I barely make ends meet now. Rent there or near their city is significantly more. And my current job has no retirement plan.

Respectfully, it’s not all about the kids either. My mental and emotional health matters, too. I can’t be the best parent if I don’t balance it.

Yeah well it’s complicated. Moving near them does not guarantee more time with them. But it does guarantee a hike in rent.

Nothing is set in stone but I also don’t want to send a message I’ll just follow him anytime he moves. Especially with no discussion. Wouldn’t be surprised if he stays there one semester, doesn’t land a job, can’t afford to stay, and moves again! There’s a reason we didn’t live in the town by the grandparents. The math didn’t work.

Ok I will ask and I will also see if I can get my dad added into it as an alternative drop off/pick up person. He could bring the kids to his house after school if I’m traveling to him. And/or he could maybe drive to visit me with the kids in tow some time.

Maybe I can make him fork over gas money and trade cars with my dad some weeks. I’ll try to come up with solutions. Sigh

Yeah. I just meant everyone saying how much it matters. I don’t know how much she feels that.

I will see dd a minimum of once a month. I already know that.

My aunt was so concerned about my car they told me not to drive to their house at Thanksgiving. Instead we met at a restaurant. It’s not just a here and now vs later issue. I’ve known for a while now my car isn’t in the best shape long term due to age and miles etc (sometimes I’ll randomly lose a/c or heat. Death sentence in hot Mississippi). I literally have no money to buy a new car. I need to build back up my auto fund and even that will probably only be enough as an emergency repair thing, not a buy a new car fund. Trust me. I am thinking. And just fyi (directed at everyone not anyone in particular) dd loves being with her brother and stepbro so doesn’t even act that upset about the current visitation. She’s literally complained to me for picking her up because she didn’t get to ride the van with a classmate or brothers 🙄 It upsets me more than her I think…

I did wonder if I could require him to drive them one way to me sometime but he can’t sleep here and I don’t think they will expect him to drive 4 hrs to drop off then 4 hrs back to his house. The only thing he’s responsible for is meeting halfway. But as I’ve said if he drives the kid(s) halfway, that’s dd in his car 2 hours then in mine 2 hours. And me in my own car 4 hrs round trip. I forgot to mention dd suffers from car sickness. Sometimes she takes medicine. We’ve had mixed results. She’s thrown up on trips with him to TX.

One way to dad’s house = 228 miles. round trip 456 miles Two trips a month would = 912 miles!

I will drive 4 hours each way whether I meet halfway or go all the way to my dad’s. I’m concerned about my vehicle handling it. The car is a 2010 (paid in full) and has had several trips to the shop and gets high mileage synthetic oil at every oil change. I drive at least a couple hours a week. 50 miles one way to the city.

I currently have over 205,000 miles on my car. If my car breaks down I can’t afford to replace it right now.

I don’t know if more summer time equals less overall time. I will have to sit down and see the math. My car isn’t great. 2 visits a month would be 16 hours on the road.

Spoke to my lawyer. At this point we’re just going to request modifications to the visitation. My hands are pretty tied. I might request one weekend a month + extra summer. I don’t really want to do that drive 2x a month. Will I be able to watch dd and work over summer? Well I’ll do my best… she’ll be a little more mature by then? Not sure if ds will be over the same number of days. I need to look at the schedule again.

Thanks, ladies. I need to make more intentional weight training a priority. Has anyone here used the cloth bands? I’m debating returning the rubbery ones but then again maybe I’ll just keep them. Yesterday evening I did 53 min on bike and my steps for the day ended up being 15,857. I have been eating more off menu stuff so the exercise may or may not create a deficit but I’m enjoying time with the kids and different food. If you saw my other thread, xh pulled the rug out from under me and moved them to another city over his winter break time. Is this legal or fair? Don’t have all the answers yet. Just going to enjoy our time together. Kids are asleep. I may do a morning walk in a few min.

I might delete this later, but here's a significant progress photo comparison. The left photo, super unflattering/I'm slouching, was on Facebook in June from an event I attended. The Dec. photo was taken yesterday. I feel so much better and actually crave exercising most days.

I hope you feel better soon, @Soror Christmas Day I went on a morning walk and then rode my bike while watching TV with ds in the ev evening. I was surprised to see my step total went to 13,700 yesterday. Today I did a long walk and have a bit over 8k for the day so far.

I hope he gets in trouble since we have joint legal which affects matters like education and there was no discussion about swapping schools. Even though I know he’s the tie breaker.

Ok so the kids came over last night and were instructed by Dad to say if I have any questions, ask him directly. This first came out of their mouth I believe when I said, “you guys moved?” Then I said, “he already told me. Dd, have you been sleeping at paw paw’s (my ex FIL) or the new house?” She said new house. She complained about stepbro hogging the TV and I said I thought you guys had multiple TVs? She said they couldn’t find one or left it behind. Then I said wait, are you guys still moving out of the old place? She said yeah, Dad and stepmom were heading there to get another load after dropping them at my house and one more load after that one another day. So that’s probably why xh didn’t insist I meet him halfway. He had to come this way. Dd also volunteered the name of her new school. I actually interviewed there many years ago. Ds said he’s not returning to the private school after holiday (I confirmed with xh the other day that he did not formally withdraw them yet) and talked about his new school. It *is* a good school district so I’m happy about that. And he’ll be at the same school as an older cousin. Sounds like younger cousin will be at same school as kids’ stepbro. They have all met by now. Ds has been polite and easy going so far. My sister called and I heard him volunteer to her the house size and said he’s sharing a room with his stepbro. I hope that makes him appreciate his room here a little but if not oh well. Dd and ds were thrilled with their gifts we opened last night. I sprung for a laptop for ds and he set it up. Dd wasn’t gifted any Calico Critter stuff by Dad or Santa because she only plays with them at my house (I play with her sometimes but Dad won’t). First thing she said entering the house - I hope you got me some CC because I didn’t get any. She got a couple sets here. Ds said he waited to watch the new Young Sheldon episode with me and we did last night. That made me really happy. Remember the smash place gift card? He still hasn’t redeemed it. Over the course of months I saved jars and gifted that to him last night to use there. He asked if he could redeem in new town but I said I don’t think it’s a chain there?? and suggested we redeem this week over Christmas break. The loose plan is to go today and he said he could really use it (sounds like a lot of stress and I’m happy if he has an outlet). The gift card was emailed to him so he should be able to retrieve it (he’s notorious for losing physical gift cards). I made a bunch of food before they arrived and I have restaurant gifts cards we’ll use this week. I’m feeling optimistic.

Hot water is back!!!

Yesterday I went around the house and checked pipes under sinks (the bathroom & kitchen) and even ran a space heater pointed at the kitchen pipes but I think they aren’t frozen there. I think they froze under the house. We got the outdoor laundry room area warm where the heater is and that didn’t resolve it so we’re focusing on under the house. Since we started we do have a tiny trickle of hot water in the bathtub but I don’t know if it’ll increase. And so far no hot water trickle in the bathroom sink but the ones that work have been trickling all night.

Neighbor lent me this. Hoping in an hr or so maybe hot water will return??

After Mass they are sharing sweets. I couldn’t bake because my kitchen sink pipes are frozen and I need to wash some dishes. The hot water is frozen in all parts of the house. I’ve been trying to defrost since yesterday but don’t know where the root of the problem is. I did defrost one spigot and am working on another that’s tightly attached to a frozen hose. The damage was done before I got home Sat and btw I had a fender bender Sat but no known damage, car slid in wet road after I stopped and bumped car in front of me at red light. Waiting for the police link to work in about a week and try to see if my rates don’t have to go up (my ins driving app said I did not harsh brake). Ugh what a week lol So at this point I think I’ll take my baking supplies to the church hall (I have a key) and bake there then ask to shower at my landlords (they offered).

I bet ds will come here with an attitude on Christmas night and say it’s my fault dad lost his job. Which technically maybe he wasn’t let go and xh uses phrases like “cost me my job” loosely. I’m bracing myself for the laser daggers.