I have had exactly zero psychology courses, so you are one up on me. :tongue_smilie: This conversation has been very enlightening. See, I was assuming that a child who had very little in the way of things (totally guessing here, but I would say very likely) would enjoy toys, but maybe it's the opposite. Maybe if you are not used to having much, you learn to do without? Definitely yes on the attachment issues...his 2 favorite phrases are "hold me" and "sit lap". :001_smile:

This is our first foster and yes it has been a steep learning curve, but very rewarding. He is such an incredible child. Thanks everyone for your advice and guidance. You're all awesome. :thumbup:

I like the ziploc paint ideas. I am going to have to see if I can find a ton more suggestions like that online. Sensory, but clean :tongue_smilie: I am not sure where he is developmentally. Does it necessarily follow that if his language is at 18, that his cognitive development (is that the right word?) would also be at 18? We have an appointment with our local Early Intervention Program people. Maybe they would be able to provide more insight.

I have three kiddos 2 to 3 years apart. It seemed like they just played with each other, mostly. Any my oldest was very independent. If I wanted to play with her, fine. If I didn't have the time, that was okay too. She could either take it or leave it. She was in incredibly easy child. Still is...... :001_smile: And she was a great help when the 2 younger ones came along. I guess maybe that's part of my problem. I don't ever remember having to entertain a child or invent things to keep them busy. They were often there, underfoot, noisy, messy...but generally happy just playing by themselves or with each other. So maybe I am just spoiled. :001_cool:

Okay that makes a lot of sense. Especially the bolded. I'm researching the term "Montessori"....tons of cool ideas. :thumbup: I was talking to a friend about this and her suggestion was that I find a 3-4 year old neighbor child to babysit. :tongue_smilie:

I have actually already done a variation of this (sorry Chocolate :( ). Not in a separate room, cuz we have a very open floor plan and I didn't want to have him off somewhere where I couldn't see him and where he couldn't see me. But I did teach him to sit on a chair in the living room and look at a book for 10-15 minutes at a time. He doesn't really like it and I try not to over do it, but it does come in handy when I have an emergency in another part of the house and I don't want him trailing me. ETA - okay, maybe not 15 minutes....more like 5 to 10.

Oh, I can see him LOVING this. Maybe a bit of my problem is I hate mess indoors. Outside I don't mind at all. I don't care how dirty and muddy he gets outside, but for inside I much prefer "clean" toys. My house is incredibly hard to keep clean so the idea of deliberately making a mess seems very abhorrent. But, I can see that I need to loosen up on this. *New resolution*. :001_smile:

So, are you saying that maybe the toys are too "old" for him. Could that be some of the problem? Although, come to think of it, a lot of the toys that he has would appeal to much younger kiddos, I think, so maybe not.

Okay, just some quick answers - 1. At first when he came I thought that yeah, maybe he just never learned - no access - so we all spent hours playing with him. My ds11 especially would spend tons of time with him, teaching him what everything does and acting all excited about stuff. And he loved that. Still does. But unless he has someone to play with him, he just has no interest. 2. The totes are very accessible...in the living room where he can get to them easily. With people all around to provide some social aspect. And yes if they are scattered around, he pretty much just walks around them. 3. He does have a language delay. He is 36 months but tested at 18 months. 4. His favorite activity (other than dirt and gravel :tongue_smilie: ) is helping. Helping clean, helping sweep, helping dust. It's terribly sweet actually. But does it make me a bad mom to wish that he would just play by himself sometimes? :001_smile: 5. We try to spend a lot of time outside where he can play in the grass or mud or gravel. He is so happy then. I would love to find something that he would like just as much inside. Maybe I can check out a tote filled with beans? rice? something? for inside. 6. He loves grown up stuff. Cell phones, especially. Sometimes when I am desperate I will give him mine. He likes pressing buttons. 7. He doesn't like coloring at all. We tried play dough. He liked that.... but again only as long as someone was playing with him. He lost interest as soon as big brother walked away.

Foster kiddo. I literally know nothing about his background before he came to us. We have had him for going on 4 months now. My question - he doesn't play with toys. Like ever. Unless someone plays with him. But otherwise no interest whatsoever. When he first came we had nothing in the way of toys. My youngest is 11 and even he has more "grown up" interests. So we stocked up on "stuff"....wooden blocks, big legos, a train set, books, puzzles, games, toy cars, trucks. Now everything just sits there in totes. Unless someones plays with him. But is it too much to expect that he would play on his own? Have I just not found something that he likes enough to play on his own? I hate to keep buying stuff only to let it sit there. The only thing that keeps him entertained independently is playing outside in gravel or mud or dirt. :tongue_smilie: I have three bio children of my own and I can't remember them ever needing to be entertained like he does. Maybe I just had easier children? or maybe I am just not remembering right? :sad: Is there anything I can do to promote independent play? How do your three year olds spend the day?

Yeah, I wouldn't want to work on an android either. Hopefully someone else can get you some ideas for what you are looking for. I bought an ipod just this past year especially for my ds to deal with all his dyslexia stuff. Special apps, audio books, set up especially for him. I am trying to automate his school work more for this year. Speech to text and text to speech. Digital textbooks. Stuff like that. So for us it just really made sense to invest in an ipod. Not trying to be pushy or anything, but the app is only $20 (apple) for level 4. You could teach up to level 4 with just that one purchase. At least I think that's how it would work. Someone can correct me if I am wrong on that. :blush: Good luck with everything. I hope you find a system that works. :001_smile:

Sorry, double posted. My mouse is funky.

Agreeing with Elizabeth. I bought the tiles at the beginning of level 4 and think they are genius. It makes everything so much easier. I was worried that my boy wouldn't like it as much. He is very sensory and loved working with the tiles. However, he likes manipulating the tiles on the app just as much. So no worries there. At least for my kiddo. One advantage of the app that was a big one for us was portability. With the app you can work anywhere. Even in the car. I really appreciated that. Sorry, I am no help otherwise. Not very creative here. :tongue_smilie:

Lori, I was reading through those testimonials on the weighted blanket and nearly convinced myself that I need one. :tongue_smilie: They sound lovely. Thanks for the hugs. Last night was actually pretty decent. He slept from 11:00 until 7:00, although that might have to do with the fact that he only had 7 hours the night before and only a short nap in the car running errands. He was exhausted and actually asked to go to bed. Although, he has been that tired before and didn't fall asleep....so I don't know. I gave him melatonin around 9:00. We'll see how tonight goes.

I've been doing that. Either classical music or the Bible. James Earl Jones has such a beautiful voice. :001_smile: Someone upthread suggested that music with more of a beat might work better. Maybe I will give that a try. My daughter's ipod should work for that. :leaving:

I like this so much I am going to quote it. :001_smile: My daughter is 16 and she and I are best friends. The best thing about being a parent is watching my children becoming secure, happy, lovely adults.

I would be curious to see how he would respond to that as well. We don't watch tv as a family though, only an occasional movie....not sure we would want to start if we didn't have to. Him wanting to be with people was the reason why I thought it would work so good for him to sleep in the same room with DD16. His bed is right next to hers. Literally, right next. She can reach down and rub his back without leaving her bed. He is right there with someone. And we haven't really had a sleep battle. He stays in bed and so far I haven't worried overmuch how long it takes him to go to sleep. Except for now I am.... because it is getting worse, not better.

We actually did this the first couple of nights and it seemed to work well (although my husband and I don't usually go to bed much before midnight anyway.) :001_smile: It didn't seem like a good long-term solution.

Just wanted to be clear about something, since different ones have brought it up.... DD volunteered, very eagerly, because first she likes children and second, she likes to stay up late anyway. The little guy is extremely high needs during the day, but very easy once he's in bed. Other than not going to sleep and occasionally trying to sneak out. :tongue_smilie: There is no way I would have asked her to do this if she hadn't asked and if I didn't feel like she could handle it. And if it any time (like now) I feel like it might be too much for her, then we reconsider. Thanks everyone for your advice.

Like I replied earlier, it is not an official foster situation yet. It is heading that way maybe, in which case, we will deal with all the rules then. :001_smile: CPS has been out to interview us and they seemed fine with the way things are. (Sharing with DD16) At his point, I would much rather have someone in the room with him. (I do understand the concerns, though) I guess we will have to see what comes. Getting off track here, but for those of you who know the ins and outs of fostering how would that work? Separate bedrooms, I mean. We only have 3. The master, one for our daughter and one for our 2 boys. The childrens' rooms are huge though - 12x20. Could we just partition one of them in half? Like with office type dividers or something like that?

I'm going to try some of the easier suggestions along with also talking to our family doc and seeing if she has any insight. We will also move him into our bedroom until we get things figured out. Too bad there is no miracle cure.

Oh wow Wendy. That would be super scary. Did you ever figure out something that worked for him.

He is in toddler bed. I would be worried with a crib because he is such a little monkey. 😜 I think with a crib I would just have the added worry about him hurting himself climbing out.

Sorry Wendy I was trying to quote on my phone I don't think it's dangerous. We have child proofed her room. And he is not destructive at all. Which I thank God for. It's just that obviously none of us are comfortable with him being awake by himself. After last night we will have to rethink things.