*LC
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Posts posted by *LC
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I just need to vent about something, and I don't have anyone IRL to tell.
Just a bit of background, my in-laws were never big travellers. We've always had to go to them more than they come to us. My MIL doesn't drive long distances, so it fell to my SIL and BIL, who have no kids, to bring her to visit us. When we moved nearly a year ago, I knew my MIL would probably never come see us in the new house. We now live in an area that she doesn't like. I took the kids to visit at spring break and for a summer visit. Both trips were short, but it was the best I could do. (My husband is deceased, so my MIL, SIL, and BIL are the only relatives my kids have on his side. Whole 'nother issue that isn't relevant to this vent.)
In October, my SIL e-mailed that she would like to bring Mom for a visit before Thanksgiving to see the new house. While I didn't think it would happen, I was cheerful and positive. I never heard back. Then, around Thanksgiving, SIL said Mom had had her colonoscopy and was ready to visit. She asked if Dec. 11-12 would work. I said great. She said she would let me know the time closer to the visit. I hadn't heard anything, and I thought, "Wow, this may actually happen." My kids are normally in co-op one day a week, so I did our regular school work that day in order to take today to do a major cleaning.
We were in the middle of that when my SIL called at noon to say Mom is sick and they are coming. I knew this would happen. I allowed one son to say he could go to all-afternoon/night party tomorrow, even though that meant he wouldn't be here when his grandmother was here. (If she had come, I would have brought him to the party late.) I didn't even tell the kids they were coming. In fact, when they were complaining about all the chores I gave them today, my son, "Why do we need to clean? No one is coming."
I accept that she probably will never come see us. However, I can't stand wasting my time getting ready for a visit that I knew was never going to happen. (Of course, the house needed a good clean anyway.)
Thanks for listening. I'm back to mopping.
P.S. She is like this on phone calls also. We have to do all the calling. Her birthday and my son's birthday are two days apart. When we talked to her on her birthday, she said, "I hope he enjoys his present I sent." I said, "I know he will be thrilled. (It was a book he had been wanting.) He will want to tell you all about when you call on his birthday." She said, "I wished him happy birthday today, so I won't call Sunday." Money isn't a problem for her, so that wasn't the reason.
Okay, okay, I need to finish mopping.
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Does anyone that have a HSA on a self-financed policy, not from an employer-sponsored plan?
I am looking at new health insurance for our family for next year. We do not get a policy from work, and we buy it ourselves. I see mixed thoughts on whether HSA contributions are tax-deductable if you are self-employed. Anybody have experience with this? It is strange because the plans are more expensive than the other quotes I have received. However, in some ways they have better benefits. In other areas, they do not have as good benefits. My head hurts trying to figure it out.
Thanks
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I'm so sorry to hear about your friend's daughter. Two young elementary-age daughters of different friends at church have died recently. I read through the wonderful advice you received here, and I'm going to quote some and add from our experience.
"Some friends of mine lost their 3 year old boy this summer, and I was completely devastated. Be prepared for this to consume your every waking thought for a long while.
I did seek advice from some other friends of mine who had lost their 4 month old daughter about 13 years ago. They told me to not be afraid to talk to the parents about the child. People think that mentioning the child's name will be too painful, so they try to avoid it. This is not easier on the parents because they feel horribly that no one wants to talk about their child."
This is absolutely true. This first little girl who died was the daughter of someone who was more of a church co-worker than a friend I hung out with other places. Still, the girl's death consumed me. We didn't get a lot done in our homeschooling for months. On the other thread, about four months after her daughter died, the mom was bringing dinner to our house, because my husband was sick, and my son who answered the door called out, "It's Meghan's mom." My friend hugged him and said that was the sweetest thing she had heard in a while. She loved being called Meghan's mom, because no one called her that anymore.
"Don't tell them to call you if they need anything. They don't know what they need to have done right now - they are in shock. Just go and do chores for them - trash, rake leaves, keep order of things coming in, freeze a lot of the food so they'll have it later. Be there to listen and don't offer advice right now - just listen. I lost my husband 6 months ago - and the people who just show up and get things done where so helpful. I had no idea what I needed done (and still don't)."
I have been on that side also, and this is absolutely true also.
"(I don't know. Maybe they won't really do Christmas this year? But I can imagine being overwhelmed and yet wanting to not skip it completely for the sake of the other kids.)"
This is tricky one that the parents will have to decide. Our first friends went out of town and didn't do anything holiday related. It was 2-1/2 months after their daughter died, however, their other kids were in middle school. Our second friends decorated the outside of the house and also went out of town for the holidays, which were 3 months after the death. They still feel bad that their younger daughter was mad about not having a Christmas tree that year.
"This will be in their thoughts forever. Dinners are immediate needs, let your VP handle the organization of this. Just be ready to cry and hug your friend in the year to come, and remember special days with her (ie, the next birthday, Mother's Day, next fall's start of school when she would maybe be a kindergartner...)."
Absolutely. Except don't stop. Always send them a card at the birthday and the anniversary of her death. Don't forget Dad on Father's Day. Those days will always be hard, not just next year.
"If your church is not already using an online meal coordination site like FoodTidings or CareCalendar, I highly recommend setting up an account. It makes things SOOO much easier on both the coordinator and the ladies cooking the meals. "
We didn't do this, but I've seen others use this with wonderful results.
More than one person told you this, but I'm going to echo it. Your job here isn't as a church representative, your job is to be the best friend. Go be with her, cry with her, hold her, follow her lead. In addition, you should be the liason between your friend and the ladies who will be coordinating the help. If you see the family needs something you tell the coordinator. If you know your friend and her husband, need someone to watch the kids while they go do X, you tell the coordinator, who will find someone. You just do the things that come naturally as a friend who wants to help. Everyone wants to help and you are in the position to know what needs to be done; you just won't be able to handle your grief, your friend's needs, and the coordination of everything, so let everyone help.
Margaret mentioned a slide show. We had that at my husband's service as well as these two little girls, and I know we all treasure those. Sit with your friend as she finds those pictures. In all the cases, we also had people make copies of those pictures and had tons of pictures around the church, before, during and after the service. We also had momentos of each person out and around the church, such as the girls dance outfits, favorite dolls, and things my husband had made. One thing that would have been helpful after the fact was to have someone come in and put those pictures back in the albums. If you have pictures of this little girl, your friend would love to have a copy. At one visitation, they had paper out where you could write a memory of the little girl. I wish we had done that.
There are a few other things that came up in our experience. Will they have family travelling from out-of-state country for the funeral? There was a lot of that in both cases here, and our church coordinated families for them to stay with. Other families brought meals to these houses while there were guests there. We also made meals for our friends' closest friends for the day of the funerals. In other words, someone should make dinner for your family on the day of the funeral, because you won't have any interest that. Someone asked me if I wanted my husband's funeral video. I said yes simply, because it was easier than no. I am so glad I did. It is very special for me to have a memory of that day, and I know I will want my kids to remember their dad when they are older. This person also took pictures, so I can remember who was there. The person, who took the video and photos, was not at all obtrusive and I never noticed any of this.
Again, I'm sorry for all of you.
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It is always wonderful to hear the good things can happen after bad.
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I know she will be sad and I want to do something for her, but I don't want to say or do anything that would make her feel any worse than she already will.
I would call her before the dinner (or have your husband call) and offer her a ride if it was something that normally she would have ridden to with your fil.
Since it is too late to send a card, I would send an e-mail or an e-mail card.
Please do say something to her. Knowing you are a kind person, I know you won't say anything that will make her feel worse. She will appreciate you thinking of her. My kids are too young to know or get anniversaries, so they never say anything about my husband and mine anniversary. However, it does hurt that none of our parents or siblings have mentioned it either. To my irrational side, it it is like our wedding never happened in their minds. My rational side knows they have have simply forgotten our anniversary or that they don't want to remind me of something that will hurt me. I have these same feelings on his brithday and the anniversary of his death. (My side of the family was all together for a holiday on the anniversary of his death, and I wasn't nice at all. I probably should have reminded them why I wasn't in a good mood. Instead, I just sulked.)
Sometimes just a hug and a kind word of rememberance is enough.
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I have the most incredible admiration for people who forgoe treatment and face death head on. I hope her last days (and who knows how many those may be) are filled with thankfulness and joy. I hope if I am ever faced with a disease that has slim chance of survival that I will have the strength to spend my time telling those I love how much they've meant to me, and loving every last second of life instead of spending it in some horrible treatment.
QUOTE]
Scarlett,
I promise I'm not meaning to pick on you, but I've heard this from others. It bothers me that people have made up their minds about something they haven't faced yet. Sometimes we make decisions before we know all the facts, because of what we have heard through the years about treatment.
We have lived in the brain tumor world for many years now. Yes, the prognosis for many brain tumors is grim and slim. However, I know people that were given months to live and they are still here 5, 10, 15 years later. The first line of chemo for brain tumors is an oral pill that you take at home. Nearly all people tolerate this drug well. For most, there is minor fatigue and the nausea, is handled by anti-nausea medicines. People continue to work and go to school while on it. (The only people I know that were extremely nauseous were either given the wrong kind of anti-nausea medicine or they didn't take any.) There is no hair loss. However, if someone has in their mind that they will never take chemo if diagnosed with cancer then they will never try this pill even though they have probably taken other pills over the years that have side effects. Unfortunately, for most people this pill doesn't cure them and they don't live 5, 10, 15 years, however, extra months can also be precious.
I guess my point is not all chemo is bad.
Again, I hope you will never be faced with such decisions.
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What about Hadassah Elise? Same sound less letters. How long is your last name? One of my children has a first name with the same number of letters, and her name always sticks out way past other kids on church programs because of our long name. Her middle name is only 5 letters, so when they use all three names on programs her name still fits. If her middle name was long, I'm not sure it would fit as it is typically typeset.
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Hi,
I need to bring a lot of spaghetti noodles to a pasta dinner tomorrow night. It will be easier timewise if I cook them before going to the host's house. However, is it possible to keep the noodles from getting sticky while I drive it over to the cookout, which is about 6-7 minutes away? The sauce is being cooked there, so I can't put it on the noodles.
Thanks. :auto:
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My daughter is in public school and needs to read a non-fiction book for English class that is more than 150 pages. She loves to read, but she isn't thrilled with the book she picked out on Friday.
Any suggestions?
There are some books that it can't be, because the typical student has already read it for school or will later in high school. The books not allowed are: The Diary of Anne Frank; Angela's Ashes; 'Tis; Stiff; Nickel and Dimed; The Glass Castle; Wait Till NExt Year; Waiting for Snow in Havana; A Girl Named Zippy; An American Childhood; Don't Let's Go to the Dogs Tonight; Autobiography of a Face; Hunger of Memory; This Boy's Life; and If I Die in a Combat Zone.
Thanks.
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I have a son, who sounds a lot like your son. He has an early fall birthday and is in fourth grade.
We have been doing WWE2, the workbook, for four weeks. This thread reminded me that I wanted to check out the WWE3 workbook online to see if it would work better. (That doesn't mean WWE2 isn't working, I just like to drive myself nuts sometimes. Anyway, in my opinion WWE2 would be a better fit for your son, because it includes copywork, which have your son to use proper grammar and punctuation without having to think about it. The next day the child does the same sentence(s) as dictation work. The WWE3 workbook is all dictation in the weeks online. I would assume the later weeks would be the same. The stories for narrating look a bit longer in WWE3. Narrating comes easy for my son, and he hasn't complained about the narration exercises from WWE2. The copywork sentences are a good chance for me to watch him write and correct him as he starts to make a mistake.
Like your son, my son knows the grammar, but doesn't apply it in his own writing. He is doing FLL4, and he hasn't missed a thing in the first 20 lessons.
Good luck.
LC
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Ted's Kennedy death shows healthcare isn't all about money. He had all the money in the world and access the best care, and he still only lived only 15 months after being diagnosed with a brain tumor. That is the average life expectancy for anyone diagnosed with his type of tumor. If he had had no health insurance, he still would have received the same care and statistically speaking would have lived the same time. (Of course, his family may have been left with bills depending on where/how they got the care.) My point is that having money and/or having insurance doesn't mean one will live forever.
I do know of people with brain tumors in other countries that come to the US for access to treatments that they cannot get in their countries. There are others in countries such as Canada that are happy with their treatment and do not see the few weeks they needed to wait for surgery as a problem. Brain tumor patients here typically do not wait for weeks for surgery.
Moomyrooch, while I'm sorry your son and family has gone through this experience, I'm glad to hear your son is a survivor.
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What about having her hair cut short, because you feel it is too long? She doesn't get a say; just as her younger sister didn't get a say in her hair cut.
I would agree with the others about only supervised scissors for a while.
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Extremely simple and yummy cobbler recipe. 5 ingredients; 10 minutes of prep
This was written for blackberry cobbler, but I've used it with other fruit. You just decide the amount of fruit that looks right to you.
1-1/2 c sugar, divided
4 cups blackberries (or whatever fruit)
1 stick butter or margarine
1 cup self-rising flour
3/4 cup milk
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Put butter in 9x13 inch baking dish and place in the oven until butter has melted.
Stir 1/2 cup of sugar into blackberries and set aside.
In a medium mixing bowl stir the flour, remaining 1 c of sugar and milk until blended. Remove baking dish from oven and pour batter onto melted butter. Do not stir.
Pour blackberries into the center of the batter. Do not stir.
Bake for 45 minutes or until crust is golden brown.
Enjoy
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Boston Hospitality Homes
We never used this, but there is a program that provides housing for patient's families in Boston. Is your neice seeing Dr. Peter Black at Brigham and Women's? He is considered one of the top brain tumor neurosurgeons in the country.
her Resources
Hospitality Homes is a non-profit organization dedicated to providing a caring response to the housing needs of patients' families when they travel to the Boston area for medical treatment. In the spirit of service and compassion, Hospitality Homes provides comfortable, short-term accommodations in a variety of locations donated by volunteer hosts. Our hosts, who live in Boston or nearby areas, provide guests with a spare bedroom in their homes knowing they are helping a patient's healing process. Learn more about the Hospitality Program call (617) 482-4338 or visit http://www.hosp.org/
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Thanks for all of the great suggestions. We are headed to Albq. tomorrow. We will ride the tramway on Wednesday evening. We will spend a couple of days there, and then we will head north since that is what the hive says.
We are going to go to the Great Sand Dunes in Colorado, and we will take a ride on the railroad.
We also plan to see Tent Rocks and Bandalier.
I have some other things planned if they work out. Today is nuts, but I know we will have fun once we are there.
Thanks again for all of your help.
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I might have a margarine that will work for your DD.
I had to go dairy and soy-free, plus some others, while BFing two of my kids. Yes, she will need to eliminate most processed foods, but there are some.
Way back when, Flesihman's Unsalted Margarine was dairy free and soy-protein free. It did have soy oil, but as the doctor told your DD, most allergic folks can handle oil and not protein. This is something many regular grocery stores carry.
Also, my oldest son was on NeoCate formula, which could be the $140 formula. We were lucky that he didn't start on it until he was 1. If your DD/SIL don't have insurance that will cover the formula, they may try e-bay. Our insurance didn't cover it, and we found e-bay cheaper than the pharmacy.
Good luck to your daughter.
P.S. Could you make a cheese-less lasanga to freeze? My son enjoyed lasagna without cheese.
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VRBO.com
I have used this numerous times over the years. It is where owners can rent out their condos. It is broken down by area, so all beach areas in NC would be listed seperately. I would just look for last-minute specials in the area you want to visit. I once planned a vacation to Orlando with less than 2 weeks before we wanted to go. Using VRBO, I contacted owners in the condo area I wanted and asked what would be there includes everything price for the week we wanted to travel. I got a 3-BR condo for under $350 for the week. Othe owners wanted close to $1,000 for the same week, so you may have to send out a number of e-mails to get the best deal.
Enjoy your trip.
I think there is a last-minute special section listed at the top of the homepage, but I haven't looked for it in a while.
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I had heard that kids thought sledding on dunes at White Sands was cool. Can you do that at Great Sands Dunes? They have seen white sand before, but they've never seen big sand dunes.
Thanks.
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I do want to go to Sante Fe.
Do you think one day is enough to see the best of the best of Sante Fe?
Thanks
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Hi,
We will be flying into Albuquerque in a few weeks. We have six days to see Albuquerque and any other areas we want to visit. We probably won't make it back to this area of the U.S. in the near future. I think I have two weeks of activities planned, so I need suggestions on what is the best of the best.
This vacation is for the kids, ranging from 5 to 14, so we don't need shopping or fine dining. We will rent a car.
Two things I have looked at that are messing up my plans are whitewater rafting and/or the Cumbres Toltec train ride. Both of these are in the northern portion of the state. I also had wanted to go to the southern part of the state to see White Sands National Park. Would you suggest going north or south from Albq.
Thanks for your help in getting my vacation to fit in our timeline.
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If a child wearing no seatbelt, dies in a car crash caused by a drunk driver in another car, are the child's parents culpable? Yes. Is it the parent's fault their car was hit by a drunk driver? No. Is it the parent's fault the child wore no seat belt? Yes. Could the parent's actions have prevented the child's death? Yes.
This is all that is being said and it is common sense. It's tragic all around, but still.....
You have no way of knowing if a seatbelt would have saved that child's life. Our friends were in a wreck caused by poor weather conditions. One daughter, age 8, died in the wreck. No one else was inured other than bumps and bruises. The 8-year-old was in a booster seat and wearing a seatbelt. In fact, the seatbelt killed her by "cutting" her neck vein during the wreck. There was not a mark on her. I still put my kids in booster seats and seatbelts, but I know that doesn't mean they will alway be protected.
The orginal post said this little girl wouldn't have been killed if her mother had been outside with her. However, I see in later posts that it now looks like the little girl was taken by someone known to the mom. So, it is wrong to assume that the mother wouldn't have let the girl go somewhere with the suspect. I'm not saying she would have let the girl go to be killed. However, since she knew the "suspect" she could have easily said, "Yes, she can ride her bike with you to get some ice cream down the street." So, her being outside wouldn't have necessarily kept her child safe.
Common sense doesn't necessarily keep up safe, but it is all we have.
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Beth,
I am sorry that you were not able to say goodbye to your family members. I do know how important that is.
However, I also know how hard it is to make those calls to let others know that a loved one is going to die. When my husband was dying, I know making those phone calls to our loved ones to bring the kids to the hospital was one the hardest parts of the whole thing. While I knew what was going to happen, I think I still had some denial and I didn't want to say it outloud. I still feel bad that friends of my husband flew in to say their goodbye after geting the call from me, but my husband went into a coma before they arrived. However, I called as soon I/we were ready. We needed some time for us to accept what was about to happen and to say our goodbyes. I can't remember exactly how long I waited to make the calls from when we knew he wasn't going to get better, but it was less than 24 hours. My sister and her husband didn't make it, because they didn't expect it to happen so quickly. While my husband had a chance to say our goodbyes, I still didn't know it would be the last time we would speak when he went to sleep that night. He died three days later.
I guess my point is there is never a guarantee of a last goodbye.
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Thanks. I tend to be able to argue both sides of an issue, so I wanted some more opinions. My aunt doesn't want my mom to skip the trip. Our plan was for my aunt to call me in the morning with the latest. I was trying to decide if I shoudl do anything before hearing from my aunt.
I personally feel that my mom should be told ASAP, so she can make a decision. However, I could make the argument that she knew he was sick -- back in the hospital -- and left anyway. In addition, my parents made sure to go see him last week before they left.
Since everyone's feelings were unanimous, I decided to try and update my mom tonight before hearing the latest from my aunt. I don't have a way to directly contact my parents. The contacts I have -- and my aunt has now -- are for some people that will be travelling with them on the boat. I have phone numbers for three people and e-mail for two people. Since it was the middle of the night in Europe, I sent e-mails to both people asking them to give my mom the message as soon as they can. Hopefully, they will see or talk to her before Saturday. I also told them I would get the updated information to them as soon as I get it from my aunt.
If I don't hear back from the e-mails, I will call one of the numbers with the update as soon as I get it.
Thanks again for helping me make the decision to go ahead and try to tell my mom.
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Hi,
I need some opinions on what to do in a bad situation.
My uncle was diagnosed with cancer a couple of months ago. Since then he has been sick with ulcers and other things. He was in the hospital for a couple of weeks last month, and my mother went to help. He then fell and went back to the hospital. Then, he went home, but he was not eating well. My parents went to visit him last week. The doctor decided that he had an infection, and they put him on antibiotics.
My parents left Tuesday for a trip to Europe. My uncle went back to the hospital Tuesday afternoon. My mom was told this Tuesday night as she was getting on the plane. However, at that point they didn't know what was going on. My mom got on the plane crying and e-mailed my aunt contact information for them in Europe. (All this is from my aunt.)
Tonight, my aunt called to say that my uncle's kidneys have shut down and the doctors are not giving them a lot of hope. The doctors are trying to fix the situation. My aunt says the cancer has blocked one of the kidneys, and a CT scan was taken to see if that is wrong with the other one. My aunt says she is praying that nothing happens for two weeks.
The question is do we call my mom to get her to come home? On Saturday, she will get on a boat, and we don't know if it will be possible for her to get off the boat. They are to be on the boat for about two weeks. They are expected back in the United States on Monday, June 22.
My mom and uncle have no other siblings. They are close. Their parents have been dead for 20 and 60 years respectively.
My mom's aunt died a number of years ago while my mom was out of the country. We didn't let her know, because she couldn't have made it home. My sister and I attended the funeral for our family. I think my mom understood, but she wasn't happy with us.
Thanks.
Need to vent about my MIL *not* visiting
in General Education Discussion Board
Posted
She has a bad sore throat and feels awful. They don't want to give us anything. I assured them we probably have had it. We are going to send her a get well card, and I'll write how much we would love for her to visit.
Truthfully, I'm not disappointed, because I "knew" it wasn't going to happen. The reason I didn't tell my kids about the visit was I didn't want them to be disappointed. I am the one that would have had to deal with them being disappointed, and I didn't want to go there.
I don't think being frank would help. Last year, I was taking the kids on a trip to a place where MIL had been with us in the past. I told her about the trip, and I said we would love her to come along. She literally didn't say anything in response. I just stood there in unconfortable silence. I tried again a few days later with the same result. Sometime later she sent me an e-mail saying she wouldn't to make sure that I knew she wasn't going on the trip with us with a list of the health reasons she couldn't go on the trip.
So, relieve yourself of any guilt. Being frank your in-laws wouldn't have had them attend the games, it would have just frustrated you more.
Thanks for your thoughts. I now have a clean house, which is good.