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Amy in NH

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Posts posted by Amy in NH

    self medication with alcohol questions

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    31 minutes ago, moonflower said:

    I think I read somewhere once that people think they sleep better with alcohol consumption but actually do not sleep better.  Maybe see if he could consider taking an extended break - say no alcohol for 3 months, or 6 months, or something.  That might be long enough to get over the addiction (dependency, whatever - I mean it like I would with someone who smoked 2 cigarettes a day, say) and also long enough to see if after a period of withdrawal he can sleep better and feel fine without, so that it's not something he needs or relies on to regulate mood or sleep.

     

    Later in the metabolism process it is converted to a histamine, which in higher concentrations it will have a stimulant effect.  If the drinking took place before bed, it can wake you in the middle of the night, or just make you sleep lighter causing you to feel less rested.

    self medication with alcohol questions

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    2 hours ago, Carol in Cal. said:

    Since he is concerned about this, I encourage you to help him try to come up with alternatives that give him what he gets from this.

    For instance, I recently tried a new kind of smoothie—frozen apricots and fresh squeezed orange juice with a tiny bit of honey and a dollop of Greek yogurt.  These are so good that I actually crave them.  They are a TREAT.

    Also, I literally crave a runner’s high.  Luckily I can get it really fast or I’d hurt myself, LOL, but it motivates me to go out for a run (actually a walk/jog/walk session).  

    Those are genuine treats for me, not just things I enjoy.  I wonder whether he could ‘treat’ himself without the alcohol, maybe once or twice a week, and in so doing cut back on the alcohol without getting irritable?  If it’s more the flavor that he craves, there ARE really good tasting alternative drinks on the market now that are fairly complex and pretty satisfying.  Or he can use mixers to extend a little bit of booze into a lot of drinking.

    Also, I wonder whether he has low level back pain that makes it hard for him to rest well?  In that case, a mild muscle relaxant in the evening before bed might solve 3 birds with one stone—no booze that night, no back pain/better rest, no pain the next morning/better mood?  Plus that tends to give your back a kick start toward getting healed because it’s not doing the pain/tense up/more pain/tenser cycle.  My husband is not always aware of when his back flares up, but I can always tell by the way he talks to me.  I finally started to just say, do you need some aspirin now? Whenever he sounded irritated.  Back pain that becomes chronic does cause a lot of irritability.  

     

    Smoothies are known to be high in sugar.  A sugar high releases dopamine in the brain.  Sugar is more addictive than cocaine.

    A runner's high is also a dopamine release.

    There are also other endorphins involved. 

    FWIW, NSAIDS can help (in a minor way) alleviate the effects of anxiety and other emotional pain.

    self medication with alcohol questions

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    I'd say he has a dopamine production deficiency.

    Small amounts of alcohol will increase dopamine, but larger amounts will decrease it (hence, the depressive effect).

    I've tried GABA w/arginine to improve blood/brain barrier absorption - worked great on my mood problem, but caused severe dyspnea, which I found out later is due to GABA receptors in the epithelial lining of the respiratory system.

    I've tried theanine, lysine, tyrosine, tryptophan, l-dopa, & d-l phenylalanine - all did nothing.

    I'm now trying ashwaganda, glutamine, and a high quality B-complex with mthf.  I also take a regular multivitamin, and additional potassium citrate.  Results are meh.

    I refuse to go on anti-depressants.  I took them about 8 years ago for 2 years, with detrimental life-altering effects lasting an additional 5 years after going off of them.
     

    Ok, he is at it again :(

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    It's been a long time since I prepared taxes for H&R Block, but unless you are legally divorced I don't think he can legally file "single".  He would have to file "married filing separately", and so would you. 

    After the divorce, if the kids are living with you, you should be able to file "head of household" which used to have its own advantages but may not now that drumpf has overhauled the tax code.

    • Like 4

    Of college kids and not doing so hot....tell me this can improve/work out??

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    Academic probation isn't the end of the world.  It might give the student the impetus to work closely with an academic advisor, come up with a remediation plan, and have regular accountability-check-ins. 

    That said, I pulled it back from the brink a couple of times in my undergraduate years by sitting down with the professor and working out a realistic plan to pass the class.

    • Like 1

    Why, why whyyyyy can't they just get along????

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    On 2/17/2019 at 9:08 PM, Liz CA said:

    Family is the training ground for the real world. They are practicing negotiation skills (well, eventually with your help) and this is very valuable but also very draining for the parents.

    I'd encourage working out difficulties among themselves without involving you. It's not going to happen overnight but they can move toward that goal with a little encouragement. If something really minor is being fought over, you could refuse to get involved and tell dd or ds to discuss it with sibling without yelling or touching the sibling. This is good practice. At this point you can also encourage the skill of communication with "I"statements. You may have to sit with them the first few times and coach the exchange.

    I can see you rolling your eyes.  🙂 I know, I know - but it can happen within the parameters you are setting and you will send your kiddos into the world with such an important tool because not many learn this at home.

     

    I disagree with the bolded.  I think they need to be actively taught how to negotiate, including active listening and conflict resolution, before they are left to their own devices. 

    Why, why whyyyyy can't they just get along????

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    I've found that kids most often bicker because:

    1. They don't listen to each other and treat each other with the respect due to other feeling humans.  Make them stand eye to eye, use active listening skills, and develop empathy for other people.  This includes respecting each other's property.

    2. They are in each other's space and need a break from time to time. Let them each have some alone-time.

    3. They need more structure.  They don't know what to do with themselves and need to be redirected to constructive outlets for their excess energy.

    • Like 9
    • Thanks 1

    Talk to me about family closets

    in The Chat Board

    Posted · Edited by Amy in NH

    16x6' Laundry Room: Picture what is essentially a long hallway with a door at either end..  Walls 1 & 2 are the long walls opposite each other:

    Wall 1 - washer & dryer next to each other below, two cabinets with open shelves between them above; laundry folding table with 3-compartment hamper/sorter below; hanging bar with shelf above for luggage, storage bins below with bed linens inside.  We keep laundry detergents in the cabinets, and travel toiletry bags and gear on the shelves between. 

    Wall 2 - Six 10' long wooden shelves on a bracket system - each family member has their own shelf with two cloth bins at the machine end of the room holding socks and underwear respectively, followed by piles next to each other for PJs, pants, shirts, sweatshirts, etc.  Under the bottom shelf are more bins for bed linens.  There is room at the far end for a very small dresser, with hat boxes on top.  There is a ball-cap hanger on the door.  Across from the hanging bar are the drying racks for delicate laundry.  Up until very recently (when I got a master bedroom walk-in closet!) all of the hanging clothes for the whole family were on the 5 ft. bar at the end of the room.  We don't hang it if we don't need to!

    Clothes go from the hamper to the washer to the dryer, then folded straight out of the dryer and put on the proper pile.  No dressers taking up wall space in the kids's rooms.  No messy balls of clothes hanging out of half-open dresser drawers.  I usually keep a box on the folding table for clothes that have obviously become too small before the season is over, or new clothes for the following season that were purchased at consignment or on clearance - they get sorted onto the piles or into storage at the end of each season.  If I'm pressed for time, I'll throw clothes onto the folding table and declare a folding party after I get a few loads' worth.  The shelves corresponded with the height of each owner when we started, so they could all reach their clothes to get dressed, tidy up, or help with folding.

    • Like 4

    Since I've had my Roomba . . .

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    10 hours ago, Quill said:

    I have a geriatric Roomba named Margaret. She has dementia. I keep considering getting a new model but I balk at replacing an expensive appliance when it isn’t actually broken, just doing a dottering job.

    I do love Roombas, though. 

     

    Have you changed out parts?  We have changed our Zoombo's brushes and put in a new battery and now he's almost as good as new. 
    You can get the parts at a discount-price on Amazon. 

    I saw some Roombas on clearance for $200 at Walmart just before Christmas, and now might be a good time to look for open-box sales.

    Can a non coffee drinker learn to drink (and even enjoy) coffee?

    in The Chat Board

    Posted · Edited by Amy in NH

    I haven't read the other replies.  Here's my $.02.

    If you want to lose weight, learn to drink and enjoy water. 

    I very rarely drink soda or juice.  I have learned to like my coffee without sugar, but I have to have cream in it which kills my diet.  If I want to lose weight I have to cut out the coffee (and other dairy too).  If I want caffeine, I drink tea without sugar or milk.

    • Like 1

    Help Planning Party

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    DH's 50th birthday is next month.  I'm planning an evening/nighttime party which I know will involve drinking.  We live kinda far from some people (1-2 hours) I'd want to invite, but we have room for people to stay over.  I'm thinking dips, drinks, and desserts - and to ask people not to bring a gift, but a dip or dessert to share instead.  What do you think would be a good start time?  I was thinking 6pm, and people who want to go home could leave by 8 or 9, but now I'm thinking maybe 4 would be better?  But then people might want more food than dips and desserts?   Help.

    surprising POV?

    in The Chat Board

    Posted

    I haven't read the entire thread here, but some people have a relationship dynamic where they have given blanket consent to their partner. 

    I think in old traditional marriages it was implied that the husband had blanket consent just by the fact of marriage, until the social more' changed.  Now the consent pendulum has swung opposite so that many people believe every encounter requires consent.  However, an open conversation with one's partner can ensure that both parties have the same understanding.  The problem is that many people have a communication taboo when it comes to sexual topics.

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