We are planning to go to Morocco in February and then Spain in October. We are living in Europe for just 3 years and it is hard to balance saving money and also doing all these once in a lifetime opportunities. It seems like a lot of other expats travel all the time so I can easily feel like I am doing something wrong. But we have 4 kids (3 teen boys) and just the food alone adds up. I am wanting to take my younger two to do Harry Potter things in London because they are really into that right now. I’m afraid if I wait they may outgrow this stage. My two older kids want to see the Northern lights but that might get pushed til 2024. And I would really like to go to Italy at some point.

I have four boys ages 11-16 so they are all kind of getting to the stinky feet phase. I saw that bombas has 25 percent off the whole site. I’m thinking of just replacing all of their socks and throwing the old ones away. Are expensive socks worth it? Is there a different brand I should try. I would like ones that don’t stink and that don’t get holes. Any other suggestions for stinky boys feet other than having them change shoes every other day and general hygiene?

We moved to Europe and I am still trying to decide how I feel about it. I’m definitely grateful for the experience, but it has been more of a challenge than I expected. We went to Greece for a week and it was amazing. The best vacation our family has ever had. I almost don’t want to vacation anymore because I don’t think we could ever have a better trip.

I thought this was fairly “normal” as kids hit puberty at different times. My son was always tallish (80th percentile) but dropped to the 25th for awhile in middle school. He grew 9 inches when he was 15 and is now over 6ft so he got his height back- he was just a late bloomer. During the year he grew in height he actually lost weight but the dr blamed it on his braces and not eating enough. I think my son was fine all along but if I had it to do over I would maybe see a pediatric endocrinologist just to put my mind at ease.

Other than school for my two oldest kids, thankfully the transition has gone well. Unfortunately for them, they spend a lot of time at school and the IB program does bring a lot of stress. Today was the first very bad day- ds was upset his teacher used his paper to show what not to do with his name attached, youngest DS left his cell phone in the Uber (still a good chance we will get it back), we woke up to no hot water (but it did get fixed), ds12 got cut from the tennis team (which is mostly fine because he has never played before), ds14 is sick and Dh is out of the country. Anyway, it has just been exhausting, but I suppose some days are like that. Thanks everyone for your help

One interesting thing about this school is that the elementary believes that every child is learning all the time. They play outside everyday for two hours (which I love). It is very loving and caring. They have no homework (which I agree with). How the same school can be like that for 10yr olds and then so demanding for 16 year olds is a little crazy to me. It just seems like there should be a little more work/life balance in the upper grades too.

Thank you! I have heard that from other people too. I’m hopeful that this will be a good experience for my kids even if they don’t love it. I have a lot of mom guilt because they were all doing really well in their school in the US but there were things about that school I really didn’t like (think any school district with the best test score of the state kind of problems).

Thank you! It does seem like everyone has tutors here, but that bugs me because if most kids need a tutor to grasp the class then maybe the class isn’t appropriate.

We just got here in August and it is a three year assignment. He is a junior now so he will graduate from this school in 2024 (hopefully!) I really need things to work out at this school because the other options aren’t all that good. I could homeschool him, but it would be harder for him to connect with kids his age. I’m pretty sure all the English speaking schools here are IB. He wants to go to Polish school because he is playing on a baseball team here and he wants to learn polish- but it really isn’t that simple especially because there are a lot of extra non-Polish speaking students in the schools here right now. So, unless I homeschool he really needs to make this school work.

Yes moving overseas is more than I expected and doing with teens is even more. They have been fine (better than good attitudes)! But while I am trying to figure out life overseas I am also trying to figure out how to parent them. DS says he is happy so I guess I will let it go. I don’t really see him as a science kid but maybe that is what he wants. Sometimes I feel unsure of when to step in for my kids. My default has always been to let them figure things out on their own. But there was an incident with one of my other kids several years ago when I should have stood up for him and I didn’t. I really regret it and that colors my perception now. My concern is that I came to Poland with happy well adjusted teens and I want to leave with them still that way.

Sorry for the long quote. I think this is probably all true. I’m pretty frustrated with the school for putting him in this situation because they have his test scores and transcripts and should be able to know whether he would be successful in the class. He took honors algebra 2 last year and scored a 29 on his pre act math section so I thought his math was on track although not brilliant. He was homeschooled until high school and then went to public school so he really does not have much of a background in physics. But he is obviously not the only one struggling because it wasn’t him that asked the question that got the go to biology response. I probably should have researched the IB before we moved here. This school only does IB so he can graduate without getting the diploma but he still has to take the same classes.

How does that work? Do the students just never take biology or chemistry?

My kids are at the American School of Warsaw. It has been a bumpy start for sure but I am hoping it gets better. It is interesting because most of the teachers are American but third culture Americans. A lot of them haven’t lived in America for years and have just moved all over the world to different international schools. I’m hoping it gets better. I just want to handle this the right way so it gets better and not worse.

For those that remember we recently moved to Poland. I haven’t been on here much. It has been a much harder move than I expected. I would appreciate help with handling this. My ds16 is doing taking IB physics at his international school here. He has struggled from the beginning (I have a thread here about it sort of). The teacher often says things like if you don’t understand this you shouldn’t be in my class. I’ll write you a note and you can go to biology. When ds first told me this I thought the teacher was maybe joking or ds was exaggerating. Well the teacher records his lectures and I heard him say to a student “If you have to ask a question like that you need to drop this class.” So ds is understandably scared to ask questions. Today my son had an assignment that he put effort into but I guess he didn’t understand it. The teacher showed it to the class for 20 minutes and talked about everything he did wrong and told the class whose paper it was. I’m not really sure how to handle it. Is this normal in these types of classes? Should I email the teacher? The principal? If a teacher would have done that to me when I was 16 I would have refused to go back to the school. My ds is a better person than me.

Yes I feel like this school pushes it for their marketing materials. I went to an information night and they were talking about how 90% of their students get it. So on the one hand, ds feels like he should be able to do it if all the other kids are. On the other, we are only living overseas for a few years and it is a once in a lifetime opportunity for us. I really want it to be a good experience. Plus, ds is playing on a local baseball team so he really wants to learn the local language instead of Spanish. It is nice to get other perspectives because the school really really pushes the students toward IB. I feel like I am not getting good advice for my particular kid.

For background I homeschooled oldest ds until 8th grade. He went to what I would consider a good public school 9th and 10th and now we have moved to Europe and he is going to an IB school. I consider ds to be a pretty bright kid but his interests are not really academic. He is really into baseball and creative pursuits in his free time. My dilemma is that this school really pushes the IB diploma but he is struggling. For one thing, he is taking Spanish and he is way behind the class. He only did Spanish in 9th and 10th grades and this class assumes much more knowledge than he has. He is also taking high level physics and he has not had any physics class previously. It has only been 3 weeks of school and he feels like he is drowning. Should I encourage him to drop the IB program? I feel like it is making our life here so stressful. I also feel like I must have failed him in homeschooling. Maybe a challenge is a good thing for him? I really didn’t want him to do this but the school basically said 95% of our students do IB and he has the test scores for it. What is a reasonable amount of time a 16yr old should spend studying a week? Is anyone knowledgeable about what good this will do for him in his life? He isn’t planning on going to a super selective college.

We loved Speechless and The Good Place (my top two recommendations) We are currently watching Young Sheldon as a family. My 13yr old will still watch shows for younger kids- he loves Secrets of Sulphur Springs on Disney Plus and Gortimer Gibbons on Amazon prime. But he also loves Stranger Things and Brooklyn 99.

I think part of the problem is that we have only lived here a few years so that also makes it harder. We are getting ready to move again (to a place I think will be a lot better) so I am hoping he can find some good kids to be friends with. He was just so sad yesterday talking about the first year we were here and how he didn’t have any friends. Now he feels like he has friends, but they do things he doesn’t agree with. I did say he prefers to see just one friend at a time. It is only when they are in a group that they do these kind of things.

To clarify- Dh doesn’t think any of this is ok or that ds is fine to participate. I think he just thinks that ds is telling the truth that this is how everyone he knows behaves. I also tend to just find different friends if I don’t share values, but I think it is harder to do that in high school.

Yes I would let my kids ride with a friends nanny. You did nothing wrong.

So my ds16 is a great kid- honestly he is just really really good. He never wants to do anything wrong- follows the rules and is nice to everyone. He had tons of friends as a child, but has had more trouble in the last few years. I am having trouble guiding him on how to be friends with other teens. Some of his friends do things like box in the Target parking lot and steal street signs. Others say inappropriate things about girls and things that he considers racist. He is having a hard time figuring out how to be friends with people who do things he doesn’t agree with. He has plenty of friends and people like him- I think he is having trouble knowing what to do when his friends do things that aren’t ok. I was a lot like him and basically didn’t have friends in middle school and high school. Once I went to college I found my people and things turned out fine. I don’t want that for him. On the other hand, Dh is kinda just telling him that is how teenage boys are??? And I don’t think that is the right message either. I’m pretty sure Dh stole street signs as a kid. If this makes sense-how do you guide your kids to do the right thing and still have friends.

I think I do need to cultivate more of my own life- hobbies, interests, friends. We are moving soon so I have put some of that on hold. In general I probably haven’t taken the best care of myself the last few years and that corresponded with having teenagers, turning 40, and the whole world as it is now. Probably not a good combo. I’m planning for a fresh start with this move, but I know I am moving myself too, so I want to make positive changes even before we go.

Yes I need to remember some of the tricks I learned when they were toddlers. I think I was a pretty great toddler mom, so I should go back to the nap, shower, sleep, change scenery, eat, get exercise formula. It really does work. I also really liked SWB’s talk about not parenting from fear. I never used to do that and I don’t think I do now, but I have way more fears now- teen driving, teens with access to guns, social media, etc.

I think that is exactly what I am doing- letting normal teenage moods and normal teenage setbacks ruin my sleep and mood and it does no one any good. My son who was upset yesterday is totally fine today. I think he vented to me and feels better, but I still carry that around. And having three in that age group just kind of multiplies it because they all do it to an extent. It is hardest for me to deal with it with my oldest because all of that stuff is new. My 12yr old can definitely be a bit much, but I have been through 12 yr old problems before, so I handle it better. I want to learn to handle it all better because I’m sure the next 10 years won’t be smooth sailing getting 4 kids through high school and into college/career and adulthood. I know they won’t all get into their preferred college or get the job they want or they might have a difficult breakup and some of them may make choices that make their lives harder, etc. And yes it is amazing what a nap or food does for their moods. They often are really upset then they eat and you would never know their world was kinda over an hour ago.

This is helpful. When my kids were young I of course preferred they were happy, but it didn’t really bother me when they weren’t- because it was usually about something dumb (sorry you are crying because your name has no S and your brother’s has 2). But now it bothers me so much- even though I know it doesn’t help them. Yesterday my oldest was disappointed /sad and I did not sleep well last night. Today he is totally fine and I can tell my mood is much better. I really need to work on how to be there for them/listen and also not let it affect me so much. Also, I think my anxiety comes from lack of control. When they were young I had a lot more control over their lives. I’m not a controlling person by nature, so I don’t want to control my teens, but so much of their lives are out of my control and that is hard for me to accept I guess. I can’t make sure they have friends, they make the team or get a part in the play, or that they make good choices all the time. And then the things I do have control over- I second guess a lot. It is hard making decisions for someone else’s life.