DD was in preschool. Then DS#1 came home (his choice as I was happy either way) and DD was still in preschool. Lastly DD didn't carry on to school. It doesn't have to be an all or nothing proposition. I found it a nice way to ease into things.

[Erica in PA]

 

 

2. My oldest son really enjoys school and did not enjoy the year I homeschooled him (for first grade) when we lived abroad. He seems to leanrn better being a child among children. He's a good student, and a welcome and productive member of his class.

 

I do see certain benefits in children having an identity outside the family. At school, my son can be his own person, not my son, or the oldest or the spacey guy who never listens to his parents. At school is the math whiz, the kickball player, the guy who loves science. I worry sometimes that home--the demands on him here, the challenges a new baby will bring, always having littler kids underfoot--is a tiny bit oppressive for him. I imagine few here will relate to this, but it is one of the three major things holding me back.

 

I grew up in a happy, big family that was also very chaotic. School was a sanctuary for me. I loved the order, the books, the calm, and having my own desk where my pencils remained lined up and sharp! My home now is much more orderly but I do wonder if their aren't things about school that are healthy for my kids, and especially my oldest.

 

 

 

Your second point is the one that stands out most to me. The other ones I think can be worked out if you do decide to homeschool, but this is the one that I think could stand in the way of that decision. I used to think this way about school, too, about it being a good, healthy place for kids to have their own identity outside the family, and a good source of structure and order for kids. However, the more I learned about homeschooling, the more I realized the way I felt about school was not always the case, and I needed to take off my rose colored glasses about my own school memories. Elementary schools are generally nice places, and many kids enjoy being there.. until they don't. Eventually, many kids grow to *not* like school, sooner or later. Whether it's an unsupportive teacher, negative interactions with other kids, boredom, schoolwork being too difficult or not challenging enough, homework overload, etc., many kids do end up not enjoying school eventually. I personally loved school, but a big part of that is that it was much, much better than my home life. If I had been part of a stable, loving, structured family, I am sure I could have been just as happy at home, if not more so. And though I was in honors and AP classes in high school, I know that I would have learned more as a homeschooled student, no doubt.

 

On the other hand, now that I have homeschooled my three kids from K up (ages 12, 8, and 6), I can see that there is a whole world out here that I never could imagine before I actually homeschooled. I can honestly tell you that I don't have a single regret that they haven't had the school experience. All the things I thought that I'd be sad that they would miss, it's become a non-issue. My kids have good friends, well-rounded lives, much more connection with their siblings than they'd have otherwise, and they are progressing very well academically too. We go to a weekly co-op throughout the school year where the kids experience many of the good points of the school setting. In our area homeschooled students are allowed to take part in extracurricular activities at the public schools, so if the time comes when they want to do some of that, they will be able to.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to share these thoughts with you because I used to have similar thoughts that my kids would be missing out on something to not be in school. That has not been my experience, and in fact, I think now that it's more that if my kids had been in school all this time, we would all have missed out on a lot!

 

Best wishes in reaching a decision that is best for your family!