Saying anything remotely like "I would like to be your friend" is simply wrong in this situation. It is not the OP's son's duty to help the bully deal with his issues at the moment. He needs to keep himself safe and estabish clear boundaries.

This. 100%.

Even if he isn't, this has to be stopped ASAP, for his own good. That's not an excuse to continue bullying. And he should be getting help anyway, neurotypical or not.

If the bullying dosn't stop this "kid" (who is actually an older teen, soon to be an adult, and you are minimizing his responsibility by calling him a kid) should leave the carpool. You did the right thing by talking to his mother first. You shouldn't hesitate to take it to the principal, and then to the police if the school won't deal and the bully keeps on bullying. If they suspent a children for shooting pretend guns, they should follow through and create real consequences for this young man who is physically hurting his classmate and is making threats about killing a teacher. I'd have very low patience for this and I'd act lightning fast. What if your son's saint like patience breaks for an instant and he (rightly, imo) pushes that bully back? In today's crazy society it will be your son who will be blamed and suspended. By not acting to protect your son you are not saving the "kid." You are actually making the situationg worse for that individual. Hugs. This is so tough.

Yes, he IS bullying. It is like saying the terrorists aren't killing people, they are just being brain washed and don't know any better.

I'm honoured that Jean in New Castle remembers my history on the boards over the years and is quick to point out that she knows the backstory. :w00t: I'm not sure what I would've done without you, Jean in New Castle. Do you mind if I message you before I post so that you could help me formulate what I should share and what I should keep private? I think I need maybe some tips on proper over-sharing, cause I lack in this department. Thanks.

I looked NPD up, and he only has 2 symptoms, and 5 are needed for diagnosis. Lack of empathy and often (but not regularly) shows arrogant behaviours and attitudes. Well, a bit of a sense of entitilement, but very context specific and not his main issue. His biggest issue is not even lack of empathy per se, but utter inability to related to emotions and feelings. Which translates to lack of empathy in many contexts. He has way more symptoms from the Asperger's list than from NPD. It also says that personality disorders, including NPD tend to get better with age, but he seems to be getting worse. From the Asperger's list he has: above average intelligence (highly gifted) difficulties in empathizing problems in understanding another person's pov difficulties engaging in social routines, such as small talk difficulties with transitions (well, that's not on the list that I'm looking at, but seems to fit lol) absolutely can't split attention (ADHD-ish?)

She's fine (allergy-wise) unless she actually eats them.

He doesn't "believe" in feelings and he'd say he doesn't care about them. I think it is a combination of Asperger's and being incredibly stubborn. He is not able to understand the feelings part as an important part of one's self. I guess in the same way that I'm not sure I'm able to fully understand how a Dad can eat cookies in front of a kid who is anaphylactic to them. Btw, if he told her, "Gosh, I really crave those. Go see if you have any GF cookies in the house, let's munch together and enjoy the show. Too bad you can't have those ones, I know it's tough since those were your favourites," she would have been completely and totally find with that.

Yes, we have special foods that she can eat. That was DH's point too--we do buy her lots of treats (like expensive cheeses that she loves) to "compensate" for what she can't have. Which DD gets, and I get. But DH doesn't get that it is still sometimes hard for DD.

I'm still struggling to understand whether DH has Aspergers, or being simply insensitive. We had a conversation about this issue with DH, and it is like we are talking different languages. It was odd, to say the least. It seems that whenever there's something related to feelings, memories, special attachments, he is not grasping this, unable to relate, and thinks that our way of understanding and feeling is wrong. This is my thing as well--she needs to get over it, but he needs to be more compassionate. DD is so upset because it is DAD. She sees other people eat what she can't have all the time, and she deals just fine / not affected.

Or am I missing something and being too sensitive? DH has been buying and cookies that DD14 can't have. Those cookies are rather special to her as it was a special treat we used buy when she was a toddler and young pre-schooler, and we had a lemonade and cookie parties with her. She hasn't been able to have them in years, and she has fond memories of them. We haven't bought them in years either. When DH first got the "family pack" of them, she tried to ask him not to do it anymore. I talked to DD then and I have been talking sicne then, that even though it is tough for her to have them around, Dad has a full right to buy them and enjoy them, and that she shouldn't try to control what other people eat. So it is not that I support her asking him not to buy the cookies. I think she was out of line. However, I do understand that it can be hard for a person, especially a child with a food restriction, when their loved ones eat that food in front of them. I think it is actually more difficult than witnessing other people eat foods that you can't have. And more difficult when it is a treat that DH can easily eat out of sight. DH eats them in front of DD and tells her that it is morally petty not to be happy for him when he enjoys them and instead to have little pangs of regret that she can't have them. He claims that this feeling is totally alien to him, and he can't imagine feeling sad and a bit upset seeing a family member eat something that he can't have. He says he'd be only happy for them. Which is the closest to your own feelings? Attaching a poll.

He did say that he wouldn't think about starting it in the next year, due to the severity of her reaction, I guess.

Also, I wonder if it is typical to have celiac (if the rash was indicative of that) and allergy to wheat? Her allergic reaction invovles skin and airwaves. Nothing digestive.

I think, but I can't be sure. It was on her buttocks. Itchy, little blisters. It wouldn't completely go away for 2 years of various treatments, and cleared withing a couple of months after she became GF. It wasn't misdiagnosed as any of the rashes listed in the article, and I forget what it was diagnosed as. However, I remember that at that time, based on my research, it looked like a very atypical presentation og what they were telling me it was. She didn't have any typical celiac symptoms and the family doctor wouldn't test for it, and I didn't insist. Back then it seemed easier and safer to go off gluten. :-(

I can't find any information, but this is what our allergist told me. When DD was 7 and 8 yo she had a horrible rash that wouldn't go away with multiple dermatologists trying their best. When she was 9, with no support from the medical professionals, I put her off gluten, for a variety of ibehavioral ssues that I believed were caused by gluten, but no one would agree with me. Her behavioral issues improved dramatically, and within a couple of months the rash was gone too. I later read that it was a typical "gluten" rash. The allergist told me that I caused her anaphylactic reaction (this summer, after 4 years of being gluten free) by completely eliminating gluten. (DD tested anaphylactic to wheat and all the other grains that contain gluten, but the allergist would not call it a gluten allergy. According to him she has a "wheat allergy.") She doesn't react (or hasn't so far) when a food is labeled "may contain gluten" and she is fine with small amounts of gluten / what in a certain type of candy which uses wheat starch. DS has been gluten free for several years now as well. (He has severe stomach aches, the doctors were telling me that didn't know what it was, assured me it wasn't gluten, refused to test for celiac and wanted him on medication "that might help" with side effects. Since DD was gluten free at that time and doing so much better, I had him off gluten as well and he didn't have a stomach ache since.) We are going to see that same allergist to test him and to see if we can re-introduce gluten into his diet. Does anyone have any info on this? Personal experiences? Thanks.

I need several coats, snow pants etc etc because of the variable weather. I hate how much space they all take at the entrance, but I'll deal witht his later. For now I'm dealing with my bedroom, and I want to occupy a really small space. I want to pretend that I'm travelling! lol

I googled "minimalist wardrobe" before posting, and the items that are listed are not what I wear. I don't wear dresses and skirts. I don't even wear button down blouses, but I'd like to have one that I like. It seems all I wear are "free items"! lol

For the clothes I'll keep in the dresser (not counitng outerwear at this point.) 6 pairs of underwear 3 bras 6 pairs of socks 1 pair of pyjama pants 1 set of thermal underwear 2 pairs of jeans 3 dressier (but still casual) t-shirts 4 work out / pyjama t-shirts 1 knitted sweater 1 button down shirt 2 scarves 2 summer dresses

This.

Nope. :laugh: She'll figure it out when she has to, it is not rocket science. I learned to cook after I got married, and that was before the internet. All she'll need to do is to watch a couple of videos on youtube and she'll be set.

It can be used as a slow cooker and pressure cooker. I pretty much dump things in there and voila! DH got me a crockpot recipe book when he got me the Instant Pot, and honestly, I found the recipes too time consuming and intimidating. (And I'm a good cook, I just wanted something different from the pressure cooker, kwim?) If it is for a person who doesn't like cooking, what about writing down a dozen of recipes in a pretty notebook and giving the book as a gift as well? When she gets a hang of things, she'll google for recipees. My favourites are: Cut potatoes, carrots, an onion, some garlic + a table spoon of vegetable based seasoning. Dump stew-cut beef. Add some water. Close the lid, set the timer. If using frozen meet, double the timer. Voila! That's my basic stew. Cut everythign smaller and add more water, and you have a soup. Or... dump stew cut beef, rice + water, crushed tomatoes from a can, some cookign oil, spices and voila, a pilaf. I'd write those (or similar) to her based on her taste of spices and various variations, and she'll be set. It also cooks plain rice really well. And beans.

Instant Pot. http://www.amazon.com/Instant-Pot-IP-LUX50-Programmable-Stainless/dp/B006E7I7MG/ref=sr_1_4?s=kitchen&ie=UTF8&qid=1446999596&sr=1-4&keywords=Instant+pot This person doesn't nee to fall in love with cooking all of a sudden. She needs to find a convenient way to cook ;-).

Empathy is the ability is to understand how others feel and often share those feelings. Your children, as described, are not empathetic, which could be entirely age appropriate. Is this what are you trying to say?

I actually didn't think there would be a difference based on this variable. How does it follow that atheists are immoral??