I think a few basic skills in cooking, cleaning, laundry, frugal shopping, and sharing space with other human beings in a pleasant manner is also part of mission prep. ;)

Bickery kids today. I keep missing the sentence that contains the whole "point" of the story. In every single story...lol. So glad they'll have it all up in the archives in a day or two. Sigh.

I think it's a good thing. But I always have a little bit of a hard time with missionary-related chats. Dh is an "adult convert" and never served a mission, though he has fond memories of "his" missionaries. I wasn't married when I was 21, but felt the Lord was leading me in a different direction and did NOT want me to serve a mission. Later life happenings have led me to agree with him, even though at the time I really kind of wanted to go and didn't really have anything better to do. Some of the people in my life (not my family, fellow ward members where I lived--you know how there always seem to be a couple who know how to live your life better than you do...lol) were trying to nudge me in the direction of a mission, and my bishop and I had one brief informal chat about it in passing one day, but he'd had the same impressions on the subject that I had (and was relieved to hear me say I wasn't going, and it wasn't going to be an issue--not that he didn't think I would make a great missionary, just that he'd received a strong impression that the Lord had other plans for me). My son...well, I never know what I think about him from one day to another. Some days I'm convinced he will never be emotionally stable enough for missionary service, though perhaps he could fill some kind of service mission close to home. Some days I'm sure he'll get to a point where he COULD serve a mission, but I'm not sure he'll want to. Some days I think he'll make a really great missionary, but not until he's about 25. It's one of those things where the not knowing--not even being able to make an educated guess, really--gets wearing. And I have a hard time with lessons about how to help our kids prepare for missions. They make it sound so easy. And my chats with my son about missions always have to include an element of how the Lord understands his circumstances, and although some autistic people are able to serve missions, some aren't, and if he can't, then the prophet has made it clear that people with disabilities that make mission service impossible are honorably excused, and nobody should ever make him feel bad about it, though there might be a few people who don't understand, but that's their problem not his...and all that kind of thing. I just don't know. I am SURE he won't be ready at 18, though. (But when he was 4 I was SURE he'd have to be institutionalized by the time he was 11 or 12 because he'd be too big for me to physically restrain, and would be too dangerous to live with, and at 15 he's as gentle as can be, so there are always surprises with him, and things I am SURE of today might be laughable 3 years from now.) Ambiguous Uncertainty, my old friend, we meet again. My daughter...well, she's only 10 and quite the free spirit. I don't know what to expect for her either. But we had a chat today about how even though full-time missionary service is not required of women, being "missionaries" to their children IS, and that is a life-long mission, not just for a couple of years, so girls need to prepare accordingly. She's very mommy-minded lately, and it sounds like the boys are starting to pay attention to her a little at school already. It will be interesting to see what path her life takes. But missionary planning? Pshaw. Not at my house. Gospel learning, yes, of course. Preparing to teach, naturally. Full time missions? Maybe for dh and me when we're a "senior couple", but otherwise....only the Lord knows. And chats about mission-related topics remain a little...odd...for me.

Gotcha. I thought maybe they'd said something more explicit this time. I don't have a problem with the age difference, for a number of reasons, but I don't know that I've ever heard them spell many of them out over the pulpit. :)

I missed that part. What reason was given? (I love whys.)

I caught part of the press conference, and it does sound like they're expecting a surge. I hadn't thought about the BYU freshman class..lol. I did like that they also emphasized that missionaries are expected to PREPARE before their missions, and that they should not go until they are ready. As the mom of a boy who may or may not EVER be ready, I love that they are judicious about pressuring young people regarding missions. I like that they are firm that for young men it is an obligation from the Lord (and that the Lord deeply appreciates young women who are willing to serve even though they are not obligated to), but that at the same time they recognize that the Lord understands their individual circumstances and that they may take the time they need to prepare. And that those with physical or mental challenges that severely interfere with their ability to serve are honorably excused from service.

My brother worked as a Hungarian translator for conference for a little while while he was in college. They have little translation booths up in the back of the conference center where they listen and interpret. Here's an article from 2010: http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/general-conference-interpretation-fact-sheet

That is an incredibly apt description! Yeah, I can understand that. It made me giggle, I think, because these men are generally so solemn and dignified when speaking in conference, but every now and then you get enough of a glimpse of a sense of humor that I can imagine them laughing at it too. I bet it's quite an adjustment! Those look yummy!

Have you seen this? Had to giggle. (Especially after that viral seminary teacher video that was going around at the start of the school year. You saw that one, right?)

My daughter went around with a note pad this afternoon and took "orders" for conference snacks from all the family members. Then she begged so very sweetly to PLEEEEEEEZZZZZZE go to the store with me to get them. I was tired. I was cranky. I was SO done with kids for the evening. But she was so sweet and cute and enthusiastic that I said yes. I think she'd asked for about 15 extra things by the time we made it halfway down the first aisle ("This is AMAZING! Can we get one? Just one? I hafta show Dad! OOOooh! I haven't seen THAT flavor before, D would LOVE those! Couldn't we get them for him? I saw a commercial for these. They look super yummy, and they're on SALE too! Can we please try them?). When I pointed out she was doing it, she apologized so very sincerely (that's the thing about her, she is always completely, guilelessly sincere about everything. And half the time she's not even asking for herself anyway, so it's hard to get upset with her. But it does wear on a body after a while). And spent the rest of the trip chanting "Not going to ask, not going to ask..." under her breath every time something exciting caught her eye. She even made sure we got an extra special treat for the dog, "because we want HER to look forward to conference TOO!" So tired. Glad I get to sleep in tomorrow. ADHD level enthusiasm can really wear a body out.

When did you move? And how come I missed that? I guess I really haven't been paying much attention around here lately.

Something else to consider is that he is legally an adult now, and unless you have established a legal guardianship for a disabled adult (I'm guessing not, since it's a new diagnosis), he has the legal right to make his own medical decisions. ETA: Also, if he is legally an adult, and you don't have guardianship paperwork, you have the legal right to move him out of your house. I'm not saying you SHOULD do that, and it might not be a good idea even to bring the subject up--you know him best. But at some point it might be helpful for him to understand that he no longer has the "right" to live at your house, and he gets to live there because you CHOOSE to let him live there. ETA again: Aspies can be very big on "rights", and rules, and logic and loopholes. My son informed me the other day that he wants to be a lawyer, and I'm thinking if he can get the social skills thing down well enough that would be a great profession for him.

Well, he does have a point to some extent. He does have a right to choose his behavior. He doesn't have a right to choose how other people react to his behavior. He does have a right to decide for himself how far he is willing to bend to help other people be comfortable around him, but if he chooses to do things that offend, upset, or bother people, he can't choose for them to like him, or to like being around him, or to want him in the same room. And because you own the house, not him, it is your right to determine what kinds of behavior are acceptable in different areas in your house--for example, certain activities should be limited to taking place in the bathroom, and nowhere else. You have a right to make a rule that flapping and making weird noises must be limited to the privacy of his own room if you want. He has a right to make the noises, but the rule at YOUR house is not in the kitchen thanks. When he has his own house he can squawk and flap wherever he chooses because then he will be the one making the rules. In public places there are not usually rules about squawking and flapping. This is because it is not very common for people to want to squawk and flap in public. He actually does have a right to squawk and flap in public places if he wants to, but other people have a right to REACT to his behavior however they want as well. They might avoid him. They might ask him to leave (if it's their restaurant or whatever, they have a right to do that). They might even call the police because they think he's a crazy person who might be dangerous. And that's their right. These are probably things he would prefer that people not do (except for the avoid part, he might like that). And there is one way to keep them from doing those things, which is to NOT act in ways that startle and confuse people, even if the behavior is something he has every right in the world to do. So when he is around other people, he needs to think about whether what he is doing might startle, confuse, or frighten other people. And he needs to keep in mind that sometimes people are startled, confused, or frightened by things that HE knows are perfectly harmless, just because the behavior is unexpected and they're not sure how he expects them to react. The best way to keep people from doing things like asking him to leave, yelling at him, mocking him, or calling the police, is to intentionally behave in ways that most people expect most other people to behave, even though he has a right to behave in other ways if he wants to. If he DOES behave in ways that other people don't expect, though, he needs to respect their right to react negatively. He has a right to flap and squawk. You have a right to be upset by it. If he wants you not to be upset, he can accomplish that by not doing the thing that upsets you. [i have had this conversation with my son, can you tell?...lol]

When our kids were little they just played around us while we watched. We have special treats during conference and they're served in the room with the TV and must be eaten there as well. Now that we're all older it's partly just habit for them to watch, but we still let them bring in toys to play with, or in dd's case art supplies so she can sit and draw while she listens. And we almost always set up a jigsaw puzzle so dh and I have something to occupy our hands. I'll sometimes work on a quilt project while I watch. I don't know how much sinks in for the kids, but I figure I've at least provided the opportunity for them to hear and tried to make it pleasant, and whether or not they listen is up to them. They do seem to look forward to sleeping in, watching church on TV in their jammies, and munching on fun food.

Every person on the spectrum is different, and sometimes it takes a while to figure out what works best. Some of the moms in our ASD parent support group report big improvements with anti-psychotics, and others say their kids have had fairly dreadful reactions (though I have not yet heard of any of that continuing after the meds were stopped, and in the one case that was worst we all think there's something going on with that kiddo besides, or in addition to autism, but the docs haven't figured him out yet and neither has his poor mama). My son also has a diagnosis of Asperger's and is high functioning (he told me yesterday he wants to be a lawyer, but he's only 15 so we'll see). Most of his weird stims and OCD compulsions tapered off slowly and disappeared after he started taking Prozac for anxiety and then we took him out of school and started homeschooling him, which helped with the sensory over-stimulation and social floundering. Some of his stims we've been able to shift to a different behavior that fills the same need but is less obtrusive and more socially acceptable. To do that, though, you do need to figure out what need is being met by the stim, and then brainstorm other ways to meet it. You'd have to talk with your son and maybe do some close observation to see if you can figure it out. It could be a way to channel stress into something non-destructive (my friend's son punches holes in the wall, and I'd take weird noises over that any day). The noise could be meeting a need for auditory stimulation, or for tactile stimulation from the vibration. Flapping is often something that meets either a visual stimulation need or a kinesthetic/propioceptive need (additional stimulus to muscles and joints that give the brain information about things like where the body is in space). My son doesn't really flap. (He does flop though. He spends about 90 percent of his life draped over furniture in odd, contorted positions. In fact I have one photo of him sitting at the computer with one elbow propped on the sole of his foot. I don't know how he even bends that way.) He does make weird noises sometimes, though. For HIM, it's usually an auditory stimulation thing and if I turn on some music so his ears are getting the stimulation from something else he will stop. If he starts feeling the urge to "gawp" loudly he'll either go up to his room and listen to classical music turned up REALLY loud, or he'll put on his headphones and listen to bagpipe and drum music on his MP3 player. Either way, it gives his brain a big dose of whatever it is he needs without aggravating the whole household with explosive outbursts of random inhuman-sounding noises. I think if it were me, I wouldn't write off anti-psychotic meds entirely (I really have heard about some amazing results with them) but I would probably try to figure out the cause first and see if there might be another way to address it. If it's stress, anxiety meds might do the job. If it's sensory, you might be able to find a more socially acceptable stim like headphones for the sounds and a stress ball or weighted wrist cuffs for the flapping (the extra weight increases the proprioceptive feedback). If it's a completely involuntary tic that he honestly has no control over whatsoever then maybe the anti-psychotics would be the best way to go, I don't know much of anything about that sort of biological thing. My son's "stims" have mostly been stress-related, sensory-related, or OCD compulsions. I would also be a little hesitant to take advice about autism from someone who claims there is an "only thing that helps" with anything related to autism, because autism is so different from person to person that you just can't make blanket statements about it like that.

I've had my hands full for a while and haven't been able to get in here much. Today the kids are having a sick day (thanks to the stomach bug I soldiered on with last week) and I'm taking the time to catch up on a few things. What a fun thread to find waiting for me! I asked my family members to write down what they wanted for conference munchies on the fridge shopping list. So far the only things on there are wafer cookies (those pink rectangular things with the texture of styrofoam--for some reason they always want them at conference, and no other time of the year..lol), White Castle cheeseburgers (dh), and homemade crab rangoon. I'm thinking that list needs a little filling out.

I'd be happy to answer questions as well. :) And it's always okay to start another LDS questions thread, if you want, too. Also, you might be interested to know that this weekend is our semi-annual general conference, which will be broadcast via internet. The speakers are drawn from the first presidency, apostles, worldwide auxiliary presidencies, and other upper-level leadership. There are two general sessions on Saturday and two on Sunday, at 10:00 am and 2:00 pm mountain time. This website will have the broadcasts live, and also has archives of past conferences. http://www.lds.org/general-conference?lang=eng

Whenever we need to do something involving needles with ds I ask for a place for him to lie down while they do it and for a few minutes after, and I bring some juice (he gets lightheaded even if it's just a quick jab) and a favorite candy bar (or other treat, as a bribe). Lying down helps him relax and keeps the blood flowing to his brain, and having me stand there with an actual candy bar in hand that he can have as soon as it's over gives him something to look at and think about other than the needle. He still gets anxious, but will generally go through with it without a lot of undue fuss with this routine.

If it's to be a private adoption, I would recommend consulting an adoption lawyer. If the foster system is involved, the child(ren)'s caseworker would be a good person to ask.

Ooh, I like this idea. Not that my opinion matters all that much...lol.

I've seen some pics of Elmer Fudd with a little red flag on a stick poking out of the end of his gun with "Bang" written on it in white. That might be one option to making a gun look less "real". Alternately, he could carry a stick with a flag or sign that says, "Be vewy, vewy quiet, I'm hunting wabbits" or something of the sort instead of a gun. It would make it clear that he was E.F. and not just some random hunter costume guy.

Speaking of Tennant and Shakespeare...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHAJ4VFStUE&feature=youtu.be

For what it's worth, many years ago my father was working on getting some of his work published I remember several times hearing him grumble about how he had to keep shortening his sentences and trying to think of smaller words that would express his intended meaning because the publisher required that publications intended for adults in the general population must be no higher that a 5th grade reading level. (Dad was accustomed to writing on a more technical level to an audience of scientists.) Evidently, a 5th grade reading level was considered industry standard. Which is to say, I don't think this is anything new.

Hee heee! Yeah, we did the meltdown thing last Friday when I made him get a school picture taken. (Evil, evil Mom!) Today it's mostly been hostility, resistance, and whining. But...y'know...to an unnatural extreme. Hell hath no whining.... Strangely, he seems to have buckled down and gotten the job done. Finished school before lunch, and his dad (who works from home) decided to take him out to lunch and to the mall to get the video game he wanted that just came out. (Gift card from a drawing at the orthodontist.) Hopefully his mood will have improved by the time he gets back. My nerves can't take much more. Even if it hasn't, though, he will likely hide in his new game for a while and leave me be.

And now, class, it's time for fun with analogies! Fill in the blank below with a word that appropriately completes the analogy. woman scorned : fury :: overly tired teenage autistic boy : __________________ (Yes, this will be on the test.)