Well yesterday I woke up to a kitchen that was so messy I had a hard time even fixing cereal for the kids and so much clean laundry to put away that I seriously couldn't add another load to it. I got distracted after breakfast by something online & got further behind. Even though my distraction gave kids extra time to play they still didn't want to do chores. My oldest DD (who has the most issues) became very defiant & ended up kneeing her 3 yr old sister in the face (it was accidental but still). I thought I was going to explode bc no one would do a single thing I asked. DD had 'the look' she gets when nothing is going to make her happy so I decided to clean kitchen & fold laundry instead of fight with her over school work. I thought I would try during nap time but I was very close to spontaneously combusting from stress so I decided it would be better to forget it today. Which then led to me feeling like a huge failure as a mom. I forgot about supper (how is that possible?) so we were scrambling trying to put food on the table. That added to the sense of failure. I kept thinking that if I hadn't been distracted earlier in the morning everything would have been better & why can't I just get it together. our homeschool will never look like others. I am trying to be ok with that. On a 'not so terrible' day we do 'morning time' which is ELTL 1 & a read aloud (currently little house on the prairie). Girls separately do less than 30 min of math, 10 min of handwriting, & 15 min of reading. That's it. That's all my oldest can handle. Younger dd is working up to more in all areas. Reward for finishing school is an online learning game. They play 30 min of PBS kids online after all chores are done. They watch PBS during the day. They listen to audiobooks & read for fun during the day. I am working on math games & other learning activities for nap time but haven't had time to finish that or to actually sit down with girls to do anything during littles nap. So that's a view into the chaos of our life. You should all breathe a sigh of relief that at least your days aren't as bad as that fruit gal 😜

I really appreciate the input. I am going to make some changes based on all this & give it another go. She may not be a good fit but I honestly don't know of any other girls that live close enough. FWIW-she has been my helper for almost 9 months so I didn't just throw her into all that responsibility at once. She definitely has the option to say no. I have asked her numerous times if she felt up to it. it has been a while since our last chat so I think we will have another one next time.

Once she realized how freakishly awesome her helper was she gave her a big raise!! I couldn't steal her even if I wanted to.

I think I may have to find a house cleaner instead. Hard to find here. And my hubby doesn't trust anyone to be along in our house. But maybe I could talk him into it.

Ok so would realistic expectations be: While I am in my room working in the morning (2 hrs) or while running errands: -supervise kids (tv is fine) -no messy crafts/activities -as much outside time as weather permits -prepackaged snack -clean up after kids (if they get out blocks then they need to be picked up before getting out another toy) I will make lunch. I will be right there with her to help with any messy type crafts/projects. During naps (kids asleep or in room): -clean kids bathroom -Unload/load dishwasher & wipe down counters -sweep & mop main floors (we have small house) Maybe I will keep a list of extra things to do if she gets done & has extra time. I want this to work & I would like to have some help. Just not sure if this is helpful. *I* can get a lot done in a day if I turn on PBS or movies & hand out prepackaged snacks. Hmmm....

I think you are right about lunch...I forget how 'much' 5 kids are. FWIW she has more than 5 younger siblings

Haha-that's a little out of my price range!! But does sound like what I would like to have happen. Oh my! Guess I need to adjust some expectations.

Ok-maybe supervise is a better term. My older 2 don't need much of anything. But my younger ones definitely need supervision.

playing with play doh or painting with watercolors would be considered 'wildly entertaining?'

I only know one mothers helper (that I mentioned above). I knew she was amazing & that I probably wouldn't find someone that good. But I guess my expectations are still too high. I thought the difference in mothers helper & babysitter were that mom was home. Which I am. I don't know anyone who has a nanny.

It's great to get others perspectives! She is 15 & has many younger siblings. So I figured she would be well versed but I guess not. How do you train someone to play? She either entertains herself or sits there. She doesn't engage them. I don't really think she likes kids (she isn't mean to them at all-very kind-but doesn't seem to enjoy playing with them).

The past several times my helper has come I have ended up more stressed than helped. She is sweet girl & I think the majority is my fault. But if I don't come up with some solutions I will have to fire her (sounds harsh & I certainly don't mean it that way but what else would it be?) Originally I wanted a break from kids so I could tackle my to do list (bigger projects, planning, paperwork). So I wanted her to play with them, read, supervise, play games, handle snacks & meals, change diapers, handle naps, take them outside, etc. This didn't go well. It's hard to make a list for this sort of thing. I tried. But the details were just too much for me to mess with. And she would get bogged down in details & perfection (building fort turned into 2 hr mess & kids lost interest after 10 min). Puzzles, crafts, etc she gets to into her own work & ignores kids (even though I told her to keep careful eye on them all & help them). Simple pbj takes her eternity to fix. So I switched to having her clean. She does a good job with this but she is very slow. And I end up having to watch kids-so what's the point? I could just hire a pro housekeeper. The big benefit is that I can run quick errands. I think I have put too many cleaning tasks on her list. But If I don't give her a list then she just sits around. I have stressed that kids are more important than the list but she has to cross everything off. I am just tired of micro-managing. There are other very stressful things going on in my life so I may not be seeing this in the right light. The best times have been when she takes them for long walks & I have quiet. But weather hasn't been good for that. I just think I am not utilizing her correctly or something. A friend has a mother's helper who is able to cook, clean, manage kids (even doing their school work with them), & come up with her own fun stuff to do with them. I don't expect all that-but any more I am not sure it's worth the $$. Maybe I should just use her for when I need to run errands or have appts? Any words of wisdom or ideas? She is a great kid & my girls love her. Am I too stressed & cranky? I am definitely a perfectionist & always think 'I can do that better' (not in a mean way-although it doesn't sound nice at all). But the point was to reduce my stress not add to it!!

Repurposing leftovers. Even very small amounts-save the bones & spoonful of peas to throw in a soup. I can't believe the stuff I used to throw away! We have wic in our state & you get a certain Amy of food each month. You could make a meal plan that relies heavily on those ingredients. Good stamps-take a typical $$ amt for family of 4 & devise a shopping list & meal plan. Great idea! I have always wanted to do something similar.

I order dried berries from mtn rose herbs. I use wellness mamas recipe which yields a quart of syrup. It takes a lot of honey too so factor in that cost. It is extremely easy to make.

Is it worth the effort? And how do you use them? I have done this before & it fizzled out. But my littles are a handful!! They just walk around destroying things during school! They are 3 & 4 with a 1 yr old in the mix (she is still in my lap most of the time). I thought about doing 2 boxes for each day. My older kids (9 & 6) can help some but as they are relatively young themselves (and one has some medical issues) it isn't enough I think part of the reason that it didn't work in the past is bc I just threw the boxes at them & walked away. Maybe I need to spend a week training them how to use the boxes & cleaning up, etc. On second thought maybe I should just get used To cleaning up all their clothes which they threw out of the dresser, buying new dry erase markers bc someone ruined the tips, sweeping up crumbs from the cookies they snuck, & so on.

Thank you all for the support. I have done some soul searching & brainstorming the past few days & am feeling better. I am trying to focus on finishing up evals (just got OT report today & have VT consult next week) & getting her meds lined out (which may take about a month). I also have a lot of books to read about all her issues. So I plan to take it easy with her. I have set up a reward system for her so hopefully she will be motivated to at least attempt work. I am going to keep going with handwriting but I have cut my expectations back drastically & will wait to see what OT suggests before expecting much. I have also been discussing public/private school options with a knowledgeable friend. But I will wait a while before really digging into that. It is an option though & I am trying to be ok with that. I really think my meltdown (it came later in the day-after my frustration passed) was rooted in 'I don't want this to be so'. I have had a few of those over the years due to DDs fragile medical condition. I was truly broken hearted on Monday. I want her to be totally ok. I don't want her to have a brain tumor, seizures, learning disability, etc. I don't want life to be more difficult for her. And it was just so overwhelming. But I think I have made enough peace with it that I can move forward. I really appreciate you all. I needed some kindness & support & you guys came through!

I have been doing CLE with both girls. My younger typical child loves it so far & has been doing 2 lessons most days. We skip a few problems though. My older DD has done a few lessons. It went ok. I tried a new tactic with her yesterday that seemed to work but skipped school today bc she had dentist appointment & seemed out of sorts. Surprisingly the flash cards are her favorite thing... I love the detailed instructions for both parents & students. I really think the whole set up is great. It has helped me so much.

My DH admitted that he was mad at me bc I had the flu. I knew it by the way he treated me but to hear him say it out loud was crazy. So I get it. It makes no sense but that doesn't matter. Just avoid him & ask a friend or family member for help. Hugs for you. It sucks to be sick & not have support. Oh & our family has been on a roll with illness too. It is just a bad year!

My mom has done this. Not via email but still. We lived very close & were there a lot. I always did a sweep of the house before we left but I had missed something. Distance cured that issue. Now when we come we are treated like guests instead of annoying neighbors.

Oh this drives me nuts too!! I have always wondered the same thing! Who entertains this much?! And then I secretly think-i bet they don't even cook. What a waste of a kitchen.

Things got worse before they got better today. I did survive & she did end up completing her school work in the end (I lowered expectations dramatically). I think I want to stay on our routine but offer some tangible rewards for each little step. I am also going to dial back expectations on handwriting. Overall I am going to try to lessen the load for a bit until the meds settle & I get a solid plan in place. I really think the weight of everything came down hard. I cried so hard for my baby girl today. I wish life were kinder to her. I cried bc I feel like I have epically failed all my kids. And bc I don't really know what to do. I guess we will try again tomorrow. Thanks all for the encouragement.

We have been on this roller coaster with meds for 3 years now. She has such a difficult time adjusting to any changes. I know it's hard on her. We have BTDT with the losing ability to read. She recovered it quickly but it was hard. I don't see how she could ever manage at school but I may be wrong. I am checking on some options.

DH is on the fence about homeschooling. And in a lot of denial about DDs issues. We really just have a lot on our plates. I do have a mothers helper but with all the illness lately she hasn't come much.

Her handwriting is always pretty bad & we just had OT eval. She is also going to see vision therapist soon. We had Neuropsych Eval last month. I was just frustrated bc I felt like she didn't even try. And she wrote uppercase M wrong. I know it's a struggle for her & that she feels defeated. I thought I was helping by only doing 3 words.

Thank you all. Such an incredibly hard day.