My sister took her son last weekend to a Teen Challenge in OK.(closest to her home) She is prepared for him to stay 12--15 months. We are fervently hoping this time will help him find a new way to live, a way without drugs and the destructive behaviors that accompany the drugs. My sister was able to first talk with other parents (kids at home now) and ask lots of questions. That helped her feel much more comfortable. It was nice--they met him at the door. packed with canoes and tents, for a 3 day camping trip. This is right up his alley--he loves to fish. She and I then toured the facility , met his teacher(they use Switched on Schoolhouse), and saw where he'll be living. Thanks to everyone for your input--the positive reviews of different places and the BTDT posts helped immensely. nandell

is it that you want? Are you missing out on relative contact because of this? Do your other relatives visit you at your Mother's house or take you up on invites to your house? A deciding factor for me would be whether this conflict was interfering with my/my kids ability to interact with family members . Do you miss the interactions with this person or the events at this person's house or is it a relief not to have this person active in your life? If you decide to contact her, I agree with the other posters--- initially write/email not phone or talk in person. I personally wouldn't discuss past issues with her; in my family that would just stir up controversy and strife again. Whether I wanted to resume physical contact with her or not, I would think hard about sending a reconciliation email. Something along the lines of : we've had some past issues, differences of opinions. Thank goodness we're adult enough to recognize that we don't have to agree on all things nor do we have to share our disagreements with each other. Sometimes its enough just to be family with each other. I'd try suggesting that we let bygones be bygones and move on in a positive way because family is important, esp in these times. I think there could be some value for you if you were able to release this. Releasing the hurt/forgiving her does not mean you have to resume contact. Only you can determine if that's for the best or not. But I don't think there's ever any benefit in allowing the hurt inside of you because of this to continue. Written from my perspective (and personal family experience) only--- YMMV. Sending best wishes and healing thoughts your way. nandell

I know a great free place - Youth Reach in Houston, Texas. Our church is one of their sponsors. They are an evangelical, non-denominational facility. The founder and director homeschools his own children. The only hangup is that the child has to go there willingly. I don't now if he'll go willingly. He's a good kid making bad choices right now, and he can't see thru all his stuff to see the bad choice. I did go to their website and found some very helpful resources for other places. Thanks for the referral. For both placements my friend had recommendations from people who personally were quite familiar with the facility, and whose integrity she really trusted. I wish we had that. My sister knows this is the right path; she just has to find the right place. That's all I can think of off the top of my head. May God guide your friend as she seeks help. She's right to do so if she senses the need--too many people wait until it's waaaaaay overdue. She is right to be proactive about it. I am praying that she is able to find the right healing place for her son. Nandell

I am thrilled to hear positive reviews about Teen Challenge. I am forwarding on the other places to her to look at online. Esp the Glen Haven Ranch as Arkansas would not be too far away. And I looked at the Dr Phil site but didn't see a Teen program here in Texas either. Thank you all. My sister is corresponding with the Teen Challenge people and asking questions. This is hard to do when he just got home from the other residential place several weeks ago. But she feels--and I agree with her--that if she doesn't do this things could get out of control fast. Nandell

The Glenwood school sounds like it would be perfect--if only it weren't in Chicago. I think she'd really like a school where he could be home on the weekends. She wants to be connected with him and involved in his life. Going away to a ranch in Washington is a bit more overwhelming. The ranch looks great. She wouldn't be able to be there often at all. And Karen, I'm glad you've heard good things about Teen Challenge. How did your friend make the decision about where and how to send her child? Did she go mostly on 'gut' feeling for the place? nandell

My sister is searching for residential options for her 15 yo son. He recently was discharged from a 60 day drug rehab facility. She does not think drugs are a problem now but is continuing to see self destructive choices. He was picked up for shoplifting last week. His behavior is beginning to spiral out of control and she feels helpless to prevent any more destructive choices. She is a single working parent. She is on a leave of absence right now but has to return to work within 2 weeks. She has little in the way of support from her ex-husband--either financial or emotional or parental solidarity. The facility her son was at also does behavioral therapy but at a cost of $5000 per month. Her son has used his lifetime max with her insurance and his father does not have insurance. Her son's counselor recommended 2 different residential Teen Challenge facilities (both out of state, we live in Texas), Christian behavioral programs that are lower priced. Does anyone have any experience with this program? How does one make a decision like this? What kind of questions do you ask and how do you know your child will be safe? Her son will be very resistant to this , at least initially, and she is scared both for him and for their relationship. Any constructive advice appreciated. Prayers also appreciated. She is so heartbroken right now and I am so sad. nandell

but UK ebay has a Roxie right now for catalog price. We also had AG and Gotz dolls and they hold up to active play well http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/Smoby-ROXANNE-My-Little-Cousin-Doll-with-box_W0QQitemZ360174238483QQcmdZViewItemQQptZUK_Doll_Bears_Dolls_EH?hash=item53dc0ebb13&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14&_trkparms=65%3A12|66%3A2|39%3A1|72%3A1684|293%3A1|294%3A50

with less than spectacular results. I lost 3 pounds total during the 11 days. I'm really disappointed. Maybe because my target weight loss is less that 15 pounds? :001_unsure: I did stick to the diet. There were 2-3 days when I didn't get my full 10 glasses of water, though. On the bright side, I did ask for and quickly received a full refund without any questions or complications. I wanted to share that for anyone skeptical of the company's money back offer. I'm glad the diet works for so many--wish it worked for me--and am happy that it is a company that backs its guarantee. Nandell

I will make some phone calls to the local stores before sending our invites Thanks

OK--my sister exchanged diapers at the store over the next year when she had her shower but it was over 13 years ago--we had requested name brands only so it would be easy for her to exchange brand/size. Will most stores now days let you exchange name brands without a receipt? They live in a very small town with small local stores. No Costco--Walmart about 30 miles away . Many of the guests will be out of town guests, prob shopping at larger chain stores. My niece really is opposed to using cloth diapers-she thinks they're gross (remember, she's a teen:001_rolleyes:). If her son does end up having a sensitivity to disposables, I'm sure she will reconsider . Since we don't have any idea yet if this baby is sensitive to particular products--Will most stores let you exchange name brands without a receipt>feels weird/almost offensive to ask for receipt with present>is there a limit to how long a store will let you exchange diaper packages? questions,questions, questions(this is a good place to get answers, i know) Nandell

When my sister was pregnant with her 2nd, her husband was deployed overseas and she just didn't have much money. We gave her a diaper shower, and she literally didn't have to buy any diapers for almost a year. The books were a thought of making the shower more personal for her and the baby. I was thinking favorite read to the baby books but fav parenting books would be cool too. I love the idea of compiling a "best of " reading list for her and her husband. And I like the suggestions--hadn't seen the diaper cake, or thought about wipes, etc. My sister is very crafty--I'm sending the clothes 'flowers' to her! And, Garga, I do understand about off days--only too well,lol. Thanks all Nandell

I know a diaper shower is not the most fun type of shower. all those cute clothes, etc-- For 2 nonworking high school student (yes, they are thankfully both returning for their senior year), my sisters & I think it's the most practical type of shower. Dn and husband will be living with my brother and sil. S-i-l will be giving diff shower for her because sil desires a more "traditional" shower for her daughter. Best place to buy diapers? Would it be out of line or asking too much from guests for a fav book as well? nandell

writing a light,maybe funny-ish poem-----or maybe a pix of the 2 of them ? Not nec a romantic pic but something fun. Teens can do amazing things with pics and computers. Hope he finds the right gift Nandell

It's good to know the group is active. And I'll def keep you in mind for recommendations if we're looking for good food to eat in Greenville. :drool: My sister actually lives in Lone Oak but it's so small there's not much in the way of organized homeschool activity. Thanks again.

I've been away from the 'puter all day and just now saw your responses. I will check into those programs--or rather, will let her check into those programs. Maybe she'll find something that works. Thanks again Nandell

My single parent sister is going to begin homeschooling her ds 15yo because of school difficulties. He is not terribly self motivated, although very bright, and she works full time so it's a little difficult. Ideally, she would like a situation where he attends classes 2-3 days a week and is home the rest of the week. She plans to work with him in the late afternoon/evening. They live in the country and he doesn't yet drive so attending various coops won't work. But she could take him to a place and return for him at the end of her workday. I know this is a tall order but I've seen the hive come through on slim shots before. Suggestions anyone?

I have about 20 pounds I'd like to lose. Not all the first go around of course. I'm tolerating the diet ok, but have only seen a loss of one pound. It's a bit discouraging when I see others post of 2-3-4 pound loss by this day on their plan. However, I do think there is a difference with how my clothes fit. I'm in for the whole ll days though. And reading others successes enc. me to hope my fat loss is just around the corner Nandell

In my opinion , it's the best one yet. Very well done and the midnight showing was fun.

people that have done this with good results. Be very careful that you know with whom you are shopping--not all *Canadian* pharmacies are actually from Canada. Specifically, there's one pharmacy with *Canadian* in its title that's actually based out of India. You just need to do your homework about the company. But, as I said, I do know people that have done this both cheaply and successfully. nandell

Any advice/stories?

I still am feeling a bit shocked--not that I would fall for the pitch-- as much as the feeling of looking up and seeing this strange man in my house at my invitation. But I'm salvaging what I can from the situation. I'm using it as a teaching experience for my 2 teen daughters about sales pitches and safety. thank you for your reassurances Nandell

Absolutely do it. Incredible experience for you and dh. you can handle the subway etc. You can actually do research on line and figure out stops etc before you even set foot on the subway. The time we went to NY is one of our most treasured vacations My vote is do it! do It! NanDell

I can't believe I just did this. I never, never do this kind of thing. Meat salespeople have no chance with me--no is an easy thing for me to say. I only buy from scouts at my door, and that's only cause I used to be a scout. Short version--very personable young person {but. really, I'm not selling anything} wants to possibly give alarm system for marketing purposes. He was familiar with several attempted neighborhood break-ins over last few months. Even knew names, etc. I guess from talking with people in our neighborhood. Very, very slick. I did catch on (and absolutely wouldn't have ever signed anything) but not quickly enough. I did something incredibly foolish. What was I thinking-- I let this person in my house to see if the alarm system would work on our doors.:scared: :ack2: (I looked for an aghast and mortified face but couldn't find it) I did Google them and they are a real company. With multiple complaints but still at least they are a company. And , please-please let it be, I didn't let someone casing houses into our house. Too embarrassed to almost even sign my name-- Nandell

I write this from an admittedly biased viewpoint of a sister that had a very harshly critical brother while growing up. I certainly am not trying to say that your situation mirrors my past. I have not read all of the previous posts so if I'm missing info or am being redundant on some points please excuse me. I'm also trying to address this as if I were addressing the situation in my family, so when I say I or dh or ds, I'm speaking as if it were me. My older brother emotionally attacked me my entire growing up years by constantly making comments about me being fat, ugly, stupid,horrible to be around, a slob. He knew where I was vulnerable and, like any good opponent, took advantage of my weak spots. Thankfully, through years of counseling and maturity on both of our parts , I have a much different relationship with him as an adult. How I --and he--wish it could have been different for both of us in our childhood. I believe you need much much more information from your son about his situation. It obviously bothers him and he would like it-something- different. Knowing more can help you determine if he's just having an extreme case of insensitive sibling annoyance gone wild, if there might be sensory issues that he needs help addressing, or if he has an antagonistic anger towards his sister that is driving these comments. It can also make him realize that you consider his feelings/concerns important and take them seriously. I or maybe my husband would take ds to a neutral place away from home. I'd make sure that we had all the time in the world to talk- Ok, this is weird-I edited here and can't get rid of this space! My goal would be to get information from him but also connection. I'd start with how I felt --how much I love the both of them----my vision of how our family love show itself----loving family memories--why building our family's love is critical--family issues we've had and overcome before-- ---how we can never take our family's love for granted--indeed we truly can't even take our family's physical presence for granted. (Not to guilt him out or frighten/threaten him but to evoke an awareness that nothing-not even our family being here on earth is- guaranteed) If I thought he was receptive--from a spiritual viewpoint I would ask him how it feels inside when he says these things--how he imagines his sister might feel to hear this attacks----how it imagines it would be if someone he admires were to hear him hurt his sister this way- -Forgive me is you would prefer not to have religious advice and feel free to skip-- -I how much love , compassion ,and nonjudgment Jesus(or other spiritual leader)would have for him(after all, he might relate easily becasue he could have had his own big sister issues !) but also how very sad spiritual leader would feel because he would know that these comments would almost have to come from ds's pain and unhappiness-because happy peaceful content individuals don't deliberately wound others over and over how very much spiritual leader would want to help heal ds's pain and make it go away--very much you also want to help *gently*has there been or is there even now events/actions happening to him that creates this pain--something that perhaps he has been afraid/ashamed/uncomfortable to tell you? Is someone else possibly hurting or scaring him-kids or adults? I would talk about how it hurts inside to see this bitter discord between him and his sister--how you are wondering what could have happened--possibly I might even tell him that I wonder sometimes if perhaps I contributed to this situation by doing something or maybe failing to act in some way that helped create this animosity between him and his sister (I don't think that's the case--but it opens the idea to him that you are prepared to address this as a family problem not just HIS problem)--how you know what a loving heart he has and how he must feel this emotions strongly to make such hurtful comments--and how you want to spend the time to try and understand his viewpoint Then logistical questions Is it anyone's eating that bothers him or just his sister's eating? Is it always an annoyance or just at times? What does he think would make it better? Can he make positive suggestions about changes or does he just that he wants her to stop eating or eat away from him? What makes her eating different from yours or your husbands or any of the other siblings or even friend's that might eat with your family? If it were a perfect world and he could have this situatuion his way, what would it be like? How would he change it? I'd try to get him to be very specific. about changes he would want. {recognizing of course it isn't a perfect world and just because he wants it doesn't mean its going to happen} Sometimes it's easy to just feel annoyed with another person and frankly, there's nothing the other person can do to change that annoying feelin; other times simple enviroment and/or behaviorchanges from the other person can easily alter the whole situation. At your table is she next to or directly across from him, as in his direct line of vision? In your opinion does she need coaching on eating etiquette? Truthfully, some people's eating habits do bother me--a lot. Still, that wouldn't make his hurtful comments okay. I have a hard time seeing how chips at a BB game could bother him to the degree you describe. Unless she's on purpose munching in his ear or throwing crumbs at him or doing a food look-see. None of which is unknown in sibling behavior--male or female. This is obviously a big issue for him and he needs to part of a working solution. If he is unable to share this type of information with you or your husband verbally or in writing, then I would let him that there is a family issue not only of the hurtful comments to his sister but also with family communication . Venting to you or dh in private can be appropiate and helpful. However, I would absolutelyrefuse to let him voice those complaints around family/ others/to his friends if I overheard. I'd send him from the room, send friends home or leave park, etc , instantly stop any conversation in which he starts attacking his sister. (I'm not addressing the walking issue becasue I think the eating is more crucial and well, almost every brother/ sister I know has the don't walk next to me theme.) Darling son, I don't understand what you are saying. I'm (g/ma, dad, sister, etc) eating next to sister and don't see/hear anything unpleasant. Darlling son, I truly find it interesting that ONLY you of all of our family and friends find sister's eating a difficulty. Why do you think that is? Darling son, I frankly find your unkind criticisms about your sister much more disturbing and difficult to swallow than any possible poor manners could ever be. Darling son, i f you unable to refrain from creating a hurtful--unloving--antagonistic-unpleasant (take your choice) atmosphere, you will need to leave and go to your room . Eating together with my family in a loving and peaceful atmosphere is one of my pleasures as a mom and I really can't have you interfere with my pleasure. Darling son, words speak much about our character. What do you think your words are saying about your character? If you heard friend Johnny's mother saying this abour your good friend Johnny, how would you feel about her as a person? If dh and I couldn't find ways to make this situation significantly better , I personally would seek family counseling for this immediately. Eating is a fundamental essential part of living---and he begrudges his sister this crucial part of living? I would be concerned about your daughter's feelings in this as well. Even if she is an older teen and discounts her younger brother's opinion, I can't imagine how it would feel to be judged negatively for a most basic essential part of life. And typically, teen aged girls judge themselves critically enough--they don't need help! As I wrote above, I was scarred emotionally by my my older brother's teasing/attacks/comments and it has affected me to this day in many many ways. And I'm almost 50. Much of the time this was happening in my childhood, I was told that I had to get tougher 'cause that's just the way sibling were with each other. I don't believe that to be true, and I don't teach my teen aged children that either. What I didn't learn until much much later in life is that my brother was in such severe emotional pain--so terribly horribly unhappy for terribly horrible reasons I can't elaborate on. Striking out at someone else from that pain was one of the few ways he had to try and diminish that pain. It didn't work but he was a kid and didn't know what else to do. How I wish that someone had taken the time to connect with my brother--to ask him questions like the above and listen to his answers--to be his champion and help him work to resolve his unhappiness and to show him that there are other ways to alleviate pain without emotionally abusing others. Your children are lucky to have you. From your posts it's clear that you have the resources and strength to guide your children through this. Blessings Nandell

wasn't painful when I had that happen a few weeks ago. Looked awful but didn't hurt.