I suppose that’s true. In that vein, I’ve always told my kids, “Don’t waste your 20’s” I told them I don’t care what they do as long as it is a productive way to spend their time. Go to school, get a full time job, start a family, find a way to see the world on the cheap...do something. Work toward a future. Just don’t fart around working 20 hours a week at a restaurant and blow your money on alcohol and I’m happy.

I hope I’m not giving anyone the impression that I have a blanket disregard for young marriages. I clarified below. I think I got caught up responding to bluegoat regarding the purity movement, which often results in early marriage that may not have happened otherwise. Does that make sense? i admire what you’ve done with your life. My 24yo is friends with a young married couple who where homeschooled in evangelical circles. I’m assuming early marriage was encouraged because they married at 21 or 22. They are also the exception. They have vibrant careers idependent of each other, have a thriving social life and aren’t in a big hurry to start a family. They are a healthy and happy example of what is possible.

There is nothing wrong with an active choice to marry young and have children. One of my own kids is plowing through college as nothing but a fallback position because she can’t wait to start a family. On the contrary, I feel like I married young because it was expected of me. My parents and grandparents and great grandparents were all young parents. Even though I love my life, I have regrets. I don’t feel like early marriage was really my decision. I have problems with the movement for this reason. It’s the expectations I’m taking issue with, not the difference in choices.

Meaning what exactly? Kinks and quirks? Or celibacy? Can you expand?

Exactly this. Women are expected provide comfort, consistency, sexual availability to keep young men on the straight and narrow. That’s why the purity movement places sexual responsibility squarely on the shoulders of young women, to further answer your question, Bluegoat.

Because the girls do the heavy lifting in the young marriages I’ve seen. They quit school or give up a budding career. They deal with the moves and the upheaval of the military marriage. Young marriages tend to break along traditional gender lines and the young women are called on more heavily to sacrifice in order to make the life work.

Right, but I’m responding to a point that specifically addressed the purity movement.

And hey, I just want to say that I recognize early marriages can work out. Some of those girls seem quite happy. But if we’re discussing early marriage as an antidote to a hypersexualized culture, I think that puts the burden of cultural expectation squarely back on the shoulders of young women, which is where porn culture is heaping it.

Implicitly assumed as part of the culture. My 24 and 21yo daughters attended a charter high school for a year that had a high evangelical population. All of the girls they stay in touch with are married with children. The willingness of young women to give up their ambitions and often their education is pretty central to the purity movement. It’s less likely someone will remain celibate into her late 20s or early 30s.

First paragraph is an interesting observation, and I agree. Can you explain what you mean in the second paragraph? I’m a little lost there.

I don’t know that encouraging early marriage is such a great thing either. The end result of purity teaching is often rushing off to get married asap.

Thinking of you this morning and wishing you and your family peace. Hugs to you.

Thanks for the conversation. I have some informed thoughts on the subject and there is a lot of food for thought here.

I know I’m really vocal when this topic comes up; it’s one of my pet soapboxes. I don’t know if I have a sigline anymore, but my kids range from 28 down to 9. I’ve watched childhood change over the last 20 years and I find it alarming. We almost lost one of our kids a couple of years ago and I can connect the dots back to some really twisted porn she was exposed to through a rabbit trail beginning with early fanfic and deviant art when she was 11–even presmartphone. This generation of teens is a huge social experiment and on the whole their mental health seems to be suffering. Neil Postman wrote, “The Disappearance Of Childhood” back in 1984, and even though as one reviewer wrote, the cultural references feel dated, the central thesis is even more current now then when it was written. I highly recommend the book to anyone interested in the topic. https://www.amazon.com/Disappearance-Childhood-Neil-Postman/dp/0679751661

Yeah this is the tough part, isn’t it? We’ve gotten to a point where in some cases the phone is a necessity. It’s not like unplugging the tv or sticking the gaming console in a high cabinet. And flip phones are so unreliable and expensive compared to a paid off older model smartphone...

Yep, yep. Lol my son drowned his phone at the pool. He had been so good with it until then, but he forgot his swim trunks on vacation, so he jumped in with his basketball shorts forgetting his phone was in his pocket. I’m just as happy it’s gone too. Told him I was really sorry it happened but that he was going to have to save up to buy the next hand me down and hope one of his sisters upgrades this year. He is on $10 a week allowance so that’ll take a while lol

I agree, but I’m adressing the idea that’s kids get into trouble online because they’re abusing a privilege. It’s often more of an unintentional tripping and falling into a black hole. There are many individuals and companies who prey on children because it’s so easy to manipulate them.

Mine began paying for theirs once they had regular income, but that never seemed to correlate with how readily they were or weren’t sucked in. It wasn’t so much about abusing a privilege. It was like how some kids develop food issues or develop alcohol issues. It was more like a brain chemistry thing.

My heart hurts for you, friend. What a dark coupe of years you’ve had. I’m so sorry.

What retired hsmom said up above. Even if you think your kids are fine, there is an excellent chance you aren’t aware of what is really taking place. My grown daughter (one of the ones who has related trauma) has asked me repeatedly to please keep the younger kids (9 and 13) off the internet for as long as possible. edit: Ack! RHSMom, you just changed your name! Edit 2: have you seen this thread? It’s related and may be helpful

It’s easier to lock the entire thing down at the beginning and loosen up a piece at a time as you are comfortable. Much better than finding out you have one of those kids who is unable to moderate himself and then trying to shove the horse back into the barn. My 13yo son has (well had, until it recently broke) an old hand me down iPhone. I deleted everything non-essential. We started out with the philosophy that the phone is a tool, not a toy. He had the ability to make phone calls, text, use notes and reminders, listen to audiobooks, use the calculator, maps, weather, dictionary, etc. No games, music (although that was just us because he would tune out literally all day), social media, browser, YouTube or other video apps, shopping apps, etc. Anything else he got repeatedly caught out using instead of doing school or chores I removed from his phone. Every few months we would try to put one thing on his phone (Pokémon go, or SoundCloud, or Safari, etc), and see how he was able to handle himself. Some things he was fine and others he had no control over, but he was better able to develop self control one app at a time. If you have kids who are better able to police themselves the process can move a little faster. You can lock down almost anything on an iPhone including the ability to add or delete apps. You should also prevent apps from sending notifications (with the exception of reminders, texts, calendar, and other necessary notifications). Exercise caution when making a decision about social media on phones. My older (college age) kids who didn’t grow up with it have social media on their phones and have no issues with self control. My 16 and 18yo started with Instagram and Snapchat at a younger age (14 and 16) and even though they are better than my son, we went through a period of struggle. Social media is addictive by design and over time that world can suck a teen in and become more real than the physical world. I may not allow social media on my younger kids’ phones until after they are 18. That worked a lot better with my older kids. I’m under no illusions that they can’t access YouTube or social media or really crappy music or porn on a laptop or a friend’s phone, but keeping it off of their phones helps to prevent the Pavlovian response to the dings and notifications, the sleep deprivation from being on at 3am, the addictive behavior, and the creeping inability to find something to do not involving a screen. I started out my parenting being quite loose with technology. Trust but verify. In some cases it worked fine, but we’ve also experienced heartache as a direct result of the influence of technology. There are some dark places out there and I’ve come to believe that certain personalities are in more danger with unfettered internet access than they are with free reign in a major city. I have a pretty free range parenting style but if I had it to do again, I would have locked down the internet in 1999.

Your first sentence made me giggle. Thats a good point. I think the scene with Jo’s book would have been more powerful if the actress had been an actual 12yo.

I must not have noticed. It doesn’t sound like I’d have been bothered by it. They seem to be going for more realism, and I can see how that could be off putting if you want your memories of the book left alone. I’m happy to see a different take since Little Women has been remade to death, and this one has some freshness without disrespecting the spirit of the book (as they did in Anne with and E, IMO)

I didn’t remember it either. I assumed I was distracted and didn’t notice.

That’s interesting, because I always interpreted Amy as a soulless brat when I read it as a child. I was an oldest though; maybe it’s a birth order thing lol I do agree she is too old, but so was Elizabeth Taylor in the older remake. I dearly loved Kirsten Dunst in the 94 version though. She was by far the best Amy. Also, I love how they portrayed Marmie as a human rather than a saint. You could tell she actually struggled with her temper as she mentions in the book. She isn’t portrayed as unflappable and above the fray 100% of the time. They softened Aunt March a little in a way that wasn’t really true to the book; not sure how I feel about that. LOVED the casting of Meg, Laurie, Brook and the grandfather. I still prefer the 1994 version overall but am enjoying this alternative take quite a bit.