Sarah... do we live with the same Person? My husband will do things like that regarding time... like X stays the priority, even if there are three other things that are MORE immediate priorities. He just cannot switch gears to address something else first if he's already decided on the first thing. He also has a terrible sense of time. Ten minutes, an hour... they're all the same to him so he's always shocked when time is up...

Wow, I never thought about the difference between empathy and perspective-taking skills. That just blew my mind! I have a Person like this in my life too. Okay... it's my husband. We recently had a skirmish because he does not do smalltalk, except under extreme duress. I was aggravated because although he answers questions readily, he does not initiate conversations with my mother who he has known for over a decade. I told him that it's rude to say hello and then go sit in her living room and read. She doesn't mind because she thinks he's shy - but it's been over 10 years! I even went to far as to say that he needs to talk for five minutes before he goes to read. He countered by saying that he doesn't really talk with anyone he doesn't know extremely well - and when I thought about it, I realized he's right. I saw him have a conversation with a coworker the other day, and although he did a passable job, it was pretty awkward on his part. Now that I think about it, he talks more with people that ask him lots of questions, but he doesn't chit chat. With close friends, though, he won't stop talking! I told him flat out that unless you talk to people, they're going to think you don't like them. He looked extremely confused, and said that he likes people just fine, he just doesn't say anything unless he's got a reason to say it. When I told him that smalltalk is like the grease that keeps machinery going, he looked so confused. He thinks smalltalk is "being fake," and I think it's a way to show people that you care. Lecka, you made me realize that perhaps he just can't see my perspective or my mother's - we think he's being a little rude and antisocial, while he thinks he's enjoying our company and talking when he has something real to contribute to the conversation. In the middle of talking about this, I suddenly thought that maybe all this time I've been bullying him into talking and fitting into the "regular" world of social conventions... but perhaps the regular world should be more accepting of people who do not fit the regular mold. My husband is a smart guy, probably gifted, yet he still cannot make smalltalk with a relative. It's driven me crazy for a long time, but maybe I should just let it go! Also - I agree that it's really hard to discern whether behavior like this is passive-aggressive (like - maybe he just doesn't enjoy my mother's company that much, and this is a good excuse to not talk) or if he's genuinely having social difficulties. I always thought he wasn't trying very hard, but this time the experience was different, and I am genuinely thinking that he's got some social challenges. I said something about how smalltalk is easy, you just keep some general categories in your head about what the person is interested in - like gardening, cooking and mystery novels, for example - and pick something from those categories to ask about. He looked at me as if I was describing rocket science...

At Lindamood-Bell, they do a lot of "air-writing." You hold up a card for a few seconds (1 second per letter), and then put it down. The child has to write the word in the air from memory, and then you ask questions about it - like, "what's the first letter you see? What's the last letter you see? Now read the word." Things like that. Eventually you ask the child to switch a letter, so if the word is cat, you say, "now change the first letter to m, now what's the word?" You start with just 2 letters on a card, and build up. :001_smile:

A quick question - do you need to enter a customer code in order to use the Barton app, or can non-Barton owners use it too?

I think the Math U See recommendation is a good one. You will use cuisenaire rods for so much of it, and that will give her a physical feeling for the numbers rather than a language-based one. Ronit Bird is a favorite around here, and you can get her Dots ebook very cheaply. She uses dice patterns to learn math facts and to make numbers finally make sense. If a grade 1 book is too babyish, would your daughter be okay with doing worksheets that you write by hand? You could just copy problems out of a book onto printer paper and she'd never need to know the grade level.

I agree, Dots is the bomb. And kids LOVE it! The kids I've worked with are drawn to dot patterns like flies to honey... no joke. I always think, maybe they won't like this, maybe they won't connect... and then they're paying 100% attention for the whole lesson. It's great!

Stepping up the pace is the way to go, I think you're completely right. I'll get my hands on that book! Thanks!

Yes, there is an ASD diagnosis. I know he's unfocused because I can hear him running TV scripts under his breath, laughing (quietly) at jokes, etc. He's very willing to do his work, and he's a kind, gentle kid BUT he's focused when we're talking to him in class and then as soon as we stop talking to him he's back to watching TV in his mind. Thanks for the advice about what worked for you. I'll have to think about what motivators would work for him - because it's not like he's a behavior problem or anything, or resistant to work - it's like you said above, self-regulation is not there. I wonder how to work on self-regulation...

Does anyone have any tricks for helping a kid learn to maintain focus? What do you do when they focus while you're talking to them (1 minute) and then instantly zone out (waaaaay out) the second you turn your back? It's making learning impossible, and this is a very smart kid. Very frustrating for everyone. I'm not sure if this is an autism thing, an adhd thing, or what. Asking questions as often as possible helps, but I can't always be doing that.

Wow, that's so outrageous. Even if I had a family member that COULD tutor, I would insist on the school district paying because they legally have to! They're getting a pretty sweet deal by having the aunt tutor for free. The school could be on the hook for paying for a $25,000 a year private school if they can't help the student. I agree with OhElizabeth. With maybe 20% of students having some level of dyslexia, when will school districts get with the program and make it NORMAL for kids to have it, and NORMAL to teach them? It's not like it's impossible to get training. Ay yi yi.

I don't have Barton, but I've done OG training. I used to work at Lindamood-Bell, so I know their drill... boy do I EVER know it. Their scripts are ingrained into my memory forever :laugh: :thumbup1:

Haha OhElizabeth, it IS a fun stage, isn't it? There are so many ways to "work" that just feel like games. And the Vowel Owls... that is SO cute. Until I buy it, I might need to make my own by taping owl pictures on some plastic cups. I agree about being super, super supportive when it comes to mistakes - NOBODY likes to make mistakes. It's so disheartening. It's also counterproductive because a lot of kids can sense from your tone of voice that they've made a mistake, and then they just start making rapid-fire guesses. That's why I like to ask questions about almost every word - "what sound did you feel first when you said fog?" - so they can't tell from my voice if they've made a mistake or not. I think it can be a punch in the gut for parents to realize their child needs LiPS, especially if the realization comes after doing different tutoring programs. It feels like there isn't enough time in the day, but there really is no point trying to remediate without addressing the phonemic awareness skills first.

If he feels like a failure after every lesson, then I'd change things up big time! One thing you can do is make some "retelling cards." There are lots of them out there, but they're cards (with pictures, hopefully) for Main Character, Setting, Problem, Wish, Events, Solution, etc. The child lays them on the table and uses them as anchor points while they retell the story. They're great! If that doesn't work, I'd back off and do something easier. You don't want him to feel like a failure with this.

Thanks, I'll read that! Per OhElizabeth's advice, we've got ee/ea, o and a for now. Since he's not 100% solid on those three, but he is on consonants, I think I'll just stick with those as long as needed and work, work, work! I watched a video about a decoding/blending technique. I've been using it and it's been working a lot better than letting the student sound out the entire word at once - I like this method because you don't really let the student make mistakes. The student doesn't learn wrongly, and they don't get frustrated. Anita Archer has had a long teaching career, won a bunch of awards and now she is an educational consultant. You can watch the decoding video here if you're interested: http://explicitinstruction.org/video-elementary/elementary-video-11/

Thanks, Elizabeth. I see him twice a week but only for half an hour each time. Your ideas are fab. Can't wait to get started (again) on Monday!

That's a good point about /ee/ and /i/ being close. I will add /oo/ and /ee/ this week and some more consonants. That book looks GREAT. I would really love to give homework, because we don't see each other every day (MAJOR BUMMER!). His mom is very motivated to help though, so hw would get done. Working memory and rapid naming are also areas that need work. He was actually right on with /a/ and /o/... but I think you're correct about saving the harder short vowels. I want him to feel successful. If he's doing well with the sounds I introduce - do you think it's safe to give a short amount of reading homework, for example like reading decodable words off of cards? I do NOT want him practicing mistakes, but I want him practicing "my" stuff, even for just 5 minutes every afternoon. It's frustrating to me that he's in school, so he does other reading things that are out of my control. I'm quite bossy when I teach :thumbup1: and it bothers me that he's learning things outside the realm of what we're doing together. I personally feel like he's not ready for additional reading, etc. but I'm not his regular reading teacher. She has to teach the whole class, so for her sanity she can't have every kid working on something different. Life! What can ya do, right?

Yes, this - thanks for the reminder. We've done /a/ and /o/, as well as p/b, t/d. I'm partial to oo as well, and also ee :) I'm thinking for next week we'll add oo or ee, short i, and then some more consonant pairs. I have a dread of short e now because it's so hard for every single kid I've ever taught. I hate short e! Thanks again for ALL of the wonderful responses!!

You guys, THANK YOU! I'm blown away by your experience and knowledge! I'll let you know how your ideas go. OhElizabeth, I'm right with you about teaching all of the phonograms. I did that with a student too! I think LiPS is fine with it, although the manual says that if that's going to be too much at once you should just do a few vowels and consonants and start practicing right away.

Thanks, that's a great method... to specifically notice the corners of the mouth pulled tighter for short i, not just the jaw drop alone. I'll try that this week!

Good question - I think he's having trouble both hearing and pronouncing. It's hard to tell because sometimes he gets it right and sometimes he doesn't. I've never straight-up asked him if he can tell the difference though. Next time I'll do something like part C of the Barton screening and say a couple variations of /e/ /e/ /i/ and see if he can tell the difference. If he can't, that's a hearing thing, right...? or would continued LiPS work improve that?

Does anyone have any tips for helping a child distinguish between short e and short i? I'm tutoring a 2nd grader who is struggling mightily. We're doing LiPS but even the LiPS tricks (short i, only fit your fingernail between your teeth, short e, only fit the tip of your finger between your teeth) aren't working. Is that something a speech therapist would need to work on, or is there more that I can do? We are using a mirror as well.

Well, that's a pretty perceptive question! Good one. I'm going to start asking that more. I should probably ask why I never pay the bills on time, but always a few days late... :huh:

This kid (and others... I'm just thinking of one in particular) is from an immigrant family, and I don't think his parents will necessarily be able to get evaluations/services. I'm sure he's been evaluated by his public school district, but I doubt there'll be any more testing. :( I bought Sitting Like a Frog, and I hope I can use some of the exercises in there. It looks like a great book.

I see him first thing in the morning, and unfortunately the only other times I see him are recess and lunch, but I know from word of mouth that he does this pretty frequently. It's too soon to tell if it will be better this year than last, but it's not a new behavior. I think another trigger, in addition to forgetting something, is when things are too hard. Things haven't been too hard yet because it's just been one week. I think all the adults would be on board with a plan, if there was a plan. There's a very available counselor in the building who would also be on board. In some ways it's easier to deal with a kid who's actually having bad behavior like Lecka said... at least you can get in there and have something to work with. Head in the arms is like reasoning with a brick wall. He will talk about feelings later on which is good. I'll look into getting that books you all mentioned :)

...what can I do to help? This kid is 11, dyslexic, and a perfectionist. When he makes a mistake, forgets something, etc. he buries his head in his arms and won't talk... for a LONG time. I belong to Ross Greene's school of thought that kids do well if they can, not if they want to - so I'm guessing that his response is anxiety related. I really DON'T think he's testing the waters, being manipulative, etc. I should add that this kid really likes me a lot, so it's not a personality conflict. I'm going to be working with him in a small group for part of his reading class every day, so I'll be able to make sure he's successful with his work during that time. If he forgets his homework or something, though, it can derail the first 20 minutes or more of his day. This has been happening as long as I've known him (over 2 years), and in every class. He's known for it, and I'm a little worried that he's going to be branded as a defiant kid even though I'm sure he's not. My initial plan includes: doable work; a checklist and timer so he can see exactly what we're going to do and how long it's going to last; a workbox filled with things he has to do, but that he can do in any order. What to do about a shutdown, though, I have no idea. Joking him out of it doesn't really work. Help!