*LC
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Posts posted by *LC
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Praying.
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My husband travelled full-time for his job for years. I joked he would have to go through retraining before he could work from home or even locally, because he always upset the routine so much when he was home. I know we would have driven each other crazy if we were together 24/7. We never had trouble coming up with things to talk about; a lot of our talks/comments were about little stuff that didn't matter to anyone else.
Because he was away so much, we were never able to do a Bible study together. Last year he was home for health reasons, and we started a Bible study. We loved it. It was great to hear each other's opinion on things that didn't come up in normal conversation. A lot of Bible studies are short, so maybe your husband would be willing to read those. We read on our own and then discussed the questions at night before we went to bed.
After he got sicker, my husband was in a hospital with recreational therapy that was designed to help him find his left side again. We played Connect 4 with him at a standing table. After he couldn't stand anymore, they gave us card games and a mental quiz game. Even brain damaged, he would regularly beat me and the therapists. Since your kids are always around, you could include them in the games. Or, they could have nightly reading while the adults play a card game.
I also agree with the read-a-loud time with the kids. I always found a lot to talk about in things I read to the kids.
Have you ever read to your husband? My husband was an avid reader. However, one year, we took a car trip and he couldn't read since he was driving. I read the book he wanted to read outloud to him. We enjoyed it so much we continued to read outloud once we stopped driving for the night.
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Elaine,
I'm so sorry that you are sad. I have a few suggestions.
#1. Can you send your sister a card just to say hi? Don't rehash what was said/done that led to you not speaking. Simply send a card that says, "Hi, I've missed you and wanted to say hi." You can update her on what's up with you and your family (Unless that is the thing that led to the trouble.)
#2. Can you go visit your husband for the weekend? My husband use to travel. I know he loved it when I surprised him by visiting by myself. (Since it is summer, can you and the kids go for a longer period of time to be near him? My husband always said he didn't want us to visit, because it would bother him to be close to us & not have time to see us. IHowever, I really wanted to spend some time with him, so we went anyway. He loved it. If your husband's work is putting him up in a hotel, you may be able to find an apartment for all of you cheaper.)
#3. I would suggest not leaving your church when you are sad. I'm not saying it is the right place for you anymore, because I think you are unlikely to find the right church when you are feeling sad. I know when I am sad nothing makes me happy, not even those things I normally love.
LC, praying for something to lift your spirits
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. Can you imagine a pastor's wife not attending the church her husband preaches at??? Oh, the shame! :lol:
Oh, I hope not everone sees it that way. My daughter's best friend's dad is in seminary. He has just been named minister of a very small church in the next town over. It has a very old congregation; there is no youth group for my daughter's friend and her older sibling, both young teens. The family will remain at our church even though the dad is the minister of the other church. (They will move to the parsonage once their house sells.) He was never the minister of our church. They have been members for more than 10 years, and he felt the call to seminary/ministry about five years ago. His new church is excited, because he wants to stay even after he finishes seminary. They have only had student ministers for a long time.
Also, I have another friend at church, who never attends the church where her husband is the minister anymore. She is busy on Sunday as the minister of our church. She also went to seminary at 50.
So, never say never.
LC
P.S. Good luck with the new apointment.
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Hi,
Here is what we did my for my oldest dd's 13th birthday. She had six friends meet us at Applebees for dinner. Applebees had somekind of special where you get to mix-n-match appetizers for around $10. The girls ordered a bunch of appetizers, and sat and ate and enjoyed each other's company. Then, when walked to the ice cream store that is in the same shopping center for dessert. After that they went next door to Circuit City to look at cellphones.
We had done the same thing for her 12-year-old party, which was held at 12-1/2 due to family stuff. All the girls had asked her to do it again for 13 or just because. At the 12-year-old party, they hit the Halloween store that was in the shopping center to dry on masks, funny glasses, etc.
It was a big hit both times, and it was no work at all for me. Except to accompany them during the evening. I just looked at my budget, and Applebees was $40.20 (which may have included a dinner for me.) They didn't go away hungry. The ice cream was $20.50.
Have fun.
LC
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I'm very sorry for your loss.
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Praying for the entire family.
I have friends' whose young daughter died in a wreck last year. The dad just can't listen to the Cinderalla song. He is a great dad, so it is not regrets over things not done. It is regrets about the things he will never get to do.
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You have more game savvy than I do. I thought Runescape was the user name of someone you wanted to ask a question.
Obviously, I have no worthwhile opinion. Good luck on making the decision.
LC
P.S. My 13-year-old came home from a slumber party wanting a facebook account.
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I know he will get the greatest of care in this wonderful nation and at least he can greatly afford that care.
It's really interesting, I've been following a brain tumor journal online by David Welch at 38lemon.com. I know that with Kennedy getting this dreaded disease that it will hasten the research in this area greatly which is positive news.[/quote
The articles say Sen. Kennedy has a malignant glioma, a very broad category of brain tumors. The articles haven't specified what kind/grade of glioma he has. Grade IV gliomas are the most common, and unfortunately that 1 to 5 year survival range that CNN quoted isn't quite accurate for those kind of tumors. Of course, there are patients that survive a year and even some that survive five years. Both the widow of the founder of McDonald's and baseball star Tug McGraw died within a year of being diagnosed with this type of tumor, despite their money and connections. The attorney Johnny Cochran died about a year after being diagnosed with a brain tumor. My husband died three months after being diagnosed with a malignant glioma.
In my gut, I "knew" it was a brain tumor when the news hit about his seizure. Otherwise, they, usually, don't keep you in the hospital a few days for seizure.
While I hate that anyone else has to be diagnosed with this disease, Sen. Kennedy's diagnosis has certainly put a lot of attention on brain tumors.
Thanks for the reminder to check David Welch's website. I think his website is good for brain tumor awareness. I remember when he was originally diagnosed, because his mom joined an online support group that I read. He and my husband had the same kind of low-grade gliomas. He has a very different approach to living life with a brain tumor than my husband did, but to each his own. I hope Senator Kennedy is able to spend his future fully living.
LC
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Hey,
I'm also allergic to gold. I found out when I had my ears pierced, and I had a ton of trouble. Gold necklaces and bracelets also bother me, but I can handle rings.
LC
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But, but, but... it IS true. Companies have studied their profits from credit cards versus cash, and people spend more. Not everyone, but most people. And certainly the vast majority of people that sign up for Financial Peace University do.
I know there will always be exceptions, and I'm glad to hear people say that they are the exception.
I don't see how one could actually study this. To me it is comparing apples and oranges. I always use credit cards. I always pay the bill in full every month. I never buy anything except what I went to buy. I always get "rewards" for using my credit card; I use those rewards to pay for Christmas.
However, if a company was studying my credit card purchases vs. my cash purchases, they would "find" that I spend 100+ percent more when I use my credit card at a fast food restaurant, Target, or the grocery store. You see I normally feed 6 at the fast food restaurant and spend $11 - $15 on my credit card. When I use cash, I spend $1.50 to $3. The difference is I'm only feeding myself or myself + the youngest. I don't use the credit card when I spend under $8 or so. So, when I spend less, I use cash.
My husband use to listen to Dave Ramsey. Dave Ramsey's take on credit cards bothered me, because the rewards for using them have been good to us over the years. My husband said, "Not everyone is as disciplined as you are with money."
So, in my opinion the studies might be true, but in such a study I would look a textbook example of someone who overspends with a credit card. And, that is laughable to me or anyone that knows me.
LC
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Congratulations.
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Praying for your friend, their kids, and family.
LC
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"You don't want the kids to think it's wrong to date, or anything like that. This will be another one of those issues where your kids will learn by watching."
Rosie, I appreciate all the the information you gave. As I was typing a response, the above quote struck me as funny. Does this mean kids whose parents are happily married will never learn to date? I am just teasing. I know what you meant, and I do get it. It has been a long day, so I appreciated the opportunity to laugh. Seriously, I sometimes wonder if my kids will remember the married life my husband and I modeled for them. By the time they reach marrying age, it will have been a long, long time since they saw the day-to-day life of a married couple. I wonder if they will be more prone to have unrealistic expectations of marriage, because of this.
"They don't need to worry, because someone is "looking after" you, and you fall less into the trap of using them for the sort of emotional support you ought to get from adults, not kids. ......They don't really want the responsibility for making you happy, it's a heavy burden."
I can't imagine using my kids for emotional support, and I don't believe one needs to date to get emotional support from another adult. I have lots of friends that provide that. I would trust them to look out for my best interests much more than I would a new guy I was dating.
I also can't imagine letting my kids think they have the responsibilty for making me happy. They've always known they can make me happy or unhappy with their choice of behavior, but they have no responsibilty for my deep-down happiness. Only I can provide that.
LC
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I don't live in Cary, so you can't be talking about me. I was worried for a minute.
For this season, I think I have seen 5 games of 10-12 for my oldest child. I had the best intentions. I researched all the sports around when trying what to do with the other kids old enough for sports. I picked the one located closest to the oldest's practice and game fields. This sport also meant two kids would be on one team. The younger kids season started much later, so the two sports would only overlap by three weeks. Then the team changed where they were practicing; it actually moved closer. (So, I couldn't complain, but I did wonder why I put so much thought into my research. Trying to let my kids continue to play the sports they like since my husband died has been tough.) Then we had wacky early spring weather. The oldest's team had a ton of weather cancellations which extended the season by two weeks. It also meant three Friday night games, which had never happened before in this travel league. Of course, all of these conflicted with the one or another of the younger kids' games. So, she rides to the games with the coach or her best friend on the team.
Not being there for the games bothers me more than it does my oldest, as I feel it is important to attend my kids' activities. I get the low down after the game.
LC
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A follow-up question: Can you add things to the wash after it has started like you can with a regular washer or dryer? We frequently need to add in an item or two right as something has begun to wash, so this could be a big deal for us.
Thanks,
LC
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I think my washer died today, and I'll have to replace it.
Unless, someone knows of a reason it would be leaking upon filling.
I'm curious what is so great (expensive) about font-loading washers.
Thanks,
LC
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"I just don't have a command performance of tears--and she is actually pressuring me to cry with her."
Could you cut onions as you talk to her on the phone? When you are numb or tear constipated, it just takes something to get the tears going then all the things you know you want to cry about come out also. I know it sound strange, but I thought it might be a way to give your friend what she wants right now.
LC
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I just wanted to let you know you are not crazy. Others have the same fears.
When my husband was first diagnosed with brain tumor, he made me promise him I wouldn't remarry if he died. He wasn't jealous about me. He was worried that the new "dad" would abuse our kids; we have sons and daughters. I couldn't imagine life with any one but him, and I promised him that without any reservations.
Later in his journey, he told me that he released me from my promise, because I could live another 50+ years. He had decided it wasn't fair to expect me to be alone the rest of my life just because of a fear of what could happen to the kids. He said that he trusted my judgment and love for our kids to know I would do the right thing for the kids. (Having said that I know a parent has to commit themselves to this from the start, because I have two older friends whose childhoods were "ruined" when their widowed parents remarried a man/woman, who turned out to be an abusive alcoholics.) So, I do know one has to be careful. If you are asking this question, I think awareness is the important first step. Plus, you got other suggestions of what to do to ensure your child's safety.
My husband died last year, and I have no interest in dating. I can't see how I would work it into my life as a single mom even I did. I am behind on everything. I can't imagine finding time to date and do the parenting, cleaning, budgeting, bill paying, yardwork, life planning, and all the other stuff it use to take two of us to do. I don't even know how to find someone to date; all the guys I know are married.
That said I do think Joanne's information on self-care is important. I personally don't think that needs to include dating, but everyone's different. I make sure to get adult time with friends to go to lunch, dinner or parties. My parents watched the kids a night last summer, so I could go on an overnight trip with a couple of girlfriends. They have offered to do the same when my church has a women's retreat.
I guess my advice would be to slow down and work on you right now; take time to adjust to your new life; keep your kid's best interest at heart; and see what life brings. When it is time right to date for you, I like Joanne's idea of only dating when the kids are with their dad or at another activity that way your "interest" doesn't take away from them. I agree with others said about not letting them meet a new man until it is serious. I know that I wouldn't want my kids to even know I was dating another man until it was serious. When I get a sitter and go somewhere with friends, my kids want to know where I am going. Even if I leave them with my oldest for a short errand, they want to know where I'm going. I would want to know how I was going to handle their questions, before they asked them.
Good luck to you and your kids.
LC
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Landmark Baptist Church curriculum offers an elective called Shop.
This is the description from their website. http://www.landmarkbaptistchurch.org/modules/lfbc/htmls/
Shop -- The Shop course gives a simple, elementary view of each subject covered, including electricity, plumbing, machine shop, and carpentry. Much of the basic information given will be needed for home use or as an introduction to a field of employment. This is a half credit course.
If you can't think of what types of handyperson skills you want to teach, this might help provide a framework that you could supplement with library books.
Good Luck. I have the same trouble. I will say my oldest is blessed by the ability of not being able to try anything, and she has helped me be able to figure out how to fix things that I never would have attempted or managed alone.
LC
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I hope they both have good life insurance policies.
I also hope they have wills and have thought about what will happen with the children if they die. I don't think just anyone would be able (or willing) to raise 18 kids, or howeven many minors they have. Can you imagine if you woke up tomorrow and had 10-18 new kids.
My husband's sister is named guardian of our kids. I can't really imagine how it will work as she and her husband are 50+ and have never had kids. My youngest is 4.
LC
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I'm guessing you will be bringing the court order that shows what health insurance you must have and the bill that shows how much it costs with you to your meeting.
Again, I'm sorry you are going through this. Praying that tomorrow's meeting proves to be a light at the end of the tunnel and not another shovel on the pile you are under.
Emergency prayer request!
in General Education Discussion Board
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