DesertBlossom
-
Posts
2,484 -
Joined
-
Last visited
Content Type
Profiles
Forums
Events
Blogs
Classifieds
Store
Posts posted by DesertBlossom
-
-
15 minutes ago, easypeasy said:
No argument here! 👍He is very aware of boundaries now.
I worry that young men these days aren't being taught or don't see modeled healthy dating behavior. Our culture has shifted away from traditional dating and it feels a little bit like a free for all now. No rules for normal behavior. Just swipe right (or is it left?) and you're good to go. It's no wonder some kids really suck at figuring out how to get in and stay in healthy relationships.
-
5
-
-
3 minutes ago, maize said:
Brené Brown talks about the difference between guilt and shame; guilt carries with it a sense of "I did something wrong"--guilt can lead us in a positive direction, we can choose to make course corrections, repent, make restitution if possible, and move forward.
Shame is the feeling that "I am a bad person"--shame leads to feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, inclines us to give up.
It is shame that I am worried about. Purity culture can be a breeding ground for shame. Especially for people who are naturally prone to it.
I think modeling healthy sexually behavior and attitudes is important. That includes how we talk about people we know who have had unplanned pregnancies, or porn addictions, etc. We set some pretty impossibly high standards for ourselves in all aspects of our life, but we all mess up somehow, sometime. And it's okay. Even when we make really big, life-altering mistakes. Hopefully no one is using the "licked cupcake" or "chewed gum" analogies anymore because those are absolutely damaging. Let your kids know that you love them, no matter what. And that forgiveness and peace is attainable no matter how big or small the mistake.
-
5
-
-
1 hour ago, HollyDay said:
Do you know the root cause of the family history of hip problems? Prevention might depend upon the cause
That's a good question. I don't know the cause of my mom's problems and she's not around to ask now. I know one of my sisters has seen at least 1 specialist, so I will have to ask her.
-
If I had known that exercise would be the answer, I wouldn't have asked the question. 😄 I was hoping someone would lead me to some fancy orthotic insoles or something. Lol. I do need to exercise more though. My preference is to swim, but that's been hard to make the time for, especially because it means washing my hair. My sisters with beginning hip issues are much more active than I am and only 1 carries a few extra pounds. So it's discouraging to think this may be unavoidable.
-
4 hours ago, Chris in VA said:
I also think video chatting/temptations of sexting and p*orn should be topics of conversation
For real. A friend just discovered her daughter was sexting boys. One threatened to hurt himself if she didn't send pictures. She didn't thankfully. But gah! The conversations we have to have with our young children is disheartening. Necessary, but disheartening. It's a really tough world out there.
-
1
-
2
-
-
2 hours ago, Ktgrok said:
Yup.
And really, i didn't feel badly about myself - I didn't come from a religious household or anything. But I was just unprepared. As in, I had things to say or do, I had responses, for a boy who wanted something I wasn't ready for.
But NO ONE had ever talked about what to do when you DO want them to do it!
I don't think anyone ever talked to the boys about that either - I think the boys were counting on the girls to put the breaks on, and when/if the girl didn't the boys were kind of at a loss, and ending up going further than they were comfortable with as they hadn't been taught how to put the breaks on themselves. It was like the rule was you could try, and she'd tell you when to stop. Well - what if she doesn't want to stop??
I think we also need to send a loud, clear message to both boys and girls that when you go on a date with someone, whether it's one date or 25 dates, you do not owe them any kind of physical intimacy, nor do they owe you anything. It's disheartening to hear that some believe they are owed something when they pay for a date. No. Just no. I don't care if you spent $100 on dinner, you're not owed more than a high five or a firm handshake at the door. Physical intimacy, even a simple kiss, ought to be an expression of mutual attraction and not an obligation.
-
7
-
-
4 hours ago, maize said:
While I teach chastity, I don't want my kids to be saddled with guilt and shame should they act outside of those standards.
I think this is tricky. I don't think feelings of guilt are necessarily bad. We feel guilty when we make choices outside of our value system. If I steal something, I am going to feel bad. And that guilt will hopefully prompt me to right my wrong and make amends. If someone feels guilty about making a choice outside their value system, they might be able to push past it and/or decide that value is no longer important to them, etc. But feeling bad about a choice we made can be a good thing. On the flip side, we don't want our children to be made to feel like they are bad people or that somehow they are damaged because of the choices they made. The beauty and gift of repentance means that we don't have to define ourselves by our past mistakes.
When it comes to teaching chastity, I think we go wrong when the message we send is "having sexual feelings is bad" when what we actually want to teach is that there is a right place and a right time to act upon those sexual desires. We are sexual beings. God made us that way. It's how we act on those desires that can be for our good or bad. The line dividing appropriate and inappropriate behavior may be different for everyone. And kids who are taught chastity a certain way may grow up and decide they don't believe it or don't want to live by those rules anymore. As parents we love them anyway. Their value and their worth is not diminished in any way. In one of the podcasts I listened to Finlayson-Fife says that the law of chastity is protective, not restrictive. It's empowering to be able to say, "this is my body and I will choose when and with whom I share this sexual side of myself."
It's hard. I think we sometimes send unintentional messages to our children. Or maybe they sometimes interpret them wrong. I don't know. But I think we need to be able to have ongoing conversations with our children about this.
-
4
-
-
I have listened to a bunch of Jennifer Finlayson-Fife's podcasts on sexuality. She is an LDS sex therapist, focusing on women. I have learned a lot about myself and how things I was taught as a young adult affected my thinking. I mean, ai feel like I have a pretty good sense of my sexuality as an adult, but listening to her as been very eye-opening. I really, really like her and her approach. As I've got 2 teens (and 5 more on the way) I want to take her online course on teaching children about sex. I just feel like she has a very healthy approach. http://www.finlayson-fife.com/
-
1
-
-
My mom had hip replacement surgery at age 57 or so. Both of my sisters, who are about 50 years old are beginning to have hip problems. One walks with a noticeable limp. I spent the last week sleeping in an RV and hiking around National Parks, and after a couple miles of easy hiking my hips would start to ache. I am afraid that hip problems are in my future. If I did get dealt the "defective hips" card, is there anything I can do to prevent things from getting worse? Or at least postponing the problems?
-
I do kinda feel bad for the guy. Maybe he's actually a decent guy. And your DD can take it as a compliment that she turned him into a bumbling idiot. Hopefully he has learned some lessons from this for the next time he wants to ask a girl out.
-
5
-
-
I would hope the guy isn't dangerous. But then again if he set up a stalking app.....
-
I have no idea, but this is so creepy. I agree that someone should take her phone and see if he shows up. Someone he might not recognize who could watch him if/when he showed up to analyze his behavior. Like, is he looking around for her, checking his phone like he's trying to pinpoint her location, etc.
-
When DH was deployed 3 years ago we could video chat and text all day. I thought a lot about my grandmother, sending a telegram to my grandfather who was serving in WWII about the birth of my mother. I just can't even imagine.
-
4
-
-
7 hours ago, MissLemon said:
I actually know 2 people that died because they decided to use "natural cures" for autoimmune hepatitis and cancer. In one case, the person stopped their meds, used juice cleanses and essential oils. They went into liver failure rapidly and died. The other person took about 18 months before they died of cancer. They did not pursue chemo, surgery, or radiation, but instead chose essential oils, veganism, organic foods, and coffee enemas. These were both young people in their 30s. The first person had only been married 18 months. The second person left 2 young kids behind to grow up without their mother.
When natural cures don't cure cancer, you're stupid and idiotic for not trusting mainstream medicine.
When chemo kills you faster faster than the cancer would have, well, we don't acknowledge that.
-
2
-
-
Having watched "Harry and the Hendersons" as a kid I knew there was a whole family of Bigfoot/Bigfeet/Bigfoots. 😁
-
5
-
-
We have rented an RV and will be gone for almost a week. We probably won't be staying more than 1 night in any place. So far w have a KOA reservation for one 1 night where our main event (and reason for travelling) will be. It's in a large city where public transportation will take us right to our destination. We will not be towing a car.
We will be visiting some of our old stomping grounds, spending a lot of time outside, stopping in to see some family, and spending a couple days in a National Park. (Is that vague enough but with enough detail? Lol)
This feels so immense. I don't even know where to start with the packing and planning. We do a fair amount of camping and some travelling in general. But we have never taken an RV on the road. We have 7 kids who are not picky eaters and I would love easy meal ideas that won't require me packing up my entire kitchen to prepare.
Besides that, I don't even know what I need to know. Lol. DH says this is our trial run for a cross country trip someday. 🤪
-
1
-
-
1908 and 1911. While not the oldest, I do think it's cool that my grandmother was born in the territory of AZ.
-
Walmart will replace them anytime within a year... no matter how many times. At least ours did. I had to replace the same pair of glasses at least twice (maybe 3 times) for DS and as long as it's within a year from the purchase date, they will replace them.
-
3
-
-
My oldest 2 are 7th and 8th graders and I am just dipping my toes into this parenting teens thing and I'm terrified. The other day when I picked up Dd from school I asked how her day was, and with a wicked snarl she shot back, "it was just a school day." I had never heard that tone of voice before from this child.
For reals though, can I get some book recs? I need some solid advice about finding the balance between allowing teens to express their emotions because I am their "safe space" and not being steamrolled by selfish, rude little buggers. Minutes after acting like I was ruining her life by asking how her day was, she was asking for me to take her shopping. I think I got whiplash.
-
My dd just said "I bet $5000 it won't be better."
I agree.
-
2
-
-
I wonder if this is not a blood sugar issue. I have always heard that blood sugar meters can be off by 20% either direction. So two blood sugar numbers of 134 and 111 taken 20 minutes apart may not mean your blood sugar is actually dropping that far that fast. It's possible you are feeling a blood sugar drop, but I would expect either a bigger drop or much lower numbers before you could actually feel it.
-
We need a new fake tree too. Every year I say I am going to buy one after Christmas. And after year I feel like we overspent on Christmas so I don't buy a new tree.
-
25 minutes ago, Sneezyone said:
What you and Lisa described are ADULT coaches on the pool deck in 'indecorous' suits, HS student athletes.
Actually, the swim coaches for my kids during the summer are teens. I don't know how that's relevant though.
Sometimes the swimsuit wedgies are because athletes size down significantly so that it reduces drag. But sometimes it's the cut of the swimsuit itself. I have a niece who is a very competitive swimmer and my SIL remarked that at least this year's team suit covered their bottoms.
-
20 minutes ago, MysteryJen said:
What line are you going to draw and what is the motivation behind it?
Water polo suits are tighter and ride up even higher. What line there?
People already don't like two piece suits for training, even though they frequently fit better and are more comfortable. But lots of coaches ban those.
I am very uncomfortable with the constant policing of womens bodies because I don't think that the motivation behind it is to help women be more comfortable and empowered in their bodies.
I don't know if 2 piece competitive swimsuits are actually a thing, but I know diving into the water with a regular 2 piece will likely result in losing one's drawers.
I think it's okay to draw a line for competitive swimsuits for the same reason I am teaching my 3 year old exhibitionist that he needs to wear clothes, especially when guests are over. There are parts of our bodies that are sacred and private and hanging our butt cheeks out of our swim suits doesn't make anyone swim faster.
JAWM Update- he's coming home.
in The Chat Board
Posted
I don't know. I think in this case she needs to be told outright that this is not okay.