:grouphug:

I was just talking to DD (who has a gluten or wheat allergy) and she says she had a mild allergic reaction to General Mills GF Chex. I normally only buy Nature's Path, but when I was away DH bought the Chex and DD ate a little after eating a full dinner. At the time she thought she was allergic to something else in the house (they were sleeping over at a friend's house while travelling and she also has a dust allergy), and taking DH's allergy meds eased off her symptoms (itchy throat and itchy face.) This is rather scary. :-(

They wouldn't let us leave the ER without an epipen, so we have it. They did treat me as though I was irresponsible and insisted I leave DD in the ER by herself and drive, at 2am, to a pharmacy to buy the epipen. Considering her allergy is not airborne and I was not about to feed her wheat it was a bit of an overreaction on their part, so I refused to leave her and said that we'll get it together on the way home. In reality, I got it the following morning. Anyway. We find it is very easy to avoid her triggers, and in the last 4 years she had maybe 4 reactions, 3 of which were very mild.

Did you test to find out whether it was gluten or wheat? Does it matter if it is gluten or wheat in practical terms? We've treated DD as "allergic to gluten" without testing, because she had a horrible rash for 2 years that none of the dermatologists could cure and as a last resort we took her off gluten (which is the same as off wheat, only more ristricitve.) The rash healed within a couple of months. At that time she didn't have any typical allergic reactions to anything, including gluten. She's been gluten free for years and meanwhile her allergic reactions to accidental gluten (or wheat) exposure grew more severe. From a bit of itchiness at first to anaphylaxis the last time. The ER doctor told me it couldn't be gluten or wheat because of how her reaction was--hives, constricted throat, itchy / runny eyes, difficulty breathing. He said that reactions to gluten / wheat are different, and treated me like an irresponsible idiot. We are seeing an allergist in November, but I wanted to hear if others might have similar reactions to gluten / wheat.

This, but I'd get her a pretty chewable necklace, rather than a baby toy. Does she like lego? The lego chewing pendants are cool!

That's awful. Thanks for posting.

You nailed it.

Now we see her maybe once every couple of months, and I think DD still goes on her good memories and habit, in terms of coming to greet her...But in other ways she's distanced herself already, which is good. Just now the FM sent her a "congratulatory" note via email, which is the most passive aggressive congratulatory note I've ever seen, and DD said she isn't even going to reply.

Definitely not too loud in the situations when this happened. She *can* be loud (at home) and I talk to her about it. My voice doesn't carry at all, I had many problems doing presentations in school. No, not a loud family.

I don't think my social skills are higher than average when encountered with "oddities." But at least I remain polite. We are not a loud family, and DD was definitely not louder than the rest of the group--and the rest of the group was not loud either. However her voice did rise for a couple of words--still within normal, a typical girl's voice. It is possible that the FM has sensory issues, but it would be more polite to talk to DD or to me about it, I think. Many here are saying that DD should be handling it all herself, and should be easily ignoring, but she's a sensitive girl and it is just not easy for her. Especially as she was very close with this woman. Also, there are many different opinion and variations that are suggested, so I don't think it is a very black and white issue. Personally I wouldn't socialize with someone like FM, but DD still runs towards her like a puppy when she sees her--FM used to be her primary contact person in this group. Now she is informally mentored by 2 others, and she regularly socializes with others as well.

I'm much more on the ball with my younger children. With the 13yo I'm navigating new waters--at what point I stop talking "for her" when she's right there? She's not exactly a child, and she's treated by those in the group practically like a peer socially. I wish I had said something light hearted and funny, however reinforcing (re-establishig) the boundary at the same time. Instead I was chewing my food and trying to swallow.

I have no opportunities to witness the FM with any other teens. That's a good point about not apologizing. Thanks. It is tricky about not interracting. For example, today we were late for the gathering. When we walked into the diner the FM got up to come over and hug DD.

Thanks. This is what I was thinking too, but I'm not sure how to pull it off. So if DD is in the middle of saying something, to literally stop right away and change her physical position with respect to the "mentor"? I don't think it was easy to do at the diner today.

That's really, really tricky. I don't think the woman is malicious. I think she's a control freak. And DD is not about to avoid her support group and wonderful social outlet with others who have similar interests just because that woman also shows up. So I think the idea is to empower DD at this point. However, I tend to be taken aback in similar situations.

That's a good point that I shouldn't talk to the woman on DD's behalf. I'm not sure what would be an appropriate response, though? What about, "Was I talking too loud? Or did I say something wrong? I'm sorry."

DD13 has a former mentor (formerly very involved with her, but not anymore, but we still see her in social situations), who, according to DD "shushes" her in public. I couldn't really imagine what she meant, but today for the first time I witnessed this myself. We were at a diner, 8 adults around two tables + DD, DD facing her former mentor across the table. Everyone was talking in normal everyday voices (our group was the only people in the diner), there were 2 discussions happening. DD started telling something to her former mentor, not louder than anyone else, but there was a second where her voice did rise a little bit, in excitement, but not something that was out of the normal range for that space, distance, and the type of conversation. And the former mentor immediately brought her finger to her lips and said, "shhh." DD feels really undermined and insecure when she's shushed like this, because it is always unexpected and she keeps second guessing herself, whether she was acting appropriately or not. I was taken aback and startled and didn't say anything. I personally don't think that DD's level of loudness was inappropriate. If it were, I would've quietly let her know myself. Would you address this with the former mentor? On the spot? After the fact? What would you say, if anything? How youd you support your teen in a similar situation?

I don't personally like Elf on the Shelf, but I never thought about it this way. I'd love to hear your thoughts!

How about getting a globe? :w00t:

My biggest issue is not recording messes in a non-judgemental way, but making them public. Even if it is cute (I think they are, or might be) the rabid desire so share with the entire world, is truly sickening to me because I don't believe that those who share do so out of authentic reasons. There's this new mentality of "going viral" and total oversharing.

Thanks, Tibbie. :)

A long term member, back after an extended break. <snip> ETA: Okay, I need to do better at being anonymous. Maybe I need to invent some fictional issues to discuss to send everyone off track. lol Thank you for the ideas and support.